Chapter Two: Boundless Confidence

Empathic abilities could be difficult when you shared your home with four sets of raging hormones.

That wasn't to say Raven couldn't handle it. In all honesty, she was better at picking up on the basic signatures of those she was familiar with than she was at truly reading their emotions. Emotions required her to be close to her target, and even then, most of what she picked up could be gleaned from expression and behavior anyway. Titan's Tower was a big place, and even when she and her teammates were all grouped together, their varied and pitched sentiments tended to blend into a kind of background noise to her well-accustomed thoughts.

But it was still noise, and it didn't help that it all came from a group of teenagers. Especially when one of those teenagers was a member of what had to be the single most emotional species in the galaxy.

Raven looked up from the book she was reading when a beacon entered her awareness. She paused a moment, waiting to see if Starfire was coming for her or just passing by, but that edge of concern leaking into her thoughts suggested that she might want to talk to her friend either way.

Then again, she wasn't exactly the best at discussing these kinds of things. One of the boys would probably have a better time easing whatever troubled their teammate.

The decision was made for her by a soft knock on her bedroom door. She stood up, tucked the book under her arm and slid the door open a crack.

Starfire dropped the hand she had used to knock and offered Raven a wan smile. "Greetings," she said. "I…"

Glancing away, she restarted, "Apologies for disturbing you, but there was something I was hoping you could help me with."

Raven cocked an eyebrow and opened her door wider. "What is it?"

Starfire was already radiating worry, but now a streak of embarrassment wormed its way to the surface. She folded her arms against her chest and still refused to look at her friend.

"…I lost control of my emotions while we were on Exxis. They were in such disarray that I could not use any of my powers. And it was all because of a foolish argument."

Raven kept her expression neutral, but she had to admit she was surprised. It had been two days now since the incident on that planet, but so far Starfire and Robin had been tight-lipped about their shared experience. All she knew was that Cyborg and Beast Boy had eventually discovered them hugging in a "distinctly un-platonic way" (Cyborg's words, not hers), and when pressed about the situation, Robin had just said that they'd needed to talk a few things out. What exactly those things were Raven could only guess, but she would not have imagined that it had been bad enough for Starfire's powers to fail.

The girl in question finally met her gaze. "I have increased my training in alternative combat in case of another such incident, but I would much prefer not to be caught 'off the guard' again. My flight –" here she winced, and Raven suspected it had to do with her time on Exxis "– especially is something I cannot afford to lose control of. I was hoping you might know of some meditation methods that could help me better balance my emotions."

Raven regarded Starfire for a moment. She well remembered the brief time they had spent in each other's bodies, and what she had learned of Tamaranean powers as a result. She still considered it exhausting to constantly make yourself feel specific, strong emotions at a moment's notice, even for someone who wasn't accustomed to keeping as tight a leash on their emotions as she herself was.

But Starfire had dealt with it from birth, and it seemed to come naturally to her. Raven had, on very rare occasion, noticed moments of possible power failure – but never more than one ability, and never for very long. She doubted this was an issue that would come up under any but the most rare and unexpected circumstances, but she also knew what it was like to lose control over something you thought you had a handle on. It was frightening, and disorienting, and the only way to get your confidence back was to take measures to ensure it would not happen again.

Finally, Raven nodded and stepped back, beckoning Starfire to follow her into her room. "I'll see what I have," she said, setting her novel down and sending out a flicker of telekinesis to retrieve her books on meditation. She frowned a little as she looked over the titles – the methods she used were all geared toward calming and quieting her emotions as she focused on pure thought, but her companion would need a way to focus her passions instead.

Well, best to start somewhere. She glanced back toward Starfire. "I need to know what made you lose control of your emotions, so I know what to look for. Care to explain?"

Starfire folded her arms again and blushed. "…It was because of Robin," she confessed. "When Cyborg said 'the girlfriend' back on the communication station and he reacted the way he did, I worried that our relationship was not what I had believed it to be. But when I tried to get a clear explanation about his intentions, he only pushed me away." She sighed. "I realize now that I was pressuring him when he did not understand why, but the bonds I share with my friends are very important. It was simply his continued refusal to talk that confused my emotions. As I have said, a foolish argument."

