I think I've decided that none of the kids exist in this. I can't remember if I'd decided that yet already. Sorry for the delay in posting this; I had a vision of what I wanted in my head and it took awhile to get the words together the way I wanted them (still not sure I have, but c'est la vie…)

Anywho, thanks for the interest in this little idea I had and if you're along for the ride, well, so am I. :)

Almost as soon as the elevator doors closed in front of her, a loud chime announced Amanda's arrival on the 5th floor and she rolled her shoulders, cursing the speed of the machinery in this newer building. At her own apartment downtown, you could wait several minutes for the elevator to get to you from whatever floor it started on. She had been counting on having a few extra minutes to get herself together for this, but now, it was showtime, she supposed.

Smoothly, the doors slid open to allow her exit and Amanda made her way down the well-lit hallway, passing one apartment door and then another before coming to a stop in front of her destination. Pushing a phantom hair out her eye, the detective wiped her hands down her thighs, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles on the jeans she'd changed into before heading out this evening. She adjusted the way her brown leather jacket sat on her shoulders and then, shaking her head at her own nervous behavior, lifted her fist and readied to knock on 5E before abruptly stopping.

No, too aggressive, she thought. Instead, she turned her wrist, allowing the knuckle of her index finger to rap against the hard wood of the door. There, she thought. That sounded casual. Nonchalant.

Internally, as she waited, Amanda gave herself a pep talk: This is a test. Not a date. You're in control. It's a test.

In the spirit of retaining control, Amanda wasted no time on pleasantries when the door opened seconds later, revealing her Lieutenant, who appeared to be struggling to get a hoop earring fastened. "I have two rules," the blonde declared unceremoniously.

Olivia eyed her wearily upon hearing her proclamation but asked, "Just two?" The Lieutenant beckoned the younger woman to follow her into the apartment, calling over her shoulder as they entered the living room. "Go ahead. I'm listening."

Amanda forced herself to focus on the words she'd repeated to herself like a mantra the whole way over here—it's an experiment, not a date. Not a date. Not a date. She forced herself not to pay attention to the dark-wash, distressed jeans that appeared painted to the curves of the older woman; the slightly deeper neckline of the blouse that seemed to contrast perfectly with the deep olive of her complexion; the pendant that hung low enough to rest at the top of her supple cleavage.

She forced herself to think, despite the cloud that being surrounded by Olivia's intoxicating scent seemed to put her in.

Focus, she reminded herself.

"One," Amanda began, meeting Olivia's eyes in the mirror as the older woman finished putting one earring in, reaching blindly for the other. "For tonight, I'm not Rollins. I'm not your detective. I'm just Amanda. Got it?"

"I think I can handle that," Olivia nodded drily, holding in a retort about this outing—or the undercover operation, for that matter—not being her first rodeo. She uncapped a tube of light pink lipstick and Amanda forced herself to keep her gaze on brown eyes rather than the application, as the brunette prompted her to continue. "And…? Rule number two?"

"No shop talk," Amanda asserted. Olivia's eyes widened and she felt satisfaction bloom beneath the surface, knowing that she had rattled the seemingly impenetrable woman. "We leave the Detective and Lieutenant here," she continued. "When we walk out of here," she cocked her head toward the door, "We are Olivia and Amanda."

"And just what do you think we're going to talk about?" Olivia asked curiously. "You said no backstories or aliases."

Amanda shrugged, her gaze unwavering. "We've worked together almost four years. Don't you think it's about time we got to know each other?" she challenged.

The air between them felt like a first date, and Amanda shared a knowing, awkward smile with the waitress who delivered their waters once they were settled in a trendy-looking but comfortable restaurant a couple blocks up from Olivia's apartment. The walk over had been near-silent, Amanda afraid to say something stupid and Olivia not knowing what to say at all.

"Are you always this quiet on dates?" Olivia's eyebrows lifted at the turn of phrase and once the words she'd spoken actually registered to her own ears, Amanda could feel the heat of embarrassment rise in her chest and cheeks and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I—I mean, this isn;t…. It's not a date, but…" she sighed in defeat. "You know what I mean…"

The brunette hid her smile behind the large menu she was perusing and shrugged, keeping her voice light as she replied. "I don't think so, but then again there aren't usually rules for conversation…"

Amanda rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "It's too easy to talk cop and you know it," she defended. "We need to be able to interact like normal people if we're going to be plausible as a couple for this thing, Liv."

