Chapter 50: the Final Confrontation.
"Your rap fucking sucked!" Dan wastes his breath as he runs through the woods "I won the battle, no question! and now I'm going to kill you! here I come on my pig!" he bluffs in the hope that they'll stop running if they know he's faster than them.
"Oink! oink!" Dan makes pig noises in a sad attempt to help sell it.
Stampy and Stacy hear all of this.
"Trees?" Stampy hushes.
"Urgh, yes...!" Stacy groans "I should've just shot the damn pig."
"Or the carrot." Stampy points out the other option, then gestures to a couple trees coming up in front of them, "here?"
Stacy nods curtly, the moment they reach the trees they stop running, hide behind them with their backs to the trunks, and wait.
Shing...! Stacy takes out her diamond sword, which is a fucking hell of a better weapon than Dan's stone sword.
"Uh...!" Stampy realizes, "Lukas took mine!"
"Oh! um...!" Stacy searches her pockets "this is my only one, but I've got some other stuff."
Stacy puts down a crafting table and gets working, "Tell me if he starts getting really close." she orders.
"Okay." Stampy agrees, listening intently to the blundering idiot the ways behind them.
"Boo! are you here!? ugh, fuck." he hears Dan evidently not finding them and wasting his time.
"Done!" Stacy's finished fast, "catch!" she throws him an iron sword.
"Thanks!" Stampy scoops it up, ready for battle, "hey, can you make armor too?"
"I don't really have any leather, gold, or diamonds." Stacy shakes her head "and only so much iron, and armor takes a lot, maybe I could make helmets."
"I have a bit." Stampy points out, throwing her some.
"ARE YOU HERE!?" Dan's voice sounds, closer than it was before "damn it!"
Stacy asseses their combined amount.
Stacy's Iron: 14. (16 before making Stampy's sword.)
Stampy's Iron: 7.
"We've got twenty-one." Stacy reports "a full suit for each of us would cost forty-eight, we can't even make a full suit for one of us, but we can make, uh, two chestplates would be sixteen, and five left over for a helmet for one of us."
"Okay, do that." Stampy nods, "you can have the helmet, it's mostly your iron anyways, and I don't want to cover my hoodie."
"No." Stacy shakes her head "I've got the better offense, you should have better defense."
"...you know, I have a few leather too." Stampy brings up, throwing five leather to Stacy.
"..." Stacy resists the urge to snap that he should've brought it up already "...good, I have two, we can make leather pants."
"You want the helmet while I take the pants then?" Stampy proposes.
"BOO YAH!" Dan's getting closer, but still not here "...fuck, they're still just running aren't they?"
Stampy can't help but grin hugely and pump his fist.
"On it!" Stacy chimes, also happy at Dan giving up now of all times.
Stacy retrieves her leather from inside her shulker box inside her inventory, and puts it to use, she finishes crafting the leather pants, iron helmet, and two iron chestplates.
"Here...!" she calls, hushed, as she tosses Stampy his share.
Stampy nods his thanks and equips them.
Stacy also equips her armor and picks up the crafting table, nodding to Stampy that she's ready.
They wait.
"YES!" they hear Dan cheer "come here, little piggy!"
"Oink." they hear a pig.
"New steed, and I'm back in this!" Dan whoops "charge, my little swine, to Stampy and Stacy wherever they be!"
"What the fuck is he talking about!?" Stampy whispers to Stacy.
Stacy tenses, "He... he hasn't been on foot this whole time, has he?"
"He couldn't have!" Stampy stresses "we heard the pig, remember?"
"Maybe he's just trying to fuck with us." Stacy shrugs it off "whatever, we're ready for him, stupid pig or no stupid pig."
They wait.
Rummage-rummage-rummage-*snort*. they hear the pig rapidly approaching.
BOOM. they tense as the moment finally happens, and Dan comes riding the pig directly between the two trees instead of going around them.
"HAH!" Stacy stabs the pig immediately.
"Wheeeh!" the pig dies.
"AHH-!" Dan jumps in surprise as his mount dies under him, he falls onto his side on the ground.
"HELLO, MINECART!"-Swoosh! Stampy greets as he swings his sword, slicing the carrot to bits.
"W-WHA!?" Dan's horrified and shocked by this sudden and brutal attack, his gaze snaps back and forth between the young couple standing over him.
"Should've just minded your own, Dan." Stacy growls "now you're gonna die."
"Oh god...!" Dan trembles.
Clang! Stacy takes a stab at him, but the desperate soft-haired boy deflects the blow with his sword.
"Ohh, you best just give up on that now, TDM, that piece of shit isn't going to do you any good against our weapons." Stampy gestures to Dan's weak ass stone sword dismissively.
Dan looks at his sword.
It's already taken a big chunk of damage from clanging against Stacy's, which is pretty much perfectly fine.
"...!" Dan's eyes widen with fear.
Maybe... Dan thinks, ...this wasn't such a good idea after all.
"Do it again, if you dare!" Stacy teases as she thrusts at Dan a second time, knowing that he'd be losing more even if he does deflect it.
"EEP!" Dan squeals as he tries rolling away, he avoids the blade and goes crashing into Stampy's legs, tripping the kitty man over.
"Urgh!" Stampy stabs at Dan as he goes falling.
