So here we are a few days later guys, I've had to retype this due to my computer restarting itself again. I hate when it does that for I don't save what I write in here if it takes me a couple of days to write. And it seems like my computer likes to restart when I'm not even home.. But anyways I'm finally going to delve into not complete 100% nonfiction writing today. I'm going to start writing what's in my desires, dreams, fantasies, and passions. I'm super excited to get all of the backstory of the characters pretty much solid. I'll continue with that, but now I'm going to write about what's in my heart. Hope you enjoy and thank you!

The last few weeks passed by slower than anything. Christmas came. It went. New Years Day came and went and I was finally back home again after the holidays and happy to be. I felt so lonely at home. I mean I had my dog brother Sirius and my parents, but I felt like I was missing something or rather someone. Jane. I thought about her the entire time I was home and not a moment passed I didn't think about her, eating dinner with my family, opening gifts, especially her opening my gifts. I just wish she could've been here with me, but she was with her boyfriend back in Oregon on a trip to visit his mother and sister. I felt like I was abandoned by her but I couldn't couldn't control that at all she wasn't mine. And it hurt alot for I loved her more and more each day we were apart and I couldn't wait to see her again when bell choir started up the first week of January, well that and I was joining her community band as well the same week so it would be guaranteed that I would see her twice a week every week for many months.

It got so bad that I had even started going to therapy once a week and in the first session I told the therapist about Jane, how much I loved her as well as the fact she was not single. As part of my New Years Resolution I said to myself that I would be uploading 3 videos a day to YouTube, and streaming 7 times a week 5 days of the week. I was starting a whole new thing with this. I was going to do it and actually last more than a month this time. I was going to try and make it until summer when my work schedule changes. I also knew I would have to be eating more at least twice a day. To keep my strength but also to appease everyone. If I slipped back into depression again I would be going back to the dark path I had been in in the previous month.

Now finally I finished the first week of January with my new schedule I had started on Tuesday with the new schedule and now it was finally Sunday. And tonight I would get to go to bell choir tonight and finally see Jane again. What was better was that tomorrow as well she would be also coming to pick me up and take me to band rehearsal. For she'd be my ride every week and I'd be able to sit in a car with her for almost 20 minutes, just her and me. But first things first bell choir was tonight and it was going to be even more time with her nearby for we were preparing for a new schedule because we had to make sure the concert date was okay and all the rehearsal times so we were fed tacos before we actually started reading through all of the music.

Heading down to bells I was anxious, I even was the first person to leave the food room to go. Jane hadn't even moved yet she was still sitting in the corner by herself probably playing Pokemon Go on her phone, I was excited to start reading new music, but I was also excited to stand next to Jane again. There had been a new person up in the room and I prayed he wouldn't stand inbetween me and Jane. Thankfully it didn't end up being that way. Jane would be playing mostly what she had last winter only a bell less, she'd be dealing with bells C4-E4 and I would take F4-A4. If you're musical you'd understand what that means, here's a hint readers, it's bass clef the low C through the top line A.

All the time talking to Jane when I could I'd crack jokes, it was just like old times in rehearsal, she'd crack a smile even laugh sometimes and I felt proud that I could do that with her. She still couldn't look at me, but if she was happy I was happy. All too soon the rehearsal was ending and I was sad, but not as sad because I knew I would totally see her tomorrow. As she left the room I whispered after her, "Goodnight Jane, see you tomorrow, I love you." Getting home I felt good about myself, tomorrow was starting another week of streaming and this time I would be streaming 7 times instead of just 5 like the previous week. I hope I could make it until the end of the week! But it didn't matter, I was focused on getting to tomorrow night. I had to, and I couldn't wait.

