Paolo

He couldn't understand why Racquel was so upset with him. Her friend was cute and pretty. They could have all had a good time together, no? She had gone nuts. She found him waiting for her in her bedroom and ripped a strip off of him. Then she proceeded to throw his belongings down onto the street while he watched and begged. Then she sent him away, and he had to pass her friends on his way out. He stopped in front of them.

"I am to say goodbye," he said. The blonde one (Fiona?) he had hit on made a face and said something he didn't understand. The black haired woman (Monique?) spoke quickly and thrust a casserole dish into his arms. He looked at it.

"Grazie," he said. He didn't want to be rude. The black haired guy, Roz, gave him a dirty look. Paolo knew this guy didn't like him, but why he'd never understand. He shuffled to the door, and Roz was saying something about speaking for everyone, but then the door was slammed in his face. Paolo stared at it a moment. Apparently that guy had no problem being rude. He slowly went down to his apartment where he set the lasagna on the counter. He had no appetite really. Then he went to get his belongings. It was getting chilly as he bent down to collect his clothes that she had thrown off the balcony. He looked up and saw her there, but she did not see him. Roz was with her. He chuckled. She was a wild one that was for sure, so Roz would be very lucky. He went back to his apartment and set his clothes down on the table. His cat greeted him with a soft bunt of her head. He scratched her ears. He was going to miss Racquel. She was definitely something else. Maybe if he gave her some space she would come around. Perhaps he should work on his English. She obviously didn't understand when he told her he liked dating multiple women. When he was in Italy, he was with a few different women. Surely she knew? He scratched his head. Maybe not. He sat down on his couch and sighed, staring at the ceiling. She was so beautiful, and he was going to miss her, but he had a feeling they would be seeing each other again in the future.

Roger

Phoebe's friends didn't like him. They didn't like him? Well, he wasn't going to just sit by and let that happen. He was fuming, but he had to try to keep it together at least. For Phoebe. She was a little quirky but in a cute way.

"I'm not really that surprised they don't like me," he said eventually.

"Really?" she asked. "Oh, that's why you're so great!"

"It's very, you know, typical behavior of a group that so dysfunctional like they are. You know, the emotionally stunted, co-dependent, sitting in this ridiculously stupid coffee house with its ridiculously stupid big cups, which I'm sorry, they might as well have damn nipples on them! And you're all 'Ooohh love me! Define me! Love me! I need love!"

"Whoa," Phoebe said, putting her hands out.

"And you know what? I don't give a damn if they don't like me. At least I'm freaking normal!" Roger finished, spit spraying everywhere. He was shaking, and his fists were clenched.

"Okay, um, there there," Phoebe said.

"There there?" he asked, incredulous.

"I don't think this is going to work," Phoebe told him, wincing.

"You don't think...? Okay, I...I gotta go. You are a ditzy, stupid person, you know that?" he spluttered. He stormed out of the coffeehouse. The nerve! She broke up with him! It should have been the other way around. Her friends were exhausting, and they had so many problems! He didn't envy the poor son of a bitch who'd end up with her. They'd have to be equally as nuts.

Lorraine

She felt mildly bad for leaving her friend with Joey's friend, but it had been worth it. Joey had no idea what he had coming to him. They reached her apartment, and things were getting steamy. She paused briefly when he used the word "slather" wrong, but she let it go. He was so hot! She was so lucky to have a date on Valentine's Day. It had been by chance that she'd even met Joey at the subway the other day. She had seen his poster on the wall there that said he had won three Tony Awards. It was impressive. Then suddenly, he was standing right beside it, almost as if it had been planned intentionally. He hadn't. She had asked. They had chatted, and they set up a date. Now, she was making good work of that chocolate mousse. Then suddenly, she didn't feel quite right.

"Hey, you all right?" Joey asked her when she paused. She was almost to the best part, but her stomach was really queasy all of a sudden.

"I don't...I don't feel so..." she started. Then she threw up. Right on his chest. She stared in horror afterwards.

"Yea, I think I'm gonna call it a night," he said, getting up.

"I'm so, so sorry!" she called after him. What had happened? She had felt fine earlier! It must have been that stupid Chandler jinxing her. Hadn't he said something about hoping she'd be sick on him?

"I'll call you," Joey said after he'd cleaned up and gotten dressed.

"Really?"

"Sure," he nodded. She didn't believe him. Once he was gone, she stamped her foot. She'd lost her chance and would never get it back again. She picked up the phone. Time to call her mother. Where was her ice cream again?

Kristin

When Ross invited Carol to sit with them, Kristin knew that was the end of her date with Ross. She watched as they chatted and laughed together. It was quite obvious that Ross still loved his ex-wife. Kristin observed the two of them, and she began to feel bad for Ross. She knew what it felt like to love someone and not be loved back. She tilted her head, watching Carol tinkle out more laughter. No wonder they got married. Other than the whole lesbian thing, Carol was perfect for Ross.

"Excuse me," she said, cutting in. "I'm just going to use the washroom."

