Chapter ten

July 25th 2012

12 hours old

Her daughters loud cries were very hard for Jo to distinguish. The little girl had only been alive for 12 hours, and yet she had some how managed to develop four different cries, all of which meant completely different things.

She had Loud and distressed cries. She had Loud and whining cries. There was a mixture of both, and finally a soft whimpering cry, and Jo had no idea what each cry meant.

How on earth did a newborn develop so many cries in such a short period of time? It didn't seem possible.

The apparent lack of motherly skills and nurturing did nothing to help Jo attempt to figure out what each cry meant and she usually resorted to a checklist; change nappy, hold baby, feed baby, put baby to bed. If nothing from her list did the trick then panic would soon ensue.

Jo hoped that her motherly skills would soon kick in, as she had been told a thousand times, but 12 hours later and there was nothing. Not even a motherly thought had crossed her mind. She hadn't even thought of a name for her daughter. And although she knew that she had to give her daughter a name, the thought of actually giving her a name hadn't even crossed her mind yet. Why kind of a mother thought like that? Not a good one, that was sure.

She was going to be a crappy mother, she was sure of it. After all, she never had a mother to guide her and to nurture her? She had no kind of example to follow. How the hell was she going to make it as a mother for the next 18 years? She was flying blind, she just hoped she didn't do anything to scar her daughter for life.

Jo hears her daughter begin to make a loud and distressed cry. "Oh no," Jo sighs. It had been a mere ten minutes since she had finally gotten the newborn settled.

Her daughter was in a crib right next to the side of the bed, so Jo carefully leaned over and grabbed her daughter. She was extra careful so she didn't aggravate her wind site. "Stop crying, stop crying, please stop crying," she begged while holding her. "What do you need? Are you tired?" Jo asks. "I just had you asleep and you woke up, so if you're tired that one is on you." She pauses for a moment before continuing, "are you hungry?" She asks. She pulls down half of her singlet and attempts to get the crying infant to latch. A few moments later she pulls back up her top. "Do you need to be changed?" Jo asks. She holds up Her bottom to her nose and smells it. "No. Please just tell me. I can't read your mind so just tell me what you want," Jo begs stressfully through the cries.

"Try rocking her gently," Alex pipes up.

Jo looks over at him startled, "how long have you been standing there for?"

"Just hold your daughter and rock her, she'll calm down," Alex instructs.

"I..I... I'm so sore Alex. I've just had major surgery and I can barely move let alone rock her. Can you do it?" Jo begs.

Alex sighs and walks over to Jo. He gently grabs the newborn from Jo's arms and begins to rock her. As he does she begins to calm down.

"You're so good with her, much better then I am and I'm her mother," Jo sighs.

Alex looks down at her daughter and then looks up at Jo, "Look, I know you are nervous and scared. You now have another human life you're now responsible for, it's allowed," Alex replies.

"Alex, I'm more then freaking out here. I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling. I've had no parental figures my entire life. I rushed into a relationship with a man who thought was a good man because he gave me a home. Despite his abuse, despite all of the opportunities I had to leave him, I chose not to. It took me being pregnant to realise that I had to get out, and even then I was in denial. What kind of a role model does that make me, huh?" She asks desperately.

"The very fact that you left him makes you a fantastic role model. You left him for your child and that makes you freaking strong," Alex says honestly. He walks over to the other side of Jo's bed and places the now sleeping newborn into her crib. Jo gives him a small smile.

"Who's surname can she have? Can she use my maiden name? I didn't research this. I didn't even think of a single name to give her," Jo admits.

"The law states that a child much have the surname of one or both of its parents. Seeing as you are keeping the baby then she must have your surname..." Alex begins.

Jo sighs, "And because I'm still married to Paul my surname is Stadler. As if It's not bad enough that I'm still married to him, now this baby has to be connected to him too."

"I'm sorry," Alex replies genuinely.

"What should I name her? I don't know anything about naming a child," Jo musses.

"I could get you a book," Alex suggests.

"A book, really Karev. That's the best you can suggest?" Jo laughs.

"I'm really sorry, but yes," he laughs. "I'm sorry to break it to you, but haven't named a child before either."

"But you work in Paeds. You see people name their babies all the time," Jo points out to him.

"And I don't help them do it," he laughs.

"Oh, yeah, right," she laughs back. "Ow," she whines. The laughing caused her to aggravate her wound site. She stops laughing and looks at him with an intriguing smile.

"What?" He asks.

"It's just, today, for the first time since... well, I can't even remember when... today is the first time in a very long time that I laughed... that I was happy. Thank you for that," Jo says honestly.

"You're welcome," he smiles.