Love Hina:
A Different Path Taken
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Chapter Four
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"Keitaro, are you in here?"
Keitaro looked up from where he was fiddling with a screen's track when he heard his Aunt call his name.
"I'm in the main hall." he hollered back.
"Okay." Haruka called back.
He waited a moment to see if she was going to holler anything else at him again, then went back to what he was doing when she didn't.
"Looks like the track's worked loose from it's mountings..." he mused mentally "Which means that I have to re drill the mounting holes and fix it back down. Lovely. So much for an easy fix."
Sighing the sigh that maintenance men have been using since the dawn of time when confronted with an unexpected problem, Keitaro got to his feet. He was about to go head for the tool shed when his aunt came around the corner.
"There you are." she said when she saw him.
"Oh, hey, Aunt Haruka." he said. "What's up?"
"Nothing much." his aunt responded, shaking out a cigarette. "Just thought I'd tell you I saw something while I was running the cafe today."
Keitaro looked up at Haruka. "Oh?" he asked. "What's that?"
"There were a couple of guys in suits hanging around the neighborhood, trying to be nonchalant while they kept an eye on the steps to the Inn." she told him.
Keitaro's eyes narrowed when his Aunt said that. "Really." he said, a few potential suspects coming to mind. "What kind of suits were they?" he asked. "Cheap, expensive, what?"
"Not cheap." she answered. "Not expensive, either. Definitely not something any respectable government employee would wear."
And that cleared a bunch of people off his mental list. "Oh, that's good." Keitaro said.
Haruka put a hand on her hip as she looked at her nephew. "Really?" she asked. "And why do you know why that kind of detail is important, nephew?"
Keitaro smiled at his Aunt. "And why do you know, Aunt?" he asked.
A professional poker player would have killed to have their face as blank as Haruka's was. "No comment." she replied, getting a snicker from Keitaro.
"Don't worry about it." he assured her. "I'll take care of it."
Haruka arched an eyebrow at him. "How?" she asked.
"Do you really want to know that?" Keitaro asked her back, arching an eyebrow to match hers.
Haruka took a long drag on her cigarette and exhaled a long blue blast of smoke. "Whatever you do, just keep it away from the Inn and the girls." she said.
"Don't worry about it." Keitaro told her with a grin. "They won't be a problem for very much longer."
Haruka rolled her eyes and walked out the door, leaving a thin blue cloud of cigarette smoke in her wake.
"Now, to get that door fixed..." Keitaro thought.
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Haruka had described the two Yakuza perfectly, much to Keitaro's delight. He found them easily, spotting them easily from the hillside above the cafe with his binoculars. They were lounging around near one of the shops across from the Inn keeping an eye on the place.
Taking a deep breath, Keitaro sighed and wished he could smoke without betraying his position. But he couldn't, and he had promised his Aunt that he would take care of this, so no sneaking off.
"Lets see here..." he thought to himself as he glassed the surrounding area. "I got two Yaks lounging around in front of the anime store, trying to look inconspicuous, and failing badly. I can't come down the steps, they'll spot me. Which means..."
Keitaro mentally reviewed his map of the area and remembered that the street that ran in front of the cafe curved around the base of the hill before veering off and having an alley split off from that.
"I can loop around and come out there with spotting me. Which is good." he continued musing as he refocused his attention back on the two gangsters. "Now, I just gotta get them to where I want them, so I can take care of this with getting attention called on me."
Keitaro chewed on his lower lip as he racked his brain with what to do, again really wishing he could have a smoke-
"If there was just one of them, I could just walk down there and stick my gun in his ribs and have him take me to his car- waitaminute." he thought as he saw one of them check his watch. "there's almost no parking near here, and what there is is on a meter. And there's only the one lot...I wonder."
Fishing out his cell he dialed the cafe's number. The phone rang twice before his aunt picked it up.
"The Cat Cafe." she said cheerfully.
"Hey, Haruka, it Keitaro." he began. "You know those two knuckle heads near the cafe?"
"Yeah. What of them?" his aunt asked.
