Summary:
Cassidy, Caroline, and their father come to see Miranda.
Notes:
Hello everyone! Thank you guys so much for all the support and love that you have been giving this fic! It means the world to me and it really makes my day every time I see an amazing comment. This chapter is dedicated to you guys because without you there would be no fic! Thank you again for the love and I hope that this new chapter was worth the wait.
Andrea waited by the window as a nurse recorded Miranda's vitals. The man was kind and asked no questions while he looked over Miranda. The only thing that he had said to Andy was a quick greeting. From there, she moved out of his way and watched as he changed Miranda's bandage (the one wrapped around her neck) and then quickly checked any stitches that she had gotten after her surgery.
When he was finished, he gave Andy a nod and walked out of the room, leaving her and Miranda alone. Andy took a calming breath and went back to take her seat beside Miranda's side.
Emily and Nigel had gone outside to wait for the twins and prepare them for what they were going to see. The girls were almost fifteen years old but the sight of their mother dying was not something that they should see without some warning. Luckily, they had been picked up by their father before they had heard. On their way to the hospital, they had been given a vague explanation. Now they were due to arrive in just a few minutes.
Andy knew that she was not going to have another moment alone with Miranda. She tamed the pounding of her heart so that she could hear herself over it. Her hands blindly reached out to take Miranda's and the feeling of her cold skin made Andrea's chest tighten. Her thumb stroked Miranda's knuckle gently as she found the courage to begin to speak. "Miranda, I know that you can't hear me," she whispered.
Unknown to her, Miranda had been standing by her since Andy had taken a seat. The moment that Andy began to speak Miranda's heart felt like it had stopped beating.
"I just need you to know that I'm so sorry for leaving you. I should have stayed, I should have been stronger."
Miranda reached out and tried to touch Andrea. Her hands went right through her.
Andy let her head fall. "Please wake up, you can't leave me. Not when I haven't told you that-" She couldn't finish the sentence. Something seemed to have boxed away her voice. Her heart strained against her chest for a moment and she could feel regret start to set in.
I can't say it. It feels like too much like a goodbye and I don't want that.
"Please don't leave me. I lo-" Andrea begged. A single word with the entire weight of the world on the tip of her tongue.
She heard the door open and two familiar voices floated into the room.
"Andy! You're here!" Cassidy cried. She ran towards the woman at such a fast speed that Andy hadn't been given the chance to stand up. All she could do was wrap her arms around the girl's body and keep her from falling over the chair.
Caroline was a lot slower; she couldn't find in it her to face the reality of the situation. So when she felt strong hands rest on her shoulders she leaned back to try and escape. "I know it's hard. I'm right behind you, sprout." Her father whispered against her hair. She felt as walls began to build around her heart. Walls that were there to keep everything from hurting too much. She needed to be strong for her sister, for her father, and for her mother. Everything was going to be alright, but for right now she didn't want to feel the fear, the hurt, the pain that came with the prospect of losing a parent.
Her father pushed her gently forward and pulled her up a chair. She didn't sit down.
Cassidy pulled back from Andy and furiously wiped at her wet eyes. When she turned to look at her mother fresh tears threaten to tear through her. She fought them back bravely and stood tall. "She's going to be okay. I know she will."
"My babies…" Miranda cried silently.
No one could hear her as she began to sob into her hand.
"Right now we are just waiting for her to wake up. The doctors don't know when that will be." Andy said. Her hand went back to hold Miranda's.
The father of the twins looked between his ex-wife and the woman that was holding her hand with such tenderness that anyone would have been fooled to think that they were in love. "Thank you…" He said to her, then turned to Emily and Nigel who had decided to stay close to the door. "…and thank you two for keeping an eye on her. I was worried that she would be alone."
Andy's mind decided to catch up with what was happening and she realized that she hadn't introduced herself. "I'm Andy. Sorry that I hadn't introduced myself sooner." She felt a smile pull at her lips and it was almost painful.
"I'm William, you can call me Will. As you can tell I'm the girls' father and Miranda's ex-husband." His own smile was also forced and didn't hide the pain that had made a home in the lines on his face. His striking green eyes were dark and filled with worry. His features gave him the look of an old aristocrat from the Victorian era. A long sharp nose made him seem meaner than he really was. His once black hair was now streaked with silver along the sides right above his ears. The three-piece suit that he wore was tailored to perfection.
He and Miranda would have made a perfect couple (they had at one point). The thought was enough to make Andy curl in on herself. She shouldn't have been there, she had no right.
The twins stood next to one another and Caroline looked around the room. When she spoke she sounded just like her mother. "I was wondering if you could give us some time alone with her."
Nigel smiled at the girls. "Of course. We all need to get out and stretch our legs anyhow." His hand went out to beckon Andy to his side. "Come one Six, I know that you haven't eaten since you've gotten here."
