I'm baaaaack ...
I'm sorry for the late update :'((
Life's been so busy and blah blah, I know I'm lame T.T
Whatever, here ya go!
I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 7
At first Izaya couldn't quite understand, what was going on.
Maybe it had been his perplexity that had made him be unable to notice the look in the blond's eyes. Although he definitely knew, that he had seen a hint of the blond's next action after their eyes had met.
And still Izaya couldn't clearly define it at that moment, couldn't tell that it actually would happen- that actually something could happen-
But then the blond's lips were on his own, and it was all that the raven could think about.
Izaya just felt the soft touch on his lips at first and his brain needed quite a lot of time to understand, that this was not just a normal pair of lips that was kissing him- that this was no unimportant person who was still holding him-no, it was still no one else than Shizuo himself.
The Shizuo that Izaya knew since high school now.
The Shizuo that Izaya used to hate and to go on his nerves-
and then everything had gone upside down, everything had changed starting with his horribly embarrassing breakdown in front of the beast's eyes.
And whatever his inner voice tried to tell him - that Shizuo was the man he loathed - he still knew nonetheless that the blond had helped him.
Maybe he hadn't found his sisters, but for whatever reason the beast had helped him, had brought him here and calmed him down.
Despite of every thought Izaya could feel the heat in his veins, when the kiss literally revived his soul anew.
And though he could tell with every of his cells that the sensation in his body felt unbelievable good - better than anything else before and he definitely didn't want to let go - there was a small voice inside telling him, that he still didn't know Shizuo well enough to know, what the man was actually doing here.
Everything he had known about the man until now, had been two things:
1. Shizuo was utterly strong. Not to say most probably the strongest man on this world.
2. Shizuo hated him. Or at least that was, what the blond had always said and it had been proven by his violent behavior towards the raven.
So, although his body was telling him to keep on, lean into the warm embrace and the soft kiss, his mind told him the exactly opposite: that the blond could just break his neck any second.
This voice constantly telling him, that this situation meant danger, made him finally try to get out of the embrace again.
But how to get out?
He hadn't managed to do it before, when the beast had apparently still been asleep.
Then how was he supposed to flee from the embrace while Shizuo was holding him even stronger than before?
His hands started to press against the beast's chest. At first only slightly, but enough to feel the blond's heartbeat under his skin. Then, when he noticed that the man wasn't giving in at all, he tried to press harder, but it showed no reaction.
The embrace was even deepening, bringing their faces closer together.
Shizuo's hand was still positioned on Izaya's back. The heat they were sharing through their embrace, the soft touch of their skin and the intimacy they experienced through their touching lips let the raven finally relax.
Probably his brain would have finally realized that the blond wasn't going to break his neck any second, but at that moment it was already overfilled with the unique sensation making him forget their surroundings.
The raven's small hands left the blond's chest and wandered to his back giving in to the embrace as to the kiss.
When his lips parted a little - not on purpose but by the pure feeling of the moment - the blond immediately let his tongue slip between the raven's rosy lips.
At first Izaya was surprised to feel the other man's organ inside his mouth but then the blond started to deepen the kiss.
Their tongues were entangled- sometimes only ghostly brushing over the other's lips or teeth in a soft way for not bringing slight pain upon each other by letting the kiss become in any kind violent.
The raven lost himself in the moment like never before -only slightly realizing the fact, when small moans were leaving his throat while he was still returning the kiss as passionately.
He could feel breathing becoming difficult knowing that he would have to break away from the kiss if he didn't want to suffocate any time, but he was thrown out of the sensation before this could even happen.
Suddenly the raven felt the blond's hand, that was still lying on his back, brushing over his skin and by that action taking up his shirt and revealing more of the raven's skin.
That very second his mind formed the thought, that the blond was probably trying to get his clothes off and Izaya already started to slow the kiss down.
But then he realized what that actually meant - what would be the next step if he was going to take off their clothes - and his hands were faster between their faces than Izaya could actually think about what he was doing.
His lips backed away from the blond's and he saw Shizuo's eyes open in confusion.
"Please stop" the raven whispered before he could even understand the words himself.
He immediately kind of regretted them, when he saw a slight spark of hurt in the man's eyes.
But it vanished as fast as it had appeared.
A more look of perplexity filled the blond's eyes while he stared into the raven's and then a deep red spread across his face, when the blond finally understood the situation they were in.
With a swift movement Shizuo let go of Izaya and brought a few space between them by pushing him softly away from him.
The missing proximity and heat let both of them feel a lot colder and empty all of a sudden, but neither of them vocalized their sensation of lost.
