Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Twilight Series

6

Choices

I woke up early in the morning, not blissfully as I would've liked. Rather, I woke up with a head full of thoughts. I could feel every moment of the night previous; every tight and tense moment.

I wanted it to go away. I wanted to be able to think clearly. I wanted everything to make sense. Why were these feelings with Quil suddenly surfacing? How did he feel? He seemed conflicted. Did he feel bad for me? Did he feel something for me that he felt he shouldn't? But why shouldn't he?

Every thought in my mind led back to one thing.

Imprinting.

If I could understand what imprinting was, god forbid anyone should want to explain to me, then maybe everything would fall into place. I had no reason for that to be true, but I let myself hope regardless.

The morning turned from slow to fast. I got on my bike, planning to calmly talk to Sam about what was going on in my life. But the more I rode, the faster I pedalled and the more anxious I became. I started breathing heavily, pedalling faster, and thinking a million miles a minute.

The sound of the wheels turning, the branches crunching below the rubber tires and the thoughts in my mind all halted when I arrived at the Uley household.

I couldn't take it anymore. No one would say a revealing word to me. It was always 'talk to Sam' or 'Ask Sam'. If no one was going to tell me, then I surely doubted anyone on the planet ever would - except for Sam.

I knocked on the door. And then I knocked again. And then again.

Emily opened the door, smiling and laughing in the doorway. "In a hurry, kiddo?"

I brushed past her, planting my feet firmly on their hardwood floor, establishing my place in their home, hoping that that alone would be enough for me to will myself to stay and follow through. "Where's Sam?"

"He's in the bedroom getting change." Emily walked over to the little round table, rejoining her cup of coffee I had taken her away from. "It's quite early, you know."

"I need to talk to him."

"About what?"

I spun around, watching Sam emerge from the hallway, doing up the buttons on his plaid flannel. Just seeing his mean-looking face made me start to sweat all over. Why did it feel so wrong to ask? Why was it so hard? "I need to talk to you about..." I trailed off, holding my breath. "About..."

Sam's eyebrows rose as he walked to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. He grabbed the piping hot cup in his hands, unfazed by how hot it was, walking over to the table and sitting down beside Emily. "About what, Claire?"

"About imprinting." I said it softly, quietly, and timidly, almost hoping he wouldn't hear me.

Of course he heard me. Sam heard everything. He looked at me, and without skipping a beat, he said, "Nothing to concern yourself with, Claire."

My nervousness was quick to turn into annoyance as I reached into my book bag and pulled out the old, blue book. I just barely tossed it, letting it dramatically slap onto the wooden table. "It's my concern, Sam. It always has been, hasn't it?"

Sam pushed the book away from him, back towards me. "You're not ready."

"Even Quil won't tell me. Everyone is telling me to talk to you about it."

"You shouldn't be asking anyone about imprinting, especially Quil."

"Why especially Quil?" Sam didn't answer. I was looking for a trigger - something to get him to take me seriously. "I kissed Quil."

His eyes snapped to me, a look of shock and confusion rushing over his face in a second before his facial expression returned to normal. He nodded slowly, gesturing to the chair. I let out a breath and sat down, watching as Sam got comfortable in his chair. "I don't want you to be scared or confused, Claire. Imprinting is a very hard concept to grasp and to understand." He looked at me like he used to when I was just a child. "You're so young. I wasn't expecting to have to do this so soon."

Emily laid her hand over Sam's, giving him a nod of encouragement. "She will understand, Sam, just like I did."

My eyes were trained to Sam, watching every little move he made, careful to watch for giveaways. "What does that mean?"

Sam looked at me with his dark and intimidating eyes. "What do you know?"

"Very little," I said honestly, glancing at the book for a millisecond, not wanting to take my eyes off of Sam. "Just something about it being a wolf thing, being bound to someone, being priority, soulamate-type thing, and...the whole thing being involuntary." The last word tasted like dirt in my mouth; involuntary. It disgusted me.

