Chapter twelve

One week later- August 8th

2 weeks old

Jo thought she knew what exhausted was. She thought all of the 24 hour shifts and the on call nights made her prepared what was was going to hit her, but boy oh boy, was she wrong.

As she walked down the stairs of Alex's house to open the front door she could barley keep her eyes open. She felt like a walking zombie. Why wouldn't her daughter stop crying? If Jo had to bet she'd say her daughter had been screaming for at least 3/4 of the time she had been home, and was in fact crying right now. Jo had tired everything on her checklist, even holding her and nothing seemed to calm the newborn down, so as a result Jo hadn't slept. And that was physically and mentally exhausting. This is what exhausted was.

She hears the doorbell ring once more, "I'm coming!" Jo calls out annoyed. She stands in front of the door and takes a deep breath before opening the door.

"Oh my god Jo, you look like shit," Steph exclaims as she looks at Jo.

"Hi," Jo replies with a deathly stare.

"Can I come in?" Steph asks hopeful.

"The house is a mess, but okay," Jo replies. She opens the door a little further so that Steph can walk in. As she walks in she looks she looks the living room and sees piles of cloths everywhere, she walks past the living room and down to the kitchen and dining area and sees piles of unwashed dishes and bags of rubbish that hadn't been taken out.

"Ah, you weren't kidding, Jo, this house is a mess," Steph replies shocked. She expected the house to be a little messy, but this was just crazy. "Jo, you need to do some cleaning."

"I can't. I have a baby screaming in my ear. She's stoped for maybe 12 hours out of the entire week I've been home. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I don't have any energy to clean, I've used all my energy trying to get my kid to like me," Jo cries. "And.. and Alex is pretty much staying at the hospital, he's a surgeon, he needs to sleep. I understand. But I'm trying to do everything on my own and it's just not possible when I have a kid that doesn't like me."

Steph places her hand onto Jo's left shoulder, "Okay. Okay," she sighs, "Is that your daughter crying?" Steph questions.

"She won't stop. I've tried everything and nothing worked. So now I thought that my presence might be the problem so I decided I'd leave her alone," Jo sighs sadly.

"I'm going to go and get her, Okay?" Steph asks. Jo nods her head in acknowledgement and Steph walks upstairs to get the baby. Within a few moments of rocking the newborn she settled down and Steph walks down with her. When she walks back into the kitchen she notices that Jo was sitting at the dinning table with her head cradled in her hands.

"Are you Okay?" Steph asks concerned.

"I have a baby that hates me. Do I honestly look like I'm okay? I don't know how the hell I'm going to do it. I don't think I can," Jo admits through cries.

"When do you have her first checkup?" Steph asks curiously.

"I...I...I don't even know. It's on the calendar I think," Jo says as she points to the fridge.

Steph walks over to the calendar and notices that the appointment was exactly one week away. "Jo, you do know that if you have any concerns over the baby's health your your recovery, physically and mentally, you can always come into the hospital sooner. You don't have to wait until your appointment, Somebody to talk to might help," Steph stresses.

"What are you trying to say?" Jo asks.

"I am saying that you're not alone," Steph replies while rocking the baby.

"Thank you," Jo replies genuinely.

"Have you thought of a name for this pretty lady yet?" Steph asks curiously.

"No," Jo sighs. "But I've got 46 more days to name her. I kind of think that she needs to like and and I need to get to know her before I give her a name she'll be stuck with for the rest of her life. It's the biggest decision I'll be making for her. I wanna get it right and in order to get it right I need to like her and I don't like her yet," Jo replies blankly.

"You don't like her yet?" Steph questions stunned.

"No, I don't like her yet," she says casually, "and she doesn't like me either so the feeling is mutual."

"Jo, you've gotta try," Steph says gently.

"I am trying. I try every single day. I fed her, I bathe her, I put her to sleep, but she just screams at me every chance she gets. It's not my fault," Jo replies defensively.

Steph nods her head slowly. She couldn't help but think that there was something else going on. She has her suspicions, but the main thing that popped into her mind was post natal depression.