Fipp: So I learned, as I wrote this chapter, is that there is a flower called a jackass clover, which really cleared a few things up for me.

End of All Meaning

Chapter IV: A Gnawing Absence

She's no expert in hacking, she's never really understood how it worked, but she was more than confident that what she's doing is much different than what would happen in her day. Flying through this odd, pale-colored hacking space, as some kind of strange cursor and shooting at the enemy's internal defense systems, and while it works well enough she was always more than happy enough to just cut machines apart. However, that's not the thing that bothers her the most.

"I... am a...desert test unit... Created... wipe out mankind..."

"What was that?" A2 asked, the odd, machine voice throwing her off, almost causing the enemy fire to strike her.

"The hacking has caused the enemy's memories to merge with your own," came the voice of Pod 153, her newly acquired, and very unwelcome support Pod. She never liked these things, they always seemed annoying and they never shut up whenever she encountered them.

She didn't want these memories, not the memories of some pile of scrap, not when she's still trying to sort out the memories she willing took on. Memories that just don't make sense to some degree because so many of them contradict with each other.

"Better make sure he's actually dead next time. That was dangerous ma'am."

"This is a fragment of 9S' memory from when he was alive. This was said upon his initial contact with unit 2B."

She didn't need a shitty Pod to tell her that, and as the words poured into her head she could recall where they had been said; The Factory, in one of the new flight units, just as he met with...

But it was wrong, the first time they met, the one from his memories, was on The Bunker. She knew how that mission went, he had read the reports because he-

No, did they meet at The Factory? She thought it was somewhere else, in the desert. Or was it somewhere in the city?

It hurt to try and think about this, but all she can do is just move forward and keep shooting.

More memories keep pouring all around her, despite her wishes for them to stop.

"...not right, No. 2. We're all here... chose to be here... Thank... giving meaning to my life..."

No, no no no! Leave that alone! "Enough!" she snapped. That was her memory, not something to be dragged out for anyone to see, leave No. 4 alone!

"Memory data recognized as belonging to YoRHa unit A2 herself," Pod 153 continued, and A2 want to break its casing and crush it like a tin can.

"Shut up and get out of my head already!" she yelled, not needing anymore of this. There were too many memories, and she didn't know which were hers anymore. A2 tried to focus on No. 4, No. 16 and No. 21, but all she could do was think was of how they were dead. All because YoRHa used them, sent them to die, betrayed them.

She could still feel the sword piercing her chest, she thought they were friends! Why was she-

No! That's not hers! Why was she even...ugh.

Just keep going, and don't think about it.

So she went on, she kept shooting, kept fighting.

"Mama... Mama..." she followed the desperate cries, to a mass of black cubes, pathetically huddled onto the ground, while an avatar of her body replaced the cursor. It kept crying out for its Mama.

Gritting her teeth, A2 had not problem slicing her sword, the avatar of the sword that was now hers, right through the mass, dispersing its shape into the hacking space around her.

More memories came to her. They kept conflicting, but they were so fragmented that she was never able to piece together a full picture of what was going on, and the dates were so wrong, taking place before he was manufactured and-

There's only one consistent thing within 9S' memories, and that is 2B.

"Shut up," she hissed, trying to block them out.

"I wonder, did I ever become like you when the truth came to light?"

"Shut up."

"Did I ever rage and scream against the world, or did I just keeping going with the motions, or-"

"I said SHUT UP!" A2 quickly spun around on her feet and threw her sword right at the image of 9S in front of her and-

-and suddenly she was back in the desert.

The desert. The desert. Shouldn't there be ruins around here? Some kind of temple?

A memory popped up, one of the strange fragments that didn't make sense, but this one was much cleaner. Then again, the ones of 2B were always the ones that seemed to be in the best condition.

It's not a pleasant memory. It's rather gruesome.

"What did you even see in her?" she asked to no one, an anger building up inside of her.

000

"I'm ready for my next mission, ma'am."

Anemone filched at the words, her shoulders tensing up for a moment before slumping back down, and while she appeared hesitant to do so, she turned around to face 2B, a tired expression marking her features.

Anemone gave off a haggard sigh. "2B, I've already told you, multiple times, do not call me 'ma'am', I don't like it."

