Hey guys! I know it's been a long while since I've last posted. Thing happened in my life. Some good things but mostly bad. I got over Jane because another woman entered my life and I didn't feel I needed to write about her anymore. Well that woman left my life without a word and I'm back with this story again. Of course. So I hope you enjoy. I'm so behind in the months, but I think I'll just catch up soon to present time. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

Saturday is here. SATURDAY IS HERE! The concert is finally here! And I pretty much get to stand next to Jane all day! We had rehearsal in the morning before the concert and then we would have pizza before the 2pm call time for the concert. I just couldn't wait to be next to her. I was so excited that my stomach had butterflies, I was nervous and excited and I just couldn't wait for it.

I became late to rehearsal because my ride had gotten caught in traffic so the husband came to pick me up instead so therefore I walked in the door about 10 minutes late to rehearsal but it was fine. Things were going to be okay and the piece they were playing was one of the ones I was completely fine on and didn't have any kind of worry on it. My eyes immediately went to Jane, god she looked so beautiful ringing those bells. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. The way the lights were shining on her beautiful red hair. The way her eyes were focused on the music, her hands playing the bells. I even thought I saw a smirk come from her as I came in next to her and she briefly said where we were at in the music and we rehearsed.

Once we finished rehearsing I noticed that a few people had trickled in to come early, but not to many yet and we all headed back to one of the churches classrooms to have the pizza. I just hoped there was just cheese. I didn't like much of anything else. Luckily they did and I had a single slice. I wasn't much of hungry since my stomach was nervous. Jane didn't sit next to me which was fine, I felt only slight disappointment but it was fine because I got to watch her from afar. After eating I was one of the first to leave and walk out back to the sanctuary. I decided to take an Instagram photo for the bells and made sure everything was ready to go. Jane came back and since I had brought the program from the concert I asked her to autograph it, I finally got her signature. I felt like I would always be her #1 fan! It was great! I then walked out into the hallway since that would be where we entered for the concert.

I socialized some with the people who stood on the other side of me in the line because we would be walking in and starting the concert right away, but mostly I just stood there. I watched Jane almost the entire time. I noticed immediately when her boyfriend arrived for she held the door for him as he came in the church. Damn he was here. Well I guess he did care to show up. I felt extremely jealous. But I figured it would happen since he did come to the band concert as well. It just got hard to watch her but I did. My eyes were on her and I would only pretend to be looking at something else when I saw her face looking towards me, I've had many practice with people I crushed on. Looking away when they look at me. But I watched the back of her head wondering what it would be like if she was mine. How much I'd be kissing her, taking her in my arms. Feeling her in an embrace and telling her that the concert was going to be really great and she was going to do completely amazing. But I couldn't do any of that. I just had to watch from afar.

Soon it was 2pm and it was time to start the concert. Jane came and stood in front of me as our back line of the bass bells walked up to our places. I couldn't help but glance down at her. Damn even from behind she was beautiful. But then I focused on her head I didn't want her boyfriend to think I was checking her out. We came to our positions and with a few words of introduction from our director we started the concert.

Even with a few mess ups from Jane and at one point of the concert almost made me laugh so hard I had to hide my smile from behind our music stand it went pretty well. After one particular song I looked up at the video camera that was recording us for the concert and I said, "I love you Jane." right to it, the director had mentioned that there would be recordings and so I said what I said, if she noticed great but I'm sure the quality of the video camera was not really going to pick up my mouth movements. So I was safe but I said it and felt better.

As the concert ended there was applause that got the congregation to their feet. I had noticed that two people from my church and workplace had come to see and one of the people was in my own bell choir and in fact my duet partner. She seemed to have really enjoyed the concert she told me afterwards. All too soon the bars of the railway on the stairs of the altar were back in place, the bells were back downstairs, the pads and tables all put away and I watched as Jane left. I said to myself, "Goodbye Jane. I hope we see each other again." I knew I was in trouble. The next rehearsal for bells wasn't even going to be until after Christmas, even after New Year's Day. This was going to be one long fucking month. I loved her, but there was nothing I could do about it.

Soon I was back home. And it was time to just relax. And I did playing League of Legends into the night before I fell asleep for church the next day.

The next day came and went and then all of a sudden on Facebook I got an invite. Jane had invited me to her annual gingerbread making house party and it was going to be this upcoming Friday! I had gotten the invite minutes after she posted it, but as much as I wanted to accept and say yes, I held back, I didn't want to seem too desperate to be able to get to her house. So I didn't actually respond until the following day saying yes. And even by that time nobody else had said that they were coming as well. Huh and she had invited many friends and most hadn't even seen it, I don't know why not. She was amazing. Maybe because her friends just didn't have the time or the means or whatever reason. I just knew I wouldn't miss spending a night with Jane at all. I was falling more in love with her every day and there was just no stopping it. I loved her. More than I had loved any other person by far in my life. And I knew it was wrong and I shouldn't, but I did and I was and I is.

