Chapter 36: the Revolution Lives.
"OWWWWWW!" Petra screams, grabbing the sides of her head "HOLY FUCK CUNT THAT SHITS!"
"I CAN SAVE YOU!" Ivor declares, rushing over "don't yell! it'll only make it worse!"
"Lizzie...!?" Dan's face stretches with joy.
"They admitted they were planning to kill Cassie later, I have every reason to believe they would do the same to me." Lizzie explains that she's motivated by self-interest "plus, I want them dead for what they did to me."
"All of them!?" Dan asks gleefully "Stampy too!?"
"If he sides with them, then yes." Lizzie confirms.
"FUCK YOU, DAN! I HOPE THEY GRIND YOU INTO THE BLOODY DIRT!" Stampy barks at his nemesis.
"YOU DID STEAL MY ENCHANTED FLINT AND STEEL!" Dan barks back "YOU LOOKED ME IN THE EYES, AND TOLD ME YOU DIDN'T!"
"THAT ONE'S ON YOU FOR BELIEVING ME!" Stampy spits.
"SO MUCH FOR THE HIGH AND MORAL STAMPY CAT! JUST DOING GOOD THINGS FOR PEOPLE WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN!" Dan roars "YOU'RE A LYING, THIEVING, MURDERING, EVIL SON OF A BITCH!"
"AND YOU FUCKING DESERVE ME!" Stampy returns, "DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I REALLY DID IT? WHY I REALLY SAVED YOU FROM LUKAS?"
"You wouldn't let it GO that you 'didn't' take it!" Dan snarls "sure! why did you really save me, since it WASN'T for the sake of being a good person!"
"I wanted to do the best job possible, I wanted to get Lukas to his motherfucking limit, so that when that glorious man fucks you hard and deep in the ass, he'd nearly kill you and make you regret ever fucking being born!" Stampy explains, "THAT'S why!"
Dan gapes, "A-are you RETARDED!? I wasn't the one he was going to fuck right after your little stunt, YOUR GIRLFRIEND was! you were getting him ready to nearly kill HER, don't you fucking realize that!?"
"Nuh-uh-uh, Dan!" Stampy waves his index finger, "I had my side deal, remember? that deal covered Stacy, none of them were allowed to hurt or disrespect either of us, so Lukas was gonna go nice and easy on her, she was pretty much a warm up for the rough fuck that was your turn."
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...!" Dan squints his eyes furiously "you sneaky son of a-"
"AHA!" Ivor cheers, turning to Stampy "FANTASTIC JOB, kitten-man! you kept the fuckboy and his bitches distracted and talking long enough for me to fully recover Petra!"
"Thanks...!" Petra waves, okay again.
"Oh, it was my pleasure...!" Stampy assures, bowing his head slightly to them.
"Stampy, stealing Dan's flint and steel was a bad thing to do, but it's nowhere near as bad as what these four have done." Lizzie does some god damn damage control "are you really sure that they're the lot you want to throw yourself in with? I don't want to fight you, Stampy, we should all work together to wipe Jesse's gang out of existence, so that they never, ever, EVER, hurt anyone like they've hurt us again, don't you think so?"
Her words do obviously get through to Stampy at least a little, his eyes widen slightly and he turns to look at Stacy.
Stacy's looking back at him, equally questioningly.
"HA! nice try, bitchwhore, but Stampy's mine all the way." Jesse boasts "he may act all nice, and sweet, and cute, and all that other 'Stampy Cat!' nonsense, but it's all fake! deep down, he's every bit as dark, twisted, and corrupt as the four of us are, hence why we get along so well! did you know that he didn't hesitate, not even for a second, to throw all the rest of you under the bus and ride the Jesse train out of here? your pleas are falling on deaf ears, and soon your begging will be silenced."
Stacy makes stabbing motions towards Jesse's naked back as a message to Stampy.
Stampy nods, then moves a diamond sword to his hot bar.
"That's fine! just one, or, uh, two more pieces of scum removed from Dan's beautiful world." Dan preaches "once we've taken out these four creeps, you're NEXT, Stampy! we'll slay you all!"
Stampy sends Lizzie a sympathetic look and tries to tell her with his eyes that he and Stacy have the same plan that she did with the surprise attacks.
