Chapter 48: the Finish Line.
Stampy and Stacy are walking along together through the woods, holding hands.
"What's that beautiful smell drifting through the air? IT'S DAN BURNING! what's that beautiful song going through my ears? IT'S DAN SCREAMING! what's that beautiful feeling coursing in my soul? IT'S DAN LEAVING!" Stampy continues writing his songs.
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Stacy fucking loves it "what's that object cluttering your pocket? IT'S DAN'S THINGY."
"HA-HA!" Stampy laughs, "oh, that's perfect, baby!"
"Just like everything else we did tonight, right, Stampy?" Stacy flashes him a straight-up evil grin.
"Well, judging from the results!" Stampy jeers, obnoxiously waving up his left hand in enthusiasm, the one that wasn't holding onto Stacy's.
'Make peace!'
'But work.'
'Well, we tried.'
'We done perfect!'
SOUNDS LEGIT.
...
You gotta love supervillain Stampy and Stacy. = ^ _ ^ = (- that is a cat... for Stampy. :3)
"We did it, Stampy!" Stacy cheers, turning and throwing her arms around him "we did more than just survive, we came out ON TOP."
"I know!" Stampy nods, "we're gonna finish up our scenic nature walk, get breakfast, sleep super soundly with our perfectly clear consciences, give our testimonies, and live like fucking kings off the money of Dan's former subscribers for the rest of our lives!"
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Stacy squeals with joy as she lifts Stampy up off his feet and begins spinning him around.
"Hahahahahahhh!" Stampy laughs with glee.
"*deep breath*...!" Stacy pauses "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"
Krick! Stacy's jeans catch on a branch of a sapling as they spin by it, the branch partly snaps but doesn't break, suddenly tugging Stacy out of her spin.
"-ahhh!" Stacy gasps as she loses her balance and she and Stampy go tumbling over and inadvertently rolling down the hill.
"Ooh-oof-ugh-urgh-oof!" they roll.
Poof! they gently land in a solid field of flowers at the bottom of the hill, sending a hundred small, sweet, romantic petals flying into the air around them, they had landed Stampy on top.
"Oh, Stacy..." Stampy lifts himself up on his hands and stares into her bright green eyes, "out of everyone in the world I could spend all of Dan's money with, I'm so glad I'm with you."
"Teehee...!" Stacy chuckles "you have petals on your hoodie ears."
"...is it a good look?" Stampy asks.
"It makes you go from a cute to an adorable." Stacy responds, sliding her hand up into his hood and weaving her fingers into the hair on the back of his head "you look... magnificent."
They stare longingly into each other's eyes.
Supervillain Stampy is way less timid and anxiety driven than normal Stampy, and with his newfound supervillain confidence, he closes his eyes and moves in for the make out.
"Mmmmmm!" Stacy rises to meet him, the young couple's lips lock with passion.
They snog together, kissing, brushing, and snuggling, for minutes on end.
"We..." Stacy breathes as she lovingly rubs her nose against her boyfriend's "should probably... keep going before long... not because we're in danger, just so we can... sooner organize our new life."
"Yeah... yeah, of course..." Stampy agrees, "this'll just be... our final farewell... to the old days." he keeps kissing her.
"Mmm...!" Stacy gently pulls their lips apart again "when we get back, I... I want to stop hiding this."
"Oh, it'll go public, baby, everyone will know." Stampy assures, "hopefully it'll even be big enough news to jumpstart our success."
"I know, the sheeple love celebrity gossip." Supervillain Stacy chuckles, her eyebrows curved and smile evil "the news of our big get-together will draw enough extra attention to make us even more millions of emeralds, we'll be the most important people in the world! we will... CONTROL the world!"
"Ohhhh!" Stampy relishes hearing that, then strokes the side of Stacy's face with his finger, "I love the way you think...!"
"Laugh with me, Stampy." Stacy instructs "mwa-ha-ha, okay?"
"Okay, on the count of three." Stampy directs, "one... two... three!"
"MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA, MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!" the two laugh wickedly together.
"That's it...!" Stacy grins as she suddenly pushes Stampy over onto his back and rolls on top of him so that their positions switch "Stampy, I've waited a long time for this..."
"For what, my love?" Stampy grins back evilly.
Stacy roughly tears a few of the flowers off their stems and tightens them into a bouquet.
"Stampy..." Stacy's eyes go big and shiny, her villainous side taking a moment's break "...will you..." she offers him the bouquet "...move in with me?"
"YES, BABY!" Stampy throws his arms around Stacy joyously, not actually taking the bouquet, "I never want to be separated from you again!"
Thwonk! an arrow suddenly shoots down at them and sticks into the back of Stacy's head.
"*gasp*!" Stacy's expression shoots wide with shock and pain.
"AHHHHHH!" Stampy screams like all shit.
