Chapter 8: Pushing Buttons and Casting Votes.
"What's that you're saying?" Stacy asks as she and Dan make it back out and rejoin the crowd.
DAMN IT! Cassie's pissed that she missed her chance.
"She believes there may be... buttons, under the table." Ivor explains "she suspects me and Lukas, so she wanted to find them in secret without telling us."
"Oh..." Stacy blinks "well, is there a button?"
"You fucking bet there's a button." Petra nods "I see one right here, where Dan was sitting."
"Oh heeey!" Jesse grins "you have one too, Stampy!"
"Uh...!" Stampy almost chokes "I-I do...!?"
"Yeah!" Jesse laughs "I could have jerked both of you off right into them! imagine that mess!"
"SHIT FUCKER!" Petra gasps "there's one even closer to me than the Dan one, right in front of you, Lizzie!"
"There's THREE buttons!?" Cassie gapes "I was expecting a max of two!"
"Well then, I guess I'm about to blow a big hole in your motherfucking mind." Lukas states calmly "there's a fourth button right here in front of me, I didn't press it though, honest."
"We'll see about that." Stacy remarks "come on, let's all stand back and hit each button one at a time to figure out what they do, hopefully they'll spring one-time traps and reveal who just killed Sparklez if he was murdered by one of these. Agreed?"
"Fucking yes." Petra grins.
"May I do the honors?" Ivor requests "I have a... problem, with buttons. Cravings that must be satisfied."
"Who was farthest away from any button?" Stacy asks.
"Well, these four are out!" Cassie growls at the four people who had direct button access, Dan, Stampy, Lizzie, and Lukas, "it was him...! it was him...!" she stresses quietly.
"Okay, Ivor was next to Lukas, Petra next to Lizzie, Jesse next to Dan AND Stampy, and I was also next to Stampy..." Stacy lists "...Cassie, you were the furthest away, with Ivor separating you and Lukas."
"HA-HA! now you all know it wasn't me!" Cassie cheers "I'm innocent! look in my eyes, you can trust me...! you caaan...! it was Lukaaas...!"
"Everybody stand far away from the table, and be prepared for anything." Stacy instructs "Cassie, get ready to push those buttons."
"I'm ready...! I'll prove it was hiiim...!" Cassie hisses to herself.
They do as instructed, and Cassie pushes the buttons. Every single one just does the same thing, flip the Cap's chair and pour sand on his corpse, until there was a huge pile of sand.
"Well, that didn't solve very much." Ivor's unimpressed.
"At least we know it was one of them." Stacy gestures to all the button people except Stampy "unless somebody reached over and pressed their button without them noticing."
"IT WAS OBVIOUSLY LUKAS." Cassie just won't fucking let it go.
"HEY!" Lizzie protests "why didn't you point to Stampy!?"
"Because Stampy obviously didn't do it." Stacy asserts "he's god damn Stampy Cat."
"Oh, please!" Lizzie isn't taking that "listen, this might come as a shock to you, but we ALL FUCKING KNOW about your little romance, okay!? quit being favorably biased towards your little boytoy!"
"We can use that excuse for anyone!" Dan adds "I'm the Diamond Minecart, how or why would I do it!? why does Stampy get a pass, but not me!?"
"That's it, gooooood." Petra whispers to Dan "back her up, romeo, she'll drop her pants for you yet."
Dan blushes, his boner springs up again at the thought of Lizzie dropping her pants for him.
"HA!" Petra thinks it's fucking hilarious, having looked downstairs for a real answer.
"I have to agree with them, Stacy." Cassie informs her "don't get me wrong, I think Stampy's innocent, but he had just as much of a chance as the others."
"Who died and put you in charge anyway!?" Lizzie demands "we need a leader who isn't going to pick and choose which suspects are potentially guilty!"
"TO THE RESCUE!" Jesse cheers as she runs forward and physically shoves Stacy to the side, taking her place in front of the crowd "don't worry, everybody! I, Jesse, will lead us out of this alive, and find the killer! and I'll do it, WITHOUT BIAS!"
"Oh-no...!" Lizzie didn't want Jesse either.
"I second that!" Lukas votes.
"As do I." Ivor agrees.
"Jesse, or no one." Petra rumbles.
"Ooh! that's four votes for Jesse!" Jesse grins "one more, and I have the majority!"
"Do you REALLY promise not to be biased?" Dan asks, nervous about his prospects.