Aah. She'd suspected it had something to do with that – it certainly explained what Robin had meant by "talking things out."

Raven's frown deepened as she remembered something from back when they'd trained each other in the use of their powers. "You said bonds. This has to do with your k'non, doesn't it?"

Starfire hesitated for a moment, and then nodded. "I… suppose I worry about their integrity."

Something in the way she'd worded that gave Raven an idea. A terrible, stupid, horribly intrusive idea – but it was enough to make her glance at something on her dresser.

Starfire frowned. "Raven?"

Raven cast her a quick glance and then looked back at the object. It was something that she found frequently helped her, and she could re-attune it to someone else for a time. But she would have to go with Starfire, to help navigate the place and moreso to help her get back out at the end.

Great. Perfect. Not only had Raven somehow found herself giving advice hour, now she was going to dive into someone else's mind. Because she knew Starfire – knew that she was open enough not to consider it an intrusion, knew that her emotional link to her powers was not so much unlike Raven's own, and knew that the thing she needed the most right now was the support of a friend.

With a tiny sigh and a futile hope that her teammate would refuse her offer, she walked over and picked up her meditation mirror. "If it's mental constructs you're worried about," she said, "it might help to go in and take a look."

Mindscapes, such as they were, trended towards the unpredictable. They were psychic constructs of a sort, pulled from the thoughts and feelings of a being and given form when the magically-inclined managed to enter that being's consciousness. Most of them were far simpler than Raven's – between the natural results of her meditation and emotional control, and a few wards she had purposefully placed to keep intruders from her deepest self, hers was something of a mess.

That said, she expected Starfire's to be more complex than average. The alien girl still meditated with her on occasion, but more than that, these k'non of hers were exactly the kind of thing that could be expected to take physical form within a mindscape.

Perhaps that was why, when the two of them stepped through the portal of Raven's mirror, she was surprised to find herself in an almost empty expanse. It took her a moment to recognize the pinkish-purple sky and the distant mountains of the desert near the Tamaranean capital. That much checked out, at least, but she would have pictured something a little more… lively, she supposed, from a bubbly girl like Starfire.

"Okay," she said, turning to her companion. "Mindscapes work by their own rules, and those rules are subject to change. As the creator of this one, you should have both an instinctive understanding of and a little control over how it works.

"So," she went on, sweeping an arm across the desert, "Where are we, and where do we need to be?"

Starfire turned in a slow circle, a tiny smile creeping on to her face as she took in their surroundings. "This is the Gikha Desert," she explained. "It is where my thoughts turn when I require calm. I believe I have heard of it referred to as the 'happy place.'"

Finally, she stopped and pointed up over a small rise. "We will find what we need there."

Raven nodded and followed her up the small hill. She wasn't sure what to expect, and with one surprise already she wasn't going to bother guessing.

The two of them crested the rise to find the desert gone, and a sprawling forest in its place. Massive, multicolored trees dominated the area, unrecognizable to Raven yet just familiar enough that she could not simply assume they too were from Tamaran. Scattered bushes dotted the space between the trees, but rather than a carpet of underbrush or grass, the forest floor was covered in thick, winding and brightly-colored vines.

Starfire's eyes lit up in recognition, and she lifted from the ground with a grin and darted to the largest of the nearby trees. Raven followed on foot and continued her observations.

As they drew closer, she realized that the vivid colors on the trees came from more of those vines, encircling their trunks until the bark was barely visible. Vines wound and peeked through the underbrush, vines draped the tree branches, vines climbed up one another as much as they did the actual trees. Those on the forest floor sported hues of almost every color she could think of, but the ones on the trees were primarily orange, purple or green.

Starfire had reached her chosen tree, and now studied it with her brows knitted thoughtfully. She muttered something to herself in Tamaranean and smiled again.