"I'm sorry" Shizuo murmured, when he let his gaze fall to the side, because he couldn't muster up the courage to look into the flea's face.
How could he have lost his control so easily?!
Suddenly there had only been the raven's lips and he just had had to kiss them.
He mentally cursed himself for that, because he knew, what this action could probably entail.
Not only could the raven just throw him out now -and he would actually really understand that reaction - but Izaya could also use this against him.
God knew, what the man could do - blackmailing him or getting him arrested again - and there stayed a silent doubt inside the blond's mind, but right then the pure sentiment of being ashamed by his action beset Shizuo more.
The debt collector wasn't only embarrassed for this delicate situation, but he also felt a weird mix of shame and guilt by having the idea, that he could have disturbed the other man's privacy.
Therefore the blond hoped, that his sincere apology - although it had only come out as a mere whisper - was enough to let Izaya forget about the thing, that had just happened.
Shizuo raised his eyes a little after the words had left his mouth to see the raven's face, but instead of the anger or scorn that he had expected, the blond could only see the other man's red face clearly showing his embarrassment.
"It's fine" Izaya finally said then his voice still a little hoarse from the long kiss- and Shizuo' s face was almost growing red again, when he could feel the heat inside his body increase.
The raven then slightly turned his head to the sight to avoid Shizuo's look in embarrassment, but the blond only noticed the more skin on the raven's neck, that was revealed by doing so. Immediately he had to suppress the need to kiss that sensitive part of the other male's body.
"It's just .." the raven started to speak again and pulled the blond out of his trance "too fast."
And then Izaya looked into Shizuo's eyes very serious making the blond wonder if any of his doubts had ever been really necessary.
When the raven subsequently asked him if he understood, Shizuo just nodded, because at first the blond had realized that he had acted way too fast regarding their actual relationship and secondly he had just noticed, that the Informant didn't reject him.
Thinking about that fact his heart made a little skip and Shizuo asked himself if Izaya could have just liked the kiss the way he had done.
The way the raven had returned the kiss clearly spoke for it, but the blond was pulled out of his thoughts when the Informant suddenly moved and got out of the bed.
Shizuo just followed the raven's movements with his eyes not knowing what to say.
This situation still felt too ridiculous and embarrassing for continuing their conversation - if he could even call it that, for them only having been able to change a few words.
The blond was sitting on the bed now the blanket merely covering his legs anymore, while Izaya was already standing next to the bed.
It followed a moment of silence.
A rare feeling of emptiness filled the room and although both of them still felt connected and embarrassed by their kiss at the same time, the intimacy from before had been already gone.
Both of them felt the room suddenly being too small for the two of them at one time and neither of them knew how to react to the other one.
It made Shizuo feel worse by giving him the feeling that he had somehow destroyed something precious, but he was more than grateful when the raven suddenly turned around to him and started to form words.
"It's still early. You should take a shower, while I'm going to make us breakfast."
Izaya's voice sounded normal, not angry or resentful, more neutral or even soft letting the blond's worry ease a bit.
Still the raven's eyes were avoiding the blond's gaze, they were directed into his direction but not facing his eyes, while more looking at the space next to him.
Shizuo didn't know why Izaya wasn't showing them - maybe to not show his true emotions at that moment? - however, the blond was grateful for it because every little outcome of hidden emotion could have worsened this already tensed situation.
For that he vocalized a quiet "Sure", before the raven went out the bedroom and closed the door behind him without facing Shizuo again.
As announced Izaya was preparing the breakfast, while Shizuo was taking a shower.
It took him some time to come up with something, that could actually be called "edible" regarding his pretty empty fridge that he hadn't thought about while talking to Shizuo.
However, it was still enough to prepare some Miso soup and fish nonetheless, therefore he didn't really fear to lose his face in front of Shizuo because of a not well-prepared dish.
Still he couldn't really concentrate on his task, when all that occurred in his mind were the blond and his soft lips.
Why had the blond kissed him anyway?
And why had it felt so good?
Izaya sighed.
How was he supposed to understand Shizuo's feelings or motives if he couldn't even understand his own?
The raven remembered that moment, when he had finally understood that the blond wouldn't hurt him.
It had been a strange sensation- a sensation he had never felt before with someone else who wasn't a part of his family.
It had been a sensation of pure safety and intimateness. Izaya hadn't needed to fear anything at that moment, and although he was pretty sure that he was facing the biggest crisis of his life at the moment, he had felt like Shizuo was taking all the bad things away. He just pulled the raven into an embrace and all the problems would disappear in the pleasant warmth of the blond's body.
Shizuo's embrace had still been the one of a monster though. Way too strong to escape, but even that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
A small smile appeared on the raven's lips when he remembered it.
