Kash

Kash had no idea what to think when Rachel suddenly blurted out she was pregnant. He felt like his head was underwater, and even though he knew the baby wasn't his, it still felt like that moment where the newfound father stares in disbelief at his suddenly pregnant girlfriend and wonders how it all could have happened when they were being so careful.

"Oh," he said.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly.

"So...so...you're, y-you're having a baby?"

"Uh huh."

"Wow. So...so...wow. I hear those hemorrhoids are a bitch," Kash managed to say. Hemorrhoids? What was the matter with him? Where did that come from? Embarrassed now, he reached for his phone.

"Sorry. I have to get this," he said.

"It's not ringing," Rachel started, but he turned away. He made a show of being shocked about something. He was an actor after all.

"I have to go," he said. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay," she said resolutely. He knew she knew he was ditching her. Thank goodness they weren't trapped on the ferry yet. That would be so much worse.

"I'll call ya," Kash promised, patting her shoulder. He had no intentions of calling her, which he was pretty sure she knew. He hurried away then, leaving her behind. It was a cowardly thing to do for sure, but Kash didn't want to get involved with someone who was having a baby. It wasn't his thing to raise someone else's child. That and he was still into looks. Now, Rachel was definitely a hot chick, but the baby bump would ruin that in no time. Call him shallow, which many had in the past, but Kash just wasn't interested. He wondered if Joey was the father since they were roommates after all. Then again, why would Joey let them go on a date if it was his baby? Maybe he didn't know he was the father yet. Kash shook his head. He really needed to stop thinking that life was a soap opera.

Tim

He was both surprised and hurt when Phoebe practically fled the restaurant, confirming that she was officially dumping him. He wondered where it went wrong. What didn't she like about him anymore? He had thought the world of her.

"Well," Monica said. "I guess you can start your shift now."

"Should I go after her?" he asked.

"Oh no," Monica shook her head. "That would be the worst thing you could do right now."

"I guess I just had a different idea of what she was like," Tim sighed. Monica patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"Some horses have to stay wild," she said simply before going to her office. Tim went to put on his apron, wondering if Phoebe would change her mind. He had really cared about her. He still did. He hoped she got home safe. He resisted calling to check. Maybe not all women liked that. Tim only did it because his mother checked in on him a lot too. He thought it was a normal thing. He made a mental note to call his mother later and ask her.

Eric

"So?" Gary asked, sipping his coffee. "Did it go well?"

"It started well," Eric sighed, staring at his tea and feeling depressed. "But then it got weird. Ursula tricked me into thinking she was Phoebe, and I slept with her without knowing it was Ursula. I felt so bad."

"Dude, that's rough," Gary laughed. He had no idea Phoebe had a twin.

"Thanks for getting me her number, though," Eric said.

"You didn't tell her I gave it to you, did you?" Gary asked. He knew that wouldn't go over well since they used to date.

"No. I just said I had a cop friend who got it for me, which is true."

"I think you're better off," Gary said, pointing his donut at Eric. "Phoebe is a bit eccentric. I mean, have you ever seen her rap sheet? She's done some freaky stuff."

"I haven't. I'm not a cop," Eric replied.

"Right. Anyway, you'll get over her. It's probably for the best that you don't date your fiance's twin."

"I know you're right. I wish I had met Phoebe first," Eric sighed.

"Oh, I gotta go," Gary said, looking at his phone. "Katie gets mad when I'm late."

"I still can't believe you two got together," Eric shook his head, smiling.

"She sure can pack a punch," Gary said, rubbing his arm absently. "After all the anger management classes, we realized we had a lot more in common than we originally thought. I never saw it coming." He stood up, getting ready to leave.

"Thanks," Eric said.

"You're welcome. Pick someone a little less crazy next time," Gary winked, walking away. Eric sighed again. He cursed himself for getting into this mess. He couldn't stop thinking about Phoebe, but he knew he had to if he was going to move on.

Mona

It was one thing for Ross to be having a baby with his ex-wife and getting yelled at by said ex-wife's father. It was another thing for him to give her a key to his apartment and then change the locks right after while saying "I love you" for the first time right after. It was yet another thing for his to keep running for Rachel when any little thing happened with the baby, but the final straw was when Ross invited Rachel to live with him while Mona was away with her family. Enough was enough.

Now, it was a few weeks later, and she was on a date. Things were progressing very nicely, but then who should be lying on her floor trying to steal the shirt she'd lent her date but Ross himself. Things just kept getting better and better.

"What was that about?" her date asked when Ross skedaddled out of there when Mona saw him.

"Oh that. He...um," Mona paused. The guy was waiting for an answer, and she honestly didn't have one. "He...he's an ex."

"Really."

"Yea. I don't know why he was here. I'm so sorry."

"It's all good. Kinda wrecked the mood, though."

"Yea."