A small part of Andy had wanted to stay with Miranda, but she knew that the girls deserved to be alone with their mother. So with much reluctance, she got up from her seat and walked out of the room with Emily and Nigel.
When the trio left, Cassidy and Caroline moved to sit on the chair Andy had just vacated; Cass sitting on the arm and Caro occupying the rest of the seat. For a moment, both of the girls had thought to reach out and touch their mother, but they were too scared to potentially hurt her. Behind them, they could hear as their father pulled up a chair and took his place next to them.
"Daddy, is Mom going to be okay?" Caroline whispered.
William took a deep breath to steady himself. "I don't know, sprout." His voice was weak and filled with so much pain.
Thirteen years ago.
"I want a divorce…"
"Okay. Will I be able to see the girls?"
"If you wish."
They stood in their shared study just looking at one another. William could feel something in him break and Miranda could feel shame grip her body.
"What happened?"
"..."
Miranda felt fear steal her voice and all she could do was stare at the man she didn't deserve. The man who had always been so patient, loyal, and kind to her. Now she took all the good that he gave her and threw it back at his face.
"You know that you can trust me…" He said lastly. The expected hatred and anger that Miranda had expected and silently prayed for was nowhere to be seen. William still spoke to her with such tenderness that she wanted to take everything back and pretend that nothing had happened. Sadly, she knew that if she did that she would live an unhappy life and she would drag her entire family down with her.
So with every single fiber of courage that she possessed, she finally spoke two words that would change her entire life. "I'm gay…" Saying this for the first time was like a bucket of cold water down Miranda's back. Her hands began to tremble and she could feel her heart shuddering in her chest.
William moved forward and without a second thought, enveloped Miranda in his arms. He could feel as the woman tensed. That didn't stop him from holding tightly so that when she broke, he would be able to catch her. "That's okay. The girls and I still love you anyway."
He felt his shirt grow wet, sharp nails cling to his back and all of Miranda's weight falling on his body to hold.
She shattered in his arms and silently sobbed.
Present
Miranda watched as her family sat by her bedside silently. Her girls had leaned against one another to try and gather their strength, while their father sat beside them with a grief-stricken face.
"What are you thinking Miranda?" Death whispered in her ear.
"I don't deserve them…"
Death took long, silent strides towards the twins. "What you think you do and do not deserve is irrelevant. I want to know what you are truly thinking. That phrase is something that you have been practicing almost all your life. What is underneath it?"
Miranda swallowed back the feel of dread that began to crawl its way up her throat. She could feel something dark festering in the darkest corner of her heart. That same little thing that had been pushing away the thought of waking up. "I am afraid that I won't be able to change even after all of this. I'm afraid that I have ruined myself for the rest of my life."
Caroline shuffled forward and reached out for her mother's hand. "Mommy, I know that you can hear us." She whispered softly. Her words fell over Miranda like a gentle, reassuring feather. "We need you to wake up because I don't know what we would do without you."
Cassidy nodded her head furiously as she wiped away tears. "She's right, Mom. You made us a promise."
"Mira, please wake up. We all love you, desperately." This time it was William who spoke, his voice tight with the tears he was trying to fight back.
Death took graceful steps, not making a single sound so that she could stand behind Miranda's family. Her arms spread out wide like she would presenting the trio to Miranda. "This is three of the six people that you would leave behind. Three of the six people that your heart aches for. Are you truly willing to leave it all behind because of your own insecurities? Why must you make such hasty judgments that don't belong to you.? Why must you expect the worst?"
There were seven seconds of silence. In those moments Miranda felt something snap inside her soul. "You want to know why I expect the worse?" She screamed, her voice shaking with rage. Her face flushed with anger and the storm outside began to intensify.
"Nothing good ever happens to me! I wasn't born to be loved! Why must you torture me like this? Do you think I want to see them all suffering? Is this to reassure me of something?" Miranda couldn't breathe anymore. Every single breath she took felt like a stab in her chest, and the room was growing dark around the corners of her eyes. Something was happening, she could feel it in the tightness accumulating in her chest. She was shattering but her daughters and ex-husband hadn't the faintest idea. Her throat contracted painfully. "Don't think that for a moment that it does." She gasped. "There is no peace for me. There is no resolution."
Death opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a single syllable, Miranda shouted her down. "Bring me back in a year when they are all happy. When my daughters have moved on, when my ex-husband is happy, when Nigel is given what he deserves, when Emily is no longer living behind someone's shadow, when Andrea-"
That name made Miranda's knees buckle. The sharp pain that followed caused her to collapse to the floor and for everything to snap back into clarity. "...bring me back in a year when I can look at Andrea Sachs and not feel my heart tear itself in two." Miranda's body trembled violently as she began to cry. Everything from the past twenty-four hours coming and rushing up to the surface.
I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid.
"You have everything to gain," Death spoke gently. "They are breaking and so are you. Take a chance, Miranda, before everything is ripped from you."
Notes:
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