Raven caught up to her and looked over the tree. Was this supposed to be a k'non? Without thinking, she reached up and laid a hand on it.

Immediately, her vision swam and new images imposed themselves over the now-shadowed mindscape. She could see Starfire turning towards her in surprise as she jerked back, but by the alien's side was a hulking Tamaranean man with an upright crown in his hands. Raven could feel the soft breeze coming through an archway that had not been there a moment ago, and the cool metal of the crown as he placed it neatly over her forehead and around her face.

The man – Galfore – spoke as he did so, but it took Raven a moment to process what was happening and start paying attention to the words. He held up one hand.

"Do not attempt to fool an old klorfker," Galfore rumbled. "I raised you. I have always expected great things from you, my Princess, and tonight is no exception."

Raven blinked as the realization struck her – this was one of Starfire's memories, following her point of view. She took a step back from the tree and looked around, but the images of the memory followed her vision.

"Yes," Starfire's voice answered him in a resigned tone as her gaze shifted downward. "I will do what is right for Tamaran."

Galfore cupped a gentle finger under her chin and raised her head back up. (This was really getting disorienting.) "You must do what is right," he said, "in your heart."

The vision faded away after that, and Raven turned to Starfire with wide eyes. She felt heat in her cheeks. "Um… Sorry?"

Starfire blinked. She looked back at the tree and scrunched her brows – gleaning understanding of what had just happened from her instinct of the mindscape, no doubt. "You… experienced one of my memories, yes?" she asked.

Raven nodded, and the heat in her face intensified. "It was something about Galfore giving you advice and a crown. Sorry, I didn't expect that to happen."

Starfire gave her a small smile and a reassuring "It is all right." She then turned back to the tree, cocking her head as she did so.

After a moment, she reached out and brushed her fingertips against the thick purple vine Raven had touched. She started, and her focus quickly shifted to a space where Galfore must have appeared for her, but after a moment her face lit up in recognition.

"This happened the night I overthrew Blackfire," she explained, bringing her focus back to Raven. "Galfore gave me reassurance in a trying time, and his words inspired my decision to name him Grand Ruler. The memory brings me great joy."

Raven frowned and glanced back at the purple vine on what was apparently Galfore's k'non-tree. "So, the vines," she thought aloud. "They're your memories? Do you match them up to emotions for your k'non?"

Starfire nodded. "Our bonds are built on experiences, and so our k'non are strengthened by memories," she explained. "We do not require the use of the memories, necessarily, but drawing from them can aid our focus."

With that, she returned her attention to the k'non and hummed in thought. Most of its memory-vines, Raven now realized, were either violet or a vivid orange. Starfire touched one of the orange ones, and then paused as she took in the new memory. After a few moments, a warm smile spread across her face.

"Confidence. This was before I came to Earth, when Galfore often advised me during my tutelage and training. I often look to him for encouragement," she said.

Raven nodded, recalling the brightly-colored cloaks that identified her emotional manifestations in her own mindscape. "I had a feeling."

Looking around, she noted that most of the nearest k'non were dominated by the soft violet of joy, but one just a little farther back was instead draped in a sharp green. "Then the green must be righteous fury?"

Starfire's mouth twisted into a grimace as she followed Raven's gaze. "I suppose it is appropriate that starbolts are primarily weapons," she commented. "It can be difficult to create a k'non focused on righteous fury unless one makes use of an enemy. That one belongs to the Gordanian Lord Trogaar."

She turned back with a low sigh. "It is… comforting to see elements of my past life here," she confessed, smiling a little as she brushed her fingers over the trunk representing Galfore's k'non. "Most of these are my family, and I was beginning to fear that I had lost access to their bonds.

"…Galfore was my k'nonaki once." She glanced over to Raven. "Did I mention those, when we did the sharing of secrets that night? I do not recall."