Sam didn't hesitate much before jumping right in. I was sure he had practiced the entire speech in his mind for a very long time. "Shape-shifters, at some point, will imprint. Jared and Kim, Embry and Dani, Paul and Rachel -" He squeezed Emily's hands. "And Emily and I. When he imprints, the imprintee will become his world, his priority, the most important thing in the world to him, above everything else, with the only exception of his pack."

I nodded slowly. "Ok. Keep going."

"The imprinter will do anything for his imprintee. He lives to please her. He lives to protect her. She is his soulmate. He would change anything and everything for her. He will be whatever she needs him to be. He will do whatever she needs him to do."

I let out a struggling breath. "Why even imprint? Falling in love with that person isn't enough?"

"No one know for sure. It's my belief that the imprinter will imprint on their "perfect match" - someone they will have the highest chance to reproduce with, to carry on the shape-shifting gene and ensure the survival of our species. Billy Black thinks its design is to make the imprinter stronger, but neither theories have ever been proven to be true."

"So when the imprinter chooses -"

"He doesn't."

"What?"

"Choose."

Involuntary. The pain in my heart grew. "Neither of them get to choose?"

"The imprinter doesn't choose who he imprints on. The imprintee can choose whether to accept him as her soulmate."

I asked a question I was almost scared to hear the answer to. "And what if she doesn't?"

Sam had a hardened glare. "It's very unlikely to happen. It's virtually impossible. The imprintee should be a perfect match for the imprinter. He would be anything she wants or -"

"But if it did happen?" I watched him carefully. "What would he do?"

"It would be a indescribable pain." He moved on quickly. "But if that was truly what she wanted - what she needed - then the imprinter would do that for her."

"And live out the rest of his life sad and alone, only living for the hope that she will one day return to him? Is that correct?"

"Yes." Same seemed so calm. He wasn't the least bit concerned of how awful it all was sounding. "Claire -" His everything softened. "All of the people I have known to imprint have been happy. The imprintee is happy. Everyone is happy. This is nature ensuring our happiness and survival. Nature's forces are helping us, not hurting us."

"But you guys don't even have a choice. What if you love someone else or you're dating someone else and then you imprint? How is that fair to anyone?"

"Claire -"

"It's not! I -"

"Claire, when you came to visit when you were three and Quil imprinted on you -"

I sucked in a breath, my eyes glossing over almost instantly. I pushed myself from the table, standing up, holding my hand over my mouth. I paced for a second or two, replaying the sentence Sam had just said over and over.

When Quil imprinted on you.

Of course that was a thought that came into my mind, but the more I started to learn, the more I wanted it all not to be true. I didn't want Quil to have imprinted on me. I wanted him to have a choice. Suddenly, every happy moment in my life with Quil felt very played out and insincere. Every moment I was picturing, I was picturing Quil being stuck. There was no version of any memory anymore where Quil actually wanted to spend time with me.

"Quil...imprinted of me." I looked between Sam and Emily. "He didn't choose me. He got stuck with me."

Emily stood quickly, her kind voice and hands working quickly. "No, Claire." Her hands landed on my shoulders and arms, rubbing comfortably. "Quil loves you. He imprinted on you. You are the most important thing to him. You're his soulmate, Claire, and I know you think he's yours."

Of course I felt like Quil was my soulmate! He had been with me through my whole life. He was the person I was closest too. He was the only person in the world I would do anything for and not question it. But what if I only felt that way because Quil imprinted on me?

I shook my head, taking a step away from her. "I need time." I grabbed my book bag and the old, blue book, jogging towards the door. "To think." I ran out of the house, getting onto my bike and riding off as quick as I could pedal. I was in a low gear and I felt the pedals moving fast than my feet. I pulled my feet up, the feeling of the pedals slamming against my feet causing me to seethe. In the state I was in, I switched gears without pedaling and without thinking. The sudden switch of gears cause my bike to halt, launching me forward.

