Harrogate, Present Day

Anna put the gun down, breathed out, and picked it up to rapid fire five times before pausing. She adjusted her stance and fired another five shots. One final adjustment and she emptied the clip. Pulling the slide back, she put the gun down and stepped back from the booth for a breath. Once it finished she pushed the button to call the paper target toward her. It stopped and she removed her safety glasses to study the target as someone spoke behind her.

"You're a good shot."

Anna turned in a rush, practically throwing her hard earmuffs on the small table next to her gun and spare shells. "What are you doing here?"

"I…" John jerked his thumb behind him, toward the door, and cleared his throat. "I was on base and thought I'd come find you."

"What are you doing on base?"

"Gwen got back and invited me for lunch." John stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Said she wanted an update on how Robert's weathering the shitstorm after Amooz was killed in Kandahar."

"Was that all she wanted?" Anna turned to clearing up her station, unclipping her target to fold into the bag where she put her deconstructed weapon and spare rounds. "Because I could've told her that."

"She seems to think you might spare her some necessary details." John waited a moment and Anna turned to him, her bag over her shoulder.

"Something else you want to say?"

"There's a few things, actually." He swallowed, "She asked me if you'd said anything else about what happened after I left."

"Gwen only just got back from her tour and her first question was if I'd told you everything that happened to me?" Anna snorted, "Why do I get a feeling that's a lie?"

"You think I interrogated her?"

"You're a reporter, that's what you do."

John narrowed his eyes at her before nodding. "You're right, I did ask her a few things."

"Such as?"

"I asked her why my wife, who seemed very interested in me when we were first married, came back cold." John edged toward her, putting a hand out to touch her shoulder but Anna retracted. "Why she won't let me touch her anymore."

"Maybe we made a poor decision." Anna shrugged, the weight of her bag knocking at her back and settling like the weight in her stomach. "We moved too fast and overestimated our esteem for each other."

"Overestimated our esteem for each other?" John scoffed, "Did we fall into a period novel, Anna?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"People don't say things like that to one another."

"Maybe they do." Anna checked her phone. "I've got a thing so I-"

"No." John moved to block her exit. "You're not dodging this conversation again."

"Dodging what conversation again?"

"The one about why you're different toward me. Why you won't look me in the eye and why, when I ask if you're alright, you snap at me or find some excuse to get away from me or try to say there's always something at the hospital when I know there isn't."

Anna blinked at him, "You've been checking up on me?"

"Of course I have." John pulled at the air with his hands. "You're my wife and I can't, for the life of me, figure out where it all went wrong."

"It's too much and I…I think it's me, not you."

"No," John shook his head, "That's not it."

"Why not?"

"Because you, Anna, are without fault." John let out a bitter laugh, "So I've got to assume that it's something I've done because otherwise you'd tell me about it."

Anna went to speak but stopped herself, swallowing. "You're innocent in all this and I'm sorry that I've put you through so much."

"It's not about 'putting me through' anything." John risked a step closer to her and Anna forced herself to stand still. "I'd walk through Hell for you, Anna. I just… I want to know what I did wrong so I can fix it."

"You didn't do anything."

"Then why won't you talk to me? Why do you speak to me? Why don't you sleep in our room?" John waved a hand around them. "You moved back to base the moment you got back."

"This is where my work is, where my things are, and it's… It's easier to be here."

"Because I'm not here?" John looked at her, "Is that it?"

"Yes." Anna burst out, eyes widening at the expression that dropped John's face almost as fast as it shattered his heart. "I… I needed space and I needed to be alone."

"Do you…" John swallowed, "Do you want to… Are you saying you…?"

"Maybe it would be best, for us both, if we-"

"I can't." John shook his head, eyes tearing and breaking Anna's heart with each one that proceeded to roll down his cheek. "I'm sorry, I know it's selfish, but I can't sign those papers if you give them to me."

"It might be what's best for us if we do."

"I won't divorce you, Anna." John swallowed, choking on his own sob. "Not unless you tell me why. I need to know what I did to hurt you so-"

"It wasn't you." Anna dropped her bag, putting the palms of both of her hands to her forehead. "It was me. It isme."

"You?" John shook his head. "It couldn't be you."

"Then be surprised." Anna grabbed her bag and pushed past him for the doors, "Because it was me. I ruined this. I ruined us."

