Hey, everyone! I'm happy to say that I'm finally back with more consistent updates! If everything goes as planned, I'll have this story finished by July… so get ready for lots of new chapters!

I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who has been so incredibly patient with me! When I took some time to publish my first book, I thought I would receive loads of guest reviews about my lack of updates, but luckily, everyone has been so incredibly supportive. Thank you for that. The Blessing novel has definitely exceeded all of my expectations so far :). And let me take a moment to shamelessly plug said novel… If you're interested in a copy you can find the ebook for $2.99 and the paperback for $18.99 if you search "The Blessing" by Lizzie Lee.

Giant thanks to my beautiful betas Sherry and Paige! You know I couldn't do this without your hard work! :)

Enjoy the chapter!

BPOV:

Kiki's is mouthwatering, but not nearly as mouthwatering as the man sitting across from me. He keeps sneaking glances at me as we dig into our appetizers - Chile Con Queso and Queso Fries- and I have to try my best to act as though his heated stare has no effect on me. Although, that couldn't be further from the truth. Per usual, his gaze makes me want to clear the table, knocking everything on top of it onto the floor, and have my wicked way with him. I can feel the skin on my chest flush as I squeeze my thighs together and try to think of anything else. However, there's something in his gaze that troubles me. Something I can't ignore, no matter how desperately I try. I feel that whatever he's not telling me will soon be revealed. I take a deep breath, wondering if not knowing is a more blissful and satisfactory option. Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?

As soon as our small talk simmers down and our entrees arrive, I'm yearning for some answers. I wonder for a moment if this is the best place to talk about this before deciding there's no time like the present. If we don't open up now, then when? Is any time truly a good time? If the news he's presenting me with isn't something I want to hear, then I doubt it. Just as I open my mouth to speak, Edward beats me to the punch. With a somber look on his handsome face, he begins.

"Bells, the more I'm around you, the more I envision a future with you. I wasn't looking for a relationship when you crashed into my life, but now that you're here, I can't deny myself something I truly feel is meant to be…" he trails off before chuckling to himself. "Sorry, I'm rambling. I've never been good at this sort of thing. Talking about my feelings and all that… I'm terrible. What I really wanted to say was, as much as I want to start a life with you, I have to be honest. There's some stuff about me that I haven't told you. Not because I was worried about how you might handle it or anything like that. I just didn't want to ruin the time we were having. I wanted you to get to know me with a clear head, no judgements. I didn't want to drag you down with all the drama I've faced over the past year…" he trails off again before rubbing a hand vigorously over his five o'clock shadow. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling again."

"What did you want to tell me?" I'm quick to question. I just want him to spit it out. Listening to him ramble on and on feels like torture - despite the nice bits he throws in here and there about his feelings for me. I could listen to that all day long. However, it's hard to listen to the sweet bits when I know the conversation will soon, most likely, turn bittersweet.

He grimaces and I feel my breath catch in my throat. What could he possibly tell me that has him so wound up?

"It's nothing terrible, Bells. Nothing that directly affects you. It's just… this past year has been rough for me. I haven't really been serious about anything and I left El Paso for a while in hopes of 'finding myself.' I was a mess. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I barely knew who I was half the time. My career wasn't going the way I planned. I didn't think I would be stuck here in El Paso. I knew one day I would be taking over my family's farm, but I thought that day was far into the future. You know why I think we got on so well initially? I think it's because you were running away from a marriage and I understood that sentiment completely. In many ways, I feel like my marriage ruined me, Bells. I blindly jumped into it and I let a woman change my life. I thought we were on the same page… I thought she would support me. My divorce was finalized six months ago and since then I feel like I still haven't really been myself. The man I once was… I don't even know where he is.

"I had once been so driven. I was on the path to success and I feel like I blew my chance. I'm not a lost cause or anything like that - I don't believe that - but I could be on an entirely different level if I kept competing the way I once had. I lost my focus, all because I let a woman I thought I was in love with dictate my life." He pauses for a moment and runs a shaky hand through his unruly hair. "Bells, the only time I really feel like my old self is when I'm around you. When we're together, I feel like I can see clearly. I may not be where I want to be, but I finally feel like I'm on the right path."

He reaches across the cramped table and takes my hand in his. I'm speechless. I'm relieved. When he first mentioned marriage, my mind instantly jumped to the worst possible scenario: he was married and had been lying to me this entire time; I was the other woman. Now, I feel guilty for thinking so lowly of him. Edward wouldn't do that. He wouldn't lie to me like that. Sure, he hasn't been exactly forthcoming about every aspect of his life, but who is? He's telling me now and that's what matters.