"Yes, dear," Olivia retorted sardonically. At Amanda's answering silence, she glanced over her menu at the younger woman and immediately softened seeing the earnest look on the detective's face. "I get it, Ro—Amanda," she amended. She reached out, hesitating only briefly before resting her hand atop Amanda's on the table and gently squeezing. "It's important and…" she paused, as if reluctant to acquiesce, "I actually think this was a good idea."

The blonde nodded silently and felt her shoulders relax at the slight melting of the ice that seemed to always be between them. Gingerly, she retracted her hand from underneath the other woman's, gripping her menu almost too tightly. "You drinking?" she inquired curiously.

"I was thinking about it," Olivia replied smoothly. "Maybe just one. Big day tomorrow..."

Three drinks later.

Olivia look a last swig of her beer, draining the bottle and looking upward toward the dull silver patterned ceiling. It had taken time—and beer—for them to loosen up and come up with things to talk about that couldn't ultimately lead them right back to NYPD. "Okay, um…. Favorite song?"

Amanda groaned. "That's impossible," she complained. "There are way too many…"

"Come on, everybody has a favorite," Olivia prodded with a smile. Her fingers tore at the edges of the soggy napkin that was under her now empty bottle.

"What's yours then?" Amanda shot back, leaning back and melting into the booth. She eyed the older woman through buzzed, droopy eyes.

Olivia bit her lip before acknowledging, "...It depends."

Amanda's burst of laughter at her response elicited a grin on her face and she chuckled quietly as the detective shook her head. "See?" As her laughter dissipated, Amanda looked at Olivia through the curtain of her blonde bangs that hung messily in her face. "Depends on the mood, right?" Olivia nodded. "That's kinda what I love about music," Amanda added wistfully. "It takes you back, you know? Sometimes I hear a song on the radio and I'm instantly 17 again."

"That can be good and bad," Olivia said pensively after a brief moment of silence.

"True. No one knows better than I do how miserable high school can be, but… there were moments." Amanda didn't miss the darkness that flashed across the older woman's brown eyes, and after being mesmerized by the nervous movement of the brunette's fingers, she leaned forward, trying to catch the Lieutenant's elusive gaze. "I don't think I've ever heard you talk about your childhood."

Olivia shrugged, taking a deep breath. "It was what it was," she replied dismissively. "Not really worth talking about."

"I relate to that," Amanda nodded meekly. "It was just you and your mom?" she asked, studying the older woman.

Olivia nodded. Feeling the scrutinizing gaze of dangerously perceptive blue eyes, she turned toward the bar, idly searching for a distraction. She stopped fiddling with her shredded napkin, instead bringing one hand to rub anxiously at her dry lips, her lipstick having worn off a couple of drinks ago. What she said was under her breath, Amanda almost didn't catch it, but once she deciphered the words, she felt her heart break: "Sometimes not even that…"

The tension thickened and inwardly, Amanda marveled and how palpable it was, to feel the wall between them that they had so carefully begun to dismantle go back up as if that last few hours hadn't taken place at all. Like a turtle who had sensed a predator, Olivia had retreated back into her shell, and for a long moment, they sat in an increasingly uncomfortable silence.

"You ready to go?" Olivia asked tiredly. She lifted in her seat for a moment, trying to track down the waitress so they could get their check.

"Hang on," Amanda stopped her. The blonde closed her eyes and tilted her ear toward the main floor of the restaurant, her index finger up to implore Olivia to remain still and silent. "Is that…?"

Olivia raised her eyebrows at the younger woman. She looked blankly out into the crowd that was forming on the dance floor. "Is what, what?"

Amanda waited until she could hear, albeit faintly, the opening lines to the song that was booming from the speakers. She grinned, garnering a slightly perturbed smile from the brunette in response. That is, until she said, "Dance with me." At Olivia's incredulous look, Amanda tugged the older woman's hand. "Come on, I never hear Ben Rector in the city… this song is my favorite."