She walked across the base to the hospital, ignoring the whispers and stares. Her office offered her the only available solitude as she put her bag in the closet before donning her scrubs and coat. A cursory check in the mirror told her all she needed to know about her appearance before digging into the back of a drawer in her desk. The makeup there did its best to lend a hand in hiding the dark circles under her eyes, the redness of her eyes, and the lack of overall luster to her appearance. But it was what she needed to get to work.

And that was what she did. Checkups, check-ins, and endless forms occupied all of her thoughts until the quiet of the hospital alerted her to the hour. The one she liked the best. The one where there was no one around to trouble her at-

"I thought you'd be here."

Anna let her head go back a second, catching a glimpse of Gwen as she approached, and then returned to her paperwork with a shake of her head. "I was having a good day."

"Do I not make it a good day?"

"Not really." Anna turned a page, making notes. "And I didn't call your name three times in the mirror so I'm curious why you're here."

"That's not a question."

"Why are you here, Gwen?"

"My tour ended." Gwen knocked on the plastic surface next to Anna, who only shifted sideways to avoid her. "You're not even going to congratulate me?"

"Considering your first order of business, when you got back, was to speak to my husband I don't think so." Anna flipped the cover back onto the clipboard and handed it over the counter to the nurse. "Make sure this information gets to Doctor Ryder. He'll want it when he goes in for the post-op and the follow-up surgery."

The nurse nodded, leaving the circular desk space to vanish down the corridors of the hospital to leave Anna and Gwen alone. Anna faced Gwen, folding her arms over her chest. "What do you want?"

"A 'Hello' would be nice."

"Hello." Anna pushed off the counter, "Are we done now?"

"You're not going to compliment me on the promotion?" Gwen tapped her lapels. "They're temporary until all the paperwork goes through but I'm going to be CaptainDawson soon."

"And how's your chaplain?"

"Jay? He's great." Gwen followed Anna, keeping pace as they stopped at each room to check charts. "Has another year on his tour but we're doing the email thing. Like what you and John did when you were apart."

"If that's a tip then I'm not taking your bait." Anna ignored Gwen, noting something on a chart before pulling out a tablet to make the note there as well. "I know a trap when I hear it."

"Would you rather I be direct and ask why you're not speaking to your husband?"

"About what happened?"

"At all." Gwen swung around Anna, blocking her turning the corner. "I know you had the kit tested and you proved its his DNA."

"Then you know why I'm not telling John." Anna faked a move and slipped around Gwen. "He'd only try and find the bastard."

"And good luck to him since the man's been AWOL for three months and the Army's been shit at locating him." Gwen put a hand on Anna's shoulder to stop her again. "He doesn't deserve this."

"I know that."

"But you've still been stonewalling him for three months?"

Anna folded her arms low over her abdomen. "It's the best way to keep him from this."

"He deserves to know."

"No, he doesn't." Anna shook her head, "He doesn't need this on his conscience."

"And you do?"

"It's my burden to bear."

"I was at your wedding, newsflash, and so I know you both promised to be there for one another no matter the circumstance."

"And this is me being there for him because-"

"No," Gwen wagged a finger at Anna. "I'm not buying the bullshit so if you want to peddle that you'll need to find somewhere else."

"I don't need to have this conversation with you."

"You're right, you should've had it with him when you got back." Gwen sighed, closing her eyes a moment. "I understand that I'm beating a dead horse and there's nothing I can really say to make you understand why you're making a huge mistake but I also won't stand by and watch you ruin your marriage because you're afraid."

"You'd interfere in my marriage?"

"I'd do a lot more if I thought it might save your life." Gwen snorted, "Don't think I haven't already gotten the rundown of this place from Jane."

"Why've you been talking to Jane?"

"Because you're not the only one taking her old job back here." Gwen stuck her tongue into the side of her mouth. "She told me about all the hours you're pulling here. The unreasonable hours you've been pulling."

"I'm within limits."

"You're pushing the upper limits and have been for weeks now."

"I'm fine."

"The kind of 'fine' that could slit an artery by mistake." Gwen held Anna's gaze. "You need to tell him the truth."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll do it first."

Anna watched Gwen walk away and turned back down the corridor. The door to her office opened in a moment and she wrenched her coat from her shoulders. Shoving it on the coatrack, she dug around in the closet to find her bag for the range. It took less than a minute to change before she was back in the corridor and only a few minutes more before she found herself at the range.