My body hit the ground with a thud. I rolled for a short second, coming to a stop on my side. I groaned, feeling the immediate internal ache in my arm and leg. The external pain was my knees and my cheek. For a moment, I just laid there, taking a couple of deeps breaths. And then I planted my hands on the ground, pushing myself up to stand. I wiped the dirt and rocks from the wide scrapes on my knees. I reached up and wiped my cheek, suspecting another scrape across there.

I leaned down, pulling my bike up from the handle bars and climbing back onto it. I couldn't handle sitting there and allowing myself to think. I only needed to be back home, where I felt safe and comfortable.

I smoothed the thick gel over the red marks on my knees, biting my lips as I did. Washing them out hurt, but this was somehow worse, but the instant relief that came with the gel once I had finished rubbing it in was wort it.

I moved onto my cheek, the door swinging open for Leah to grab something from the cabinet.

"What happened?" She watched my careful, the concern clear on her face.

"I fell off my bike."

Her concern turned to annoyance. "Well, were you wearing a helmet?"

"Obviously not," I snapped back, screwing the lid back onto the magical gel, throwing it into the drawer and pushing past her into the hallway.

Just before my bedroom door closed, she yelled, "Serves you right, then!"

The door to my bedroom slammed and I groaned loudly, throwing my book bag onto my bed. The old, blue book peeked out of the edge. Looking at that book - at the very thing that started all this mess about imprinting - the anger inside of me was like anything I had ever felt.

It wasn't fair to Quil! It wasn't fair to me! He didn't ask for this! I didn't ask for this! What the hell was I supposed to do now?!

I grabbed the book, letting it fall open in my hands. I took that as I sign for the go ahead to cast a firm grip around about twenty pages or so and just rip. I ripped and ripped and kept going until the area around me was covered in sad pages and all that was left between the two covers of the book were a couple of small spots that I didn't feel the precision to get. And then I tossed the book against the room, falling onto my bed and sighing.

It took about thirty seconds for Leah to barge in from the noise, see the mess, and go off. "What in the hell are you doing?"

I spun around to face her, feeling a wild and burning anger I never recalled ever feeling in my entire life. "How could you not tell me?! How could you not tell me that Quil imprinted on me?" She opened her mouth to speak, but I wouldn't let her. "You just watched your entire life as Quil was stuck with me? And no one has said anything to me!"

Leah wasn't the person with the soft demeanor. When someone yelled at her, she was going to yell back, and that was exactly what she did. "We had to wait, Claire! It would've been too overwhelming for you to know at such a young age. You're too young now to know." She shook her head, anger evident all over her face and body. "Sam told you. Why would he do that?"

I had realized my face was wet with tears until I reached up to touch the sting on my cheek. I let my hand fall away, looking Leah in the eyes. I was done yelling. The anger was gone and the sadness that replaced it was overbearing. "I kissed Quil." I sobbed, sinking to the floor, feeling the side of my bed dig into my spine as I wrapped my knees up into my chest.

"Claire..." Leah immediately sunk down also, on her knees in front of me. "I know it's hard to understand."

"It's impossible to understand!" I told her, just as confused and worried as ever. "Quil imprinted on me. He never chose me! If he hadn't imprinted on me, he would've just been another guy in the pack, like Paul or Jake! He would have never become close with me if the universe hadn't forced him to!" Leah tried to reach out for me, but I moved away. "None of the feelings he has for me are real." I looked at her, saddened beyond belief. "And you all watched and let me fall in love with him over and over again knowing that."

"It's real, Claire."

It sounded so insincere, so fake coming from her mouth. She didn't believe a word she was saying, so why was she trying to convince me?

"Get out." I didn't want to hear whatever speech she was going to force herself to tell me. Knowing how she really felt about imprinting was enough for me to solidify my own beliefs. I stood quickly, crawling onto my bed and sliding under the covers. I waited until I heard Leah stand and leave to continue crying to myself.

I cried until I had a headache. And then I waited for the headache to leave, falling asleep in the process.