This was just going to be a very long week. Friday couldn't get here any sooner...

Finally Friday was here! It took forever to get here! But it finally was, I texted Jane and asked her when she would want me over there, she even said she'd come and pick me up. So as soon as I got home from work I hopped in the shower and I thought about the fact that I was going to be at her house, deep down I kinda hoped nobody else would show up. I also prayed that her boyfriend wouldn't even be in the same room like it was when we had hung out last time, I doubt it would happen but I could dream right? That morning my landlady had taken me to the store before I had gone to work and I bought all kinds of colorful candy for the gingerbread house making, gumdrops, M&Ms, Skittles, colorful marshmallows, you name it I bought it. As I got out of the shower Jane had texted me saying she was here, oops, I didn't plan that out right. I mentioned to her that she could come in, she had my Christmas present from her to give to me and so as I finished getting dressed and started packing up all the candy she came up to the door and handed me the present. I also had baked my mom's homemade chocolate chip cookies the previous night and so I packed those up as well. I had put in almost double the amount of chocolate chips because I knew Jane loved chocolate and as I had baked them I baked them with as much love as I possibly could put into the cookies. I didn't necessarily kiss each everyone I had made, but I may have just as well had.

I got into the car with Jane and she drove us off back to her house. We talked about the party I asked her, "So anybody else coming?"

"Yeah, Kyan has his friend over and Mary has her and her friend Patrick so far, I think somebody else is coming, maybe Claire, but I'm not sure if she's going to show."

"Ah, well I wouldn't have missed this, sides I had literally nothing else to do myself."

"Ahh nice."

We talked about other things that didn't really matter and got to her house. Walking inside I was greeted by Pam and Zo her dogs. I petted both as I could with a backpack on and a bowl of baked cookies. Then I set the bowl of cookies down and followed Jane into the living room to take out the candy and put out the table so it was ready for the gingerbread house making. She was shocked out how much candy I had bought. I told her hey I didn't know what to buy so I bought a little of everything! She laughed, "It's okay." I even had bought my favorite Moscaoto Barefoot white wine because I wanted her to know my favorite wine and she poured a glass of it for me, but she drank her favorite drink instead saying she might have some later.

Kyan indeed was there with his friend who seemed to already be drunk already. It wasn't that late even yet, only about 6pm but whatever floated their boats I supposed. All my attention was on Jane though, without being obvious I watched her as much as I dared. With her boyfriend in the room, when she changed rooms so did I. I also made myself useful. When we moved the house making table over, when we went to her garage to grab extra chairs, I even helped make the frosting, even though my arm got a little tired holding the beater up I still kept going, I wasn't going to show that I was tired, because being by her side while doing all these kind of things felt so good to me. I was helping her out making sure she wasn't overworking herself and in someways her boyfriend didn't do shit. He mostly sat on the couch, drank beer, and played video games. Which the video games part was cool I agree but he never invited me or Jane to play. Maybe she didn't like those games I'm not sure, but for the most part he just stayed away. All I wanted to do was wrap her up in my arms and hold her close and never let her go.

Finally the one girl who came with Patrick, I think her name was Mary. Her, Jane, and I started making our houses. I didn't know what the hell I was doing but I tried my best, I looked into my memory bank of gingerbread houses in movies and tv shows that I had watched and kinda just took it from there. We spent a couple of hours making our houses and I was the first to finish mine. According to Mary and Jane mine was the best, but I disagreed I thought Jane's was the best, but anything Jane did I thought was the best. I was biased. I loved her. On the side of gingerbread making Jane had also baked sugar cookies and so those were wanting to be decorated as well. I made a few of those as well just to pass the time. Mary sat across from Jane at the table we were at and I sat next to Jane myself. I wanted to sit close but I held my distance. Especially with him there.

All too soon we were cleaning up and I got a little sad, I would be leaving soon, I doubt she'd say I could spend the night even if I did drink alcohol, I had sort of day dreamed on the way home from work that she would just say I could spend the night because she had drunk too much. Which would've been fine, I even brought my contact lens case just in case that would happen. After coming out of the bathroom though I found out that we were all going to play a video game. Kyan's friend was passed out drunk on the solo couch and Mary and Patrick had left by then but the other woman, Claire had finally come right as we finished our gingerbread houses. And her, me, Kyan, and Jane all played this detective type of game. I didn't know what it was called, nor did I pay much attention to it. No all my focus and attention was on Jane. Claire was sitting on a different chair but on the couch sat Kyan, Jane, and then me. With the excuse of animals I dared to sit right close to Jane. So close in fact that our thighs were touching each other.