"Does one of them leave every so often?" Keitaro asked.
"Yeah, they do." she answered. "Why?"
"Just checking something." Keitaro said. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." Haruka replied, her tone saying that she had gotten a pretty good idea why he had called and asked, but wasn't going to say so over an open line.
Breaking the connection, Keitaro put his phone away and checked on the Yakuza. They were still at the anime store.
Settling into a more comfortable position, Keitaro waited.
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As it turned out, he didn't have long to wait. After about ten minutes the one Yakuza said something to his partner and started walking, following the road where it curved around the hill. Keitaro got up and followed, keep track of him through his binoculars as he moved through the brush and trees that covered the hillside.
When the Yak started getting close to the bend, Keitaro began moving down the hill, timing himself so that when the Yak went around the corner he'd reach the road and could slip out of the underbrush behind him.
From the bend in the road, the gangster kept on walking, going three or four blocks down, not noticing that he was being tailed by Keitaro. Finally, the man turned left onto a side street and walked halfway down it to where a Lexus was parked.
"A Lexus." Keitaro noted, quickening his pace as the Yakuza began to feed coins into the meter. "Guess these guys aren't high up enough to afford a foreign luxury car..."
The Yakuza finished feeding the meter and turned around just in time to find Keitaro right up on top of him. As he opened his mouth to say something, Keitaro jammed his suppressor- equipped pistol into the man's belly.
"Turn around." he ordered.
"What-" the man started to ask.
"I said, turn around." Keitaro ordered again, a growl creeping into his voice as he pushed the gun in for emphasis.
The man hesitated for a second, then realized that Keitaro had the drop on him and gun in his belly, and turned around.
"Put your hands on the car." Keitaro told him when he had complied with his first order.
Wordlessly, the man did so.
"You have the keys?" Keitaro asked him.
The man nodded.
"Thanks." Keitaro told him, then clocked the man with the butt of his pistol. "Nighty-night."
The Yakuza slumped to the ground wordlessly and Keitaro stuffed his pistol back into the messenger bag he had slung across his shoulder, then took some large industrial grade zip ties from his bag and secured the man's hand's and feet.
After checking to make sure coast was clear, Keitaro then rummaged through the man's pockets and found his keys. Hitting the open button on the key fob, he opened up the drivers door and popped the trunk.
Double checking to make sure that it was clear again, Keitaro drug the man around to the back of the car and unceremoniously stuffed him into the trunk. It was once he had gotten him in there that the man's phone had started ringing.
"Huh. I wonder who that could be..." he thought, reaching into the man's lapel and pulling out a smartphone. "Genzo. I wonder if that's your friend..." he mused.
Shrugging, he stuffed the phone into his bag and went through the rest of the man's pockets. His search turned up a wallet, three condoms, a Seecamp in 32 Auto, and a switchblade.
"Really?" Keitaro asked the unconscious gangster as he looked at the pistol and the switchblade. "These are the best you could come up with?"
Shaking his head, Keitaro slammed the trunk closed.
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Now that he had one thug secured, Keitaro turned his attention to the problem of the other thug. And that's when the first thug's phone beeped. Curious, he took it out and saw that it had received a text message.
Sliding his thumb over the display, he unlocked it and opened it.
"Hey Yaz what's the hold up?"
Noticing that the name of the contact sending the text was Genzo, Keitaro decided to run with it and respond.
"Something's wrong with the car. Get over here." Keitaro texted back.
A minute later he got a reply:
"Okay. Be right there."
"So that was your buddy who was calling." Keitaro said, glancing back at the trunk of the car. "Well, don't worry, he'll be joining you soon."
Pushing himself off the trunk of the car, Keitaro walked over to some vending machines and tried to look inconspicuous.
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Keitaro didn't have long to wait. Genzo came striding down the street at a brisk pace, looking decidedly irked. Standing by the vending machines, Keitaro acted like he was perusing the selections as he watched the other Yakuza.
Genzo walked around the car a couple of times, then stopped and took a good look around at the street. Spotting Keitaro, the gangster headed for him.