Tomorrow was finally here, I had had a good day of streaming and I was planning on streaming again before the night was out after rehearsal. I had played SWTOR and progressed my top Republic character, I was addicted to the game and I was happy my stream had gone well, I had gotten $5.00 bit donations as well as a couple of new followers and so I was in a really good mood for band. I kept looking at the clock, I texted Jane to make sure that she indeed was coming tonight and she said she was and she'll be there soon. I paced upstairs for about 15 minutes anxiously waiting for her to arrive. For 10 min there and 10 min back home I'll be in the same car with her. God I loved her. More than anything. And it hurt also more than anything that she wasn't single so I could show her the world. Tonight would be the first time ever and the longest time I'd be with her alone and my palms were sweating, my heart was beating frantically, and I was completely all mopey dopey in love.

Then I saw headlights as she pulled up next to the house, I smiled grinning from ear to ear, "Rytsas Jane." I grabbed my trombone and music folder and headed outside to her car. She motioned to put the horn just in the backseat and I got in. I had forgotten already that her seat belts were automatic as I tried to reach for it automatically with muscle memory, "Damn it Jane, I always forget, I'm not used to this!" She laughed at me, "Are you laughing at me!?"

"It's just funny." I smiled, least I could get her to smile.

"Let's ride!" And we were off, I was so nervous that I just kept talking her ears off. I tried holding back and I succeeded a few times letting her get a couple sentences in, but I was just so happy to be in the car with her. And that was another thing, she smelled wonderful. I don't know if she wore perfume, but I think she did or something, because she was so lovely.

Even for 10 minutes we arrived shorter than I thought possible and I was slightly disappointed, I wanted a whole car ride with her to talk and get to know her, but we arrived at the campus. We got out and headed for the building. I let her lead the way for she knew where she was going and I had no clue. We came to the band room and we pulled out our instruments (she played euphonium) and I hung around her until I saw more of my section, I didn't want to leave her side as she sat on her chair, but I had to sit with my section so I did. Rehearsal was great! I really loved this! And the music was decent enough although the director ended up getting rid of one of my favorite ones we sightread and afterwords I knew that this is where I wanted to be every Monday night.

Getting back into the car I just prayed the trip would be a long one back home. I didn't want to leave Jane. I didn't want her to go back home, I was so in love with her. No, not was, is. I AM in love with her, this isn't some school girl crush that will go away when another person entered my life, no. I love her.

"Well we are here Zeenz."

I looked up, "Well lookie there, we are.." I hesitated, come on Zeenz ask her, "Hey do you want to hang out this weekend? I'm busy until Friday with my new schedule of streaming, but we haven't hung out in 2019 yet."

"I'll have to see and check with Kyan, but I'll let you know okay?"

It'll have to do, "Sure! I can wait!" I got out of her car and grabbed my horn and music and as I waved goodbye as she pulled away I said outloud, "Geros ilas Jane, avy jorrāelza." Which meant, goodbye Jane, I love you. I then watched until I couldn't see her car anymore before going into my house. Surprise surprise I slept really well that night.

"JANE!" I screamed.

"Zeenz! Help me please!"

Jane and I were at a cliff face, Jane had just fallen over the edge and she was trapped inside of a caved in cave. We were mountain climbing when all of a sudden the snap of her cable almost stopped my heart, she sounded okay, but she was trapped. I HAD to get to her! I let loose my rope a little bit to get lower and closer to her, I reached the little crevice where I could hear and see her and yelled, "Are you okay? Anything broken?"

"I don't think so, lemme try and shift some of this rock away, damn cable, I knew it was old but fuck this is ridiculous." I heard some shuffling as she moved giant rocks to try and clear a hole. I also helped from the outside, I looked over the horizon, it was nearing sunset, it was supposed to be romantic. We go rock walling and watch the sunset, but this was not in the plan. Finally after a couple of minutes we cleared enough space for her to fit through. I lowered the rope even further and felt my legs support me as I landed on the rock face above the hole. It seems I would have to lift her out of the hole with as much strength as I could, there was no way she could climb walls or anything, it was just a hole in the ceiling of the roof with no supports for how many feet around her.

"I'm going to have to lift you Jane."

"Zeenz you aren't strong enough, I'm not exactly skinny, I'm a hippo remember you calling me that."

I felt myself go read, "That is NOT true Jane. I'd never call you a hippo! Come on, sun is going away, and it's a good view. You have to trust me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'd never let you go. Now on the count of three you jump and I'll grab you, you grab me as best you can. Alright?"

