Owen just stared at me blank and confused.
How the hell was I going to reveal these dark memories of my past after Owen thought he knew everything about me?
"Teddy...I've known you for nearly 17 years, and you've never mentioned children in your life. You've mentioned wanting them, but never...having them...already." He pressed.
I started crying, hugging my belly tightly as Allison started moving around vigorously, probably in response to my aggravation.
"Shh, baby girl, it's okay." I whispered through my tears. Owen leaned forward, joining me in trying to calm the baby down.
"Teddy, what's going on?" He asked concerned.
I took a deep breath.
"Owen, I've never been happier in my life. Please don't doubt that. I just never thought I'd be having a baby right now, let alone with my best friend. Having her with you, it's-it's a miracle. But, finding out we're having a girl, starting to feel her move, it makes everything so much more real. And with that, memories came flooding back. Memories I've tried to block out." I said quietly.
"What...memories...Teddy, you've been pregnant before?" Owen asked, still confused as ever.
"Twice." I responded.
"Twice." Owen repeated, stunned.
"When I was 16. I found out I was pregnant the summer before my senior year of high school. I almost didn't have...him. But I did. And then I gave him away..." I burst into tears.
"Teddy..." Owen was stunned.
I waved my hands around, trying to diffuse my emotions.
"I know I made the right decision. I know I did what was best for him. I was mature for my age, yes, but I was not ready to be a teenage mother. I was focused on my impending career, and had a boyfriend who couldn't handle the reality of our situation. He didn't show up when I went into labor, in history class mind you, how cliché of a teen pregnancy. And he wasn't even there when he was born..."
Owen just continued to listen, nodding sympathetically and agreeably.
"He was so angry with me that I chose adoption. He wanted to raise the baby together, forget college and get married after high school." I scoffed.
"But," I breathed, "I fell in love with that baby over those 9 months. It's hard not to get attached to something that grows inside you," I looked down at my growing belly, one hand resting on it, "And when I looked at his face, I didn't want to let him go. I almost couldn't let him go. He was so beautiful and perfect." I said softly.
"Do you...know anything about him?" Owen asked.
"I know they moved to California when he was six weeks old, they were only staying in the city temporarily and that they named him Bradley." I nodded, thinking about it.
Owen just nodded along, probably not knowing what to say next.
"After that, I don't know. It was a closed adoption. Giving him up was the hardest thing I had ever done and I wanted to cut all ties. Let him go, move on. That's why I've never tried to find him, or mentioned him to anyone. Not even Allison. It was almost too painful to talk about." I said.
"I can only imagine." Owen replied.
There was a moment of silence, and I just stared off at the ceiling, absentmindedly rubbing my belly, where my sweet Allison finally started to relax.
"I think about him all the time. I named him for myself, Henry. Which is so ironic, considering..." I laughed thinking about my beloved late husband. The father of my OTHER child.
Owen nodded sympathetically.
"Speaking of..." I started.
"Your second pregnancy..." Owen said gently.
"Yes. Shortly after Henry died, I found out I was pregnant."
Owen's face looked pained.
"I was devastated. I didn't know if I could carry and give birth to my dead husbands baby, the thought was so painful. But I got attached, of course, I couldn't imagine aborting Henry's baby...my baby." I teared up again.
"So...what happened? I don't remember you saying anything about being pregnant..." Owen asked.
"I miscarried at 8 weeks. Right before I left for Germany. Fate had made the decision for me apparently." I said thickly.
"Oh my god. Teddy, I had no idea. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. With both of your pregnancies. But I do know the pain of losing a child..." Owen said with a thick layer of hurt in his voice.
Cristina's abortion. The child Owen wanted so deeply. I just nodded slowly, we didn't talk about it any further.
"So," I said trying to be more upbeat, patting my belly, "this little girl here, is my third." I looked at Owen with wide eyes and a soft smile.
Owen smiled back, his eyes sparkling. He leaned over and started placing kisses all over my belly. I laughed at the tickled sensation from his lips and Allison's flutters. Then he stopped, and looked up at me.
"And she will be perfect. Healthy and beautiful, just like her mommy. Right little miss? Are you going to be perfect?" Allison responded to Owens question with a series of soft stirs.
Then we just stared at each other, both marveling over what I just shared with him and our little girl. Suddenly he leaned forward, cupped my face and kissed me passionately. Then he pulled away almost as fast as he came.
"I'm sorry, I just-I'm sorry." He backed away.
"Owen...I'm not." and with that I leant forward and kissed him back.