"Come on! any one of you, just try it!" Cassie threatens, childishly waving her ax, it's far more embarrassing than intimidating.
"Urrrrrrrrrrrrgh..." Lizzie's tired of dealing with these idiots on her team.
SHING-"*gasp*...!" Jesse gapes with surprise and pain as Stacy suddenly ducks forward and stabs her in the back like they planned.
"JESSE!?" Petra's shocked.
"Ugh!" Stampy goes straight for their white mage, thrusting his sword towards Ivor.
"WHOA!" Lukas grunts as he catches Stampy's hand like a badass "what the fuck, Stamps!? Stace!?"
"Stampy is all MINE!" Stacy growls as she pulls Jesse away from the group, holding her hostage "kill the rest, Lizzie!"
"CHAR-!" Lizzie starts.
"WAIT!" Dan stops her "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?"
"We're HELPING you!" Stacy growls, furious.
"Stace...!" Jesse gasps, her eyes shining with tears "w-why...!? we treated you so well, we were good, weren't we...?"
"Jesse, you're a monster." Stacy growls "and you need to be stopped."
"They've caught us with our pants down!" Petra freaks "what are we gonna do!?"
"A trade!" Lukas calls, taking Stampy's sword and putting it to the kitten-man's throat "give us Jesse, and we'll give you Stampy!"
"DEAL." Stacy is not fucking risking that game.
"DON'T!" Dan screams "let them kill him! they'll do it anyway, just take out Jesse, then it'll be four versus three, with us having the advantage!"
"Get meowing, kitty-cat." Lukas orders, allowing Stampy the ability to speak.
"Just do it! they'll need to heal Jesse anyways!" Stampy reasons, "even if they do still kill me, you'll have the upper hand!"
"LUKAS!" Jesse calls "whatever happens, don't kill Stampy!"
"What!?" Lukas, Ivor, Petra, and Dan react.
"I...!" Jesse heaves for breath "I... I love him..."
"Noooooo...!" Dan starts shaking his head.
"Really! just let him go, don't worry about me." Jesse pleads, then turns her big, shiny adorable eyes to Stacy "if you want to kill me, go ahead, you already broke my heart..."
"Awwwwwwwwwwww." Lukas, Ivor, and Petra are softies.
"...NO!" Stacy growls "no, no, no! don't do that! don't you fucking pull that shit now...!"
Jesse lets loose a single tear.
"...URRRRRRGH." Stacy feels her desire to kill slip away "you're horrible! be fucking horrible! for the first time I WANT you to do so, DO IT."
"Please just kill me..." Jesse cries.
"...SON OF A-!" Stacy roars, "urgh!" she kicks Jesse back into Petra's arms "now let go of Stampy!"
"Okay." Lukas lets Stampy go, complete with a pat on the head, on his hoodie.
"Stacy!" the kitty immediately flees back to his owner.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dan stresses "YOU... RUINED IT!"
"I can't fucking believe I'm saying this...!" Stacy ignores him and continues to Jesse "I'm... SORRY, I take it back! we're partners again."
"YESSSSSSSSSSSS." Jesse hisses triumphantly "I fuckin' love you guys!"
Stampy just stares in awe, back and forth between Jesse and Stacy.
"GOD DAMN TRAITORS!" Dan snarls "I KNEW WE COULDN'T TRUST YOU!"
"Oh, fuck you, Dan!" Stacy snaps "you're a big part of why I flipped back, you didn't care about Stampy, you wanted him dead! if I didn't switch he'd be gone and you wouldn't care, you were probably planning on killing him after anyway!"
"What if we kill them and then Dan!?" Lizzie fucking offers "does that sound good to you two!?"
"WHAAAAAAT!?" Dan can't believe his ears.
"YOU GUYS, STOP IT!" Cassie flips out "the three of us, NO, the FIVE of us need to work together! they'll kill us all if we don't unite, we need to all focus on one, sole, common objective: KILLING LUKAS."
"You just don't stop, do you?" Lukas questions calmly "what did I ever do to you, Cassie? I mean, really, what was it?"
"You fucking killed Captain Sparklez, and I was right...!" Cassie hisses.
"That was MEEE!" Ivor stresses "stop stealing my cred, you ho! that's my rep you're steppin' on."
