June 2011

"Daniel, can you please get the baby?" Vala called as she stood in Lukas' room, changing the one year old, and listening to the new baby, Alexandra, wail from her nursery. The baby was just ten days old, and she was anything but the same as Lukas was, she was constantly crying, and rarely liked to be left alone. Not hearing a response, and Alexandra's cries turning into louder wails, she took a breath and smiled at Lukas, as she pulled his shorts on, and placed him on her hip. Leaving his room, and walking across the hall to Alexandra's, the baby was wailing. "Where is your father?" she asked no child in particular, as she put Lukas on the floor, and went and reached for the little girl.

Lukas sat on the floor and watched his mother, as she shifted the newborn to cradle in one arm, before moving to bend down and pick up Lukas, almost awkwardly. She could feel her own tears forming as she juggled the two children, and went to walk downstairs.

"Vala, what are you doing?" Daniel asked coming out of their bedroom and almost running over to take Lukas.

"Carrying the children," she shot back.

"You could have dropped one," Daniel groaned as she adjusted his son on his hip.

"Well Daniel, if you'd help more," she snapped.

"We are not doing this in front of the kids," he said through clenched teeth. Vala rolled her eyes and moved to go downstairs.

"Put him in the playpen please," she requested curtly, moving to sit on the couch, grabbing a feeding blanket at the same time.

"I have to go into work."

"Just go," she readjusted the baby, allowing the little girl to feed. Daniel kissed his son's head and said his goodbye, before grabbing his coat and leaving the house. Vala groaned and looked at the little boy, who was just sitting in the playpen, staring at Vala. "Let me finish feeding your sister, and we'll make breakfast." Lukas much like his father, didn't prefer to eat after waking, instead, he wanted to play a while and wake up before eating. Alexandra on the other hand, preferred to be fed every 3 hours like clockwork. She wasn't sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time.

"Mummum," Lukas chimed as he picked up one of his toys. Vala smiled softly, as she gently stroked Alexandra's head.

"Luke Luke," Vala chimed back, as her son giggled. She wouldn't give up the past few years of her life for anything, Luke turned out to be the greatest man in her life, no one she loved more. And Alexandra, she loved her far more than she anticipated, her children, they were the only thing in her life that she never regretted. Finishing feeding the baby, Vala repositioned and stood up, moving over to the small basinette that was sitting on the coffee table, she placed the young child in. "Okay Luke, let's get some breakfast."

"Nomnom," Luke grinned as he held his arms, as Vala reached down and picked him up.

"You're so big now," she told her son, as they moved into the kitchen, and she placed him in his highchair. "Cheerios? That seems delicious doesn't it Luke?" Pouring a scoop of the cereal onto the tray, Lukas immediately started to shove the oats into his mouth. Vala grinned as she looked between her two children. She shared them with Daniel, and yes she loved him, very much, but their problems were never really solved, they were thrust into parenthood again with Alexandra. And as if on cue, the infant started to wail again, causing Vala to sigh, and ruffle Lukas' head of hair, before moving towards the baby. "Why are you crying again? You just ate," pausing she nodded. "You need to burp." Chuckling a bit to herself, she moved to the kitchen, to watch Lukas, and began to pat the baby's back to encourage the bubbles of air to come out.

When Lukas was new, Daniel was there, and if he wasn't, Sam was over, and Teal'c. But now, with Alexandra, she felt alone. Sam was at home with Grace, returning to the base in another month's time, she knew she wasn't. Alexandra wasn't letting her sleep, and she knew the jealousy she felt towards Sam, and Daniel was the cause of sleep deprivation. Alexandra's silence after her burping brought a large smile to her face as they watched and interacted with Lukas as he ate his cheerios.

The morning went by quicker than Vala intended, but by the time afternoon naptime came around, and both babies in their cribs, she sighed heavily. Knowing that Alexandra wouldn't sleep long, she moved swiftly into her bedroom and laid down. As soon as her head hit the pillow, her eyes closed, and she felt herself fall asleep. Not heavily of course, as she accepted the sleep, she could still hear the two children from their monitors. They had moved Lukas' video one into Alexandra's room, and purchased a radio one for his room, seeing as the now one-year-old slept all through the night without issue.

It only felt like 10 minutes before the crying started, and Vala opened her eyes, checking the video monitor on the nightstand, Alexandra once again. Groaning slightly she stood up and moved across the hall to the little girl. "Why don't you sleep?" Glancing at the clock in Alexandra's room, Vala did a double take. "Sweetheart, you slept for three hours!" Feeling a mix between relief and joy, Vala quickly moved across the hall, again, to get Lukas, who was bum up in the air sleeping. Looking around, Vala spotted the baby seat, and set Alexandra down in it, before moving to the other crib. "Lukas," gently rubbing his back, Lukas gave a snore. "Lukas baby, time to wake up," reaching with both hands, she gently lifted Lukas up, who gave a whimper of discontent. Definitely Daniel's son. "Hey buddy."

"Did he just wake up?" a voice asked from the doorway, which caused Vala to turn around.