"Hey." the man said as he approached. "Hey! Hey you! You see anyone around my car?"
Keitaro acted like he was ignoring the man as he walked up to him. This irritated the man and he closed the distance between them rapidly.
"Hey! Are you deaf or something?" Genzo demanded as he came up to Keitaro. "I asked you a question!"
The man was close enough for what Keitaro needed to do, so he turned to face him. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of black Raybans, but from the way his jaw dropped open and his eyebrows shot up, Keitaro guessed that his eyes had went as wide as dinner plates.
"And I have an answer for you." Keitaro told the man cheerfully. "There was someone near your car. That was your partner. I snuck up behind him, knocked him out, and stuffed him into the trunk."
Genzo's expression turned from shock to anger. "You little-" he started to snarl, but stopped when Keitaro's USP was leveled at him.
"Guess what's gonna happen next?" Keitaro asked him, still cheerful.
"Aw, shit." the man swore.
Keitaro's grin got bigger. "It's not that kind of situation, but it's getting there!" he told him, the cheer in his voice nearly incandescent. "Walk to the car- slowly. And keep your hands where I can see them."
The Yakuza meekly complied, his molars grinding from the bitter humiliation and injury to his pride for having to do so.
"You have no idea of the amount of trouble you are in." Genzo told him as they walked. "Do you even have any idea on what's gonna happen to you when my Shateigashira hears about this?"
"If he has a lick of sense, he'll stay the hell away from me." Keitaro responded as they neared the car. "Nighty- night."
"Eh-?" was all that the gangster was able to say before the butt of Keitaro's cracking him in the back of his skull knocked him out.
"Seriously." Keitaro said as Genzo crumpled to the ground. "You guys have got some of the dumbest motherfuckers I have ever met."
Tucking his pistol into his messenger bag, Keitaro then proceeded to empty the man's pockets and secure him before stuffing him into the rear footwells.
"Seriously. Coupla morons." Keitaro muttered as he shut the passenger side rear door.
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"Top o' the morning to ya!"
Genzo and Yaz were both shocked awake by the bucket of cold water Keitaro dumped on their heads. They thrashed and struggled at their bonds as Keitaro tossed the bucket aside and sat down on a backwards facing chair as he waited for both of them to calm down.
When they did, both men discovered that they had both been stripped of their clothes and tied securely to metal chairs in what looked like an abandoned industrial structure with the man they had been looking to get revenge on facing them.
"Morning." Keitaro said, starting the conversation with a grin.
The second one he had captured, Genzo was the first to speak. "You..." he said, voice shaking with rage, "...are in so much fucking trouble your grandchildren are going to be wishing you had never been born."
Keitaro was singularly unimpressed. "Yeah, yeah." he said "Look, some of the places I've been, they would have skinned ya, raped ya, then gutted you and used your intestines for decoration before they killed ya.
So why don't you do me a favor and drop the impotent dick waving and tell me who you work for."
Genzo glared at him. "Didn't you hear a word I've said?" he asked.
"Yeah, I heard you. I just don't care." Keitaro answered. "So, back to the issue at hand, who is your boss?"
"We'll never tell you-" Yaz started to say but Genzo cut him off.
"Quiet!" Genzo told him. "If he want's to commit suicide, that's his business." he added, then looked at Keitaro. "Wantanabe Yakamoto. That's our boss."
"okay, thanks." Keitaro said, pulling out his phone and jotting the name down.
"Now what are you going to do about us?" Genzo asked.
"This." Keitaro said, reaching behind him to pull his USP out of the back of his waistband before shooting them both in the head.
Both men rocked backwards in their chairs as the slugs hit them in the head, then they went slack. Standing up, Keitaro looked at the bodies of both men for a moment before putting another slug into each as insurance.
"Okay." Keitaro said to the two corpses as he tucked his pistol into the back of his waistband. "Let's get you two dumb fuckers to that I promised to put you in."