"Fine. As we have no other option."

"Okay count of 3... 3."

"2.."

"1!" I shouted and she jumped, it was as if she suddenly became a kangaroo and she sprung up towards me. Determined I grabbed her arms with both hands and split second later she had her arms around my arms. Air seemed to have escaped my lungs as her face was suddenly up towards me, we were inches apart. Damn she could go into the Olympics with that kind of jump. Using my back muscles and legs I heaved her up out of the hole, "I-almost got- you." I breathed. Suddenly I saw her falling in front of me but I screamed, "NO!" I pulled with the strength of being completely in love with her and I pulled her completely out of the hole, she then toppled on me as I was on my back, her above me. Her knee was in between my legs and we both gasped for air. Faces inches apart. I then felt her hug me.

"You saved my life Z. Thank you."

"Always..." I looked into her eyes, they were so beautiful I felt like I already melted into them, she glanced off into the distance, the sunset was bright yellows and oranges, but mostly yellow, her favorite color. But the sunset wasn't the thing that was beautiful it was her. The sunlight made her reddish hair glow something I had never seen before. Her hands were on either side of my head as she held herself above me. God. She was the most beautiful woman in the world. I couldn't ask for a better moment between us, I had wanted to stare in her eyes for a long time and now for once she didn't look away. I don't think she even could now. Before I knew it she leaned down and she kissed me. Heaven erupted. Heat flew straight to my center. I was no longer sweating, no longer cold, my heart filled overflowing of love which poured from my body into her. My eyes fluttered closed and I was in pure bliss...

BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP. BLEEP. BLE-I shut off my alarm. God damn it. That good a of a dream and I woke up? Fuck. It seemed so real. And Jane. FUCK. She was so beautiful and amazing and I was completely in love with her. Like I said, no denying it. It was time to start my day, this was going to be a good day. For it was Friday, the weekend. I wondered if Jane wanted to hang out tonight or tomorrow. Hmm I'll text her.

Z: Hey! So hanging out still?

A few minutes later she replied back, quick too. Which was nice.

J: Yeah! I keep my word, I'll pick you up after work, how's 6 sound?

Z: Perfect! Can't wait until tonight!

And I decided to leave it at that, I'd get plenty of chances talking to her tonight, didn't want her to feel overwhelmed with how much I wanted to chat with her right now though. I sprung out of bad singing as I got dressed, flipped on my computer and got my breakfast. I'd have to go work a couple hours at the church and then do a short stream today but it was well worth it. Because I would get to see the woman I loved by the end of the night. And I was so EXCITED! I'd been waiting for this for months to see her! I hoped it would be just similar to the gaming night we had had last year. Because for me that was one of the best nights of my life. Just being next to her all night.

Work came and went. I even composed more of a song that I was writing about Jane. I was composing a song completely about her, it mostly was a saddened song one whom showed that someone could love someone who is with another. But it didn't matter, it came from my heart and I was excited to finally get the chorus done after I finished the first two versus. It was an interesting song, not the typical chords you hear in most pop songs, nah this was like some sort of ballad, chords everywhere and all different. I liked to compose things very differently, made it more unique and I wouldn't get striked for copyright for sure.

I came home and did a short stream, it was Friday so I played League, I played with a few friends but in the end it was just me streaming to myself and nobody was around, thank goodness I won the last few games before I was shutting up the stream, as the outro song was playing I had gotten a text from Jane.

J: I'll be over in 1/2 hour.

It was sent 15 minutes ago, uh oh! Better get ready now! I quickly packed my contacts (just in case I stayed over late again) and water, keys, and a change of clothes. Hey! You never know if a sudden blizzard would erupt and I'd be 'forced' to stay there. Not like I'd complain, I'd gladly sleep on her couch if it meant spending the night knowing Jane was right in the same house next to me! I walked out of my room and up the stairs to the kitchen and my landlady was watching a game of some sort, football, though don't ask me who was playing for I don't care much about sports. Soon I saw Jane's headlights as she pulled into the driveway. With a wave of my hand and a confirmation that I still had my house keys I grabbed my backpack and walked outside into the brisk air.