It was empty, something Anna only realized when she had to wake the corporal on duty with a hand slapped on the counter. He blinked, hurrying to salute and stand, and took her bag. A quick check that was in no way thorough, put Anna through the door and in the quiet of the range.

She unloaded her bag, pulling out the case for her gun and set the components on the shelf. With a deep breath, she set to cleaning her weapon thoroughly before sliding each piece together. Aiming it down range, easier her breathing, she pulled the trigger.

It clicked and Anna frowned, Investigating over the exterior showed nothing and she groaned before dissembling it to examine the component parts. There, in the barrel, was a worn edge that soon met the vigorous scrub of her metal brush to try and smooth the piece. The noise covered the sound of steps until a hand settled over hers.

Pushing down on her hands until she finally released the tools, John's thumb ran over her knuckles and his soft voice almost broke her. "I know."

Anna drew her hands out of his hold, facing him while jerking at her fingers. "What?"

"I know."

Her lip quivered and she fought to keep a hold of her emotions. A firm blink stayed potential tears as she spoke. "How?"

"Gwen told me." John stumbled through his words. "I thought I'd have to force it out of her but she just found me at the house and told me and-"

"She was wrong." Anna pulled harder at her fingers, accidently cracking one. "It wasn't her secret to tell."

"I don't think she saw that she had a choice, Anna."

Anna glanced down at her hands, "What did she say?"

"She said you were attacked trying to help Amooz. Said he'd narrowed the list and you were walking back to base when… When someone shot him and then… Attacked-"

"You can say the word, John." Anna let her hands fall, slapping loudly at her sides. "It's just a word."

"But it's not just a word, is it?" John insisted, "It's driven a wedge between us."

"I drove the-"

"No." John found her hands, holding there tightly. "You did nothing wrong."

"Didn't I?" Anna scoffed, "I traveled off base, alone, and walked through the dark alleys, and-"

"This wasn't you fault."

Anna closed her eyes, digging the palm of one hand there to try and keep the tears from slipping past. After a moment she just let them fall, giving a bitter laugh of her own. "Well, it's out in the open now. I'm glad of that at least. I don't have to worry and fear that I'll be found out because I am found out. My shame's got nowhere to hide and I'm-"

"Shame?" John shook his head, "Why are you talking about shame? I don't see any shame in this."

'Because I'm spoiled for you." Anna threw up her hands, "And I'll never be unspoiled."

"You're not spoiled." John raised his hands to gently hold her face. "You are not spoiled."

"But I am." Anna put her hand over his, trying for a moment to pull his away but giving up. "I've been on treatments for syphilis for three months and-"

"That doesn't spoil you." John lowered his head to ensure their eyes met. "You're made holier, and higher, to me because of the suffering you've been put through. And I… I could never be prouder of you than I am at this moment."

"Truly?"

"Truly." His thumbs ran over her cheeks and he carefully laid his lips on her forehead. "You're my wife and there's nothing that matters more to me in the world than you."

Anna sniffed and then broke down. John wrapped her in his arms and they lowered to the ground so he could cuddle her close. Her fingers tugged at his shirt to hold tightly to him as her emotions finally broke free from their prison to flood out. To join with his so they could finally be one again.

When their tears all ran dry, or dry enough that they could see again, Anna pushed back to see John. She brushed away her remaining tears, smearing the tracks on her cheeks to speak. "We should go."

"We should." He nodded toward the door. "He might get worried."

"He's asleep." Anna waved a hand at it before pushing herself to stand.

"Then what's the rush?"

Anna held a hand out to him and their rings clinked as he stood. She stepped closer to him, holding herself within his arms. "Because I want to go home with my husband and see our home."

He kissed her forehead again. "I'd be honored to show you."

Anna put her hand on his cheek, "I love you John."

"I love you Anna." John dipped his head down, pausing for a moment. "May I kiss you?"

"Please." Their lips touched and Anna cautiously slipped her hand to the back of his neck to hold herself closer to him.

They separated after a moment and John took her hand in his. "Let's go home."

Anna collected her things and John led her out of the building, past the sleeping guard on duty. Driving off base surprised the soldiers on duty but Anna ignored them to keep her fingers intertwined with his on the console of the car. And when they finally made it back to the house it was all Anna could do to even allow a moment to not keep him in her grasp.