Clang! Stampy's sword bounces off of Dan's iron armor leggings.
"Get away from me, Minecart!" Stampy snaps, trying to get back to his feet.
"ERRRM!" Dan desperately, DESPERATELY scrambles to his feet first "FUCK YOU!"
Swoosh! Dan brings his sword swinging down, aiming for Stampy's head.
Cling! Stampy just knocks it away with his superior blade.
"It's not going to be that easy!" Stampy scoffs, offended that Dan would even try for that.
"L-lucky block! that's all!" Dan lies to himself "I can beat you SUPER easily, Stampy! just like I always have!"
"This is the day I take your reign away from you, Dan! from this point on I will be the ultimate Minecraft YouTuber!" Stampy declares, "once you're gone all of your subscribers will flock to me as their new favorite celebrity! and everyone will forget about you in a matter of years!"
"NO!" Dan snaps in defiance "I've fought too hard for this, today AND last night, I didn't let the White Pumpkin kill me, I didn't let Jesse's gang kill me, I didn't let YOU kill me, I DID NOT LET MOTHERFUCKING PWNKANG KILL ME, and now I'll survive you a second time! if I was going to die, it would've happened already, but it didn't! I'm meant to come out of this, I'm supposed to defeat you, IT'S, MY, DESTINY!"
"Fuck his shit and destroy his faith, Stacy!" Stampy commands, swinging his sword at his arch nemesis again.
Dan ducks the swing and slams the edge of his sword into Stampy's leg, the leather armor takes the blow and Stampy's fine, but Dan immediately pushes him over.
"Oof!" Stampy hits the ground.
"YEAH, BITCH!" Dan cheers.
Thwip-thonk! pushing Stampy over had only cleared the way for Stacy to shoot an arrow into Dan's chest.
"OW!" Dan flinches, the arrow having pierced through his leather breastplate and scraped his skin, he tugs it out "NO, MORE, ARROWS!"
"You're the one who started with them." Stacy reminds as she switches back to her sword.
"ARRRGGGHHH!" Dan roars like an animal as he starts charging at Stacy.
"Fuckhead!" Stampy grabs his leg, causing Dan to stumble and fall on his face. Splat.
"..." Dan's face down on the ground "...MMMRPH!" he rises up and starts kicking back at Stampy "LET ME GO!"
"I'll chop your dick off like I did the carrot!" Stampy hisses as uses his free hand to stab towards Dan's flailing legs "time to DIE, Mr. Dickens!"
Bang! Stampy's sword bashes against the crotch of Dan's iron leggings, it doesn't break through, but it FUCKING HURTS.
"AUGH...!" Dan groans in pain "get...! the fuck...! OFF!"
BAM! Dan kicks Stampy right in the middle of his pretty little face.
"Argh! fuck...!" Stampy lets go to grasp the area.
"That's the last move you'll ever make...!" Stacy hisses as she grabs hold of Dan from behind, trying to line up her sword with his throat.
"Do it, Stacy!" Stampy encourages.
CLANG! Dan sacrifices his sword's health for his own, using his blade to narrowly avoid Stacy tearing his fucking throat out.
"HRMPH!" Dan moves his weapon to the side and bashes it against the underside of Stacy's forearm, creating a bleeding gash.
"ERGH! fuck...!" Stacy reacts, pulling her arm back out of Dan's reach.
"Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend, Minecart!" Stampy spits, getting to his feet and stabbing towards Dan.
"Heh!" Stacy chuckles as she holds Dan firmly in place, preventing his attempt to escape.
Swoowich! Stampy's sword stabs through the stomach of Dan's leather armor and squelches into his flesh.
"AHHHHHHUGH!" Dan suffers the first serious wound of the battle.
"Yes! YES!" Stampy's eyes light up in victory, "we did it Stacy!" he cheers, "what do you think of this, Dan!? huh!?" he twists it.
"EEEEEERRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Dan howls in agony.
"Not smart, making your weak point your entire torso area." Stacy shakes her head "the last of a series of huge mistakes, made by the late Diamond Minecart."
Poll Results!
"Who won the rap battle!?"
1. The Diamond MC (Dan) 0 Vote(s). (0%)
2. Fly-Bolt & String-String (Stampy/Stacy) 3 Vote(s). (100%)
Total Votes: 3.
Total Voters: 3.
The votes are in! The viewers have decided the winning side, and it, is, FLY-BOLT & STRING-STRING! Whoo-whoo! And it was 100% unanimous. Sorry, Dan the Diamond MC, but it looks like Stampy and Stacy did know how to spit a dope rhyme, Bcuz they sure won this time!
(On a personal author's note, I feel like I just barely prefer Dan's song purely because it is waaay too much fun to rap in real life, but my favorite individual part of either song was Stacy's line, "Your rap attack was pathetic, all your insults have no backing. Your minecart might be diamond, but I find your track LACKING...!" It's so good.)
That, was fun. You viewers have no idea how much I loved that rap battle. I loved writing it, I love rapping it, I love reading it, I loved uploading it, I loved doing the poll for it and reading your votes. Thank you.
But moving on, OH-NO! The battle has erupted, and Dan is losing! What will happen next!? Vote for your prediction in our new poll, then come back next week to find out!