I walked over to the car and threw my backpack into the backseat as I then proceeded to get in the front. When I sat down, I was reminded yet again of the automatic seat belts, "Hey!" I was grinning ear to ear. I was so happy I was going to her house again! Oh what we would do!

"Hey Zeenz, mind if we stop somewhere before heading back home? Kyan asked if I could get some dog food at the store."

"I'm in no rush, let's go." She pulled out of the drive and I couldn't help but glance at her, she was so damn beautiful tonight. It looked like she had straightened her hair, and she was wearing that sweater again, the one she wore at the final bell choir rehearsal before the winter concert. God she looked so sexy in it. I looked forward again. Fuck, don't think like that Z.

"How was your week?"

"It was alright, finally not doing 'learning stuff' anymore actually doing work." I chuckled. "What?"

"Oh you don't want to be a trainee forever huh?"

"No!" She smiled, "How was streaming?"

"It went well, lost a few games today, but overall good. Played with Sparky for awhile until he left."

"That's good."

By that time we arrived at the store and we got out and walked inside. I automatically picked up all the smells of pet food when we entered, my tiger nose was that overly sensitive. Sometimes I swore it was a curse. We walked over to the dog food and she debated something before finally choosing, "Damn should've grabbed a cart, didn't realize there was a sale that the cheaper dog food is the heaviest."

"Hey am I chopped liver?" I didn't even let her answer that as I walked over and grabbed the dog food to fling across my shoulders.

"Don't hurt yourself Zeenz!"

"Meh this is nothing, this all you needed? I've got this, no problemo!"

"Yeah that's all he said we needed tonight, Pam and Zo haven't been fed yet."

"Well we better get back then!" I started speed walking, "Catch me if you dare!"

"Zeenz!" I saw her face flush as she raced after me, I was fast though. Speeding down the isles getting towards the front of the store, I almost ran into one person but I quickly cut to the other side of the lane and kept going suddenly coming to a halt in the line. Jane coming short of me seconds later, "Are you crazy?!"

"Wouldn't be that bad would it?" I smirked.

She chuckled, "Just be careful. That food could cost me if you rip it open here."

"Meh it ain't happened so it won't happen." We stepped closer to the counter and got called up. Jane paid for the food and we were off to her car to finally get to her place.

Upon arriving at her house we got out and I let her lead the way into her her house. Taking off our jackets she walked into the living room and I followed. Yep there was Kyan on the couch watching Family Guy. Of course, why would he be doing anything else. I looked away as she kissed him saying she was home again. I still didn't hear him mutter a "I love you". I felt awkward in the doorway so I turned around and went to my backpack to grab my water bottle and take a swig, I was feeling thirsty after I talked just about the whole way here. I looked around her kitchen, it was a bit messy dishes in the sink and boxes of non refrigerated food on the counters. Does her boyfriend even help clean up at all or does he laze about after he gets home from work? I mean I shouldn't complain, my room looks like this, but if I was living with someone it wouldn't be because I'd have the urge to clean. I did with my ex at least. Now a days I just don't clean it because why bother when nobody comes to see my room anyways.

As I stood there Pam came over and she had a toy in her mouth. Well this is bonding time for the puppy, if I couldn't show my love for Jane, I could show it to her animals. They were sweet and even though Zo was hers I felt like Pam was mine. I preferred bigger dogs anyways, could play rougher with them and not feel like I'm breaking anything like teeth with rope or something. Speaking of Pam had brought her rope so I started growling and playing with her right in the kitchen. She roughed up her head and play growled at me as I tried to get the rope from her, finally I managed and I faked threw it across to the living room. She bounded off thinking I threw it and I started laughing. When she turned around I swung the rope loosely in my hand as she came trotting back up to me, before she could reach me I really threw it into the other room. I laughed as I came into the door way.