The house was dark and when John reached for the lights Anna stopped him. She left her bag in the shadows of the sitting room and walked with him through the house. A house she knew only by its vague edges and hints of form.

"Can I take you to bed?"

Anna paused and then nodded, speaking when she realized he could not see her in the almost utter blackness. "I'd like that."

They walked together up the stairs, Anna's hand tightly clutched in John's, and eventually entered the room. Even without light Anna could tell where the bed was and pulled John to follow her there. He paused at the edge and whispered in her ear as his form surrounded her.

"Do you want this Anna?"

"I'm clean and everything-"

"That's not what I meant." His lips ghosted over her jaw. "Do you want this for you, right now?"

"Yes." Anna breathed and brought their mouths together.

Part of her wanted to rush, to run without reserve to the end they denied themselves for three months, but John's hands kept their pace slow. Each piece of clothing that hit the floor was a moment for Anna to try and take control but John resisted only long enough to calm her. And when they finally laid on the bed, his body over hers, he rolled to put her over him.

"But-"

"I want you to feel comfortable and in control." He soothed, kissing from her jaw and neck to her shoulders and then her breasts. "I want you to know how much I love you."

"John," Her fingers went into his hair, her hand hitting the mattress as she held herself above him and him to her. "I don't-"

"I…" He drew back, "If you don't-"

"No." Anna tugged on his shoulder and turned them again. "I want you over me. Please? I want-"

John kissed her, holding himself away until her leg at his hip pulled him down almost enough to crush her. "Whatever you want."

"I want to feel surrounded by you." Anna kissed him back, burying her head at his shoulder so he would not see her tears. "I don't want to feel separated from you anymore."

John nudged her back, facing her. "You don't have to. Not anymore."

His kisses covered her body like they had before. He sent her crying out a finish with his tongue and then his fingers and then both so she lay boneless and utterly relaxed under him. And he even waited in the moment she tensed before entering her.

They moved slowly, adjusting to one another again as they tried to understand how they worked in their new selves. Trying to understand how they worked with one another again. Seeking to comprehend the new being they were together now.

When Anna went over the edge the fourth time, sighing into his skin when he joined her, it was all she could do to keep him close to her. John tried to move but Anna tugged him to her with tightening muscles until he succumbed. He only moved when she shifted to put them on their sides to face one another.

In the dark and the quiet, with only their breathing to measure the passage of time, they found a place together. Her fingers stroked his hair, caressed his face, and eventually fell to the mattress when her body surrendered its energy. Everything about her surrendered to sleep in the safety of John's presence.

When Anna finally opened her eyes, she could only smile at the sight of John brushing over her hair with his delicate fingers. "Why are you awake?"

"I just wanted to see your face when you woke up."

"Because it looks so amazing?" Anna pushed at him and they both paused at her hand on his shoulder. "I look the same way I do every morning."

"You forget," John raised a finger, "I've not seen you in the morning before"

"In Bangkok we did. And in Berlin."

"Those were lifetimes ago." John's fingers slid over her arm. "We were different people then."

"We were." Anna focused on his chest, tracing patterns only visible to her there. "I'm sorry we've not had time to know one another lately."

"We will." John scooted closer to her. "It's all in the past now."

"I was worried I was pregnant." Anna burst out, sighing with relief and then hurrying to explain at the confusion on John's face. "I was worried that I was pregnant with his baby, that somehow it survived the day-after pill and…"

"It's fine." John quieted, "It's fine."

"But if I had the baby and you thought-"

"It would've been your decision, in the end, but for as difficult as it might've been, I wouldn't have given up any child that was half of you." John managed a little grin. "I'd like the other half to be me but I'm not picky."

"Stop." Anna pushed at him but John only dragged her closer. "We shouldn't-"

"Why not?"

"Because I've got work and I've only got the clothes form yesterday and-"

"And your uniforms are all the same." John kissed over her, working sighs and squeals from her when he sucked her at her nipples. "No one will notice."

"I'll know."

"And so will I," John's fingers entered her and Anna put her leg over his hip to give him better access. "I'll know that you're doing the walk of shame because I finally had you here."

She cried out her finish and then gasped when he entered her, holding her leg over his hip. "And, if you're not opposed, I want you again."

"Please." Anna held him to her in a kiss as he worked as deeply as he could into her. "Come with me John."

"However, whenever, wherever." He drove into her and sent them both to climax again.