"FUCK, EVERY, SINGLE, PERSON, IN THIS ROOM BESIDES ME." Lizzie can't fucking take it anymore "all day, ALL, NIGHT, I have had to deal with YOUR whining, YOUR incompetence, YOUR flip-floppiness, YOUR deals, YOUR dicks, and ALL OF YOUR time-wasting mindless dribble! that is ENOUGH." she had gone from Dan to Cassie to Stacy/Stampy to Jesse/Petra to Ivor/Lukas and then all of them "YOU die, YOU die, YOU die, YOU die, YOU can die, YOU can die, and both of YOU can either fucking help me kill them, or you can ALSO hurry up and die!" she goes over all of Jesse's gang and then the lovebirds and then her teammates "at this point, BEST CASE SCENARIO for me, is I'm the only fucking person to walk out of this to live another day!"
Poor Lizzie, she's really not a bad person, but this is what she's been driven to.
"Lizzie...!" Dan sniffs "that... that really hurts!"
"Dan, are you going to be helpful, or are you gonna be a fucking pussy?" Lizzie states coldly "wipe away those useless tears, and get hacking with the weapons!"
"...*sniff*, okay." Dan fucking sucks it up for her "I'm ready, give me the order and I'll kill the fuck out of Stampy."
"I'd like to see you try!" Stacy hisses, pointing her sword at him, "come on, Stampy!" she drags her boyfriend behind her and leads him over so that they stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Jesse's gang.
"You are going with them!? ERGH, fine!" Lizzie's annoyed "Cassie, you take Lukas and Petra, Dan, go ahead and claim your revenge on Stampy and Stacy, I'll take out their two most important people, the leader and the healer." she strategically sets it up so that she has by far the best chance of coming out alive "attack on my signal."
"You know, even with you guys making us outnumber them two-to-one, we're probably dead meat." Lukas comments to Stacy as he takes the lead beside her, armed with Stampy's sword "the four of us have no armor, and Jesse's hurt already, still, it's good to have you, thanks for double-betraying us, betraying the betrayal."
"Don't you ever fucking touch me again." Stacy rejects his friendliness "I'm doing this because Dan is a bitch, not because I like you."
"I like you." Stampy squeaks nervously.
"Ah! why thank you, Stampy, I like you back." Lukas flirts his eyebrows "sorry about threatening you, champ, heh, 'champ', I should call you Champy, fitting name, since you're da boss, seriously, dude, you own it."
"Uh..." Stampy doesn't know what the fuck, and part of him is seriously considering taking back what he just said, "...thanks?"
"You're welcome." Lukas grins "you've got a girlfriend with a freakin' amazing ass, cherish it, bro, you're a winner alright."
"...I'm sorry." Stampy just whispers to Stacy.
"Fuck..." Stacy heaves, whispering back "no matter what side we take, I find myself wishing we were suddenly on the opposite."
"..." Stampy can't help but glance down at that sweet, big ass Lukas just talked up.
...sweet. Stampy shrugs, I like her eyes better though.
"I wish we could just, like, NOT." Stacy stresses "but we have to be involved, as long as we're all trapped h-"
Just then, there's a long, hard, intense noise from outside, everybody turns to the window in surprise.
"Oh my god...!" Cassie breathes, dropping her fucking ax and running up to look at the outside world, seeing the sun rising and the army of zombies burning en masse "it's... it's morning! we wasted the entire night on this nonsense!"
The night of terror, has finally ended.
Now, for the MORNING OF DEATH.
Poll Results!
"Which side will our heroes, Stampy and Stacy, decide to take?"
1. Jesse's Gang! 0 Vote(s). (0%)
2. Lizzie's Revolution! 2 Vote(s). (100%)
Total Votes: 2.
Total Voters: 2.
OOH, was that chapter ever twisty. At first it looked for sure like the voters were right that Stampy and Stacy were going to join Lizzie's Revolution, but then through the combined efforts of Jesse and Dan, they wound up siding with Jesse's Gang after all! Wow-oh-wow, what a show that was!
As for this week's poll, what do YOU think will happen now that the zombie army has burnt away to nothing, meaning our heroes (and villains!) are finally free to leave the titular Psycho Pumpkin Mansion? Vote now!