"Alexandra let us all sleep," Vala replied as she moved to the changing table, and placed Lukas down. "Actually Daniel, can you change him, she's going to want to eat at any moment, and I'd like to avoid the wailing." Nodding, Daniel moved over and placed a hand on Lukas' stomach as Vala moved to pick up the baby.

She knew, just by his tone, that they were still fighting. Moving into Alexandra's nursery, she moved to sit down in the rocker. "Oh Alexandra Claire," she mumbled softly adjusting the baby so she could feed easily. "I know it doesn't feel like you're loved, but you are. Your Dad and I love you and Lukas so very much." Stroking the child's head, she continued. "But maybe, your parents aren't meant to be together." Sighing, she continued to stroke the baby's head. "Maybe I'm just tired. You have to let us sleep Alexandra, your brother isn't sleeping either." Not expecting any kind of response, Vala sighed and leaned back, enjoying the moments of quiet, knowing that Alexandra would go to sleep again, if only for a bit, before the wailing continued.

She never thought motherhood would be this hard, she was exhausted beyond belief, her head was always pounding, and ached. Her temper was on a short fuse, and had no motivation to do anything. Not like she had time, with two children at home.

"We should talk," Daniel said just after Vala shut the door to Lukas' bedroom.

"Yes," she nodded. "Let me check on Alexandra."

"I just did, she's fine," he said holding out his arm. "Livingroom." Taking her hand in his own, Daniel gave it a squeeze as they walked in silence downstairs. Making sure to turn on both monitor receivers for the kids, he sat down on the couch. "We're fighting."

"We are," Vala agreed as she sat down in the chair opposite of the couch and Daniel.

"We can't go on like this," Daniel groaned, as he dropped his forehead into his hand.

"What do you want me to say Daniel?" Vala questioned, almost angrily. "That it feels like I'm doing this by myself? That I haven't slept since the day Lukas was born? That I hate you for leaving me to raise our son for five months alone? That you barely made it back in time for the birth of your daughter? That since Alexandra was born, she has not slept for more than three hours at a time, and wakes myself and Lukas up? And Lukas isn't sleeping because of her? That we weren't ready to have these kids?"

Daniel stared at Vala, and his brows went from anger to worry. "You don't want them?"

"I didn't say that," Vala quickly responded. "Never ever doubt my love for them. I said that we weren't ready for them Daniel. We've been fighting since Lukas."

"You think I don't know that?" Daniel asked.

"Somedays, I don't. You run away from everything. Your responsibilities, your children…me…"

Daniel stared at Vala, before standing up and moving towards her, taking her into his arms, hugging her. "I'm sorry."

"You left."

"I know," Daniel replied. "I would never do anything to make you or the kids feel unloved."

"You think you leaving every day, and it's been 7 days a week, and only seeing them at bedtime proves you love them? Alexandra doesn't know you, and you're her father!"

Daniel stared at Vala and blinked at her. "My daughter knows me."

"Really? Because you don't know her either."

"Vala…"

"No Daniel, you don't know her. Do you know she loves to be held? All the time. Do you know that she only eats at the 3 hour mark, but you can't burp her right away, because she doesn't like it. And that you can't pat her back to burp her, you have to rub her stomach? Do you know she stops crying, and is at peace at dawn? Do you know how when, she eventually sleeps, she doesn't like to be swaddled, or have any blankets on her? That she is complete opposite of Lukas? Do you know that rocking doesn't soothe her? That she hates water, and her wailing is beyond loud whenever she gets a bath? Do you know that Lukas can make her stop crying? Did you know that the bunny makes her giggle? Or that she prefers to always have her feet covered?"

Daniel watched Vala as she paced and listed things about Alexandra that, he had no idea. He had no idea about anything his daughter did, or liked, or, whatever a 14 day old baby liked. With Lukas, he was excited, he was home, they learned together. But Alexandra,

"You're right," he said stopping her. "You're right."

Vala stopped and looked at Daniel, feeling her tears well up in her eyes, just as the familiar wails started.

"I got her," Daniel quickly said as he moved to the stairs, leaving Vala in the livingroom. Almost bounding up the stairs, and into the nursery, Daniel smiled softly at the baby laying in her crib. "Oh sweet Alexandra," he whispered softly, reaching for her. "Come here. Why are you crying?" Adjusting the infant to cradle her, Daniel started to slowly rub her back. Moving to the rocking chair, and grabbing the blanket from the edge of the crib, Daniel covered the baby and his arm, as he slowly rocked back and forth.

Vala was right, about everything. As he sat there, holding the young girl in his arms, Daniel's mind started to race, working overtime. When Lukas was born, his whole life changed, there was nothing in this world could stop the joy he felt holding his son for the first time. He never imagined himself being a father, and with Lukas, it was all he could think about. He struggled to find that balance between work and family life. He felt overly guilty for everyday he missed while he was gone with Lukas, but at the same time, he felt relieved, was that the word, when he wasn't near Vala every day. He loved her, he really did, does, but he wasn't sure if they were moving too fast. And then, along came Alexandra, a bit early, and the polar opposite of Lukas, where has generally comfortable to lay there silently, she found that wailing all the time was her thing. He loved her, Alexandra, and loved how much she smiled when she wasn't crying.

But did he love Vala? Was it working? Were they just kidding themselves with this relationship?