The Christmas party that Finch threw was in full swing. Candles were lit everywhere along with white lights giving it an intimate glow. In the corner of the hall was a large Christmas tree beautifully decorated in gold, silver, and white lights. All around Joss were her friends, former numbers, and allies they met along the way. Some were dancing on the dance floor while others were loitering around talking and laughing. But one thing was glaringly obvious: John looked overwhelmed and everyone was thoroughly bummed that he didn't remember them. Harold advised the party-goers to give John half-truths as he didn't know he was the badass vigilante that saved them.

Her eyes sought out John, who sat a few chairs down from her, seated with Harold and Grace on one side, and Logan Pierce on the other side. Unfortunately it had taken her quite a bit of time to select the perfect dress which made her fashionably late but also unable to choose the seating herself. John didn't know to save her a seat beside him because all he thought them to be were friends. Joss groaned as lusty thoughts drifted through her mind as she watched John suck on the candy cane that Shaw practically forced in his mouth.

Shaw was dead.

That dwarf knew just what she was doing giving him that to incite her, all because Shaw didn't appreciate the way she was approaching John's memory loss. Shaw wanted her to just slip into his bed and help him remember their relationship, not for Joss but for Shaw's own selfish gain but Joss knew: Shaw missed John. Her tiny angry friend had only just escaped from Decima and Samaritan for a couple weeks before all hell broke loose with the plan of bringing down Samaritan with the virus. She supposed Shaw wanted to get back to normal and she couldn't do that without her partner.

Joss noticed Zoe, dressed as exotically beautiful as always, walking over to speak to John. A surge of something akin to jealousy rose inside her at the smile he gave Zoe before watching with mounting anger as he stood with Zoe and they moved to the dance floor just as a slow Christmas love song began to play. Her hands curled into tight balls as she watched Zoe step closer to John as it seemed she was whispering something in his ear.

"You should go cut in…."

Joss forced her gaze off John and onto whom the voice belonged to, which so happened to be Shaw, as she sat down beside her. "Why don't you go dance with your girlfriend?" Joss suggested, not wanting to argue about John again.

Shaw scoffed. "Christmas music is lame. Do I look like the type to dance to Jingle Bell Rock?" she all but growled.

Joss smirked. "No, but you're also not the type of someone I'm going to take unsolicited advice from," she murmured as her eyes drifted back on the pair on the dance floor, feeling her smirk fade and replaced with an angry scowl.

"Is that true even when I'm right?" Shaw demanded.

Joss turned to glower at Shaw and noted with dismay the gleam in her eyes over her irritation. "You're the one that suggested to Zoe to ask John to dance weren't you," she stated rather than asked.

"Who me?" Shaw said, while trying to sound innocent but the woman was a wolf in sheep's clothes. Joss just eyed her and waited. And as suspected Shaw folded as her innocent look faded as it turned wicked. "Still nothing gets by you. If you weren't Reese's I'd take a stab at you," Shaw murmured almost dreamily.

She rolled her eyes in response. "You're happy with Root and stop changing the subject Shaw. I am not going to do what you want; I don't want John stressed and pressured to remember a love and then be unable to. He's been through enough and is finally beginning to remember," she stated, feeling like a broken record. "And how the hell did you convince Zoe to dance with John, she was on my side about how to handle things with him."

"I owe her a favor in the future, you know how fixers are," Shaw explained as she chugged down the last of her champagne. "What did he remember?"

"He remembered the night we met but not our actual meeting. He didn't remember being a homeless man but John did recall the ass kicking he gave the four punks on the subway."

Shaw sighed impatiently. "It's not much," she complained.

"But it's a start." Joss repeated the same thing she had said to John to Shaw. "And that's because we are following doctor's orders, Shaw. I'm going to stay the course no matter how long it takes because John's worth it."

"Fine, be miserable, Carter. See if I help you out anymore." Shaw stated angrily as she stood.

Joss refrained from saying she never wanted her help in the first place because she knew when to give Shaw the last word. The tiny angry Persian wasn't the most patient person, neither was she, but for John she'd do anything. Her eyes found John and Zoe, and a wave of possessiveness washed over her. She caught Zoe's gaze who gave her a subtle nod. What was the harm in dancing with John? Maybe he might remember holding her. Joss waited until the song was over before climbing to her feet, not about to let Shaw think her plan worked, and headed her way over to the pair as they were just separating. Last Christmas began playing just as John turned.

"May I have this dance?" Joss asked.

John smiled a little as he stepped towards her and pulled her close, and they began swaying with the music. She was staring up into his eyes and he felt a little uncertain. "Did you remember anything since this morning?" she requested softly.

He shook his head. "No," he answered. John knew his memories were there but just out of reach. It was like an old TV, the antenna needed adjusting to find the right channel, but he didn't know which way to move it. He'd get glimpses and then they would be gone before he could make anything out. It gave him hope but he was growing more discouraged every day. His gaze found hers and he held her closer. Something about Joss calmed him. It felt like his body recognized her while his mind couldn't. She said they were friends but what he felt around her wasn't remotely friendly which left him even more confused. Dr. Campbell thought he should tell Joss but he was scared to; what if when he remembered his life again, he'd know that they were nothing but friends and he ruined it by developing feelings she didn't share.

