2 days later (Thursday)
Lux's POV
I walk over toward the coffee machine this morning, where Trey was standing. And automatically feel relieved that Valerie is there in the kitchen as well. After last night, I knew that I had to be careful. It wasn't enough what he did to me two years ago but now he was threatening to do it again.
Was he threatening to do it again?
I didn't even know at this point.
"Lux, Trey is going to take you to school today. I have to show up early to work on Thursdays. Is that okay?"
No! I want to shout. But I bite my tongue instead and nod as I pour some coffee in my mug, "Yeah."
"I'll see you later to pick you up to take you to your session, right?"
I sigh, "Uhuh."
I didn't know which was worse.
Having to go to therapy and listening to the three of them talk about pointless things for an hour… or having to stay in a house with Trey and Valerie, pretending as if nothing ever happened.
"I'll see you later, honey," Valerie tells Trey as I'm forced to have to listen to them kiss behind me back.
Definitely staying here is worse.
I stood there silently pouring some sugar and cream into the coffee while I heard Valerie shut the door on her way out of the house. I shut my eyes as I feel Trey approaching me.
"I don't think I have to tell you how not to say anything to anyone about what happened the other night?" he asks as he stares at me with his beady blue eyes that I've grown to hate.
"I won't," I confirm while I take the first sip of my coffee.
"Because you know… I only agreed to take you in because it was what Valerie wanted. I don't think you really want to disappoint her twice, huh?"
"No."
"Good," he nods as he reaches for my wrist and I flinch a little. He holds it up for me to see, "Then, cover this bruise up. If you really want to get back to the way things were with her, you wouldn't give anyone a reason to attract attention."
I stare at the huge fingerprint bruise he left on my wrist the other day but nod my head, "Fine."
Stef's POV
I feel immediate relief when I hear a knock on the door and am able to make out Lux's blonde hair from the other side. After what happened on Tuesday, I wasn't really sure I could trust Fern but she was able to get Lux here, like she promised she would.
Fern gets up and walks over toward the door and opens it, "Lux… I'm glad you could make it."
"You act as if I had a choice, Fern," she tilts her head and fake-smiles before she walks in and takes a seat on the farthest chair from us. My daughter makes sure to barely make eye contact with any one of us in the process.
"Nice to see you too," Mike says with obvious sarcasm, causing for Lux to squint her eyes at him in confusion.
Fern walks over and takes a seat in front of all of us. "Okay. So this is what we're going to do—"
Lux interrupts her by sighing heavily and shaking her head.
"What is it, Lux?" Fern says out of annoyance.
"How many of these sessions are we going to have before all of you realize that this is a complete waste of time? I mean… I could be doing homework right now or something."
"You don't even go to school," Mike retorts.
"I go sometimes," our daughter responds back. "And you don't know if I have homework or not so—"
Lena buds in, "Okay, we're getting a little off track here."
"Agreed," Fern continues. "Lux, to answer your question, the faster you start cooperating, the faster we can all stop coming to these visits."
"Fine whatever. What is it that you want me to do?" the teen answers out of aggravation.
"Losing the attitude would be nice," Fern suggests.
"This isn't an attitude. This is my personality."
"No it's not," Fern shakes her head. "I've seen you many times before this and you were never this hostile."
"Who's being hostile? I'm just simply telling you that this is a waste of time," Lux shrugs her shoulders.
"Well, then pretend that it's not. Okay? Pretend like you actually want to be here."
Lux sits back in her chair and waits for everyone else to continue.
Lux's POV
If pretending was the only way to get out of this, then it was exactly what I was going to do.
"Alright, so let's get started. Who wants to go first?"
What the hell is she talking about?
I glance over at the other three and wait for one of them to say something. That's when I notice a piece of paper in Stef's hand that she's just staring at.
I sigh when neither of them says anything in response.
"Okay," Fern starts. "Well, uh… I asked your parents to write you a letter so that they can have time to process everything that they wanted to say and get it all down. Stef, Mike, would you like to just hand it over to her and she can read it or…"
Stef makes a face before she opens the letter. And when she opens her mouth nothing comes out. She shakes her head before glances up at me and then at Fern. "I don't… This is stupid," she says matter-of-factly as folds the paper back up.
"Honey," Lena tries to console as she puts her hand on top of Stef's hand.