"Does she still live around here?" I can't help but ask. I just want to know if I'll ever be running into her.

"She's renting a place in Clint, last I heard from her."

Edward takes a long drink of his beer before leaning back in his seat. I study him for a moment, wondering why speaking of his ex-wife seems so painful for him. Is he still in love with her? Is he upset over the time he lost while he was married to her? Is there something I'm missing here? I bite down on my bottom lip, trying not to display the millions of questions that are running through my mind. My mama says that I'm an open book, but at times like these I hope I'm anything but. I guess I should've worked on my poker face a bit more because, by the looks of it, my emotions are clear to Edward.

"I'm not in love with her still. Nothing like that, if that's what you're wondering."

"I wasn't," I lie as I feel a flush rise to my cheeks.

"Bells, I fell out of love with her as quickly as I fell in love with her. Well, that is, if you could call what I had with her 'love.' It was more like mutual lust if anything."

"So… she's out of your life now?" I ask, trying not to sound too hopeful.

If he lusted for her, even if that's far in the past, I'd still feel better if she were far, far away from us. It's strange because I've never been insecure about myself - well, at least not since middle school when I wasn't comfortable being the heaviest girl in my grade - so, being insecure now makes me feel on edge. Maybe it's just because of Edward. I've never felt for any man the way I feel for him. Maybe this is love and maybe love causes us to do some very strange things. Strange things like making me very, very insecure. I can't help wonder what she looks like. Is she curvy like me or does she fall in line with the more typical buckle bunny type Edward admits to liking? Am I the first curvy girl he's ever been romantically invested in? If so, I'm not sure how that makes me feel?

One thought passes through my mind and then another at a pace so quick, I can barely keep up. I reach for my Long Island Iced Tea and take a long sip before mirroring Edward and sitting back in my chair. I don't know what my problem is. I did run away from my own wedding not too long ago after all. Am I jealous? I feel like I've never experienced true jealousy until Edward came into my life.

"She's out of my life. I haven't seen her around in a while. Although, I haven't really been around to see her."

"So, she's the reason you left El Paso for a while?"

"Yeah, I just needed a break. I just needed time to think in a place I knew she wouldn't be."

"Did she handle the divorce well?"

He grimaces and takes another swig of his beer. "Better than I thought she would. She didn't want to end our marriage, but I knew there was no other way. It just wasn't working. We just weren't right for each other."

"When you said she wanted to change you, what did you mean?"

"Well, when I met her she was a buckle bunny. So, I thought she would be supportive of me when I would travel around for competitions, pursuing my career. However, she wanted me to stay in El Paso with her. She wanted to start a family as soon as we were hitched. I could barely breathe around her. I just felt so suffocated. She would constantly accuse me of having affairs when I was on the road and despite not working, she never wanted to travel with me."

As soon as he mentions traveling, I begin to zone out as thousands of questions fill my mind. He wants to travel. He wants to pursue a career in bull riding. Of course he does, Bells! You've known that from the beginning. Did you really think he could pursue his dreams in El Paso? I guess I had thought that. I don't know much about the sport, but apparently I was naive enough to believe he would be competing in El Paso and El Paso alone. What does that mean for us? If there is an "us" to speak of.

"Bells?"

Hearing my name pulls me back to the present. "Sorry?"

"Where did you go just now?"

"I was just thinking." I shrug before taking another sip of my drink.

"Thinking 'bout what?"

"How much traveling do you have to do?" I ask, my voice so small I cringe.

"Well, I just travel around Texas. Usually traveling gets more heavy for me around August and September. But late in the year I travel a lot, too. There's a lot of competitions within driving distance and I usually stay in hotels a lot."

"I see."

I don't know what my deal is. I should have known this. I suppose I was just hoping… I don't know what I was hoping. I guess I was just fantasizing about a life with Edward before I knew enough about him. But how could I help it? How could any woman help it? Edward is so perfect… who wouldn't want to fantasize about a future with him?

"I want to get back into that, Bells. I want that life again. I feel like Kate, my ex-wife, really set me back and now, finally, I have a chance to make things right." He pauses for a moment and regards me with passionate eyes before squeezing my hand in his then letting it rest against the table top. "As much as I want that life again, I want a life with you, too. I know I'll be traveling a lot, but maybe you could travel with me?" Edward suggests, sounding hopeful.