Stacy shoves herself off of Stampy, turning to look back up the hill, Stampy's gaze follows.
"HAAA! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" they find Dan, dressed in armor and riding a dumb pig, laughing maniacally at the top of the hill, his rioting hands struggling to load another arrow onto his bow "helloooooooooooo! I'm BAAACK! did you two small-time idiots actually believe that you could just murder the greatest of the great that easily!? of course I escaped! and now I've come for my property, and by property, I mean my flint and steel, but I also mean, YOUR HEADS!"
Dan... is the winner of the Great Stampy Race.
"Fucking MINECART!?" Stampy can't believe any of this.
"How the fuck...!?" Stacy breathes "where did you get all that STUFF!?"
"I crafted it from the land, like a true minecraft MASTER." Dan claims "when you go against me, you go against the can't-be-beat! and speaking of beats...!"
Dan slips off of the pig, puts on sunglasses, greases his hair back, takes out a book, opens it, looks down, and clears his throat, "And now... for the rap!"
"No...!" Stacy and Stampy gasp in horror.
"I hope you two both know how to spit a dope rhyme, because that's the only way you'll be winnin' this time!" Dan teases, the rap begins "one against the two of U is no prob fo' me, so let's get this go'in, yo', DanTDM Vs. Stamp-Stace-E!"
"The nightmare is real!" Stacy braces herself.
Stampy just stares in terrified disbelief.
Dan continues his rap attack. ('...' is him pausing for breath.)
So you thought you could just walk away,
with my stolen findin's.
Tried to send me up in flames, (nuh-uh!)
you can't set fire to diamonds!
And that gem is what I am,
I'm the best there ever wuz.
Run ahead leave me for dead,
no way you can be seriuz!
...
I've slain a hundred ender dragons, more withers than you could count,
found that ancient flint and steel every-one was talkin' 'bout.
My groupies lining up,
to get a piece of this keeper,
gonna suck and blow me harder,
than a hopper-creeper.
More bone than a skeleton,
and more compact than TNT,
all the ladies want my dick,
even you there, Stacy!
...
My subscriber base is huge, you have no hope to catch it,
(None!)
even adding Lizzie to your piddly scores cannot match it!
I face every challenge head-on, I'm head-strong, I get along,
but nothing will assert my awesomeness more than what I rap in song!
...
I spit hot lava, literally!
I am the top celebrity.
Nobody can keep up with me.
I'm breaking you like blocks, can't you see!?
Punch you into wood just like a tree.
If your security's a lock I've got the key.
You'd better get down onto just one knee,
and beg me for forgiveness 'cause you're not home-free.
...
Stampy, your cat hoodie is shit, man.
Stacy, your taste in guys is shit, ma'am.
Shit!
Shit!
Shit-shit-shit!
Everyone except for Dan.
...
So since when have you two been a thing?
Probably not long, no engagement ring.
Did you fall in love, or is it all lust?
A pact for power, maybe? yeah I hear what you discuss!
Rule the world, you think? pah, don't be so stupid.
Your love can't save you from the wrath of this cupid!
My arrow's struck one already, got Stacy in the head.
Next one through the kitten's heart, you'll be in love-I mean DEEEAD.
So here's a final statement,
before I make your faces mushy:
Stacy, you may be the woman,
but Stampy is the pussy!
And I mean that in all the ways, don't pretend you don't know.
Now to finally end this rap, and finish, the, show!
Thank you for listening, you've both played out your part.
Now chins high, it's time to die, TO THE DIAMOND MINECART.
Dan falls silent, and waits for their response.
Poll Results!
"How do you think the Great Stampy Race will end?"
1. Dan will manage to catch Stampy before he gets fucked up the ass by Lukas, and attacks ferociously without hesitation. 1 Vote(s). (25%)
2. Dan will manage to catch Stampy before he gets fucked up the ass by Lukas, but just gets fucked by Stampy and Stacy. 0 Vote(s). (0%)
3. Jesse and company are able to intercept Dan in time to save her lover from his wrath, and Lukas ravages his hole once more. 1 Vote(s). (25%)
4. Jesse and company are able to intercept Dan in time to save her lover from his wrath, but Dan continues to pull his tricks and escapes. 0 Vote(s). (0%)
5. Dan will accidentally find LIZZIE instead of Stampy. 2 Vote(s). (50%)
6. Something totally unexpected. 0 Vote(s). (0%)
Total Votes: 4.
Total Voters: 2.
This week, the answer was finally, the most sought-after answer of all time: SOMETHING TOTALLY UNEXPECTED. Dan won the Great Stampy Race, but he did it with the one thing nobody would have ever saw coming: a rap battle. Unfortunately nobody voted for Something Totally Unexpected this week, but thanks to how many votes it's gotten in the past, we know it's been a popular choice for ages.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM GREENE EARTH PRODUCTIONS. ❤ ❤ ❤