"Why do you think it's stupid?" Fern asks.
Because it is, I want to tell her but I figure that my silence would be easier.
"Because… how is reading a letter of excuses going to fix any of this?"
"I agree," Mike buds in. "If we can't get through to her face to face, then how are we going to get through to her by writing on a piece of paper."
"Because sometimes it's easier for us to write the truth about how we feel than to say it… Stef, when you and Mike wrote that letter, were you honest?"
"Yes, but—"
"Then what's holding you back? …Look, I know that it is difficult for both of you to show this side of yourselves to your daughter, but she already did her part last session. It's time for you to do yours."
I did my part? I wonder.
I watch as Stef takes a deep breath and opens the letter again and glances it over one last time before she coughs nervously and begins to read it.
"Lux…" she stops and she stares at me before she puts her eyes back onto the loose-leaf paper, "Your father and I both know that you blame us for what happened the day you were born. And we now know that we should have expected it, since we've blamed ourselves for what happened ever since we found out the truth about you. Neither of us are happy about the decisions we made that day and I know they were made out of selfishness more than anything," she pauses again to look me in eye as if she was checking to see if I was still there in the room before she continues, "It was a spilt second decision that I made by myself and myself only…"
"Stef," Mike tries to stop her but she glances up and I can see both of her eyes are completely filled with tears.
"No Mike," she responds out of obvious frustration as she stares at him before putting her attention back onto the paper. "…It was so hard for me to spend all of those hours in the hospital room, hoping that in the end it would all be worth it… that we would get to see you for the first time and take you home with us," Stef's voice croaked at the end. "And when they told me you weren't breathing I… I couldn't bring myself to look at you. I felt that seeing you and holding you would have made it harder for me and it was already too hard after hearing that. I didn't think I could handle it and that and until this day that was one of my biggest regrets. And I blame myself even more than you blame me because I know that it was my job to have that strength to hold you. I took one quick glance and I couldn't do it… And because of that your father and I have missed all of those years of your life because of my decision I made that day. And that's why we've been acting so controlling. Because we finally have you in our lives again and we don't want to lose you… We understand that all of this is difficult for you because we haven't been completely honest with you about all of this. And I get that we have been telling you what to do nonstop since we've gotten you back and it's not something you're used to. That we are coming off as obsessive and it's only because every time we feel like we're in a good place with you, you try to leave us again and again…With the emancipation hearing, to leaving our house the second something happened, to calling Fern and getting a new placement, to even walking out on us on Tuesday. All of that running is constantly bringing up all of these emotions from us and it's causing us to react like this."
"So it's my fault?" I ask, causing everyone's eyes to look up at me.
"No, it's not," Stef tries to answer.
"Because I want to live the life I want to live. The life I've been planning for over five years… without you. And your hurt is my fault?"
Fern responds next, "Lux, that's not what she's saying."
I shake my head, "Then what is she saying?"
"Your parents want to have you back in their lives."
"Well that's not what I want," I try to assure her.
"Then why are you here right now?"
"Because you're forcing me to be here. You're—"
"No one can force you to be here, Lux. You may not realize it right now… but you must want to make things work with them too, somewhere deep down."
"Then fine," I say as I stand up. "Then I'll leave. Will that make it anymore clearer?" I continue as I walk toward the door.
"Then why do you look like you want to cry?" Fern follows me. "You and I both know that something your mother said made you think. What was it?"
I shake my head and keep walking, mainly so that none of them would see the tears that I had no control over.
Stef's POV
"Lux!" I yell after her as I stand up and walk towards the door, but Fern gets in my way.
"Let her go."
"Let her go? You just told her that she doesn't have to come back here anymore. What do you mean let her go?"
"She feels crowded. She needs some space."
"And I need to make sure that this isn't the last time I see her," I retort in an angrier voice, letting the woman know that I had no intention of listening to her advice at the moment.
"Honey," my wife chastises but I ignore her too.
"Nice job," I hear Mike tell Fern and after a few seconds the door closes right behind me.
I quickly glance at the elevator and realize that it's going down, so Lux might already be on it if she didn't already head for the stairs.
Though I wasn't going to waste time listening to Fern.
Sure she was the safe route.
But I wasn't going to make the same mistake I made before.