"Of course!" Jesse cheers "here, I'll even interrogate Stampy first! so you KNOW I'm not leaving him out like biased, corrupt Stacy would!"
"And what about Lukas!?" Cassie demands.
"Lukas!? I fucking disown Lukas, fuck Lukas!" Jesse announces "I barely know him anyway, no sweat, I'll treat him just as harshly as the other sick fucks." she gestures to Dan, Lizzie, and Stampy Cat "Ivor and Petra will be the only people I trust 100%, followed by you and Stacy, Cassie. The four of you will assist me in my... investigation."
"Listen, guys, I'mma spell it out for you." Lukas runs his condescending mouth "you either need to ALL vote for Stacy, or Jesse's taking over, so, do you want to do that? even after she LEFT OUT Stampy Cat? while Jesse on the other hand, has DISOWNED ME!?"
"I vote Stacy!" Stampy cheers, and then cheerleads "give me a V, give me a O, give me a T, 'cause you know, we really, really need, to add a single E, and V-O-T-E Stacy! Vote Stacy! Stampy Cat, I'm Stampy Cat, and I'm voting for Miss Stacy! (Message approved by Stampy Cat!)"
"Awwwwww!" Jesse gushes "that's sooo cute! even when he knows it's useless, he tries."
"Fuck your bias!" Cassie screams at Stacy and Stampy "I vote JESSE!"
"BOOM!" Jesse, Lukas, Ivor, and Petra all cheer, "ah yeah! up high! gimme some!" they all start high-fiving, including Jesse and Lukas directly.
"...thanks, Stamps." Stacy sighs, defeated in the practically rigged vote.
"I really wish you won..." Stampy groans.
"Well of course YOU do!" Dan snarks "she was excusing you from even being inspected!"
Stampy breathes in sharply, his entire body tenses, forcing him to remain with his back to Dan, which is good, because that's what he wants, he needs to ignore him, stop the burning rage, before he does something that he'll regret, namely, kill the fuck out of Dan and paint himself as a likely suspect for the killer.
"Thank you, thank you, my darling people...!" Jesse gives a speech "I will now get right to work on figuring out which of these four murderous slimeballs killed our dear Sparklez. As I said before, to PROVE that I am not biased, like Stacy, I will now interrogate Stampy first! I will go over each and every suspect, and grind the truth out of them by whatever means necessary to ensure that the rest of us return home safe and sound, right now I will take Stampy into that other room over there, Petra will come along as a... bodyguard. Ivor, Cassie, Stacy, Lukas, I need you guys to keep Dan and Lizzie from trying to kill any more people or escaping, understood?"
"Yes, Sir!" Petra, Ivor, and Lukas salute.
"No...!" Lizzie's terrified, immediately seeing the blatant bias.
"D-did she just say-!" Dan is also aware.
"Come now, Stampy!" Jesse orders, she snaps her fingers and Petra forcefully grabs the kitten-man "we have much to discuss...!" she leads the way.
"Sit down, scum!" Lukas pushes Dan onto his ass "we're doing this Jesse's way now!"
"Agreed." Ivor sneers "you two better hope she finds Stampy or the other one of you guilty."
"What the hell are you-!?" Stacy starts.
"SILENCE! I am your commanding officer, both of you just do as me and Lukas are and help keep an eye on the two remaining suspects." Ivor orders Stacy and Cassie.
"Two remaining?" Cassie blinks "but-"
"Eh-hem, excuse me for saying this if I'm wrong, Cassie, but I'm reasonably certain that my ears detected a clear, direct order from him to you, tell me, Cassie, what did he say?" Lukas interrupts "don't worry, I know we can't all be perfectly competent, so that's why I'm here, to pay attention. I'll help you out, keep you on track, so to speak. So here's my reminder: Ivor clearly ordered you to help keep these two in line, now, what do you think would happen if you didn't do that, Cassie? there would be chaos, imagine if these dangerous criminals were allowed to just waddle around as they please, people would start dying again, and we really don't want that, so, I suggest you get on the job."
"..." Cassie stares at him.
"...what?" Lukas asks casually "you don't need to thank me, I'm just doing my part, it's my job to pick up your slack, don't feel indebted, it's just what people like you require."
"..." Cassie realizes that this has somehow gone horribly, horribly wrong.
"Fuck you." Stacy hisses at Cassie "you should've voted me!"
"...oh god..." Cassie breathes, the full weight of their new situation falling on her "I see that now...!"
But it was too late, Jesse was now in power, and there was no taking it back from her.
DUN-DUN.