The music went on and he danced with her though never letting things get too close and when the song ended he stepped back. "I think I'm danced out." he admitted needing a little space from this woman, who was just a friend. John brushed past her and headed for their table not noticing everyone watching them.

Joss felt tears burn the backs of her eyes because this was sheer torture. She had been so close to just blurting out the truth because she couldn't take it anymore. Being in his arms just reminded her exactly what she's been missing these last few months and it was unbearable. They were connected in a way she never was with anyone else and it felt severed, and she physically ached from it.

"Joss…."

She blinked at the sound of her name and turned her head, only then realizing she was standing in the middle of the dance floor, looking stupid without a partner, seeing pitying glances her way, but focused on Iris who called for her.

Joss moved over to Iris and Lionel, ignoring the sympathetic gazes as she did. Lionel nudged Iris forward as he said; "Iris has something to tell you."

Joss watched as the couple shared a long look and Iris sighed as she looked at her.

"I need you to understand Joss that I thought about this long and hard. I wasn't going to say anything but then I saw you and John dancing, and decided to confide in the man I'm falling in love with," she stated primly. Lionel grabbed a hold of her hand and smiled encouragingly. "I'm breaking patient/doctor confidentiality by discussing what John said in a session. But I know how much John means to both of you so ethics goes straight out the window when I know I can help."

Joss wasn't in the mood for another person to give her their unwanted advice on how to handle what was going on. "Listen Iris, I don't want to hear how to handle John's amnesia…"

Iris cut her off; "John admitted in a session to having feelings for you which I then urged him to tell you about but he declined doing so claiming that he was told you two were only friends. I tried every trick in my therapist repertoire to get him to confess his feelings to you so you could come clean about the true nature of your relationship, but he clammed up and ended our session early," Iris finished as she wrung her hands together looking remorseful but yet hopeful at the same time.

Joss just gaped at Iris. "Are they memories of his love for me or has he developed new feelings for me?" she asked rather breathlessly.

"Honestly, he didn't specify how deep these feelings are but in my professional opinion I believe his head can't catch up with his heart. John is in love with you, Joss, but to him these feelings he's having are new because he can't remember feeling them before, and it's upsetting him since he only believes you two to be just friends," Iris murmured gently as a reassuring smile filled her petite face. "And if I might add, throwing professionalism out of the equation, Joss, I think you should tell him the truth about your relationship."

God, did she want to also, but he was beginning to remember and would telling him impede his recovery? Half of her wanted to be selfish and tell him so she wouldn't feel like a hole was in place of where her heart should be. But the other half, the unselfish part of her, couldn't fathom putting her needs over John's. He was so selfless and needed someone to put him first for once.

"I can't Iris. His doctors said no stress and telling him the truth especially after letting him believe we were just friends for months now would be beyond stressful."

Iris frowned but it was Lionel who spoke; "Carter, the big guy is already stressed and anxious. He knows everyone knows things about him and knows there are things off about himself that he can't quite decipher on his own. We've tried the 'not telling him way' without results so maybe by telling him the truth about the two of you might trigger his memories and we all get our big guy back."

She looked to John as he sat talking quietly with Harold turning over Fusco's words in her mind. Her decision made, even if it was a bad one, she headed straight for John as Harper, Logan, and Joey all stepped aside so she had a clear path to him.

"Make him remember me, his best friend," Logan said as she bypassed him.

Joss rolled her eyes but didn't stop, for anyone or anything, until she was directly in front of him and waited for him to look up. John did and she couldn't help but notice the grin on Shaw's face. Apparently everyone at the table knew what she was about to do. Joss realized she was painfully transparent but she couldn't find it in her to care.

"Can we go somewhere to talk, John?" she asked with an intense gaze. Then shifted it off John and looked from Harold, to Shaw and Root, and then back to John. "Alone." she stated tersely.

"Uh, sure…we can talk out in the lobby area." he offered, glancing around the table and room seeing the stupid grins on everyone's faces and unsure of what was going on.

She nodded. "I'll be out there in a second," she murmured. John frowned as he stood feeling as though everyone knew what was happening except for him. He strode for the doors that led to the lobby exasperated.

John exited the banquet hall and loitered around the empty lobby waiting for Joss. It was cooler out there and he stood off to the side. When she exited the banquet hall, the music growing loud and then quiet as the door swung closed behind her, she didn't immediately see him and he looked her over. Inside the banquet hall it was dimmed low so the Christmas lights and candles could illuminate the room. Out in the lobby under the fluorescent lights he got to see everything he couldn't see earlier. But Joss was simply gorgeous in the emerald green backless skintight dress that had a sheer turtleneck. It looked like it was made for her. The hem went mid-thigh and it was sleeveless with a diamond shape cutout above the swell of her breasts. It made him salivate but it shouldn't because they were just friends, right?