Said hole was a meter-deep concrete pit that had held a piece of machinery when the industrial site was a going concern. Going into the pit with them was the two Yakuza's clothes and personal effects, followed by the contents of a 55-gallon drum of hydraulic fluid that Keitaro had found on site that the previous owners hadn't bothered to dispose of.
He lit the whole thing off by lighting a piece of rope that been dipped into the hydraulic fluid and waited for the pit to go up in a roiling mass of flames before turning on his heel and casually walking away.
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Keitaro disposed of the car in the traditional manner: He put a brick on the accelerator and let it go shooting off the end of a pier into Tokyo Bay.
Then he got to do the fun task of slogging his way back home using public transport, managing to make it home as the sun was halfway set.
"Home sweet home." Keitaro commented to himself as he crested the top of the steps leading up to the Inn and onto the courtyard. "Time for a beer and a bath, in that order."
Mind set on his next course of action, Keitaro was about to go and do just that when his phone rang.
"Yo." he said when he picked up.
"Heeey, Urashima."
Keitaro's face split into a wide grin when he heard his boss's voice on the other end of the line.
"Hey, Boss." he said. "What's up?"
"Oh, not much." Shinji answered. "Just touching base with you, seeing how you were doing."
Keitaro smirked. "Awww, you miss me." he teased. "That's so sweet."
"Damn right I miss you." retorted Shinji. "Turner's doing the demo work now, and while he can survive an explosion just as well as you can, the collateral damage is actually worse."
Keitaro grimaced when his boss said that. "That bad, huh?" he asked.
"Well, the client doesn't care much, but the locals are pitching a major fit about it." Shinji explained.
Keitaro nodded. "Ah." he said in understanding.
"Anyways, quick question for you." Shinji said, changing the subject.
"What is it?" Keitaro asked.
"We got an angle on a job with the French."
That surprised Keitaro. "The French?" he asked. "What the hell do they need us for? The Legion gonna be vacation or something?"
Shinji chuckled at Keitaro's question before answering him. "More like busy patrolling the exclusion zone around Qatar." he told him. "They need us to do a quick little op in one of their territorial possessions."
"I see." Keitaro said. "And how quick is this op supposed to be?"
"About a month or so." Shinji said. "Takes place in about six months."
"Hmmmm..." Keitaro said, his curiosity piqued. "I might- might- be able to join you."
"Glad to hear it." Shinji said. "Let me know in a couple of months."
"Don't worry, I will-holy shit!" Keitaro started to say as a pig landed in the yard in front of him.
"What happened?" Shinji asked.
"A-a- a rocket powered pig just landed in the yard in front of me!" Keitaro told him, bewilderment evident in his voice.
"A messenger swine?" Shinji asked. "What the hell did you do to get the Inter-Dimensional Guild of Mad Scientists interested in you?"
"I didn't do anything." retorted Keitaro. "But I know who probably did."
"Who?"
"One of my tenets. Kolla Suu, Princess of Molmol and budding mad scientist." Keitaro said. "Apparently she got the guild's attention with her shenanigans."
"Oh." Shinji said. "She's a member, then?"
Keitaro shook his head. "No. She's been contacted at least once by them, I know that." he answered. "Why do you ask?"
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, then Shinji took a deliberate breath, a move Keitaro recognized as one he did right before giving some bad news.
"According to Skeeter, the Guild uses messenger swine to communicate with members. "he began "If they send one to a non-member, it means that their patience is starting to wear thin."
"Oh." Keitaro said, looking at the pg with a much more apprehensive point of view now.
"Yeah. If I were you, I'd go have a serious talk with your tenet, before Guild decides to quit being polite." Shinji advised. "and decide to be much more direct, like with a cruise missile."
"I think I will." Keitaro told him. "Thanks for the heads up."
"You're welcome." Shinji told him before he hung up.
Putting his phone away Keitaro looked at the pig. "You're here for Kolla Suu, aren't you?" he asked it.
"Oink."
Keitaro glanced at his wristwatch and sighed. "Well, you're in for a wait. She doesn't get home for another hour and a half." he told it.