"I apologize, but I needed to tell you that I have completed my last mission, so I am ready to receive my next set of orders," 2B said, her tone firm, and stance rigid.

It had been three days since 2B had woken up, and it did not take too long before she felt the desire to leave the storage room, the silence too much to bear for her, and she couldn't deal with being left along with her own thoughts. Upon stumbling out the room, she came to the realization that she was, above all else, a soldier, and a soldier follows orders.

"And 2B, I think you need to take a break," Anemone continued.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand," 2B asked, a feeling of anxiousness already building up inside her.

"You've been going nonstop for the last few days, you need rest, and to be frank I'm starting to run out of things for you to do. You've done everything from fetch quests for the twins, to moving boxes around in storage, and so much more."

"It's all part of my missions, if I receive one I must preform it to my utmost ability."

"For the love of-and another thing, stop treating me like I'm your CO, I'm not."

"Are you the leader of this Resistance cell?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then, with both YoRHa gone and the Commander dead, the chain of command has been broken, and since you are the highest ranking android around, you then gain command over all remaining units, and are within your rights to issue orders to me."

Anemone's brow furrowed as she brought a hand to her face, fingers rubbing at her eyelids.

"Fine, if that's the way you want to play at it, then here is your next mission; take a break, find something to do with your time other than pestering me for orders until you work yourself to death."

"But-"

"No, this is final."

"...alright," 2B said, with reluctance.

"2B, you've been through a lot the last few days, and I think it would be best if you tried to-"

"No, I understand, I'll take a few days off, since that is what you ordered."

2B ignored Anemone's sudden protests as she quickly turned on her heel and walked away from her.

She was a solider, the sudden alternations in her life did not change that in the slightest, no matter how traumatic they had been, and as a soldier, it was her duty to accept and follow orders. This was how she had spent her time since she had woken up; doing whatever Anemone had asked of her, no questions asked, no matter how small or menial the task at hand was. It kept her mind in focus, sharp as she put everything she was into her mission. Her missions were important because they had to be done, and she had to do them because she was assigned to them. The more missions she did, the more time she spent putting her focus on her missions. Do the missions no matter what.

Ignore the silence next to her, pretend it didn't exist.

But what was she supposed to do now? Could she ask around the camp to be given tasks to be done? Maybe go out of the camp and find someone, anyone, that needed some form of assistance? She had done it before, and there was always someone who would need help with something, and all she needed to do was find them.

All she needed to do was find a mission and everything would be better.

"Hey, YoRHa girl!"

2B almost tripped at the unexpected call, catching herself soon enough to hope that no one noticed. Her attention was then drawn to one of the Resistance members, a man dressed in a dark hood, sitting on a chair next to some of the camp's more complex equipment.

"Yes?" 2B said back as she approached him. "Can I help you with anything?"

The man nodded, and reached into his jacket to pulled out an old photograph, featuring him, and several other androids. They looked happy.

"Have you seen these folks, perchance?" he asked as she carefully studied the image.

"Sorry," she finally replied, with the shake of her head. "But I haven't seen these androids anywhere."

The man gave a deep sigh as he tucked the photo back into his pocket. "They were part of my squad, but I lost contact when they went out for field research. If anything happened to them-"

"So you need me to go look for them for you?" As much as she tried to hide how desperate she was for this task, 2B was unable to help herself from taking two steps forward to the man, causing him to almost fall out of his chair.

"Well, um, yeah, I would like that very much, thank you. I'd look for them myself, but my motor systems were heavily damaged some time back, so I can't get too far from the camp right now."

"Very well, I shall accept this request."

"Yeah, thanks, it's just... I need to know if they're alive or not, and if they're dead... I just need to know so I can mourn them properly.

"I... I understand." For some reason, 2B felt her throat dry out. "Do you know where I might be able to find them? Or at least where I can start?"

"They headed towards the flooded section of the city on the coast, last I checked. I'll give you their ID codes, to help you out, and we all wield dual weapons, so you should be able to find them easily." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "If they're dead, I'd appreciate if you could retrieve any personal articles you find."