Raven shook her head silently, and Starfire went on. "A k'nonaki… I suppose the best translation would be 'Great Bond.' It is meant to represent one of the most important entities in a Tamaranean's life, and to always be dependable when a power is needed. Unbridled joy that you receive by its very nature, boundless confidence through the strength of the bond, righteous fury from a need to protect it. Some Tamaraneans choose no other k'non, relying on their k'nonaki alone."

Suddenly she grimaced again, and she turned and started deeper into the forest. "Come. We will not find what we seek here."

Raven frowned thoughtfully as she considered this newest piece of information, but she said nothing for now and started after her friend.

The two of them walked among the k'non for some time. Something in the mindscape had shifted when they entered the area, and what had once presented itself as a sprawling forest now resolved into a small copse of around twenty trees. Even so, it was slow going as Starfire meandered along the path, studying each k'non in turn and pausing once or twice to recall old friends and memories in a way that only the vines could provide.

Raven didn't rush her. She knew, perhaps better than anyone, that working through these kinds of mental blocks took time. But she didn't touch anything else, either.

On two occasions they came across downed trees choked under the weight of sickly-looking vines. The first, swathed mostly in green and a dull brown, was lying among the trees that Starfire had identified as belonging to her family. When Raven asked about it, Starfire had simply stared down, hands balled into fists, and stated that she could no longer bring herself to use that k'non for any reason. The second was found farther in, the muted colors wound around it a chaotic clash of emotions, and Raven didn't dare bring it up. That said, neither k'non seemed to surprise or concern Starfire. They continued on.

One of the trees gave Raven pause, not because of anything unusual in its shape or position but because of its color. While the now-familiar colorations of every other k'non associated them with one or two of Starfire's three power-linked emotions, this one was dominated by a bright cyan which was otherwise rarely seen off the ground. Raven turned to her companion with a raised eyebrow.

Starfire's expression lit up as she flew over to the out-of-place tree and drew her fingers over a couple of vines, giggling. "I did not believe I still had this one!" she exclaimed. "I have not had reason to make use of it since its construction."

Raven took a couple steps closer, brow still in the air. "No kidding. What is it?"

"Earth," Starfire replied, still circling the k'non with a grin on her face. "I believe it is my only k'non linked to something other than a living creature. It is perhaps a broad choice, but it makes for the most wondrous source of insatiable curiosity."

"Uh-huh. And this mysterious fourth power that requires 'insatiable curiosity' is…?"

At this question Starfire's grin disappeared, replaced by a bright blush. "…Language transfer."

Raven blinked. "Language what?"

"It-is-not-important-how-it-works!" The words came out in a blur, and Starfire darted over, grabbed Raven's hand and dragged her off to their next stop. "Come-we-are-close-to-what-I-needed-to-see."

Well okay then. It wasn't like Raven wanted to pry anyway, but she didn't even get a chance to wonder at whatever had just happened before her friend halted again. And what she saw then stole all her attention away.

They had reached the heart of the small wood, it seemed, and three trees just a bit larger than the rest surrounded a fourth in the center. One of the trees was dominated by the bright orange of confidence, another by the deep violet of joy, while the one nearest them held a fair mixture of both.

But it was the central tree that drew her gaze. It towered over the others, thick and sprawling, and she could hardly believe she had missed it before. Purple and orange vines wove an intricate web up its trunk, stripes of green poked through the gaps, and even that rare blue had found good purchase here. Other colors had wormed their way in too, as they always did, but among them was a deep crimson that she didn't think she'd seen anywhere else.

"Your k'nonaki, I'm guessing?" she asked. Starfire nodded, folding her arms against herself, and Raven didn't need empathy to catch her sudden sense of trepidation. With a small frown, she decided to change tactics.

Turning back to consider all four of the central k'non, she realized something.

"These four represent us, don't they?" she asked. "The Titans. Your teammates." Your second family, she added internally.

Starfire nodded again, tearing her gaze away from the k'nonaki to gesture at the closest tree. "That one is you," she said.

