Chapter 1 : Your Choices Are Your Own
Autumn 1935
The eyes on a person's face could reveal as much as words from their lips; after all, there was a reason for the phrase 'if looks could kill'. Bill only wished that were possible. Locking eyes with his maker, anger, hurt and pain radiating off both of them, like a desert on a warm summer's day.
He just could not do this anymore, it was cruel if not anything else. He couldn't pretend anymore, for he would lose himself and his last shred of humanity. He had spent decades trying, seeing if he lied to her, everyone and himself, that eventually he would believe it. This was all in vain, he knew that now and so did Lorena.
"I gave you everything! Everything and you've thrown it away, moaning over what you've lost. You disgust me." shouted his maker, making his thoughts shatter like pierced glass. The magic that animated his body after death, also connected them emotionally. So that meant that he could not only feel his own desperation and pain, but also Lorena's angry bitterness and overwhelming sense of betrayal. As paralysing as this was, it also proved that pretending longer was a road without an end, and deceiving her in such a way would only cause her more hurt in the long run, and When Lorena was hurt, she hurt others.
His thoughts on that matter though, didn't disperse his own anger. She had taken everything away from him. His wife, his children, his death and his mortality. Now he was cursed to watch everyone around him wither and turn to dust, never moving forward, just frozen, with everything in the past there to make every moment feel twice as long. She had not given him everything, she had just made everything around him turn to poison at their touch. It didn't matter that he disgusted her, because he detested himself, more so, for all innocents lives he had crippled with his warped behaviour.
"Then let me go." Bill pleaded with his maker. He had to end this, one way or another. He couldn't live with the guilt or the dread of knowing that for as long as he stayed with her, piece by piece and body by body, his humanity would disappear, much like Lorena's had for all the period that they had known each other.
"No. I made you and you are mine!" He heard her snipe back. That was one thing he had learned in his relatively short time as a creature of the night: vampires seemed to be instinctively possessive. It didn't matter what it was, territory, Jewellery, clothing, humans, each other, if it could be claimed, you could almost guarantee a vampire had claimed it, whether it was known by others or not. Bill was never quite sure of the origins of this trait, but what was clear to him, all the vampires that were much older and more powerful than him, exhibited this animistic and inhuman nature. He didn't see himself that way, not yet, but he was sure the more time he spent with his maker, the more he would become so, and he would be so much further away from the honourable man he used to consider himself to be.
"You know I don't love you." He retorted. It was cold of him to be so blunt, but it seemed that was the only way, he could get her to see what was in front of her. He didn't love her, he never had and all the trying and loyalty towards her would not change that. The woman loved was dead, his last memory of her, being how he scared her, because of what he was. Perhaps that was the thing keeping his last shred of humanity intact. Caroline was always the light in his life, and now she was his light within death. To think, before they met, he thought he would dislike her.
"You never tried!" His only companion in death fired back at him. How could she say that ? Could she really not see all the things he had done for her over the last few decades. The people he had killed and damaged just trying to prove that he loved her, that he would do anything for her. Was she really that oblivious to all his actions ? Perhaps that was the reason she didn't understand the grief he felt, even after all this time. Of course, she didn't, she was as cold as a frozen pond.
Even after explaining all the things he had done for her, he could still sense the disbelief radiating from her. She really didn't believe in all the effort he had put in. All that time deceiving himself, wasted, when he could have ended his vampire life a long time ago, and already be lying next to his wife and children in the ground.
He needed to be free, free from her at least. To at least see whether he truly had become a monster, or was simply emulating Lorena's. She had described it to him once, when vampires live and feed together, they formed a nest, and in nest animistic behaviour seemed to over power any other instinct. They were hunters, after all. Every instinct in his body seemed to want to make him betray every part of himself. What would Caroline think if she could see him now ? He had never forgotten that empty but horrified look on her face, on the day they buried their son together. That look was the only thing that had kept him somewhat sober to his humanity after spending so much time with a cold and lonely creature.
" I have spent decades tryin'! I despise myself for what I did for you! God help me. I killed innocent people to prove to that I loved you! But it was pure annilism... I do not, I cannot, I will never love you". He raged. He could not keep up his calm exterior, even for his own sake. If she was so self-absorbed why should he tread lightly as to not provoke her.
"Men have readily laid down their lives to spend just one night with me. What more can I give? What is it that you want from me?". Why did she not see it ? Still. A body to lie next to wasn't all a man wanted. There were other things, and none of these things Lorena was capable of giving him, even if she tried. Her maker had destroyed her from that perspective. She didn't have a choice then, but now she did and had yet to make a decision that wasn't driven by her makers teaching. That was what he wanted, before he was unable to know that, himself.