"I'll do what I can," 2B said, before turning around and headed towards the transport. Even with YoRHa gone, their equipment was still functional.

"Hey!" the man called out to her. "I forgot, I never got your name, what is it?"

"2B," she replied, having halted in her steps.

"Huh, good name, for what it is. I'm Hydrangea, just so you know."

"...Okay."

Time to head out.

000

She hadn't been in the flooded district since shortly after the destruction of the giant machine that had rampaged against everything in its path to the shore, when she had tried to find clues as to where...

The first thing she noticed as she stepped out of the transport was how humid the air was, a striking contrast from the usually cool and clammy temperature the coast had. Already she could feel the condensation building on her, causing her clothes and hair to stick to her skin. Beyond the initial thoughts, she pushed any afterthought aside and planted her feet onto the grass, rounded the corner of the building and made her way down the path to the broken and flooded highway, each step taking her closer to the marker on her HUD's map. There were machines in her way, blocking her from reaching her destination, but like the countless number before them she had cut them down.

Typically in combat she was swift and graceful, quick to dispose of whatever machines that were required to kill for the sake of the mission, but no matter how many enemies she destroyed, there was never any real sense of accomplishment for her, no pride in what she did, just an acceptance of what she had done. Ever since she had woken up, she had taken notice of a change in how she fought; an increasing anger that had built up in her, expressing itself in her being more careless, more brutal in how she cut them down. 2B tried to keep these emotions in check, pushing them down as far as she could, to not let them affect her mission efficiency in the slightest.

Emotions were prohibited.

Even though she had come here to find Hydrangea's comrades, any thoughts of that mission were left behind as she stepped onto the highway, and she spotted the massive structure that had appeared at the end of the road. A large metal tower hovering just over the water, seemingly made of countless metal pipes and plates, and through the large openings in its sides, a bright and glowing yellow light shined through.

"What is that?" 2B asked, awestruck by the structure.

"Statement: Unknown," Pod 042 quickly answered.

"You're helpful..."

"Analysis: It would seem that this structure is related to machine technology."

"Machines?" She looked back between the Pod and the tower, unsure what to think about this whole situation, about what this thing was. She wasn't a thinker, she didn't solve problems like that. She was a soldier, she followed her orders. "Is the Resistance member we are looking for possibly in there?"

"Negative: The android in question is not too far from where we are standing, and is already marked on the mini-map. However, this structure is most likely related to the tow-"

"I don't care," 2B snapped, marching down the road. "We have a mission to do, and we will do it. Nothing else matters."

It didn't take her long to find the body, laying amongst the rubble near the buildings, next to a rusted out car, her body burnt from enemy firepower and two broken swords next to her.

"Alert: This is one of the Resistance members we were asked to locate.

"I was afraid of this," 2B said with a sigh, as she crouched over the body, trying to ignore the pit forming inside of her. From how the blood looked, it had seemed as though she had been dead a while. "The only personal items are these dog tags." 2B carefully raised the woman's head off the ground and slipped the dog tags from around her neck.

The name on the dog tags read 'Shion'.

"Analysis: Remaining transmission records indicate the Resistance members were attempting to retreat from battle. Analysis of final coordinates complete. Marking locations on map."

"Yeah..." 2B said as she stood up, clutching the dog tags tightly in her hand. She tried to ignore the slight tremble. "Let's go..."

000

The Amusement Park also had the same humidity that the Flooded City had, and looking over her shoulder she saw another tower, seeming as though it was over the theater. According to the minimap, the signal was not coming from there, so she ignored it. It wasn't part of the mission.

Beyond that, she could tell that something else was wrong; It was quiet, she couldn't hear the continuous bangs of fireworks in the air, lighting up the sky, the songs and dance of the resident peaceful machines. There was nothing, and it unnerved her, but it wasn't until she saw the first machine were she concerns realized.

The clown-dressed machine, instead of joyfully throwing confetti, singing and laughing, stumbled around, the front of its faceplate town off showing the sharp row of teeth that machines for some reason were designed with. A thick sludge leaked from the wounds, running down its face and stained the wide frilled collar it wore while a deep red glowed from behind its eyes and mouth. It reminded her all too much of the dozens of zombie machines they had found beneath the theater. Going further into the park, she saw that the remaining residents were of a similar state, mindlessly wandering the ruins, occasionally walking into walls and tripping over loosened bricks.

