"Why'd you pick this place?" Reno asked Rude as they entered the clean bar. He preferred dirty dives or high-class ritzy ones. The drinks were the best and the women even better. Average places like this reminded him of the neighborhood he grew up in.
"The barkeeper is a real treat to look at, but please don't make her mad." Rude answered as they sat down at a booth.
"Whatever man." Reno muttered. He hated trying to pick up chicks in places like this. They tended to be more interested in getting white picket fences than a coveted spot in his little black book. And if they reminded him of his mother too much, he couldn't perform and he hated that even more.
"What can I get for…oh, hello Rude." Tifa said as she looked at the two of them. "The usual?"
"Yes please, Tifa. And the same for my friend here." he replied.
"Does your friend have a name?" Tifa asked. Why did he stare at her so peculiarly almost like he was afraid of her?
"This is Reno." Rude enjoyed the rare experience of rendering his long-time partner speechless.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Reno blurted out after Tifa headed back to the bar to get their orders, wondering why the redhead seemed familiar to her.
"Yep." Rude smiled at his friend's discomfort. "She grew up pretty, didn't she?"
"Yeah, but…" Reno floundered mentally for an excuse. "She's too innocent. I bet every woman in here is still a virgin!"
"Not like you, eh buddy?" Rude was used to his conquest bragging by now.
"Nope." Reno's expression turned smug.
"Care to buy me one too, handsome?" a female voice asked, startling Richard, and he turned around to see a girl around his own age looking up at him. Her blonde hair was crimped and she had so much eye makeup on he wasn't sure what color they were. His eyes traveled downward more and stopped when he realized she was wearing a low-cut top that easily teased his hormonal self.
"Uh, sure." Richard agreed, trying out the new voice he had been trying to practice to make himself sound cooler. A pretty girl had called him handsome! He grabbed another microwavable burger and took it to the cashier, who looked at her and then him and just shrugged.
"You wouldn't happen to have a car too, would you?" she asked as she took the burger from him and walked over to the microwave.
"Yeah, do you need a ride somewhere?" he inquired.
"Something like that." she said and smiled at him.
Before Richard knew what was going on, he and the girl were in the backseat of the used car his parents bought him and unfamiliar but welcome sensations were flooding through him as she expertly kissed him. "What are you doing?" he nearly shrieked when she unzipped his ratty jeans and stuck her hand into his boxers.
"Don't worry, I have a condom." the blonde reached down into her pocket and pulled it out with her free hand to show him. "See?"
Richard, loudly moaning as he became larger and harder in her hand, eagerly snatched the condom from her, only to drop it as his nervous fingers tried to rip it open. "No!" he shrieked.
"You clumsy jerk!" she exclaimed. "You better find it or I'm outta here."
"I will, just gimme a sec!" Richard desperately looked for it, not wanting to give up his first chance at sex. He had tried asking one of the girls in the D&D club, but he only got slapped in the face for his troubles. It was hard for his new lanky body to maneuver in the backseat, especially with company and in the comprising position he was in, but he did his best. "Here it is!" he exclaimed happily. It had fallen under his cloak, which he was supposed to take to the dry cleaners before storing it away.
"What's that?" she asked, referring to the cloak.
"Oh, um, just a funny blanket." he said as he started to toss it up front.
"You might wanna cover us with it…you don't wanna moon the whole parking lot, do you? They might spoil our fun then." she pointed out.
Richard didn't wanna stop, so he did what she said. Next was putting the condom on, and he had a little trouble with it, but he managed as the blonde got more and more impatient with him. Realizing that now he was actually going to have sex, he froze momentarily, further frustrating his companion.
"Oh, come on!" she snapped. Richard was shocked again when she moved a little and suddenly he was inside her. Trying to play it off like he knew what he was doing, he started emulating what he had seen on TV.
"Yeah, baby!" he nearly shouted as he let his body guide him on what to do next. The intense feelings grew stronger and stronger within him, just as his vocal utterances grew louder and louder, until everything just burst. As he became aware of his surroundings again, he noticed she looked disappointed and was going to ask why when suddenly there was a pounding on the window.
"Janey, I know you're in there! Get out here this instant!" a gruff voice bellowed.
"Oh dammit, it's my sister. Hurry up and get off me, I've got to get dressed again." Janey said.
The door opened before that happened, and Richard found himself being hauled out of the car half-naked, coming face to face with Janey's older sister, though Richard didn't think she was very feminine, from the back he might have mistaken her for a man. "Can I help you?" he asked in a unwillingly high-pitched voice.
"Yeah, you can give me your keys." the woman said.
"Here they are, Bertha." Janey took them out of her pocket and handed them to her sister. "Speedy Gonzalez here wasn't even worth it."
"What's going on ?" he asked.
"She was gonna steal your car after she got you in a compromising position, you poor sap." Bertha explained.
"I should have too, but he looked like more fun than he turned out to be." Janey complained.
Now I'm just gonna use it to take my sister home, you can find it here again in the morning….what's your name, honey?" Bertha examined Richard more closely.
He realized he was in trouble, so he tried to say his name and "We no speak English." at the same time, and it came out jumbled.
"Reno? Is that what you said?" Bertha asked, then shrugged. "You're cute for a toothpick."
"Hey, you can't take my car!" Richard protested as the sisters got in the front seats.
"We can and we are. Here, use your funny blanket to get home." Janey threw it out the window at him as they drove off.
Richard stared blankly after them, wondering what he was supposed to do…his pants were still around his ankles and he couldn't very well pull them up and fasten them cause he still had the condom on…and his shirt was still in the car too. Sighing, he picked up the cloak and used it to cover his front as best he could as he shuffled back into the 7-11. Grabbing all the pennies in the little collection tray by the register, he was blushing as he handed them to the cashier. "I…um…need some nickels and dimes for the pay phone so I can call my parents please."
"Seriously man, what is your problem with Tifa?" Rude asked Reno, feeling exasperated with his partner's reluctance to have anything to do with her. "It's not like she's holding a grudge for our previous run-ins when she was with AVALANCHE or anything. She's a nice girl."
"Think what you what man, but she's trouble for me." Reno insisted.
"Tell you this much, we're Turks. Man up and quit being afraid of her." Rude gave his final opinion on the matter.
Tifa was surprised to have a knock on her door so late at night. Looking through the peephole, she was surprised to see it was Reno. "Can I help you?" she asked.
Reno took a mental deep breath before speaking. Rude was right, he needed to face his fear and prove that she couldn't steal his manhood. "I was just wondering if you're available to have sex."