"I'll call you," he said, grabbing his wine stained shirt and putting it on along with his pants. Mona felt disappointed. She had a feeling it was going to be a really good time.

...

The next day, she went over to Ross's with the shirt. She had no idea why he would even want it as it was really girly looking, but whatever.

"I'm so sorry about yesterday," Ross said when he saw her.

"It's okay. I know why you were there. You still have feelings for me, and I will be honest and say I still have feelings for you, but with Rachel and the baby...it's just too complicated."

"You're right," Ross agreed, looking sad.

"Can I keep this? To remember you by?" she asked, holding up the shirt. The look in his eyes at that point was unreadable. He started to laugh, so she started to smile.

"No," he said, grabbing it from her. She stared.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes! I love this shirt. It's my favorite."

"Oh my...that's really why you were at my apartment wasn't it? You wanted your shirt back!" she cried, putting it together.

"Don't quit your day job," Ross said smartly.

"You! You...Ugh!" Mona exclaimed. She turned on her heel and stormed away. Ross was a jerk. Why did it take this long to see that? It also didn't take a genius to know that he still had feelings for Rachel. Mona had been ignoring that for a while, but it was there. Ross maybe just didn't see it yet. She went into a coffee shop, still fuming.

"Are you okay?" the girl at the counter asked.

"I just came from my ex's place, and all he cared about was a stupid shirt," Mona explained angrily. The girl gave her a sympathetic look.

"He sounds like a real winner."

"I deserve better than that, right?" Mona asked. "I mean, I put up with the pregnant ex-wife and all that, but he is really just insensitive."

"The pregnant what now?" the girl asked, incredulous. "Oh, honey. You're gonna need this too." She slid over a butter tart.

"You're right," Mona agreed, taking it. "I deserve a guy without current baggage."

"Yes, you do."

Mona thanked her and walked out, taking a bite of the tart. It was so freaking good. She stopped to savor it, and she smiled. Then she started to laugh. Ross was attached to a pink shirt. Wow. She picked a real good one there. She decided she was going to take some time for herself after all that. It was exactly what she needed.

Parker

He didn't understand. Phoebe had originally loved his zest for life. Now she was saying it was too much, that he was like Santa Claus on Prozac at Disneyland getting laid. Parker had to admit, that sounded epicly fantastic. He wondered if that had ever happened. He was sitting in his apartment and thinking. Was he too positive? No. There was no such thing. He pondered about this for a while. See, he grew up with the most negative mother in the world. Nothing was ever good or right or happy. It drove him insane. He had made a promise to himself to never be like her, so had he gone completely off the charts in the opposite direction? Now that he thought about it, all his other girlfriends had dumped him because of the same reason. He had never had a relationship last longer than a month.

"Interesting," he said, rubbing his chin with his hand. "This is the best thought process in the world. It's like an ice cream sundae on the beach."

Ah. He heard it. He made a decision then. He'd speak to someone about this problem.

...

"I'm sorry, what?" the therapist said, looking at him confused.

"I want you to help me be more negative," Parker repeated. "My God, this is the best first therapy session I've ever had! You're so understanding! You're magnificent!"

"I'm still stuck on your request. You want to be more negative. Why?" the therapist asked.

"Well, it's recently been brought to my attention that I am way too happy, like Santa on Prozac at Disneyland getting laid."

"I see," the therapist said. Then she laughed. Parker beamed at her.

"Your laugh is so tinkly! So fabulous!"

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I shouldn't laugh. I have just never heard that statement before, and it really does suit you. In a good way, though. There is nothing wrong with being positive."

"I can't keep a girlfriend, though," Parker explained. "They don't like it."

"Well that's a first," she said, furrowing her brow. "Most women like a guy who's positive."

"I think I go a bit overboard, though. I just want to know how to stop."

"Give me some examples."

"Okay, well for starters, I comment on the day like, 'Oh this day! It's the greatest of all! I feel so alive! Lucky!'"

"Okay."

"Or I comment on the beauty of the brake lights of the car in front of me if I'm stuck in a traffic jam," Parker finished.

"Have you ever been negative?" she asked.

"I had one episode where I freaked out on a guy for taking too long to bring me dinner. I went to anger management, and I started being positive about everything. That and my mother was always so down on life. I didn't want to be like her."

"You know, it's okay to express some anger or frustration at times."

"Maybe, but that's just not who I am."

"Well, then I think you're fine, Parker."

"Really?"

"I do. If anyone doesn't like it, they can deal with it."

"Wow! Such great news! The best news since sliced bread!"

"Maybe try to just tone it down a little. You know, just say 'That was great news,' and leave it at that," the therapist suggested.

"I can do that. Think before you speak. Yes, I will do that," Parker nodded vigorously. "Thanks!"

He left feeling very chipper.

I could not stop laughing after hearing the Santa Claus bit. Anyway, that's season 8. Only two left! I'm sad too :(