"ccOmEEE pllllllllayy with uzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-" one garbled, and it was the most coherent line she had gotten.

She never admitted this, but she rather liked this place. It was much different than anywhere else she had ever been, and even though it was occupied by machines, a part of her couldn't help but wonder how humans had enjoyed this establishment as they chased after fun and joy. She couldn't see the roller coaster continuously running, and something about that left her black box humming; the initial time she had rode it to get into the theater had been the first time he asked her-

Emotions were prohibited.

She found the Resistance member in the courtyard in the front of the park, bloodied and ripped to shreds, his body and the ground around him coated in blood.

His dog tag read 'Orchid'.

Two for two were dead, gone before she couldn't even get there.

She had to find the others. They needed to be alive. She needed them alive.

000

The third one was found in the lot outside the factory, hidden away in one of the bushes, and a large gash cut into his back. She didn't need the Pod to tell her that he was dead, she knew it from the moment she saw him.

His dog tag read 'Hyssop'.

All three of the androids she had found were dead, gone, and Hydrangea would never see them again.

Her breathing had deepened, but she ignored it.

"Alert: Emergency support request found in transmission records."

"What?" 2B spun around to meet Pod 042. "When?"

"Approximately twelve minutes ago."

2B immediately bolted back to the transport. She was sent to find four androids and three of them were dead, but this one was very much alive. The request for help had only come a twelve minutes ago, he had to be alive, he just had to be.

She could still save him.

000

2B tried to keep her mind on the mission as she ran through the desert. She tried not to think about exploring it for relics from the old world or looking for an oasis that matched a photograph or old desert ruins or-

All that mattered was finding this last android, making sure he was alright, and not dead and-

Emotions are prohibited.

She closed in on the signal, and over the dunes she could see plumes of fire and smoke shooting up into the air, before she finally caught sight of the source; two large machine tanks, retrofitted with large rusty spikes and jagged blades, covering its surface. It was a rather crude-looking design, but it seemed oddly appropriate for the desert.

There was no pause as she had Pod 042 open fire on the closest one, bringing out her sword and cutting into the armor.

"REVENGE! CLAIM YOUR REVENGE!" one cried out as the cannons, each turret facing every direction, began to unload a storm of bullets upon her.

"Avenge the pain of our comrades!" the other one cried, rolling its way towards her.

"I HATE ANDROIDS! HATE THEM! SEIZE THEM! KILL THEM! DESTROY THEM ALL!"

"Violence rules this world! Violence is all!"

She stabbed and fired, trying her best to kill it, to get it to stop ranting. There was no reason to hear anything it had to say, nothing it had meant anything to her.

"KILL EACH AND EVERY ONE! TEAR APART THOSE WHO RESIST US!"

"Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! KILL! KILL!"

"BURN THEM TO DEATH CRUSH THEM TO DEATH!"

The longer the battle went on, the more sloppy she became; she rushed in more, taking less notice of what they were doing in favor of getting in the most damage, which only resulted in her sustaining more damage herself. The blasts from their projectiles and the immense weight of their retractable treads slamming into her, sending her flying and rolling into the sand, but she was always quick to jump back up, ignoring the pain. All she needed to do was silence them, she didn't need to listen to them cry about revenge, for their lost comrades, not after everything they had-

Emotions were prohibited.

Eventually, they were both destroyed, the burning and charred remains scorching the sands around them as thick, black smoke pouring off them. Her breath was heavy and her grip on her sword was tighter than usual, so much that she was almost concerned that she might have broken it.

They were dead now, that was all that mattered. No, there was the Resistance member. She had to find him, he had to be alive, she couldn't let him die.

But he was dead as well, half his body crushed by the heavy treads of the tanks. It must have happened only moments before she arrived.

The pit that had started in her gut had grown much worse, she couldn't save this one, none of them. All dead, and there was nothing she could have done for them. Gone.

His dog tag read 'Hyacinth'.