But he immediately felt embarrassed afterwards, when it reminded him of the passion that had grown between them as an indispensable result of their shared pleasure.
Izaya didn't know what to do.
Not only couldn't he tell why the blond had kissed him so passionately, but he also couldn't say if the blond would try to do it again or not.
All he could surely tell was, that there was no way for him to hide the fact to himself, that he had found pleasure in returning the kiss.
And Izaya knew that he had almost been drowning into it.
Therefore he highly doubted that he could resist the blond if that one was going to approach him again- touching him with those big hands and kissing him with those soft lips.
Then again he asked himself if he even wanted to resist again.
With that said could he still claim to hate the man?
Izaya was pulled out of his thoughts when he suddenly heard the bathroom's door open.
He turned around to face Shizuo who was - thank god - not wearing only a towel but instead took on the clothes he had slept in, which were obviously the only clothes he had there.
Izaya thought for a moment, that the blond could have just asked him to lend him some, but then he thought that they wouldn't have fit the beast anyway and just threw the idea away.
Shizuo's hair was still slightly wet letting a few drops land on the bottom, but Izaya decided to not care about that fact and just showed the blond with one swift gesture to take a seat at the small table inside his living room.
The taller man didn't say anything, instead he just walked into the mentioned direction and took a seat on the couch next to the table where Izaya had already put the dishes.
"You want to drink something?" the blond heard from the kitchen.
"Do you have milk?" he asked back while turning his head around to the raven.
This one didn't say anything further and brought a glass of milk with him before putting it in front of the blond.
Shizuo mumbled a small "thanks" before Izaya sat down in front of him and they began eating.
None of them said a word.
Shizuo wondered if Izaya was angry at him now, but his behavior didn't seem like it. Until now the raven had been friendly and hospitable despite of not really talking with him.
But who could bear him a grudge because of that?
After kissing the raven out of the blue the blond had expected something far worse as reaction, but Izaya acted more or less normally - well maybe for his usual mocking self the raven acted even better.
Shizuo didn't know if he should feel assured by his action or not. However, he knew that he wouldn't find out if he didn't talk to the man.
But instead of just coming up with some stupid topic he decided to look for something more appropriate by observing the man in front of him - which wasn't really hard because Izaya seemed to strongly avoid his gaze by concentrating on his food.
Shizuo observed the raven carefully, how he was taking small pieces of vegetable into his mouth and chewed nearly unrecognizably on them while holding the chop sticks with his elegant hands.
The delicate long fingers fell into his sight and the blond admired them for a moment before a silver sparkle attracted his attention.
"Say, I noticed that before, but are you always wearing those rings?"
Izaya raised his eyes in surprise not having suspected any conversation.
His eyes fell on Shizuo who was still watching him carefully, then to the ring at his right hand holding the chop stick, and then back to Shizuo again.
"Yeah, they are a present of my parents." He just answered and started to shove new pieces into his mouth as if the question was answered with that.
Not many, because it didn't take long for him to feel full and he finally put the chop sticks to the side of his plate.
His eyes rested a little longer on the empty dish in front of him, before he finally raised them to look into Shizuo's direction again.
"Do you have to work today?" he asked and the blond felt at first a little surprised that the raven would actually ask him something like that.
"Yes" Shizuo just answered shoving the last pieces into his mouth before he finished eating too.
At first nothing followed, a weird space of silence was filling the room again and Shizuo already felt the need to say something - just something - but then the raven stood up and started bringing the dirty dishes into the kitchen.
And suddenly there was the feeling inside the blond's chest that he had just missed a precious chance, so he just coughed slightly before using the apparently gone chance nonetheless.
"You know, you could come with me if you want."
Shizuo had expected a total rejection, but what he heard was a slight laugh. A laugh that was no mockery, but apparently Izaya's way of cutely letting a laugh escape his lips by accident that made Shizuo's body grew hot again immediately.
"I have to work too, Shizu-chan. Namie will arrive soon and I want to take a shower before. You should go home too, so you can change your clothes before you go to work."
Shizuo ignored the question in his head, who exactly Namie was and what kind of relationship she had with Izaya and instead concentrated on the fact that he actually really was supposed to leave Izaya alone.
Could he just do that?
Regarding the things that had happened, his mind was telling him to stay, because he didn't know what the raven could do, although he had to admit that Izaya was looking way better than the day before.
Shizuo knew he shouldn't leave him, but he had to go to work nonetheless and he was pretty sure, that he couldn't convince the man to just skip his own work and come with the blond.
Shizuo sighed before standing up. He brushed with one hand through his hair before facing the raven with serious eyes.