I glanced at Jane and Kyan and they were on the couch together almost cuddling, I just wanted to gag, but I held myself back. I knew this would happen. I'm just the 3rd wheel once again on this outing. I sat on the recliner next to the couch and waited to see if Jane would say or do anything. She leaned up and away from Kyan, "Alright Zeenz what do you want to do? PS4? Wii?"

"I'm down with whatever you guys want to do."

"Let's go downstairs and play some Mario then. Coming Kyan?" She looked to him

"Nah. You two have fun." I could've predicted those words out of his mouth.

Jane and I walked downstairs and soon we were playing Mario. We made it through a couple more levels from the last time I came over and she kept dying alot, but it didn't matter I was having fun at least, "Having fun?" I asked.

"Well if you don't mind me sucking." She chuckled, I just smiled really big, "What!?"

"Nothing, not a thing Jane. It's why I'm so much better than you!" I teased.

"Oh really? How about a round of darts again, refresh your memory huh?"

"Deal!" We got up and walked over towards her dart board and she picked up the darts. I let her go first and it was a fairly good throw. I just focused more or less not putting holes in her wall. I managed to succeed and I did for the most part, but I ended up losing the game. "So what do I owe you Miss Jane?"

"Oh nothing it's just a game."

"Nah I feel like I owe you something, I'll think of something." It was true, every time Jane beat me at something I felt like I owed her something. And it wasn't really an owe when I am in love with her. It just felt like we had a connection when I gave her something. I wanted to give her everything. For sure Kyan wasn't doing shit about it, when he doesn't even marry her. It pissed me off. Oh well I wasn't gonna delve my mind that way. It was in the here and now. And right now I was going to be here completely for Jane. After darts she went back upstairs to grab some drinks. She had her favorite of cream vodka and when I tried it last time it was really delicious. I was kinda happy to have some more that I could drink. We went back downstairs and just talked as we played a simple mindless game that didn't take a lot of thought. Wii Party. After a few more hours she said it was time for me to head back home. Damn guess no spending the night. Well at least I had fun gaming with her again. I wondered briefly if Kyan ever played with her or if he just sat on the couch all the time. I didn't give it much thought as we went back upstairs.

She went into the living room as I heard Family Guy still playing as she said goodbye and she'd be back soon. I didn't even hear a kiss as she came into the kitchen. I said goodbye to her puppies and kitties and we were off in her car on the way home. I didn't want to go back inside my house. I wasn't going to see her again for another few days and to me it was like a lifetime. I had been looking so forward to this day, but now it was over and I didn't want it to be.

She pulled into the driveway and idled. I went to get out of the car, but the door was locked, "Um the doors locked, I mean if you wanted to keep me here I can." I joked.

"Zeenz.." I turned my head to her, her hands on the steering wheel and she was looking straight ahead. What was going on?

"What's up?" I was scared, and thinking, what did I do wrong? Things were going through my mind at to what I had said tonight during our conversations or something.

"Look. I know Zeenz.." Now I was terrified. I looked from her to the front. Know what? "I know you like me." I quickly looked back at her and then back to front again. I was in deep shit.

"Yeah of course I like you, you're fun to be around, you're my only friend here, you're a great per-"

"No Zeenz. I know you like me more than friends don't deny it." I watched as she looked over at me and I looked to her. Fuck.

"I- Jane. Don't-"

"It's okay Zeenz, I don't hate you for showing your true feelings to me, I've known for a long time. It's okay."

"I'm sorry." I turned back to the front and tried to unlock the door but it was still looked, "I should go Jane. I'm sorry."

"Zeenz. Stop. Look at me." I turned to face her, but for once she was actually looking into my eyes. I looked away and down, "Look at me."

"I'm so sorry Jane. Really I'm not the type of person to split someone up. I'm sorry. Now you know I can stop this. You just needed to know now you do I can get over it. It'll be gone within weeks."

"Look at me Zeenz." I looked up, she was still staring at me her hands were in her lap, "You aren't splitting us up in any way at all Zeenz. He knows about you liking me too."

I choked, "What!"