Raven glanced over it. Joy and confidence both, huh? She wasn't sure how to feel about that – not with the looming threat of her father, especially now that the others knew. Some morbid part of her wondered if any of the stray colors wound around that one represented fear.

That wasn't why they were here, though. She didn't have to ask which of the Titans the k'nonaki belonged to, and after that earlier explanation she was starting to understand why Starfire had wanted to take a careful look.

The girl in question took a deep breath and lifted off the ground once more to approach the k'nonaki. Her eyes darted from one memory to the next, and more than once she reached out as if to touch one of them only to stop and hover from an inch away.

When she reached one of the red vines, she paused longer than before and then finally gave in, brushing against it with her fingertips. Her expression softened into something tender and loving, and Raven wondered if she should give her some form of privacy.

Not a moment later, though, Starfire drew her hand away with a frown and a sigh. Her gaze swept over a dull brown vine immediately below the red one, and her eyes narrowed as she hooked a finger under it and attempted to pull it away.

The vine appeared loose at first, but it held fast to the tree. Starfire let out another low sigh and glanced back at Raven.

"That is a bad memory," she said, apparently as much to herself as her companion. "And one I would prefer not to associate with my k'nonaki." Her frown deepened as her gaze flicked to a couple other spots of out-of-place color.

Raven followed her gaze, folding her arms. "It probably needs more time," she offered. "Is this normal for k'non?"

Starfire hummed. "I suppose it is," she admitted. "But… it does not feel as though it should be."

Without another word, she drifted down and landed next to Raven. For several moments, the two of them simply stood together and regarded the sprawling k'nonaki.

"Do you think I have become too reliant on Robin?"

And there it was. Starfire's voice was soft, and her eyes remained fixed on the tree as though afraid of Raven's answer. Raven considered her for a moment, turning the question over in her head.

"…No," she concluded at length. "Actually, if anything I think you've gotten more independent since we first met."

Starfire turned toward her with a start. Raven just shrugged.

"When the team first formed, you kind of had a tendency to… panic over certain things," she went on. "Especially if something happened to Robin. I could always sense some protectiveness there, but I think he was also kind of like your anchor to your new life on Earth. I don't know, you'd have to tell me."

She flashed the other girl what she hoped was an encouraging smile. "But you're more confident now. You still protect him, but that's obvious and we're all pretty protective of each other anyway. You could always hold your own, but you're better at going out and actually doing it now."

Starfire frowned and turned back to her k'nonaki. "If that is the case, then why did a simple misunderstanding have such an adverse effect on me?"

Raven rolled her eyes and leaned back against the k'non representing herself, careful to keep her cloak between her bare skin and its memories. "Starfire, you have a crush. Maybe more than a crush, if those red vines mean what I think they do. I might not know a lot about k'non, but I do have some unfortunate experience with how distracting boys can be." She considered her words for a moment. "And how stupid."

When the other girl didn't answer right away, she went on. "You said some Tamaraneans only used their k'nonaki and didn't bother with anything else, right?"

Starfire glanced over. "That is correct."

Raven shrugged. "So then, having all these k'non means you're flexible. Just start by working with that." She smirked. "And maybe tell Robin not to be an idiot about telling you what he's thinking next time. Cyborg and Beast Boy too – I don't know if you can stop those two being idiots, but you can at least make sure they know better than to start some argument that messes up your powers."

Starfire giggled a little at that. "I suppose that makes the sense," she admitted.

Raven stood upright. "Okay, I've been literally invading your personal space for long enough. Let's go before I touch something and end up witnessing your darkest secret."

Starfire flashed her a broad smile and lifted off the ground. "Raven, I have already told you I do not mind your presence here," she said.

Looking around one last time, she took a deep breath and added, "But yes, I believe we can leave now. Thank you for your advice."

Raven nodded absently as she prepared her mirror's counterspell. "Don't mention it. If you still want to try meditation, I think I have a better idea about how to help now."

Starfire nodded eagerly, but as they stepped through the portal Raven couldn't help but notice the small shadow of lingering doubt as it crossed her friend's face.