Chapter 6

Stef's POV

The feeling of my wife's fingers running through my hair awakens me. I open my eyes and find her studying my face. I give her a soft closed-mouthed smile to assure her that I was okay.

"Morning," she says. "Did you get enough sleep?"

I can hear the concern in her voice. I know that she is only asking because I look like absolute crap, considering the amount of rest I must've gotten. Come to think of it, I don't know if I slept at all. But I still nod. She doesn't believe me. She's too smart.

"Are you sure you want to go to work today with everything that's going on? You can still stay home, ya know. I'll even stay with you if you want," she offers as she places her hand on my arm.

She must be really worried if she's willing to take the day off for me.

"That's not necessary, babe… And plus, I think it'll be good for me to get back to work." I start to sit up and remove the comforter off of my body. "Besides, maybe it'll help take my mind off of things."

"Yeah, you're right. I was just—"

"I know, love." I lean back over the bed and give her a peck on the lips. "Thanks anyway. I appreciate it. I'm fine though. Really."

I get up and walk over to the bathroom to brush my teeth and throw cold water on my face. Once I'm done, I glance back at the mirror, trying to study every inch of it. My mind flashes to Lux's…

My wife walks in and I stand back up all the way, hoping she didn't see me dozing off. But if she did, she didn't act like it. She routinely grabs her toothbrush and puts paste on it. "Are you going to tell Mike about this? He deserves to know."

I turn on the shower and look back over her "I've been thinking about it, a lot…"

"And?"

"And I don't think I should tell him just yet… I mean, you know how Mike is," I tilt my head. "… I don't think he's going to believe me if I just tell him that I have a hunch. I mean… I've seen her. I know that she's my daughter now…"

"But?" I can tell she doesn't approve of what I'm thinking.

"But I didn't know when I first saw her, Lena. What kind of mother doesn't recognize her own daughter?"

The second I admit to that, I wish I hadn't. Those thoughts were best to be kept in my head. I know how upset Lena gets when I start to contradict or blame myself.

"Stef, do not beat yourself up. None of this was your fault… How could you have known that your doctor would do something like this?"

"It is my fault, Lena. If I had just held her, none of this would've happened. She would've woken up and…" I take a deep breath before I continue.

I have gone over all of this in my head a thousand times between last night and this morning but I haven't exactly resolved anything.

"What if Mike blames me?"

"Don't do this to yourself, Stef. If you are going to blame yourself, then Mike should be just as at fault as you are. And as much as I hate to admit it, Mike should be involved in this."

"Absolutely he should," I answer more sternly. "But I don't want to tell him this without one hundred percent certainty. I don't want to get his hopes up and then… Well, you know," I shrug my shoulders.

"Where is this coming from, Stef? You were the one that said that you knew she was your daughter."

I stare back at the mirror. I don't want to look into her eyes.

"Stef?" she repeats.

"I have to get ready, love. I can't be late for work."

Thankfully, Lena leaves it at that and walks out of the bathroom, leaving me to shower. I feel horrible for closing myself off from her and I know she doesn't deserve it… but I don't want to discuss it anymore.

I can't discuss it anymore.

The truth is that I have a gut feeling Lux is my child. I want her to be my daughter But what if… What if I was wrong? I cannot get my hopes up only to find out that she's not my baby. I had to prepare myself for anything. And I couldn't let Mike go through all of this, too. Not knowing is killing me. If I can spare him the hurt of finding out that she really wasn't our daughter, then I am going to.

Lux's POV

I stop in front of my foster home and I dread the thought of going in. I told my foster mother that I was getting the hell out of there. Her words keep repeating in my head… "Don't make promises you can't keep!"

Her voice gave me that much more ammunition to go find my birth parents and get them to sign the permanent release of rights form. She reminded me exactly of why I was doing this all in the first place.

Once they sign it, I won't have to depend on any irresponsible adult for anything ever again.

I open the door and glance around the house. I try to prepare myself for her laughing and telling me, "I told you so."

As I enter, I notice the house is empty, completely free from her voice. I walk farther into the living room and see my bags packed up and piled in the middle of it. I glance at the teddy bear lying on top of my suitcase. It was a present from an old foster mother. She gave it to me on one of the worst days of my life.

Valerie. The name of the woman, who once made me feel so loved and cared for. Now the letters were etched into my brain and I will never forget the name, no matter how hard I tried to forget.

FLASHBACK

I wake up in the hospital and see Valerie sitting on the chair closest to me.

How did I get here?