Joss turned and finally found him. "Stop trying to blend in John," she admonished with a small smile on her nice full looking lips.

He shrugged as a smile tilted up his. "Habits are hard to break." he replied.

Her gaze turned sharp. "And how do you know that you have a habit of trying to blend in with your surroundings?" she asked. John frowned and then furrowed his brows. How did he know that? "Never mind John, I wanted to talk to you about something personal."

"Okay, about what?"

She moved close to him as her eyes searched his gaze. "About something you should know about yourself. I wasn't going to say anything because the doctors told us that undue stress wasn't good for you, and I didn't want to pressure you into remembering something you couldn't," she explained as she inched closer to him. "But I can't keep it from you any longer."

"And what don't I remember, Carter?" he questioned. Finally, someone was going to tell him something. It irritated him that none of his friends or colleagues would tell him about himself. No one wanted him stressed but he was stressed by everyone knowing things about him and not sharing.

"This," she said as she reached up and cupped his cheeks to tug his head down and kissed him. His startled gasp was demoralizing but when his arms came around her, crushing her body to his and responded to her kiss with urgency, her heart exploded in happiness. His mind might not remember her but his body and soul sure the hell did.

Joss readily let him take control of the kiss and basked in his embrace because it felt like forever since they last kissed. Their last kiss was of the 'goodbye-and-you-better-make-it-or-I'm-going-to-hate-you' kind. This, this was passionate and evoking sensations that lied dormant for months now and her knees went weak as he dipped her back, and she looped her arms around his neck enjoying the feeling of falling and having his strong arms keeping her from doing so. John's mouth was incessant and demanding as he coaxed her lips to part, and when they did he rewarded her with his tongue playing along with hers. He kept kissing her and kissing her until finally after several desperate moments it ended with them both breathing in raggedly.

She clung to his muscular frame for support to remain upright. Her legs had suddenly gone all jelly like. His lips were ruddy from her lipstick, and wet and enticing. He looked about how she felt…aroused. "We're not just friends are we, Joss?" he asked, voice thick and raspy making her shiver as memories of that voice calling her name in the throes of pleasure.

It made her yearn for him to remember even more. Joss noted he still hadn't let her go but had straightened them. "No, we're not just friends." she answered and felt bereft as he let her go and took a few steps back.

"Why are you just now telling me?" he demanded, angry she let him believe something that wasn't true. He had been agonizing over the feelings he was having for her when obviously they shared a romantic relationship.

Joss sighed and licked her thoroughly kissed lips. "There's so much about yourself you don't know, John, our relationship is just the tip of the iceberg," she admitted quietly, risking a glance up to look in his beautiful eyes. Joss saw the anger but also desire, confusion, and frustration swimming there too. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and promise things would get better but she didn't know if that was true. She didn't know if John would ever remember her or his previous life. But she wasn't going to give up. If he couldn't remember her than she'd make him fall in love with her all over again; surely it wouldn't be difficult since the feelings were still there even if he couldn't remember them.

"I'm not a cop am I?" he asked gruffly. John tried to swallow the growing panic he was feeling. Everything he believed wasn't true, so who the hell was he? Why did everyone lie? Was there a reason to lie?

Joss met his gaze head on. "You are and not, John. Your alias Riley is a cop. But your other alias used to work on Wall Street. Your other alias is an Assets manager. And another is a wealthy multimillionaire." she said softly and his eyes widened. "The real you, the one you want to know about is a soldier and did whatever necessary for his country and to protect people."

"Who the hell am I?" he rasped.

"I can tell you that." Joss looked away from John at the sound of Finch's voice. Her eyes widened as she saw all their friends standing in the doorway looking very much like the nosy busybodies they were, so much for their promises to keep out of it. John seemed just as surprised as she was to see they had gathered an audience. "I know everything there is to know about you, Mr. Reese." All eyes strayed to John to see if he'd react to the alias he was given in the CIA. There was zero recognition and Joss felt herself deflate even more in disappointment. He didn't remember her after their kiss, and he didn't remember himself after hearing the name he'd been for a long time. "Perhaps it's best if it's just me and John."

She wanted to refuse but Harold was always with John, working the numbers, and could explain the super computers far better than she could, and they've been friends. Swallowing her pride she nodded. "Maybe it's for the best," she agreed. "But the moment he begins to exhibit symptoms of a migraine you should stop."

John narrowed his eyes on Joss. "How do you know I suffer from migraines?" he demanded.

"My mother has had them for years and I learned to recognize the signs. I'm sure Finch can be brought up to speed about them from Shaw before you two sit down. I need to go make an appearance at my ex-husband's Christmas party and pick up my son." she said before looking up into John's eyes and lifted a hand to palm his cheek. "Take it easy, I want the man I love back," she whispered. His lips parted in surprise but she brushed past him, letting her hand fall away, and left to go grab her things without a backwards glance.

AN: And here we go :)

Thank you for reading!