"Choice... Let me go". It was as simple as that.
As she mentioned something about being alone forever, it occurred to him, the reason for her resistance. With those words it was one of the few rare times he had seen his maker not for the cold cruel creature but the young girl, and how truly young she was. Both appearance but more importantly emotionally. No matter how empathetic he felt about this, it wasn't strong enough to overwhelm his own desire for choice. She was the one that was afraid of being alone, the saddest, loneliest creature he ever knew.
The words left his thoughts through his mouth before he could stop them, and before he could even register his makers hastened rage, he found himself crashing into the oak table, it splintering and breaking around him. He liked that table, it reminded him of the one he had built Caroline for their first home. Now it was collapsed around him, broken into pieces. A rather cruel juxtaposition for his current existence it seemed. One that he could not stand to endure much longer.
The broken wood was there as if we're meant to be, snapped in such way that it could be used to stake his kind, with minimal effort on his part. Was this God's way ? Had he made this evening fall in such a way, that this is what God wanted him to do ? Though his worship of God had diminished, since he had become this, it did not mean his faith had wavered. He was a good Christian most of his human life. Was.
As he picked up the stake, he could not fault his makers observational skills.
"... You hate me that much?" She countered. It didn't seem like a question aimed him, more one she was asking herself. It would make sense, after all she must have considered the same action during her time with Ivastan if he had not used the makers commands to manipulate her into the creature she was today.
"Let me go." He tried one more time. He wasn't sure he wasn't sure he wanted to live, but nor was he sure he wanted to die either. It was just her, he couldn't stand, and he didn't have it in him to stake her, even if he could somehow find the ability to overpower her.
Bloody tears ran down his makers face, and through the emotional bond that tied them together, as maker and child, he could feel the conflict within her.
"I cannot live without you." It was said in a tone not much louder than whisper. It wasn't what he had expected her to say, the statement didn't correlate with her nihilistic beliefs.
She was going to have to. He put the stake towards his heart, with only a mere push needed to end his existence.
"No! Don't!... As your maker... I release you." Unexpectedly, a rush of emotion filled his very soul. His heart was heavy as if someone had hit him there, and his thoughts seemed dead silent compared to the moment before those words had be spoken. She had done it, he had done it. He was free. Free to make his own choices, and that included whether to live or to die.
He wasn't sure how long it had been that he had been occupied with the thoughts and feelings within his own head, but at some point Lorena had left, with no word and no indication of where she might be going. That was probably for the best, if either knew where each other was at this moment, they probably wouldn't be able to resist each other.
There were so many things he could or couldn't do now, it was a dilemma where to start. He could go back home, if he wished, though there would be nothing there for him now, but empty walls filled with echoes and demons of the past. No, he wasn't ready to go home yet, or maybe even ever. He had yet to explore this city, for Lorena had said they must keep a low profile if they had wished to stay long.
One thing was for sure, after all that emotion and fight within him, he was starving. He needed to feed. Only, it would be different this time: it was not only that he no longer to share his meal, but he could decide the fate of this one. He didn't have to kill them, if he didn't want to. It was his own decision, his choice. He could choose to be better, and not the monster that had been forced him.
It seemed bittersweet that the place he would try to reinvent himself would be California. Even before his birth, California seemed to be the place for those who wanted a better start. The Forty Niners had found success in their search for gold, and the west transformed by manifest destiny years later, with each event having its place in history. Of course that didn't mean everything was happy, the 100's of Native Indians killed, to achieve this was not highlighted nor the slavery, but for success there had to be sacrifices he knew that. Humanity could be just as cruel and cold as a vampire could be.
After composing himself he made his way out of the room, on to the street below. The sun had set only three hours ago, yet this street seemed full of life. A single street, thriving against the struggling America, during what the locals called 'The Great Depression'. It was something that inspired him, about humanity, no matter how dark the situation became, they managed to see a light at the end of it. They had done so during and the great war, and he was sure that they would do again.
Scanning the surrounding humans, he was trying to decide which one of them would be his meal for the night. To his right, a homeless man, singing against the cold wind. Nobody would notice if he disappeared briefly, and then just appeared on the street with some damage, if anything the people around here purposely ignored them, as they had their own problems to deal with. No, even if that was the case, he didn't think he could stand the stench to feed from him, he could smell it from here and it was revolting.