"I don't know, Amanda... This doesn't really sound like a dancing song."

"Sure it is," Amanda prodded. "Liv… we're doing this thing tomorrow. You can't tense up when I touch you, remember?" She added hastily, "Or vice versa… Just one song, then we can go, I promise."

Having successfully convinced Olivia to join her on the dance floor, Amanda bit her lip to keep from smiling at how rigid and uncomfortable the older woman's movements are.

"Not much of a dancer, are you?" Amanda asked dryly. She backtracked immediately though, seeing the look on Olivia's face. The blonde reached out and grabbed the Lieutenant's hand to keep her from retreating to the table. "Stop, I didn't mean it like that… I just—" Hesitantly, feeling Olivia's resistance beginning to wane, she reached out, intending to put her hands on the brunette's hips. Before her palms made contact though, she stopped, eyes searching the older woman's for permission; her expression silently asking, May I?

Olivia nodded curtly, watching as the detective's hands landed on her hips, pulling their bodies closer together. Her mind was racing, trying to make sense of everything she was feeling and trying to separate what had always been there from what had been exacerbated by this evening. She found herself captivated by the sight of their hips so close together, moving fluidly at Amanda's direction.

"Move with me," the blonde instructed smoothly, eyeing the older woman as she seemed to suddenly be transfixed by the happenings going around them and unable to meet Amanda's eyes. "Don't think. Just… pretend there's no one else here. Just me and you," she murmured.

Olivia tried to tune out their surroundings and found herself listening to the words of the song that was playing; the one that Amanda declared her favorite. Her lips twitched in a small smile, feeling that she had been allowed a deeper understanding of the woman dancing with her.

I'd run through flames

Push back fate, break down walls

I'd give my heart

Give my breath, give it all

In a world where things come and go

The only thing I can't afford to lose, oh, is you.

I've been the prince, I've been the pauper

Been the star and played the fool

Been the winner and the loser

In between them, too.

But no matter who I might become

Or who I've been before

I will always be...

I will always be yours

"People are going to think we're together…" she mused, the observation escaping her lips before she could stop it, despite not really finding herself bothered by the idea.

"Good," Amanda smiled. "That's what we want, isn't it?" At Olivia's shy nod, the blonde squeezed her hips to get her attention. "Don't worry about them. Just let yourself feel the music."

It sounded easy enough, but the brunette found it was not easy at all to concentrate on the music when her mind and body were consumed with tiny pinpricks of fire at their proximity. Each of their movements cause their bodies to brush against each other; it was an intimacy that took the older woman by surprise.

Slowly, Olivia felt her body start to loosen up-except for her hands, which dangled awkwardly at her sides. Without thinking, she lifted them, but stopped almost immediately, unsure where to put them or if she should even put them anywhere.

Amanda, keenly sensing her struggle, leaned in close to be heard above the rising timbre of the music and the growing crowd, and Olivia couldn't stop her eyes from falling shut at the feeling of the other woman's warm breath against her ear. "Put them around my neck, Liv," the blonde husked.

Whether it was the words, the tone, or the combination of the two, Olivia felt the hairs on her arms stand up in near-painful goosebumps and never had been more glad that she'd chosen to wear long sleeves.

The walk back to Olivia's apartment was almost as silent as the walk to the restaurant had been, but there was a heaviness to the quiet that had not been there before. It felt, to both women, that an understanding had been reached while simultaneously unearthing a lot of new questions; questions they felt ill-prepared and afraid to answer.

For fear of acknowledging anything, they each said nothing.

"I appreciate the gesture, but you really don't need to walk me all the way up," Olivia chuckled nervously when Amanda made to follow her into her building. "I think I can make it from here. We'll let the record reflect the chivalry isn't dead," she quipped.

"I'm not doubting your abilities, Lieutenant," Amanda smirked, holding the door and gesturing for Olivia to go in ahead of her.

"I'm Lieutenant again?" Olivia asked, pressing the button to call the elevator before leaning against the wall and eyeing the younger woman. "Does this mean I passed whatever test?"

