Dan Tuesday.

Chapter 42: Dan's Hitchhiking Adventure, Part One.

(Important Note: takes place at the same time as Chapter 41.)

"Oh my god they're going to kill me, oh my god I'm going to kill them, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, somebody is going to die...!" Dan heaves frightenedly to himself as he skidoos his little bare, jizz-covered ass outta there.

Not only did this man not put his clothes on, he never did ANYTHING to clean up after the fuckpuzzle was over when he had the chance, heck, he hasn't done anything to clean up since he was jacking off to Stacy.

"Those are some thick woods over there..." Dan notes as he surveys the landscape around him, he didn't know it of course but that just so happened to be the exact woods that Lizzie is currently running around within somewhere "I guess they'd provide good cover, but I could get lost since I don't have a map, and it would be a lot slower than pelting through the open, and, uh, the woods have all sorts of dangerous animals, I don't even have a wooden sword on me, I'm not fighting off a wolf, or a spider, or whatever else in this state! yeah, I'd better just stick to the wide, open fields."

Dan continues trekkin' his way across the long stretch of barren land, an obvious, easily spotted lunatic.

"How long will I need to run before I find someone who can help me...?" Dan wastes his breath thinking out loud to himself "the journey here seemed pretty long, and that was when I was fit to travel."

As if sparked by his words, his ass and general lower body area begin to resonate spikes of pain with his strides.

"OW! ow, fuck! ow, ooh, ah! no, stop it, don't-OW, ugh...!" Dan comes to a halt "OWWW, it fucking hurts!" he flops onto the ground and closes his eyes "wh-what did Lukas do to me...!?"

Lukas destroyed him.

"So... close...!" Dan whines, tears forming in his eyes as he fails to fight the pain "all... I need to do... is run... and I'll be free... but... I don't know if I can... it just... HURTS!"

He feels himself becoming weak.

"Can't pass out... not here...!" he gasps, trying to crawl towards the fucking woods "if I'm left in the open, Jesse... will find me...! I must... make it... to a... hiding... pl... a... ace..." the world begins to go dark in front of his eyes as he loses consciousness due to exhaustion and bodily trauma.

...

"WHEEE-EEE-EEE-EEEH!" Dan's startled awake by the sound of a horse.

His eyes shoot open and he looks up to see the horse above him, but the majestic beast seemed to have little interest, instead, the face of it's rider was what stared down at him in shock and disgust.

And it was a VERY familiar face.

"N-no way...!" Dan breathes "...T-TorqueDawg!?"

"No, fool! I'm TorqueDawg's twin brother, PwnKang!" PwnKang snaps "but WHAT, the holy hell, are YOU!?"

"O-oh my god...!" Dan huffs, relieved as he forces himself to sit up "I-I'm Dan, Dan TDM, the Diamond Minecart."

PwnKang gapes, "YOU, are the god damn Diamond Minecart!? but...! ohhhhhh, oh-no, I don't know what you think you're sellin', but I ain't buyin' it, Dan TDM is a legend, the greatest of the great they say, he sure as fucking fuck ain't some little curvy-ass noobie fuckboy bitch like you."

Dan shudders, knowing that his rep is gonna pay dearly for this, "W-well, whatever, I'm not him then, I'm just... Lukas, okay? could you help me, please?"

"Heh, there we go, Lukas, huh?" PwnKang buys it "to your credit, you do look a lot like the Diamond Minecart, probably tried to make yourself look as much like him as you could, didn't you, though? you some, #1 fan or some shit?"

"YES, I think he's the coolest." Dan nods.

"That's pathetic, boy." PwnKang shakes his head "but anyway, what you do'in sleepin' out here on your bare ass?"

"Uhhhhhh-" Dan drones.

"Wait! I got it, I know what's up." PwnKang interrupts "that party my brother went to? you went too, didn't you, boy? must'a been CRAZY wild for you to end up out here like this, what you get hooked up on? acid, right? gotta be."

Author's Note: the minecraft drug mod is active in this universe, so they have weed, cocaine, acid, heroin, meth, and da shrooms. All of those exist in this world.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaah." Dan just nods his head and plays along "things DID get really, really crazy! heh, heh, people even died!"

BOOM. instantly PwnKang's happy expression turns serious, "People... died?" he growls.

"Yeah! heh-heh-heh-heh, Captain Sparklez got shoved under some sand blocks, and your brother OD'd hard!" Dan paraphrases what happened, likening TorqueDawg's death by POISON to that of by drugs "but I was wondering if you could just, like, gimme a lift over to the next town? please?"