"Sure," Ross said, not even looking at her. She pondered for a moment before grabbing her coat. She'd watch by the door to see if he even looked to see if she was still there. After five minutes and no look, Kristin knew it was time to leave. She hoped Ross would find someone who would love him back as much as he loved Carol. She wound up at her sister's place and helped her finish a bottle of wine. Boys were dumb, but she had to admit, Ross was cute. He'd just have to be the one that got away.

Janice

"There's no new way to tell you this," Chandler started. "But...we can't be together."

"That's fine," Janice said simply. A small part of her wanted to kill her friend Lorraine for making her come on this stupid date that turned into sleeping with Chandler and getting her hopes up again, but she kept the smile on her face.

"It is?" he asked, surprised.

"Yup, cos this isn't over," she said, standing.

"It's not?"

"Nope. Because you won't let it happen. You love me."

"Oho, no I don't."

"Yes you do. Something in your soul calls out to me. You need me. You're like a foghorn. Jaaaaaaniiiiiice. Jaaaaaaaniiiiice. You love me, you need me, and you can't live without me. You know it, but you don't know that you know it," she finished. Then she leaned in and kissed him passionately before going out the front door of the cafe.

"Call me!" she heard him yell after her. She smirked to herself. How many times was he going to go out with her and sleep with her until he realized that they were destined to be together. She walked to her favorite bagel store to get something to eat, and that's when she accidentally bumped into a man who dropped his bagel. He looked down at it sadly.

"I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed. "Here, let me buy you a new bagel."

"That's sweet of you," the man said. "Thanks."

"I'm Janice," she said, holding out her hand.

"I'm Gary, Gary Litman," he replied, shaking it smoothly. Janice felt her heart tumble, and her eyes were trapped in the gaze of his.

"Oh boy," she said, her voice wobbly. She was completely blown away, swept off her feet.

Celia

She was completely grossed out. Marcel the Monkey was hanging off her hair like it was a tree branch. She started to scream. Ross eventually got the damn thing off of her, but she was afraid of it now. She made him lock it away in the bedroom. After watching a bit of a movie, she got into the mood. She coaxed Ross on top of her.

"Talk to me," she said, kissing him.

"Oh, well, something weird happened on the train this morning..."

Seriously?

"No, no. Talk dirty to me," she corrected.

"Oh. Oh, okay," he stammered. "Like what?"

"Something hot," she demanded.

"Okay. Um...uh...vulva," he blurted out. Celia looked at him and then burst out laughing.

"You're adorable," she said. "Come here." She pulled him into her arms and cuddled him. He seemed to like it. She felt a little bored since she really wanted sex, but what could you do? The guy needed to learn how to talk dirty first. This could be a challenge.

...

The second time was no better. Ross obviously thought he was doing a good job, but bringing in villagers? That was just weird.

"Let's just cuddle," she suggested, which he happily obliged to. She rolled her eyes once he couldn't see her. This was obviously not going to work out, which was too bad because she was pretty sure Ross would be wickedly good in the sack.

Ursula

It was so weird seeing her twin sister. Ursula tried not to be thrown by it. She also tried not to think about Joey. Yes, he was sweet and cute and amazing in bed, but he just wasn't right for her. She hoped he wouldn't remember that under the bridge on their first date she had told him he was just right for her. She really needed to stop doing that. She finished her shift at Riffs and headed home. She walked by Central Perk and saw Phoebe in there with Joey. She paused to watch and get another look at Joey. He was quite handsome. Maybe she had made a mistake not going out with him again. Then, she saw him kiss Phoebe.

"Oh," she said. So he liked her sister too. Well, that wasn't going to work then. She did not date cheaters. She hurried away, thinking about all the things she needed to do around the apartment the next day. Joey was long forgotten.

Dr. Mitchell & Dr. Rosen

"I can't believe I actually missed the pagan ritual," Dr. Rosen said to Dr. Mitchell. They had escaped the apartment where Monica and Rachel were seemingly going at each other in some weird way by hurling insults at one another. They were both putting down the other in such a mean way. Dr. Mitchell felt disappointed that they didn't turn out to be semi normal as he had hoped.

"That hummus was good," Dr. Rosen said.

"Oh give it a rest. She's not even here," Dr. Mitchell groaned. They got into the cab they caught and slid into the backseat.

"I can't believe you answered their phone," Dr. Rosen laughed.

"That was so awkward! I hate ringing phones when someone is there to answer them," Dr. Mitchell said.

"I think we dodged a bullet," Dr. Rosen pointed out.

"Perhaps you're right," Dr. Mitchell sighed.

...

Not even 24 hours later did Dr. Mitchell see the two of them again. This time, they were accompanied by a man who was crying about his monkey choking on the letter "K." Dr. Mitchell wasn't quite sure what he was doing when he piped up that he could help. He saved the little creature, though, cos that's what he did. He saved lives. He smiled at "Rachel," not knowing it was actually Monica. She was pretty cute. He wondered if he could ask her out again. Then he remembered that she was a touch crazy, and he let it go. There would be other women, just not these two.