000

With a sense of dread, 2B stepped out of the transport and onto Resistance ground, and with a deep breath, to try and delay the moment as long as she could, she slowly made her way to to where Hydrangea still sat. As she approached him, Hydrangea looked up at her, only for his expression to deepen and fall.

"Your face tells me everything I need to know. They didn't make it, did they?" he asked, his voice low and raspy.

She didn't say anything, all she did was reach out to him, the dog tags collected from his friends held in her hand.

"Thank you," he said grimly as he took them from her, his thumb affectionately running over the tags. "I'll just place these flowers with them..."

"Flowers?" she asked, taking note of the first time of the bundle of flowers wrapped at his feet. Why would he have flowers?

"Yeah, I'm just imitating an old ritual," he explained. "The human race had many traditions when it came to mourning their dead. I know it might not mean much to us, but..." Hydrangea sigh heavily, leaning back in his seat and looking up to the sky. The tags were gripped tightly in his hand. "Well, I just want their souls to find some peace. That's the wish I'm putting into these flowers. Thank you again for your help. Can I admit something? I'm... relieved that I was too injured to fight, it allowed me to escape."

She did say anything else as she turned away, her eyes downcast to the ground, going over what Hydrangea had just told her.

Mourning the dead with flowers?

000

It took 2B nearly twenty minutes to finally step over to the other side of the bridge. She didn't know why, she had crossed this bridge numerous times before, but now she was unable to make the final step, sometimes she didn't move, or she backtracked, going as far as to nearly make it halfway back, but eventually she stepped onto the ground. This shouldn't be hard, it just shouldn't be.

It didn't take her long to find the bloodstain near the ledge of the cliff, dried out, and faded, seemingly washed away by possibly rainstorms, but the body was nowhere to be found. Maybe the earthquakes had rolled it down into the ravine, possibly landing it on a cliff, or burying it under rubble from resulting landslides. It was likely she would never find him.

Something caught her eye, wrapped around a branch of a nearby bush.

It was his visor.

000

The elevator rattled to a stop, and upon the doors opening, 2B found herself bathed in an soft, ethereal light of the field of flowers. Lunar Tears, such a beautiful and delicate flower, and something about them brought a feeling of peace and serenity that she could not explain, but regretted that she never had allowed herself a chance to come back here on her own time with...

What was she doing? Would this even help?

She walked to the center of the field and stabbed a wooden stake into the dirt the visor tied around the other end.

"I..." she began, before she stopped. "This is..." Did she even have the right to this? To mourn and honor the dead like this after everything she's done, after she had desecrated his body as much as she had? "I remember once, you told me about how human had a belief of what happened to the soul after death, and while I'm not sure if androids have souls, I would like to think so. I wonder, what happened to you? Did you meet all the other previous yous that I killed, or did you all merge into one, and become a complete person? Wherever you ended up, I do hope you're happy, you deserve it after everything I've put you through. "

Emotions were prohibited. This was a mantra she had repeated so much that others had mocked her behind her back for it, but for her it was something she had to cling to, to pretend it worked for the sake of her own sanity when things became too unbearable for her. In the end, where did it get her however?

"I'm sorry for everything I did to you, for everything I took away from you," she continued. "I'm sorry for not being what you needed in your life, and not being there for you when you needed me the most." She struggled to keep her body under control as her shoulders began to shake, and her voice started to hitch."I'm sorry for more than I can ever apologize for." 2B stifled a sob as she leaned forward, placing her hand on the stake, her grip tightening around the end. "I don't have any right to ask for this, but I would do anything to see you one last time, and tell you all this myself, but from what I've heard, I don't think my soul will go to the same place as yours."

Lunar Tears, according to myths and legends, were supposed to grant wishes. There were hundreds of flowers in this long-forgotten and abandoned cavern, so maybe, hopefully, just one of them would grant her own wish.

"9S... Nines... I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry..."

With no one around, 2B mourned, continued to mourn, as there was hardly a time in the better part of the three years that she did not mourn 9S' death, even when he was right beside her.

This was supposed to make her feel better, to bring her some semblance of peace, but all it did was remind her of how she could never make things right, and it felt like the weight of the world was crushing her from above.

000

Please be well,

Mrfipp