"I will come back here after work."
The tone was definite.
Izaya had never seen the blond like that before. Still he knew that there was no way to object the blond's decision. Shizuo had made it clear. He would come back whether Izaya wanted that or not.
So instead of saying anything the raven just nodded not hiding his surprise by the blond's behavior, before he continued cleaning the dishes.
He had already turned around and only heard the door closing when Shizuo finally left his apartment.
"Shizuo, are you okay?"
Shizuo snapped out of his thoughts, when he heard Tom's voice.
"Sorry, what did you say?"
His senior was watching him with worried eyes. They were sitting in a café Tom had suggested after announcing that it had been time for a little lunch break. Tom had been eating a piece of cake, while Shizuo had ordered a big ice cream sundae, but instead of shoving it rapidly but still enjoying into his mouth, the blond just started to pick at it with the spoon.
Seeing the blond not savoring his food made Tom really worried. Immediately the idea overcame him that something must have happened to his junior.
"I asked if you are okay. You really seem kind of absent today. Don't make me worry. It's not normal for you."
A flash of guilt appeared in the blond's eyes when he heard his senior's words.
"I'm sorry that I made you worry" he answered his gaze dropping to the table in dismay.
Tom sighed.
"It's fine. It's not only part of my job to worry about you, but it's also my duty as your friend. So, why don't you tell me, what happened?"
Shizuo raised his eyes again. Sometimes he really didn't know what he did to deserve such good friends, when it seemed that all what he did was worry them.
"It's because of Izaya."
As fast as the words had left his mouth Tom's eyes widened in surprise.
Of course, he could kind of understand Shizuo's worry. After all, he had been at Shinra's apartment too, when the kidnappers had called the raven and this one broke down afterwards.
"Ah yeah, are there any news yet?" he tried carefully to not make his junior even more upset.
The blond just shook his head and Tom sighed again.
The man could really understand why it made Shizuo so upset. Tom was upset himself now because- although he wanted to help- he couldn't think of anything that he could possibly do for the raven.
And he was pretty sure that Shizuo just felt the same way.
Still he couldn't quite understand why the reason for Shizuo's dismay was Izaya and not his sisters.
After all, the sisters were the kidnapped ones.
Tom could definitely understand why Shizuo would worry about them, but about Izaya?
Even if the raven had that breakdown in front of him, the blond was apparently still supposed to hate the man just like years ago.
So what was going on?
Or did Tom miss something significant?
"Did something happen between you and Izaya?" he asked the blond carefully. This one just nodded slightly while still staring on his sundae and Tom figured that it must be something very delicate to let Shizuo act like that.
"Well, I hope you didn't kill him by accident."
Actually it was only meant as a joke to lighten the atmosphere a bit, but Shizuo's head shot up immediately.
At first Tom didn't know if he should take that action as a confession and a great apprehension was already spreading inside his chest, but the blond shouted a loud "no" faster than he could vocalize his fear.
"It was actually the opposite." Shizuo added after calming down a bit.
Tom didn't quite understand. Wasn't the opposite of Shizuo killing Izaya Izaya killing Shizuo?
Well, but Shizuo was sitting right in front of him, therefore the thought was pretty much ridiculous, but then, what did the blond mean by his words?
Maybe the opposite of kill? But what exactly was the opposite of kill?
Tom just figured as much that Shizuo probably meant it more as the change of to not like and to like.
So, Shizuo liked Izaya now?
Well, that was good. That was good, right?
Shizuo seemed pretty private about the topic and Tom didn't want his friend to feel forced to talk about it. Instead he decided to help his friend in a vaguer way.
"Did you like it then?"
Silence followed for a moment, Shizuo obviously rethinking everything that had happened before he finally answered with a quiet "Yes".
Tom gave his friend a cheery smile.
"Then why are you so broody? You can get pensive, when you get into an argument or fight with him. But as long as it feels good, just enjoy it!"
Shizuo's eyes widened a little.
He thought about his friend's words and came to the conclusion that they were right. He hadn't forced or harassed Izaya in any way. No, the raven had even returned the kiss and had been utterly friendly in the morning- in a very unexpected way though, because before Shizuo hadn't thought that Izaya could ever be as gentle.
Maybe his reaction had only been out of shock though, but for now Shizuo decided to listen to his friend's words.
As long as it felt good and Izaya wouldn't reject him, Shizuo would try to get closer to the raven and maybe discover more parts of him, that Izaya had successfully hidden until now.
A smile spread across the blond's face when he finally started to eat the ice cream heartedly.
Yes, it had felt really good.
Reviews please! I want to try to update this more often! ;D