"Hey," Valerie smiles the second she sees me waking up. I feel the pain in my chest and I remember what happened. I remember what Trey did.

"I'm glad to see you're finally coming to. I was so worried about you, Lux… I got you a present." Valerie offers me a smile and hands a purple box over to me. "I thought I should get you something after that fall. I saw this at the gift shop downstairs and I knew that you just had to have it."

"What is it?" I ask.

"Open it and see."

I glance down at the box, slowly open it, and take out the beige colored teddy bear and smile. "Thanks, Mom. I love it."

"I knew you would. I thought you needed a new one to add to your collection."

"What happened?" I ask. "What did the doctors tell you?" I already knew what happened but I didn't know what she knew.

"They said that you fell down the stairs and had a stroke. You should be more careful, Lux." She places her hand on my cheek, "You had me so worried."

I nod and try to find the courage to tell her.

She's my mom and she promised to be my mom forever.

She would understand.

"Mom… What did Trey tell you?"

She sighs and sits down on the hospital bed beside me. The smile quickly disappears from her face, "He told me what happened. I've got to be honest with you, Lux. I'm not really happy about it. I think you owe him an apology."

"An apology?"

"You shouldn't have hit him, Lux. He's been nothing but kind to you since you got here."

"He told you I hit him?"

"He told me the truth, Lux." She stares at me with this confused look on her face. "He told me that he asked you nicely to take out the trash and you threw a lamp at his head. When you went to storm out of the house, you lost your footing and fell down the stairs. He could've been badly hurt with that lamp, Lux. He's getting stitches right now. And when he comes to see you, I need to apologize to him."

"That's not what happened! …Mom," I feel the tears falling down my cheeks now. I want nothing more than for Valerie to believe me. "Trey snuck into my room when I was sleeping and he was the one who hit me. He punched me in the chest! That's why I fell down the stairs. Mom, you have to believe me. Please!" I beg. "And he r—"

She stares at me for a long time before she responds, "Lux, why are you lying? Trey would never do something like that. He loves you like a daughter."

"I'm not lying. He—"

"I don't want to hear it!" Valerie snaps as she covers up her ears and stands up. "Oh my God! How can you lie to me like this after everything we have done for you? We wanted to adopt you, Lux. Trey and I filled out all the paperwork and everything, and you go and accuse him of something like this? How dare you do that to him!" she yells as she walks over to her chair and snatches her purse. "Why did you have to be like this? I thought you were different, Lux. I thought you were better. But I guess I was wrong."

She doesn't even bother turning around before she opens the door and storms out.

I can feel the tears burning in my eyes as I glance back down at the teddy bear, which is looking at me with it's own sad eyes.

FLASHBACK OVER

Without even thinking I grab the teddy bear and clutch it to my chest. I can't help but wonder if I'm crying out the same tears that I had cried that day. I should hate this bear, but I can't. It isn't a constant memory of what happened that day. I'm not sure what it is. It always makes me feel loved even though others would view it as a stupid stuffed animal.

By the time I get to Bug's apartment, it's almost 10 pm. The buses stop picking people up at 9 over here, so I had to walk most of the way with my suitcase. I struggle to get the suitcase up three flights of stairs, but I'm relieved when I make it.

Bug opens the door quickly once I start knocking. He takes one look at my face and immediately wraps me in his arms. "Lux, what happened?"

"What didn't happen?" I try to joke but even I can't find much humor in my words.

"Did you find your birth parents? Did they sign the paper?" He lets go of me so that he can see my face.

"Yes, but my birth mom wouldn't sign it."

"What? Why not?" he asks angrily.

"It doesn't even matter anymore," I shrug my shoulders. "…I stole my birth certificate from the hospital and I'm going to sign it myself. I need to get the hell out of this stupid screwed up system once and for all."

"What happened?" he asks.

"Christy packed my bags and I had to leave."

"I'm sorry, Lux." He lifted my chin and continued, "You know you still have me, right?"

"And us!" I hear Tasha's voice. I watch as Tasha and Gavin step out of the bedroom. It's only a one-bedroom apartment, but the four of us are willing to make it work.

"Who needs adults anyway? They're so overrated."

"She's right. Our plan is working. This is a good thing," Bug declares, as he kisses my forehead.

"Yeah. By Thursday, all of this crap won't even matter. We're finally going to make this happen, Lux. Screw Christy and her raggedy ass house!" Tasha concludes, which causes me to laugh. She pulls me in for a hug too and I feel so loved in this moment.

I'm reminded that this is my family, and I wouldn't have it any other way.