Chapter 47: the Great Stampy Race.

"There he goes, Jesssse." Lukas comments as the four gang members watch Dan ride away on his pig in the distance.

"He was out in the open!" Ivor's pissed off by this "we gave him forever to get away, he only goes THAT far, and he doesn't hide himself!? best minecrafter of this world my ass!"

"And where the fuck is Lizzie, Stampy, or Stacy?" Jesse adds, "judging from the logic of 'Dan's the best', they should all be lying right at our feet."

"I don't know, but dead Cassie wuz guuud." Petra's an asshole.

"I get the feeling that Dan was only 'the best' because of circumstance." Lukas theorizes "Stampy seemed much more professional, and Stacy and Lizzie both seemed even moreso than he did, in any case, the three of them all handled what we did to them, and the general events of tonight, way better."

"Did you wanna just run up and fuck him in the ass some more?" Jesse asks.

"HELL YES." Lukas is immediately excited, his boner springing up in his pants at just the thought of a round three with Dan, everybody notices but doesn't give Lukas any acknowledgement of it, let alone shit for it like they gave Dan.

"Really!? a fourth time!?" Ivor gapes "where do you get the stamina!?"

"Fourth time?" Jesse repeats, "what, are you counting Cassie?"

"*Gasp*!" Ivor's gape widens "no! I was counting Stacy's assfucking round, before the fuckpuzzle, I completely FORGOT that he was also there with Cassie! this is round FIVE for you, Lukasss! I wish I could build HALF the machine you are!"

"Not to mention he fucked Dan and Lizzie at the same time the one round." Jesse adds.

"Holy shit! that's like..." Petra does the math "...five whole fuckpoints!"

"Fuckpoints?" Lukas raises an eyebrow curiously.

"Fuckpoints are imaginary points me and Petra made up." Jesse explains "basically, you get a fuckpoint whenever you FUCK somebody, each person you connect with in a round creates two fuckpoints, one for you and one for them, so for instance, you and Stacy each got a fuckpoint when you fucked her ass, and then you and Dan each got a fuckpoint when you fucked his ass, and then you got two fuckpoints when you fucked Dan's and Lizzie's asses together in the fuckpuzzle, give you another point for Cassie and you've got five fuckpoints so far today, counting last night as 'today' of course."

"At the end of the day, we count 'em all up and see who's the champion!" Petra smiles widely.

"Normally it's, heh-heh, ME, but you've done really well, Lukas, you might be giving me a run for my money." Jesse brags.

"It seems to me like there's a few people doing that." Ivor points out "Dan, Petra, and Cassie have all had a fair share."

Jesse stares at him.

"...shit!" Jesse curses "you're right! I've been too generous, I need to start fucking some more bitches myself."

"You're all welcome to share Dan with me when we catch him." Lukas offers.

"Pah! and make DAN the winner!?" Petra scoffs "we should catch up to Stampy and Stacy, they's what we need, Stampy has two fuckpoints and Stacy has three, we need to fuck them some more."

"Sounds good to me!" Jesse's into it.

"Dan's getting further away as we speak." Ivor remarks "he is already out of sight, we should give chase before we lose him completely."

"Oh, yeah, I guess." Jesse agrees, "you guys ready?"

"Ready to fuck him numb, right, Lukas!?" Petra punches Lukas' shoulder.

"My cock begs to be returned to it's home." that's a yes.

"Okay then, let's set out!" Jesse declares, "let's comb these woods until we find Dan, roast his pig, take his shit, and fuck him sore! agreed!?"

"OI!" the rest of the gang cheer.

"Where do you think he's going?" Lukas wonders out loud.

"Ugh, I don't know, it's hard to guess when he hasn't bothered leaving until now." Jesse thinks about it, "I would think that he's just kinda headed... away, but with all his strange behavior and, uh, projects..." she gestures to the fucking spleef arena, "I just really fuckin' don't know what the hell to think."

"Heh, maybe we'll be lucky and he's leading us straight to the others, you know, because he wants to tag onto Lizzie's success." Petra suggests.

"He did say he was going after Stampy and Stacy when he left, to try to get his stupid green flint and steel back." Ivor remembers.

"Yeah, but if that was really his plan, you kinda would have expected him to have gone after them, oh, I don't know, ALREADY." Jesse pushes.

"Maybe he just..." Lukas tries to think of a logical explanation "...no, I got nothin', he looks retarded."

"Sweet Spleef arena doh." Petra nods "maybe he ate some wild mushrooms, the... WRONG wild mushrooms, and hallucinated, and thought he had to play Spleef against somebody."

"Hmm, maybe..." Jesse rubs the chin of her mask, then her eyes widen a bit, "where the hell did he get all that shit from, anyway?"

Silence.

"...son of a bitch." Petra huffs "now we gotta solve a mystery."

"Or, we could solve it the smart way, and just track his bitch ass down and force him to explain it to us." Jesse suggests.

"I vote for that plan." Ivor ain't shitting around here for longer than he needs to.

"You want to lead the charge, Jesse?" Lukas offers "and should we spread out a good distance from each other to search more woods?"

"Yesss, Lukasss, to both questions." Jesse hisses contently, "if any of us run into any trouble, just scream, and we'll all rush to you, got it?"

"Ayyye, Capin'." she gud wit da cru.

"Ready... set... INVADE!" Jesse calls the word, sending them all rushing towards and into the woods, each scattering down a different makeshift route to search for the reoccurring victim.

And so! the Great Stampy Race is on, Dan is searching for Stampy, Jesse is searching for Dan, will Dan manage to catch Stampy before he gets fucked up the ass by Lukas? will Jesse and company be able to intercept Dan in time to save her lover from his wrath? all will be revealed, as the GREAT STAMPY RACE takes off!

Poll Results!

"What was YOUR opinion of PwnKang as a character?" (You may vote up to two if you find your opinion to be split between multiple options.)

1. I loved him! (Positive Level 3) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

2. He was good! (Positive Level 2) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

3. He was okay. (Positive Level 1) 1 Vote(s). (50%)

4. I have mixed feelings. (Neutral) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

5. He was meh. (Negative Level 1) 1 Vote(s). (50%)

6. He was unlikable. (Negative Level 2) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

7. I hated him! (Negative Level 3) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

8. I loved to hate him. (Deliciously Negative) 0 Vote(s). (0%)

Total Votes: 2.

Total Voters: 1.

Welp, we only got one person's opinion, and they didn't even care for him either way! Looks like PwnKang was more like LukewarmKang, in other words, HE GOT PWNED. We, the creators, found him to be hilarious ourselves, but of course we would, wouldn't we?

Our new poll is, of course, "How do you think the Great Stampy Race will end?" Vote now!