Amanda shrugged, following the brunette into the elevator. They settled into opposite sides of the small enclosure and rode to the 5th floor in silence. Amanda fought a smile when Olivia seemed to sigh in relief when the doors finally opened to her floor.

Olivia fished her keys out of her purse and unlocked her door, opening it just enough to drop her things just inside, before sparing a glance at the blonde. "Did you want to come in? You're welcome to use the bathroom if you need to..." she offered.

"No, I just—" Amanda stopped herself and looked away, bouncing on the balls of her feet and shoving her hands in her back pockets. "I'm good. Thanks, though," she smiled, finally meeting curious brown eyes once more.

Olivia nodded, leaning against the door frame and crossing her arms over her chest. In the absence of anything else to say, she reverted to her default. "Be on time tomorrow," she said authoritatively. "We don't have much time to get our details straight. George is coming to prepare us and..."

The brunette went on, but Amanda had stopped listening, frustrated by how quickly the walls had gone back up and the other woman had retreated to the safety of their professional relationship. Everything was black and white in that dynamic, but tonight, together, they had uncovered some unexpected shades of gray. Something had shifted between them. She knew she wasn't the only one who felt it. She could see it in Olivia's eyes. So, despite nearly every bone in her body screaming that it was a bad idea, she propelled herself forward, grasping the older woman's jaw delicately in her hand and pressing their lips together.

The first thing she noticed, after the blessed silence, was the stiffness. The body against hers was completely rigid; unbreathing. Long seconds passed with no movement from either of them before the gravity and consequences of her decision bore down on her.

And then, only one word entered her consciousness: shit.

Amanda released the brunette's lips but didn't move away immediately, the smack of their lips separating a deafening noise in the quiet hallway. She wanted to savor these last seconds before their relationship—whatever it was, or wasn't—was irreparably altered. She wanted time to marvel at how soft Olivia's lips were; how pillowy. Eyes still closed, she loosened her grip on the other woman's jaw, intending to move away, when a warm hand, larger than her own, suddenly gripped her hip, holding her in place.

The younger woman faltered, pulling back only far enough to open her eyes and try to read the expression on her lieutenant's face. "Liv…?" she started, unsure.

The shake of Olivia's head was almost imperceptible. Almost. But Amanda saw it and dared not to move, not to even breathe, until she got some kind of indication from the older woman that this, whatever was happening, was okay.

Amanda watched, spellbound, as warm brown eyes traversed her face, and her heart did a somersault in her chest when finally, she saw those eyes flick from her own down to her lips.

The blonde leaned in closer by a millimeter, just enough to communicate wordlessly that she was okay with whatever Olivia was thinking, and then the older woman's face was coming closer and Amanda couldn't contain a whimper when their lips met again.

Olivia's grip tightened on the detective's hip as her eyes fell shut and she felt her body settling comfortably into this second, less impromptu kiss. Her brow furrowed when Amanda's teeth found and nipped her lower lip, and as she opened her mouth to the younger woman, inviting a deeper kiss, her other hand threaded through impossibly soft blonde hair, holding the other woman against her.

They traded nips and licks, their lips sliding together in a rhythm that felt bizarrely familiar, and when they finally broke apart to breathe, Amanda was pressing the older woman into her doorframe. The blonde rested her forehead against Olivia's, her hands caressing the lieutenant's shoulders and arms on their way down to wrap around a curvy waist and hug the other woman tighter to her body.

Lazily, Olivia opened her eyes, the clarity in the blue eyes penetrating hers almost striking. She brought a hand up from the detective's back to push unruly blonde bangs from her eyes and behind her ear, increasingly aware of the line they'd just crossed. They weren't undercover; not yet. But this didn't feel like part of the test either. It felt real. "Who are we now?" She whispered.

Amanda smiled and felt her body deflate slightly in relief. She squeezed the woman in her arms and gave her a quick, tender kiss on the nose before shifting and pressing her lips to Olivia's ear. "Whoever we want to be," she breathed.

Btw: the song is I Will Always Be Yours from Ben Rector, from his MAGIC album (the title and actually how amazing it is). I'm hopelessly in love with it. Give it a listen. Honorable mention goes to Over and Over from the same album, which I almost used instead.

Finally, and after this I promise I'll shut up: review, please?