I quickly make my way to the door with the staircase symbol on it, knowing very well that I may just make this situation even worse by following her. But it was a now or never situation and I was the only one who understood that.
When I finally make my way down the steps, I notice my daughter exiting behind the glass doors. And out of utter panic I yell out for her, "Lux, wait!"
She keeps going.
I was beginning to hate chasing after her.
It felt like the day that we both left the hospital all over again.
She didn't care about the results because she had no intention of beating herself up over them.
While I on the other hand, was already beginning to realize the truth.
"LUX" I yell again and once she's already outside she finally turns around to answer me.
"What? What is it that you want from me?"
It's not until now, that I realize the slight redness in her eyes. But I can tell that she's trying to block that off with the anger in her voice.
"I just want to talk to you. Please? With no Fern, no Mike… Can you please just let me finish—"
"It's not like it's going to change anything," she shakes her head. "Isn't that why you wrote the letter? So that you can get me to feel sorry for you? So that we can prove Fern right and you and Mike can just get to start over as if the past fourteen years didn't happen and I—"
"No," I respond in a harsher tone than I intended. I take a deep breath before I take a couple more steps toward her, "…This has nothing to do with Fern and everything to do with you... Don't you think that we know we've missed a lot, Lux? Don't you think we're sorry for not being there and we've been trying to make it up to you ever since?" I pause when I see her staring off into another direction as if by not seeing me she can avoid my presence completely. I was beginning to hate that habit of hers more than anything now. "…But how long are you going to keep punishing us for something that we can't change? …How long until you actually forgive us?" I ask as I try to reach for her arm and that's when I notice something by her wrist. "What is that?" I ask as I grab hold of her upper wrist to examine the bruise.
"It's nothing," she responds as she tries to pull her hand back toward her body but I don't let it go right away as I examine the fresh purple pattern.
"This isn't nothing, Lux. Who did this to you?" I respond in a much firmer tone. I wasn't stupid. I knew I finger print bruise when I saw one.
"Can you just stop being a cop for two seconds?" she snaps as she pulls her hand back completely. "Do you not get it? Maybe that's our problem. Your position makes you so obsessed with having authority all of the time that you don't accept anything less. God forbid you're not in control of every thing and everyone in your world."
"Lux, don't change the subject," I interrupt when I notice what she was doing. Whether she felt that way or not was irrelevant at the moment.
"Why? Because it's not something that you want to talk about?" she continues before she begins to walk away.
"Baby, please?" I beg her to turn around as I reach for her arm.
"Let go of me!" she yells as she tries to push my hand away, but someone else interrupts us.
"Get your hands off of her," I hear a woman yell from the side of us.
I turn around and notice a tall brunette, who looks to be a few years older than me. But at first glance I don't recognize her right away. And out of confusion I release my hold on my daughter. "Who the hell are you?"
She ignores me, "Lux, go wait in the car. Here are my keys," she says as she hands them over to her. Not surprisingly, Lux grabs the keys from her hand and speeds off. After she's far enough, I cross my arms over my chest as I stare hard at the woman.
She speaks, "I'm Valerie, Lux's mom and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't put your hands on my daughter again."
"What? Her foster mom?"
"No… she calls me her mom. And the next time she asks you to let her go, you let her go."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. You may have given birth to her but I raised that little girl. You don't get to put your filthy hands on her."
I ignore the desperate urge to punch Valerie in the face and all of the questions about what she just said that are popping up in my mind. "Where did she get that bruise?"
"What bruise?"
"The one on her wrist!" I shout back. "Did you give it to her?" I ask accusingly.
"The only person I've seen grab hold of Lux was you. And the cameras outside of this building saw it too," she points to two cameras nearest to us. "I suggest you think about that before you begin to make false allegations."
That's when I remember where I recognized the woman from. She was the one talking to Lux outside of the supermarket that day we left the hospital, the one she appeared to be afraid of.
Immediately I grab hold of her own arm before I give her the satisfaction of walking away unscathed. "If you ever put your hands on my daughter again, I will see to it that it's the last thing you'll ever do," I threaten. And at this point I don't have a care in the world for the possibility losing my job or the camera staring right at me.
She releases herself from my grip before she walks toward the car, "Same goes for you…"
I force myself to take in a deep breath as I stare after her. And the only reason I let her go is because I've already managed to memorize the license plate number…