I felt all warm inside. I had never sat this close to her before, let alone anyone this close in such a long time that the fire in my basement was burning. Luckily things became less awkward, at least maybe awkward for her, for me I loved it. But her cat came up to lay on us as well as Zo. Zo was a small dog Pam would've been too big to lay on us. But in order to brush Jane's thigh or arm I petted her animals just as an excuse to touch her unintentionally but intentionally at the same time. I just hoped she wouldn't notice.

I did however notice that the game we were playing she had her iPad on her boyfriends lap and he had his arm wrapped around her and it felt like she was leaning away from me but I'm not sure if that was just because of the angle she was sitting at. And the four of us gamers had to use the iPad to correspond to what was happening on the tv screen even though it was a PS4 game. But like I said, I didn't hardly pay much attention, and mostly I chose the answers that Jane had chosen and in the game you could vote for a member of the group that related the most on certain topics. I chose Jane every time because unlike the trivia game that I had played with Jane and Kyan weeks ago, this game didn't tell other people what you chose. So I made sure I chose Jane every time.

At one point after a chapter ended in the game I reached for my glass of wine to take a sip and I felt the movement of Jane as she wanted her drink as well. Immediately I responded and reached out to her glass to give it to her. Her boyfriend had been slow on the uptake, he was a few seconds behind my hand as I reached for the glass for her. I was atuned to Jane and I had beat him to the glass to give it to her, for my brain that was an accomplishment and showed me how slow of a response he had to her wants and needs. I was on the edge of my seat with Jane and I felt proud. Her and Kyan may have felt awkward and she made sure her glass was within reach after that happened, but I didn't feel awkward at all. I just knew how much I was focused on Jane and not the game. Me not focused on video games was something unheard of if you knew who I was and how much I loved video games, but this night I loved Jane so much more. All I wanted to do was just hold her, snuggle her, cuddle her, kiss her. But I couldn't, I wasn't that type of person.

Subtly when the cat got off and Zo spread more out on me and Jane I realized something, her pets loved me and for the most part they stayed mostly on me and Jane and hardly even was near Kyan. As I kept petting Zo I subtly made the 'I love you' sign without saying any words as I petted Zo. I'm not sure if she ever noticed, Jane that is. She had told me she knew sign language, but I wasn't sure if she was even paying attention to me or my hands, but the feeling of telling her I loved her through sign language while touching her at the same time I felt amazing power. I never wanted to leave this moment, I never wanted to leave this house or her, I didn't want to go home. I just wanted to confess my love for her I loved her so much. But alas I didn't say a word. Even if I was tipsy, I knew better than to do that to her. Ruin our friendship, ruin the chance to ever hang out with her again, and ruin everything I've built up with her as far as friendship goes.

All too soon we had finished the 2nd chapter of the game and Claire announced that it was time for her to go home since she had work early in the early morning, I groaned internally this was it. Jane was going to take me home now. And there was nothing I could do about it to just stay here with her forever.

It took awhile however to wake up Michael, Kyan's friend and I found out Claire's boyfriend. Oh great so I was the only one at the party tonight that didn't have a "partner" terrific. He was so drunk, and almost didn't even wake up at all he was so groggy. But finally he was out and it was time for me to go home, I didn't even bother asking to spend the night, I knew that Jane wouldn't even let me. I don't think we were even that close yet anyways, and if she didn't even offer, I wasn't going to ask. We walked outside once I got all my stuff together and me being tipsy it was harder to get over her gate so much so she actually grabbed my hand as I got myself over the fence. I let go immediately, I had felt something. A sort of like a shock, I didn't know if Kyan was watching as we left, but I didn't want to give him any ideas. I think she had jumped at my sudden release of her hand and I almost regretted doing it so fast. A slow let go of her hand would've been normal, not a flick of my wrist as if she were contagious. Way to go ZS, way to make it not obvious. Oh well I'd just tell her I was tipsy so that she would know it wasn't intentional. I just hadn't wanted to let go... That was the hardest part.

We got into her car and drove back to my house. After she left I walked into my room set down my bag and gingerbread house, quickly got into my pajamas and crashed in bed, but not before the tears flowed for at least an hour. Ouch. My heart hurt...

I debated whether or not to include the gingerbread making house a part of this chapter, but since it's been so long, I need to catch up to irl right now! So I decided to combine the concert and the house making together. I think I'll start going off course of what actually happened in real life right now. I'm tired of trying to catch up to what's actual factual information, some parts still will be, but I think it's time to explore my creative juices. Plus I'm still in love with her, and I want to romance her in my story soon. So be prepared that next time, it won't be all 100% what actually happened! Thanks for reading! :)