PwnKang stares down at him, tense.

"My... brudda..." he growls "is DEAD!?"

"Well... yeah." Dan nods "I'm sorry, I tried to get him to stop, but, well, he ran off and did it elsewhere."

"...I need to see this shit." PwnKang growls.

"NO! don't go back there!" Dan gets in the horse's way.

"Why...?" PwnKang's eyes twitch.

"Because...!" Dan groans "ummm, UGH, fine, you can't go back because there's currently a gang of psycho killer-rapists holding the mansion, they killed your brother and the Captain, there never were any drugs."

"..." PwnKang glares down at the little Dan "...MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

"I didn't do anything!" Dan claims.

WHAMP! PwnKang slaps Dan down onto his back, "You stay right here, if I find that you're responsible for any kinda bad shit that I don't like, I'll be coming back to settle it...!" PwnKang orders.

He then rides off for the mansion.

"...ugh!" Dan groans as he sits back up "what the fuck!? I told him the truth!"

Dan watches PwnKang get smaller in the distance.

PwnKang stops.

PwnKang fucking sees half the mansion burning up in smoke.

PwnKang turns around and comes charging back.

"WHAT, DID, YOU, DO!?" PwnKang yells as he approaches, clearly he believes Dan is responsible.

"EEEEEEP!" Dan turns and starts running away, his little ass cheeks flopping sadly.

"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME!" PwnKang calls, taking out a bow and arrows.

Twang! one shot flies past Dan, not very close because PwnKang sucks at archery.

"EEE!" Dan squeals in fear, he immediately stops, turns around, and throws his arms up "I SURRENDER!"

"HMRPH!" PwnKang makes the horse ram into Dan.

"OOOOF!" Dan gasps as the wind is knocked out of him and he's sent rolling away across the grass.

PwnKang hops down off of his horse and he storms after Dan until he's standing above him.

"Oh, GOD...!" PwnKang reacts, staring down at Dan's ass "is that... man sauce? holy motherfucker, you GAY, boy!?"

"The killers fucked me there!" Dan cries "it was AWWWF-F-F-U-U-U-L...!"

"You listen to me good, faggot." PwnKang growls "I'mma ask you some questions, you either tell me the truth, or you keep lyin', what I do after is a surprise."

"..." Dan shuts up.

"Okay, now my first question..." PwnKang starts, oblivious to the fires on the mansion going out far behind him "did you have anything to do, at ALL, with my brother's death, and did you start that fire to destroy the evidence?"

"..." Dan slowly shakes his head.

"YOU LYIN'!?" PwnKang demands.

"NO, SIR!" Dan shakes his head harder.

"No to both? those were basically two questions, boy." PwnKang specifies.

"Yes! no to both!" Dan nods "I didn't do either, really! it was the killers!"

"..." PwnKang frowns.

"..." Dan stares at him.

"Boy..." PwnKang's eyes narrow "...you lyin'."

Poll Results!

"What do you think is going to happen next with Dan?"

1. He'll keep chasing down Stampy and Stacy, which won't be hard since they're just walking. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

2. He's going to be attacked by a wild animal. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

3. He's going to start gathering general resources so he won't be so obviously screwed. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

4. He's specifically going to gather food, so he can eat and regain his energy. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

5. He's specifically going to create a shelter, where he can rest and regain his energy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

6. He's specifically going to build weapons, so he can fight and defend himself. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7. He'll meet a new character, who will take him in and help him. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

8. He'll meet a new character, who is nothing but trouble and will make his situation worse. 0 Vote(s). (0%)

9. Something totally unexpected. 1 Vote(s). (16.6%)

Total Votes: 6.

Total Voters: 2.

Wow! Normally when you voters are allowed to pick a good few answers, then at least one choice will get overlapping votes from you. But not this time! With this poll, both voters had completely different ideas, very interesting indeed. Unfortunately, even though there were only three choices that not no votes at all, the correct answer was one of them: Dan has met our NEW CHARACTER, PwnKang! And unfortunately for little Dan, PwnKang ain't here to help.

Back over with the main story, violence has erupted! Lukas is dying, Jesse and Ivor aren't fit for battle, and Cassie's still armed with Petra's sword. Things seem to be going sour for Jesse and the gang, but they do still outnumber Cassie three-to-one. Our next poll is "Jesse, Petra, and Ivor VS. Cassie. How will this resulting battle unfold?" Due to how many different aspects there are to this fight, most of the choices are non-exclusive, and as such, more than just one may be correct. The answer(s) will be revealed Saturday, so vote now!