Chapter Three

A battle of manliness

There were nicer taverns and inns in Sea Dunes, but Driftwood was the one Gordon frequented. They had everything a tavern in a tourist town should. A room for the night, card tables, scantily clad women, and even a stable that had no problem with buffamoos. Gordon had also become friends with the barkeeper and some of the help.

Gordon entered the stable first and looked for the help. He recognized the attendant immediately. The attendant appeared to be a tall man in his early thirties with dark hair and a large nose, but he was really an elf close to a century year old. His hat covered his ears.

"Hey Egan" Gordon said a little loud to get the elf's attention.

"Huh"? Egan said as he turned around. "Ah Gordon it's good to see you" he said with a large smile.

"Good to see you too. You look happy I know you didn't miss me that much." Gordon said.

"Yes, I've saved up enough money to start an inn of my own and just in time. Emmett sold out said he disliked all the hustle and bustle of Sea Dunes. He should almost be to Kardia by now" Egan told him and then added "I don't think the new owner takes well to the fact that I'm an elf either." His smile faded from his face as he said this.

"Ah what a shame, prejudice is everywhere, well anyway you know what to do with Buffus and my gear." Gordon tipped the elf and left the stables.

Gordon entered the bar and scanned his surroundings. The barkeeper was definitely not Emmett what a shame. His eyes happened upon an attractive red haired woman. His gaze moved on and landed on a man about his age that was even larger than him, though not taller.

Gordon walked past the card tables and took a seat at the bar a little ways in between the two figures that had caught his attention. The new bartender served him a drink. Who would he talk to first? If Emmett was here Gordon would talk to him first.

He found his gaze wandering back over to the woman. Their eyes met and Gordon smiled. Looks like it was ladies first, then she frowned and broke eye contact, or not...

He looked over to the large man who had short blonde hair and a bushy mustache. He seemed to be having a jolly old time with his companions.

Gordon got up and walked towards the man. His companions quieted when Gordon approached. The large man turned and seemed to size Gordon up.

"I've never seen any one bigger than me before…" the man said.

"Neither have I" Gordon said with a chuckle. "The name's Gordon".

"Name's Douglas. I think once you take all that armor off I'd be bigger." Douglas stated with a laugh.

"But I'd still be taller" Gordon responded then added " and stronger".

" I doubt it. I'm so strong when I plow my field I drag the plow and the horse does the guiding." Douglas boasted and laughed.

"Well I'm so strong I pull carriages around for fun" Gordon retorted sarcastically.

"Err…well I'm so brave I'd dash into a burning house to save the children" Douglas said proudly.

"Ah, but you would leave the parents in there to burn?" Gordon's question had Douglas's companions in an uproar of laughter.

" Hey that's not what I…" before Douglas could finish Gordon interrupted him.

"I'm so brave I would go kill the dragon that lit the house aflame."

"Grr… I'm so brave and strong I could take down an army of goblins" Douglas said.

"I'm so strong and brave I can take down an army of orcs" Gordon answered back.

"I'm so renowned for my bravery and strength people say I can defeat Terrable and Fiersome runs from my name!" Douglas practically shouted the last part.

"Oh... I'm so famous for my strength and bravery Aquaticus wanted me to guard his temple and Ventuswill wants me as her personal guardian." Gordon smiled as he said this knowing he had the upper hand since Douglas was getting flustered.

This went on for a while...Douglas would come up with something and Gordon would respond with something better. Douglas's companions got tired of the battle wits and left, but soon their banter had caught the rest of the bar's attention mostly because Douglas started to rant and get loud.

Gordon looked at the crowd that had gathered and noticed the red haired women had moved closer and seemed to be enjoying the competition. Maybe he would get to talk to her, but first he had to prove he was the bigger man. Than again maybe it would just be easier to prove Douglas wasn't all the man he claimed to be.

Douglas noticed Gordon had gone silent and took advantage of it and quickened his bragging and started to flex his muscles. He was talking so fast Gordon didn't think he would be able to get a word in even if he wanted to. Douglas began to strut around and started talking to the crowd more than Gordon.

"No one can beat these muscles, ain't nobody got a 'stache like mine, no man can be near as handsome as me, I am the greatest, I am the best!" Douglas struck a pose with the last part.

And just when Gordon thought it was all over Douglas started all over again, but with synonyms.

"Check out these forceps. Check out these biceps. Check out these triceps!" Douglas flexed all his arm muscles at once. "I've got the most gorgeous hair and mustache." He ran his fingers through his hair and twirled his mustache. "I'm the most beautiful man you'll ever see. I am the greatest, I am the best!" again he struck a pose.

Douglas continued on " I'm the strongest, I'm the greatest, I'm the best, yada yada yada, blah blah blah…

Gordon was getting sick of it. He was ready to leave the the bar and go talk to Egan some more when Douglas said something that caught his attention.

"I can out pack a buffamoo. I can out eat a De Sainte-Coquille. And I damn sure can out wrestle anybody. I am the greatest, I am the best!" Douglas struck his pose again.

"Hold on there Douglas" Gordon said before he started all over again. "Why don't you prove it."

"Alright! But we better go outside to wrestle or we'll wreck this place" Douglas said with glee.

"No. The first part" Gordon told him.

"OK. I'll out pack a buffamoo!" Douglas said. "But the nearest ranch is at least five miles from town and I ain't traveling that far at night".

"There's a buffamoo in the stables" Gordon said smugly.

"Err…" All of the sudden Douglas seemed unsure of himself and then he looked at the crowd. " Alright! We just need the owner's permission."

"You have my permission" and then it was Gordon's turn to speak to the crowd. "What do you say we take this outside folks?" The crowd roared with approval he heard Douglas curse in the background.

Gordon smiled as he led the way out of the bar. Buffus will put him in his place.