"Don't worry he's not that upset. He knows nothing will happen. He's okay with you liking me and he knows that I'm bisexual and he knows that I'm also poly."

"Poly..." I said slowly.

"Yeah kind of like if I dated you and still be committed to him it's okay. I like you Zeenz, it's just taken me awhile to see it."

"Poly..."

"Is that all you can say?"

"Jane. I don't want to split you guys up..."

"Like I said, I'm poly. I just wish you were more truthful about your feelings, I couldn't wait any longer for you to finally admit your feelings. You're hurting yourself over me and I couldn't bear your pain any more."

"How long have you known?"

"Since Christmas, when I opened up your gifts. Making something like that for me, I knew you liked me."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be it's okay!" There was a silence then as we both sat there as my sudden love for her grew even more as she sat there. She knew. She knew and didn't even reject me. Literally what was happening right now. Could this be a dream? Was I going to wake up at all? Surely I had gotten home hours ago and I was just in my bed going to wake up and it all be a dream. Just like the one I had last night with the cliff face. "Zeenz, earth to Zeenz."

I shuddered, no this wasn't a dream. This was actually happening. "Wait. So Jane. Does that mean you are interested in me?" I turned back to face her, I had to see her reaction.

She looked away a brief moment, "I haven't felt like this for awhile Zeenz. This kind of excitement and happiness that you make me laugh all the time. It's been awhile since I've felt this way with Kyan. It'd be nice to have it all again."

"So I'm just a guinea pig then for you?"

"No. That's not what I've been saying you're putting words in my mouth."

"I'm sorry. I just feel like I'm dreaming, can you pinch me?"

"I won't do that. Look. If you need some time to think about this it's fine. But sometime I do want to go out for coffee or something."

"Come on! You know I hate coffee!"

"Alright alright, drinks then. Okay?"

I looked to her and nodded, "Deal." I held out my hand for a handshake. She took it. Immediately my hand grew hot and I felt an electric shock, but this time I didn't let go. I noticed Jane didn't pull away either. I looked up into her eyes and even though it was dark outside I could still see the sparkle in them. Her beautiful bluish greyish eyes. She was so fucking beautiful. I felt myself leaning closer to her, I watched as she leaned towards me. Suddenly and finally our lips met.

I felt like I was on Cloud 9. Not the video game brand, but the actually clouds. I finally could kiss her after months of falling in love. It was pure bliss. And she had good lips. They were strong and showed no weakness. I hope she thought I was a good kisser. I felt guilty deep in my gut but I pushed that aside, I was kissing the woman I loved for the first time in my life truly loved. And it was heaven. I brought my hands to her face and back to her hair and stroked her hair. It felt like satin and silk as I ran my fingers through it. With her hands she just touched my arms almost encouraging me to play with her hair. I kissed her with as much passion as I could muster. She was the first woman and person I kissed in 3 years years almost 4, and it was the best I could ask for. Too soon we pulled away gasping for air. I smiled and I saw her smile. "Wow Jane.."

"Zeenz. I didn't know you were such a good kisser."

"I suppose I am? It's been a long time since I've kissed anyone."

"I know. I better get back home. Tonight has been fun."

"Really the best." I pulled away but before that I took her hand and kissed the top of it, "Don't forget about me." She giggled. "I mean it!"

"Alright Zeenz. Sleep well."

"And you drive safe." With one last glance I got out of the car and up the drive. But I turned back around and shouted at her even if I knew she couldn't hear me. "Avy jorrāelan Jane." And I watched as she pulled out and up the road back to her home. This was the best night of my whole life I thought grinning from ear to ear as I walked back into my house. Nothing was going to stop me now...

Thank you for being patient, it's been a long week for me and I didn't feel inspired until recently so this took about a week to write the whole thing but I finally managed to finish it in the end! And well, we are definitely into territory that is not factual anymore. I can let my dreams and wantingness develop in the story now. I hope you enjoyed reading this long chapter. But the chapters will be this long probably from now on because I get to make up stuff now and not try and go by memory of what happened months ago. Thank you for reading and see you next time! Happy viewing!