I was at the rooftop of an abandoned twenty nine story building, or so they say it was, and by 'they', those were the oblivious people living their normal lives down below, or outside, and by outside I meant the real thing, the real deal. We're practically living here, duh!
I am standing near the-edge; my arms curled around my mid-section, just a simple gesture but good enough to make me feel a little bit comforted. Whenever I'm struck with the blues I go up here to vent. I like high places because it's giving me the opportunity to see the world.
I will never get tired of watching real people, people who doesn't need to reject their true selves from the world to survive, interact with one another. Seeing people interact with one-another is kind of amusing, and it gave me hope, it made me feel something, it made me hurt. Well, at least I'm feeling.
You see, the thing is, I can't really feel something besides pain. Oaken taught me this conceal don't feel thingy a long time ago, and the funny thing about it is I don't really need it, it was like I acquired this immunity to feel anything besides negative emotions along the way, and the pain is always present, ever so constant that it doesn't even makes sense to me now. It's like my default mode, and that's scaring me to the highest level.
My life is like a movie, and it flashes on my mind constantly. I wasn't sure if I'm sane enough to say that I can see my future. I can see my whole life plot, flashing right before my eyes.
And the funny thing is, of all the absurd scenarios that played on my mind. It leads to one thing; death.
My story is like this; there was a girl named Johanne, she was abandoned in a very young age, grew up in an inhumane society, became a sex addict, was purchased by a sick man, tortured and battered, and after several years of serving the man, she died. Nice right?
And that might not be the case if my owner is a psycho or something. I let out a chuckle, I can't help it. That was a laugh of defeat by the way.
Even in my dreams, and/or daydreams. I always find a way to twist the story into something not quite of beauty. I lost hope a long time ago, and I learned from past experiences that being severely optimistic won't do any good. I guess I just kind of learned to accept the truth, the reality, that in this world, nothing is of fair judgment, and that everything that is created is subject to ruin.
The list of question still remains. Why create life when it will just die and wither away sooner or later? Why are we subjected to feel if the only thing that we feel is pain? Why are we given a life when it won't be for us to decide?
I was too caught up with my own world that I have not taken notice that I am now currently at the very edge of this human made concrete.
The wind blew strong enough to pull me out of my deep thinking, and that's the time that I have seen my body, just an inch away from nothing. I am mesmerized by the city lights, the traffic below, and the life that is surging from it. Those people, I can't help but feel envious. They have purpose, all of them going to some place wherein they were intended and/or needed to be. A place where there will be probably someone or a bunch of people destined to meet them, their bosses, colleagues, family, friends, loved-ones, enemies, etcetera.
To be fair, not all of those people are happy. I mean we all have our crosses to carry, but at least they have freedom. They can ruin their lives and nobody will care, but of course they need to shoulder the responsibility for the decisions that they make.
But at least, they decide for themselves. They chose the path that they will be on, not like me, not like us, the unfortunate ones. If you think that you are unfortunate, think twice about it. There are several others like me living out there, abandoned, kidnapped, raped, tortured, name it all, and you're one of the bunch of fortunate people, living within the confines of your comfy home, with your family, friend, or a loved-one at least. Be thankful.
Then suddenly it all came crushing down on me. Well, yeah it backfired. I don't have a choice about my life, but I do have the choice when to not live.
I extended my right arm, my fingers touching nothing but the wind. The reaction was instant. I can feel this tingling sensation from the tip of my fingers coursing throughout my body.
And it's kind of exhilarating.
The wind caressed me slowly, fooling me, luring me, made the thought of going into complete oblivion more enticing.
My pupils became dilated and unfocused. The tingling sensation was no more, and it was replaced by complete calm.
I feel at peace.
It was so easy to give in and just let it go.
I just need to take one more step, before I fa...
"Shit, that hurts! Who put the fucking planks here?"
I was immediately shot out of my trance. I retracted my right hand like it was burned. What have I almost done? I took a step back from my freedom. Wait what?
That freaking voice. I'm pretty sure it was Kristoff.
"What are you doing here?" I asked a little bit harsh.
"Johanne, do you really have to go?" Kristoff asked solemnly. I can hear sadness in his voice.
"You know how it works, Kristoff." I replied, my gaze still focused on the traffic below.
"You don't have to do this, Johanne."
"I know." I snapped back. "But this is my chance. I'll be finally freed from this hell-hole."
"How can you be so sure? What if your owner is a psychopath or a rapist, or mentally retarded, or..."
"Kristoff, stop. Just, be happy for me alright? I'd like to think that this is good for me. And don't start with how unfair this is because since back then, we're doomed to unfairness. Don't make it harder for me."
"Let's runaway, together."
"What of your father and siblings? Don't be such a brat."
"But I love you, Johanne! I can't let you go. I just can't." He growled. I can feel his frustration a mile away.
I tore my gaze away from the city below to stare at his tantalizing eyes, flawless face, his strong arms, and well-built body. Holy s****.. Focus, Johanne.
"You don't love me Kristoff. You love yourself, and I can't believe how selfish you've become. You wanted to runaway with me and leave your family behind. That's just... Are you even real?"
"I don't care! You're mine, and I won't let them take you." And right now, he's really speaking with his voice high as the rooftop that we're on.
"I don't love you" I whispered. "And once the money is handed to your father I am technically owned by whoever purchased me, and I'm not even yours to begin with." I said with a tone of finality as I made my way towards the stairways.
And then there was a spinning sensation, I thought I'm just dizzy or something, but I was wrong. Kristoff grabbed me by the arm, and oh boy it hurts.
"Kristoff, let me go! You're hurting me."
He sneered at me. I can't believe what I'm seeing right now. The look that he was giving me is something I didn't think he'd be able to do so before. I have sees those looks from the king's men whenever they see me, or another unlucky girl that they get to play with. I am luckily protected by Oaken.
"No, I won't. Not until 'you're mine' came into your senses." He said before pushing me into the concrete floor. I groaned in pain, and even before I am able to get a grip of what was happening. He was already half naked and tearing my clothes off.
"Kristoff, stop!"
He enclosed one nipple with his mouth, and then sucked on it once he successfully discarded my clothes, his warm big hands craving for my warmth, feeling me. His free hand kneading my breasts, and he was practically going all crazy over me. Seriously, it's like he never had sex for his entire life.
I can already feel him hard.
I shouted. He never listened. It's bad enough that we're doing this in a place wherein we can be watched.
What's much worse is I'm enjoying it.
I like it rough, and he's being as rough as he can.
I gave up. Tonight, I'll be leaving this goddamn place, leaving him. And so, I'll give him this as my parting gift.
"Kristoff." I half moaned half shouted.
He wasn't even listening; he's busy fulfilling his own needs.
He goes down on me, biting, licking, and sucking.
I grabbed his hair, pushing him down there, he understood what I want, and he didn't disappoint.
We ended up having sex all afternoon, naked as the day that we're born.
A/N: Uh, I don't really have something to say so I'll just put the date 01/29
Just kidding. Thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed it so I won't end up wasting your precious time :)