"Oink."
"Suit yourself." Keitaro said with a shrug.
With that, he went into the Inn. He had better things to do than babysit flying pigs. And he and Ms Suu were going to have a chat about this, that was very clear.
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Keitaro was alerted to Suu's arrival when the messenger swine let loose with a high pitched squeal followed by a series of grunts. He put down what he was doing, got up, and was out the door and into the hall when he heard a shriek that sounded very familiar.
"Aw, crap, I think that was Shinobu..." Keitaro swore as he broke into a run.
He thundered down the hall and out through the common room, heading for the squealing and screaming out front. He burst out through the front door into the courtyard to find Shinobu lying on her back, staring in shock as Suu ran laughing around the courtyard with the messenger swine in hot pursuit.
"Oh, for fuck's sake..." Keitaro groaned as he facepalmed. "SUU! Knock it off and let that thing deliver it's message!"
"Do I have to?" Suu asked. "This is fun!"
"YES!" Keitaro snapped, his patience wearing thin.
"Awwww..." Suu said as she stopped and let the pig catch up with her.
Snorting and grunting, the pig came up to Suu, hooves clopping on the cobblestones. It paused before her, almost as if it was trying to catch it's breath. Then it straightened up, a hatch opened, and a metal arm with a glowing white globe extended out of the pig's rocket pack.
"Kolla Suu, Princess of the Kingdom of Molmol..." a computer generated voice began as a hologram of a polygonal, wire framed, face formed in the air above the globe "... this is a message from the Inter-dimensional Guild of Mad Scientists. We have contacted you multiple times, yet you have ignored us. We suggest, for your sake, that you listen to us now.
We have seen you pursuing inquiries into areas that no sane person would dare go. The brilliance in the design of your machines is apparent to all who know what to look for. You have stated publicly that you consider yourself a mad scientist.
We are an organization where someone of your talents would find kinship and protection. We extend to you, for one final time, an offer of membership in our Guild. Because we are not fools, but simply mad, we will give you three months to consider this ultimatum.
At the end of those three months, we will contact you, and you can give us your decision.
Before we end this message, consider this: A rouge mad scientist is not just a danger to themselves and anyone inside the minimum safe distance, but to all mad scientists everywhere. Please keep that in mind with your deliberations.
Message ends."
When the face was done speaking, it faded away and the arm retracted back into the pig's jet pack. With a farewell "oink", the pig trotted away from Suu to an open area of the courtyard, leaned back on it's haunches, and blasted off into the sky.
Suu watched it fly off into the distance and giggled to herself. "Silly old mad scientists." she said to herself. "They can't force me..."
Keitaro's eye twitched when she said that. "Suu." he said. "Please tell me you're gonna just reject their offer out of hand..."
Suu gave him a toothy grin."Don't worry, Kei-chan!" she said. "I'll build some super-duper powerful death ray or something and that'll keep those old fuddy-duddys away!"
"Oh, God, no..." Keitaro groaned, massaging his head as he felt a headache start to form "Grandma's gonna kill me if the Inn get's destroyed..."
"Ah, Kei-Keitaro..."
Keitaro looked behind him to see Shinobu looking at him nervously.
"yes, Shinobu?" he asked.
"I-Is everything going be alright?" she asked. "T-those mad scientists aren't going to do anything, are they?"
Keitaro gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, nothing will happen..." he said. "I'll make sure of it"
"Okay." Shinobu said, and then headed into the main house.
"Even if I have to hand Suu over to the Guild gift wrapped." he thought sourly. "Figures. I get one problem fixed, another one pops up. Less dangerous than being a merc, my entire ass."
Taking a deep breath, Keitaro exhaled before going into the Inn and getting himself a beer.
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End.
Author's note: One thing that has always bugged me about Suu was the fact that she shouldn't have gotten away with a tenth of the stuff she did. I'm not bashing her character or anything, but I figure as the man responsible for the upkeep and maintenance of the Hinta Inn and it's tenets, Keitaro would have a lot to say about Ms Suu and her shenanigans.