The Fifth Time

Terry told Stanley to go on ahead and closed the door to Bernice's office behind him. "Commander Waverley, a word?"

"Can it wait, Terry? I want to go break the good news to the troops." Bernice was practically giddy with excitement. They'd arrested Lombardi and the DPP had just finished laying the charges. And having just gotten back from court, there was going to be a bit of a celebration on the Homicide floor. And Bernice wanted to be there with them.

"It won't take long," he told her softly.

Bernice regarded him carefully, unsure of what was happening. They had kept their relationship strictly professional since everything that had happened before. Since they had wept in each other's arms after the death of their son. They had never spoken about it, actually. That Josh wasn't just hers, but theirs.

They hadn't had a moment alone since that day. Not really. Just work-related things. Terry had done a fine job as superintendent of Homicide while Bernice took her leave and then continuing on when she was his superior when she was promoted to Commander of Crime. Presumably no one other than Bernice would have ever known that it wouldn't be a problem for her to be his boss. Perhaps if any other woman had been ordering him around, it might have been a problem. But they'd moved past such things a long time ago. Not that either of them had ever said anything about it directly, of course.

Now, however, Terry was using that tone of voice that Bernice recognized. The tone he used for the first time when he'd found her crying and offered to drive her to a hotel, when he'd held her hand and led her to his car, when he'd told her she was unbelievable. That was the first time Bernice had kissed him, the first time they'd made love. For that's what it had always been between them. Even from that first time. It was a physical release and a stupid idea in the heat of the moment, a moment they repeated for years and years with startling regularity. Christ, she realized, it's been twenty years. And for all those twenty years, she had loved him. Maybe sometimes more and sometimes less, but she had loved him. For all that he was the worst decision she ever made, and for all that he was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

"What is it?" she asked, matching his soft tone.

He made a quick glance to the windows out to the hall, noting that the blinds were drawn. Satisfied that they had a bit of privacy, he reached one of his big, rough manly hands up and gently stroked her cheek and brushed back her hair.

His touch was unexpected. Almost unfamiliar to her now, after so long. But certainly not unwelcome. She nearly started to tremble.

"I am so bloody proud of you," he said.

"What?" That certainly wasn't at all what she expected him to say.

"All of this, the way you've handled all the Dane Majors and Lombardi mess. You are without a doubt the best Commander of Crime anyone could ask for. You're brilliant at this. And I'm proud to serve under your leadership. I'm proud to know you, Bernice. And you and I both know that I really know you. Christ, getting to know you is the best thing in my life. And I…"

Whatever he was about to say, she wouldn't let him. She couldn't allow him to go on. Because she couldn't bear another second without kissing him. Without throwing her arms around his neck and crashing her lips to his.

He responded in an instant. Their old push and pull returned as though no time had gone by. His hands were in her hair and hers were clutched on his shoulders. Their bodies slotted into place against one another.

Bernice pulled away suddenly, realizing what was happening. "Oh god, Terry, what are we doing?"

"What we do best, I think," he said with a grin. He couldn't help smiling to look at her, hair all mussed and lips swollen from his attentions. Her face was flushed and she looked beautiful.

She sighed and buried her face against his neck. "Why do we always end up like this? My god, it's been how long?"

"A long time, Bernice," he said, smoothing down her hair gently. "I think we end up like this because we're meant to. That's how it feels, anyway."

"We had a torrid affair when we were detectives. We shagged in a motel and then went home to our respective spouses. Shouldn't that have been the end of it?"

"You know that wasn't the end of it."

Bernice swallowed hard. No, that certainly wasn't the end of it. She'd tried so hard, back then, to put a stop to it for Josh's sake. But how could she deny herself the affections of the father of her child? How could she deny herself the man she loved? The man who inexplicably seemed to love her, too, even after all this time and aging and sorrow? "How can you still want me?" she asked, genuinely not knowing the answer.

"I never stopped wanting you," he told her firmly. And just to prove the point, he pulled back and tilted her chin up so she was looking him in the eye. "You are all I've wanted, ever since that first time. Before that, even."

"Wh-what?" she asked in shock.

Terry knew this was it. This was his chance, the only one he'd ever get, probably. Time to lay it all out. She wouldn't turn him away now. He felt it in his bones that this was the right time. And bugger his dignity if it wasn't. He was done holding back. "I wasn't gonna force you to leave your husband, Bernice. I thought he'd leave you when you told him about the baby. I got myself divorced so I'd be ready when you were. And then everything that's happened since? I was waiting for our time. But I'm done waiting now. We saved Homicide today, but there's no telling what's coming around the next bend. So I want to be with you now, before we miss our chance."

Bernice felt her head spinning. And if Terry hadn't been holding her, she might well have collapsed in shock. After all this time, he'd as good as confessed all his feelings. Feelings she had suspected—hoped for—but never really believed him capable of. This was Terry Jarvis, after all, the biggest prick in the State Police. Who would have ever thought he could feel this way? And about her, of all people.

He let her have a moment to process. She was a woman of action, Bernice, but she was always so good at analyzing the situation and weighing the options. But she was taking too long. So he did the only sensible thing and leaned in to kiss her again.

This time, however, she wouldn't let him get too far. She pressed her lips against his a few times but then stepped back, away from his embrace. "Terry, we can't do this now. I've got to get down to the party. Someone's going to come looking for us."

He nodded. "Whatever you want, Bernice. I've said my piece."

"Later. Later we should…we should talk," she said, trying to get her head right again after all of that.

"Yeah," he agreed. "But for now, let's go get a beer."

They went down to Homicide together. A uniform gave them each a beer. They went and stood in the back beside Stanley Wolfe and watched the news report about Lombardi's arrest. Everyone cheered. Bernice got up on a chair and gave a little speech, full of the triumph of the moment and the pride in the squad.

As she told everyone how proud she was of the tenacity they'd all shown, her stomach flipped inside her. To think that just minutes before, Terry had been holding her in his arms and saying how very proud he was of her.

Terry watched her speak and was overwhelmed by his affection for her. He wished he could do more than just hold her hand to help her down from the chair. They were all so happy, and he just wanted to sling an arm around her waist, hold her against him, share a few beers, and laugh with their friends. But they would have their chance later. For now, they'd celebrate with their team.

Bernice looked around at everyone, noticing the way Mapplethorpe and Buchanan shared a glance. She briefly wondered if she and Terry had ever looked that way to outsiders, the love just palpitating off them when they made eye contact. She assumed not. Whatever was going on with those detectives wasn't anything like what had gone on with Terry and her. But perhaps, through this, they could all find a bit of due happiness.

She went over to speak to Rhys, her beloved nephew. He was a complete pill so much of the time, but he was a good boy with a good heart and he was trying very hard to learn to be part of the team and take pride in the work they all did. He was becoming a great detective. And she loved him dearly. "I don't think I'll be home tonight, so don't wait up for me, alright?"

"You what?"

"You heard me," she said with a small wink. "And I'll thank you to keep your insinuations to yourself."

Rhys gaped at her. Bernice just laughed and went to get another beer. She did, however, wait until he was caught in conversation with someone else before she crossed the room.

"Superintendent Jarvis, a word?"

Terry joined her in the corner. "Anything for you. What's up?"

"I think that after the party and when the workday is done, since it is still a workday and just gone three in the afternoon, you should take me home with you."

"Is that what you think?"

"I can give a direct order if that would be a better turn-on for you," she teased.

Terry just growled, clearly appreciating the thought and frustrated he couldn't act on it right away. Bernice beamed happily and walked away from him to speak to Sergeant Ryan.