Chapter seventeen
Two days later- September 21st 2012
8 weeks and 2 days old
Next therapy session
"At our last session you said that it wasn't always bad. And it got me thinking... it wasn't always bad so it must be me. I'm the reason that it went bad. I was doing all of the things that made him upset. If only I kept my mouth shut and did what he asked, then maybe things would have been good," Jo muses as she sits on Dr Wyatt's lounge for the second time.
"No, no, when a man puts his hands on you, it is no way your fault. You are not in control of another person actions. They are," Dr Wyatt says sternly.
"I never saw my life working out this way. If i ever got married I never wanted to be divorced. And in the slim chance that I ever had kids I sure as hell didn't want to be the single divorced mother. I would see those kids all the time and they were broken. I would see those grown ups all the time and they looked stressed and unhappy. I never wanted that to be me. I was in the foster system, and it was crappy, but in my mind as soon as I aged out of the system everything would become better... I would meet an amazing guy, maybe get married, attend Pre med school and Med school, I would become a Surgeon and maybe, just maybe have a kid," Jo vents. "I couldn't control my life as a child, and that scared the living hell out of me everyday. But becoming an adult would be different. I would have all the control I needed."
Dr Wyatt nods, "I understand that it's frustrating, especially given that you had no control of your life as a child. Adulthood was your one safe haven... the one place that you'd be in control of your life."
"At the age of 18 I achieved a scholarship to attend pre med school and then I met Paul after I just started. To me it was life fate... like I was finally having control of my life. I knew when he was going to propose because he got me to pick out the ring... I made every single wedding choice. I was in control of my life... every last second was planned and accounted for and it was all going in the right direction," Jo exclaims.
"Please continue," Dr Wyatt gestures.
"And when he started to hit me I became powerless and my life was no longer in my control, he was controlling it. And now even though I'm free he's still controlling my life. I want to be the one in control. I need to be the one that is Meticulously planning every second of every day," Jo replies.
Dr Wyatt nods her head, "So you have some control issues. You like to be in control and not having that control takes you back and stems from a place of fear."
"Control issues? I do not have control issues," Jo replies unbelievably. "Just because I like to plan every second of my life, it does not mean I have control..." Jo pauses for a moment and looks at Dr Wyatt, " I have control issues," Jo sighs.
"And that's okay. Expected even after everything you've been through in your life. But it's important that you lean how to manage the amount of control. It's something we will do as we get further into therapy, but for now it's important that you regain control over what you've lost and that we work healing your emotional scars from Paul," Dr Wyatt replies.
"Well my soon to be ex husband is suing me for joint custody of my daughter... a daughter I haven't even named her yet... she doesn't even like me that much. He's out on a good behaviour bond and my divorce is the slowest moving divorce in the history of divorces," Jo vents frustratedly.
"Okay, let's talk about everything one at a time. You said that Paul is filling for joint custody of the baby. Do you have a court date?" She asks.
"It's 2 months away," Jo replies.
30 minutes later
Jo sits down in the lunch room. In front of her sat her lunch tray which contained a ham and cheese sandwich, a can of lemonade and a chocolate pudding. Alex notices her from across the room and he walks over to her and he sits down across from her. He notices that her eye were red and she looked like she had been crying, "Are you okay Jo?" Alex asks as he asks
"No," she cries, "my shrink went all shrinky on me," she states.
"Oh... um... Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks nervously.
"And last week I was served with papers from Paul's lawyer... he's filled for joint custody of the baby," she says slowly.
"Wholly Freaking hell, can he even do that? Is that legal?" Alex questions shocked.
"He can And he has. He's out on a good behaviour bond and he's filled for joint custody. I have a court date in two months. My lawyer says I need character whiteness," Jo explains.
"Everybody in this hospital is on your side. Anybody here will stand up to the court and say that you're a good mother," Alex replies.
"But am I? She doesn't even have a name yet," Jo sighs.
"Yes you are. You're fighting to keep her and to keep Paul away from her. That makes you a freaking great mother," Alex says sternly.
"Paul is also trying to contest the divorce. He has a lot of money so he's got the best lawyers on it," Jo replies.
"So he'll leave you with nothing…" Alex begins.
Jo sighs, "I don't want anything from him... well actually I asked for the car that he brought for me and the house to be sold and money split. But I need the car How else am I supposed to get to work and get the baby places? He is contesting the divorce itself. He doesn't want a divorce. He wants to still be married to me."
"Wait, you have a car? What kind of car do you have? I have never seen it before. How have I never seen it before?" He asks shocked.
"Well, Paul hardly ever let me drive it. It's a Toyota Sienna," Jo begins
"Why'd he buy you a minivan?" Alex asks.
"I don't know. For the million kids I was supposed to have with him. I never approached the fact that children were a very slim maybe for me," Jo replies. "When I was staying with you the car was at Paul and I's house because the keys were inside and I didn't have house keys to get the car keys. Paul never trusted me to have house keys. But right before I started back at work the police obtained a court order to retrieve the keys from the house," Jo explains.
"Okay, but why doesn't he want a divorce?" Alex asks curiously.
"Control. He wants control of me. While we're married I can never really move on. My lawyers are working on it and I'm racking up a massive bill from them in the mean time. And it makes no literal sense as he filled for joint custody. He was joint custody of the child, but still wants to be a tied to me," Jo sighs.
"You might still be married to him but you are your own person, he doesn't own you and he doesn't control you anymore. It might feel that way but he doesn't. Take the power to control your own life. Take the power to make your life happy. You are responsible for your own happiness and success," Alex replies with a slight smile.