He scanned the street further, and the scent caught his attention before his eyes managed to sense where it was coming from. It was sweet, like the vanilla his wife used to put in the cakes she made on Sunday. It belonged to the woman coming out the back of some sort Cafe that the human's liked, a place named 'Clifton's Cafeteria'. At speed, he moved further towards her, as the girl seem to take a big breath and lean against the bins she just put the rubbish in. She must work there, as it would make no sense otherwise. He stepped forward slightly allowing the light from the Cafe to reflect off him a little. He didn't want to startle her, not if this was going to go nice and quietly, not if he wanted to keep her alive.
To give the girl credit, she noticed him quicker than humans usually did. Maybe that's just because she was younger and working a graveyard shift, on a busy street. Her head lifted to look at him, before back down at her own shoes. The move was quick, quick enough that only a vampire would spot the change in colour of her skin on her cheek. It was bruised, even in this light, he could see it. The predator within him, could tell that she was curious. Everything about him was built to draw the humans in, drawing the mouse into the Lion's nest.
"Mister?" she questioned, her voice soft but audible among the whistling wind. "The Boss doesn't like people hanging back here, bad for business apparently, but he operates a PAY WHAT YOU WISH policy, and if you can't afford it right now, he'll let you eat anyway" she finished. Right, she thought he was after food or something, hanging by the bins and all that. He supposed his appearance didn't help matters, his skin pale as the snow.
"Thank you, Miss" he replied politely, stepping closer towards her. He was definitely going to take her up on the offer to eat, though not in the way she was thinking. Before he knew it, he was closing in on the girl, letting the hunter within him take over momentarily. As the girl backed away from his advances the wall behind her, stopped her from going any further. He watched as her finger tips seem trace the brick that her back now lay against.
"Mister?" She questioned again. Her face and her lips seem to quiver as she saw his face and eyes change and his fangs drop from his mouth. "Please." They always seemed to beg, and he didn't know why. Was that some sort of human instinct ? It had been so long, he had forgotten what it was like to fight for survival. As his fangs ripped into her skin, he felt her wet tears drip against his shirt. As her blood made its way down his throat, it took over him, as if nothing else was in the world but him and the blood. He would have forgotten that there was girl within his grip if it wasn't for the muffled sobs every so often.
He could feel her pulse getting weaker, which meant he had to stop. He needed to stop or he would kill her. He couldn't have his first day with his own choices end up with a death, that would be setting him up to fail. He ripped himself away from her, fighting the predator within him. His arms no longer holder her body up, the body slumped to the floor, still crying and sobbing. He had done it though, she was still alive, and he had made that choice, a choice of his own. He would need glamour her though, then she wouldn't be crying anymore, and she could go back to her boring human life, and deal with whatever had caused the bruising on her face.
It took him moment to realize someone was watching him, leaning against the door with their arms folded across themselves. It wasn't a human somebody, they didn't have a pulse or a heartbeat that he could hear. Keeping his fangs out, he didn't know whether this person was a threat. He scanned them up and down. This man couldn't' be described as anything but flamboyant, by his demeanour and sense of fashion.
"You left her alive." He could not help but notice the slight French accent, to his words. It wasn't a question, he noticed, it was a statement. This vampire was older than him, he could tell. He wasn't as old as a Mr Northman he had met with his maker, but he definitely wasn't the same age as himself. "Interesting." The vampire then let his own fangs snap down over his lips, as Bill continued to stare at him.
"Malcolm?" a feminine voice called from behind. This man must have been Malcolm, for the voice wasn't loud enough for anything but vampire to hear the call. "While I'm glad, you seem to have found yourself a gentlemen friend for the night, I thought maybe I had taught you enough respect, to do as your maker asked you, before tending to your own needs." There was a playful tone in the woman's voice but that didn't mean lacked any sense of authority.
"As if I would do that, Mistress." The vampire replied coolly. This vampire must have been his maker, and an older one at that, it only seemed to be the older ones that demanded the respect from their child in such a way. "Found her, it just so happened that I found, this handsome man feeding on her." He seemed to choose his words with caution.
As the owner of the feminine voice came into view. He could not believe his eyes. The woman resembled Caroline, more than his eyes could take in. Was this his mind playing tricks on him ? Was it the blood? Had it gone to his head ? He felt the woman's eyes stare at his, as if they could see right through him and to his very soul.
"Was he now?" The older vampire questioned. "Well, What am I going to do about that ? Considering I claimed her." It was At that moment, that all three of them seemed to look in the direction of the sobbing girl.
What had he done? On the first night of making his own choices, he had fed on another Vampire's human. His choices were now his own, and so were the consequences.