My brows knit in confusion. As much as I want to follow him anywhere, I thought I was starting a new life here in El Paso. I just took a job waiting tables… I was going to search for an apartment. I thought this was a fresh start; I thought this was the stability I needed so I could find myself. I don't have a job that supports constant traveling. Maybe if I were a successful artist like I yearn to be… but I'm not. At least, not yet. I haven't had time to focus on my art to really turn my hobby into a lucrative career. I thought El Paso would change that. Maybe traveling would give you the focus you need? Could it? How could I support myself? I'm running low on funds and I know that soon enough, my savings will run dry. Why am I considering this? Is it really a good idea to give up everything and chase after a man?

"I have my job here now…"

I bite my lip, wishing I knew what to say. I can't just drop everything. Can I? Should I follow my heart? What if it just all blew up in my face? Although it's hard to admit, part of the reason I ran away from my wedding was because I'm so afraid of commitment. I'm afraid of giving my heart to anyone. I don't know why - I haven't been hurt severely in the past. I suppose I just don't want to relinquish my control and give everything up to a man. I suppose I'm afraid of the relationship not working out the way I dreamed it would.

Edward frowns before saying, "Well, you haven't started yet." He stops and shakes his head. "Bells, I don't want to guilt you into anything. I realize what I'm asking of you… it's a lot."

"What are you asking me?"

"I want you in my life. You know I do. I want you with me, always. But I can't lose myself. Not again. And I know you don't want to lose yourself either. I just can't give you up, Bells. As much as I want to chase after my dream, I can't leave you behind. I don't want you to be the one who got away. The girl I'll constantly think of when I'm old and gray and my dream has run its course. I want you by my side, honey. I won't always be on the road and I'll do my best to put you first." He pauses for a moment and smiles at me. "I don't know why I always ramble around pretty girls. You think it would be a habit I would've grown out of by now. I know this is a lot to ask, Bells, and I know you're not the type of woman who would even want this, but I have plenty of money saved up. Between the family farm and my winnings, I could take care of us both. I know you have dreams, too, and maybe taking some time off from working another low-paying job will be just the thing you need. You could focus on your dreams while I focus on mine and be a part of this journey with me."

"You want me to quit my job and travel with you?" I sound incredulous, but I just don't know what to feel. I don't want to be "kept" by a man. Even an extremely hot man I want to spend the rest of my life salivating over. He's right, I would love the time to follow my dream, but I want my independence, too. What if things between Edward and I don't work out the way I want it to? What would I do then? With no job, no money of my own, I would be royally screwed if our relationship turned sour.

"We'd just be traveling 'round Texas. I don't want to go from hotel room to hotel room without you. It's lonely on the road and it'd be nice to have you by my side. We wouldn't always be traveling. I don't have to enter every single competition there is. I'll have to take a breather every now and then and when it's time for that, we can just relax at home."

Is this what I want? I want Edward… but do I want this? "I don't know, this is all so sudden."

"I know."

"When's your first competition?"

"This weekend."

This weekend?! And he's just now telling me?

"Is it out of town?"

"It's in Gatesville."

"That's a plane ride away."

"I wanted you to come with me. Get a taste for it, you know? Bells, I think you'd love it."

I stare at my drink for a moment, not knowing what to say. This is all so sudden and as much as I like Edward - as much as he consumes my every thought - I dont know if I can just give everything up and follow him. I feel so lost all of a sudden. We just arrived in El Paso and he wants to turn around and leave. Why do you care, Bella? You only came to El Paso in the first place because it was where he was going. Why not take a chance? For once in your life, why not take the leap?

"I can see if I can push my start date back at work..." I begin, still sounding unsure of myself. While Edward frowns at my answer, he doesn't comment. "Would I be going as your friend? Or are we more than that now?"

His handsome face breaks out into a huge grin at my words; his bright white teeth shining and his eyes lively and excited. "Well, I'd like to call you my 'girlfriend,' if that's okay with you?"

"It's okay with me," I answer, a shy smile tugging on my lips.

"Look, I know we don't have everything worked out, Bells, but just know that I'm going to try my best every single day. I want this to work. While the rodeo is important to me, you're important to me, too. So important. Bells, you've blindsided me completely. Here I was thinking I would come back and focus solely on my career and now I have you: a beautiful, witty, perfect girl I can't get out of my mind."

"Well, how do you think I feel? I ran away from one relationship only to run straight into another."

He snorts at my assessment and reaches to grab my hand in both of his. "You won't regret this, Bells. I can't say things will always be easy, but I'll do everything in my power to make you happy every single day."

The sincerity in his voice takes my breath away. It sure as heck won't be easy, but nothing that's worth having ever is.