Two months later.

Alex POV

It will be Winter Solstice this week. I've spent the last 8 weeks throwing pottery, fighting to death every chance I get, and trying not to jump off the Hotel Valhalla, or push Magnus off the top of it.

He still won't talk to me or tell me what happened. But something has him so spooked he won't be alone in a room with me. He looks at me though when he thinks I'm not watching, and I do the same to him. I hate him. I hate so much I could kill him. And then he coughs, and I worry about him, and then I hate myself. But nothing can change the way my chest seizes up when I see him, or the crushing loneliness of being all by myself...again.

No one in our cohort is in the mood for a party. I despise myself for waiting and watching for him, but he shows up, looking terrible, like he hasn't bathed since the last time I saw him. His blonde hair looks almost brown with grease.

The feast is filled with loud einherjar swigging mead from bottles, hanging from the tree in the center of the room, and eating their roast Saehrimnir. I want no part of it. Angrily, I jump up, and the room turns to stare.

I get up and try to rush back to my room, not paying attention, and run right into...him.

"I'm sorry, I'm not following you, just going to my room", I say, jumping back from him like I got an electric shock.

"I didn't think you were, I mean, I wasn't..." He stumbles.

"Magnus...are you drunk?"

He laughs bitterly and I realize I have not been the only one suffering. "How can I not be, when the person I love more than my own life is close enough to touch, but I can't?"

"Why are you doing this to us?" I insist again. "Whatever my mother said...ignore it."

"I can't ignore this."

"What did she say?" He tries to push past me.

"Magnus stop! You owe me an answer that makes sense! After everything we've meant to each other, I don't know how you could do this!"

"If we have a physical relationship, you're going to die! That's what Loki said!", he bellows, and he nearly falls over.

"And you believe him!" I scream.

"If you'd been there, you would have too! I can't lose you!" He trips in his drunken stooper and he nearly knocks me over.

I catch him, and he yanks me hard into his arms. Crack.

He holds his cheek, which blossoms bright pink where my palm made contact with his pale flesh.

"You touch me again, Magnus Chase, and I'll kill you..." I reach for my garrote.

He moves closer. "I said touch me again, Magnus, and I'll..." Don't reach for him. I can't stop myself. "Don't...touch me again, Magnus. Touch me again. Touch me again, please!"

We're kissing, and then we're in the elevator, and somehow we're pushing our way into my room. He's had a LOT of mead. A lot. He tastes like alcohol and honey, with a little falafel mixed in, and he smells awful.

I'd fantasized about being intimate with him a million times, but it was never like this. Hurried, frantic drunken kisses, clothes discarded in seconds in a warm pile on the floor. The smell of his skin...like someone who lay in the sun all day to get a tan. His skin even smells like sunshine, and it's overtaking the scent of unwash as he becomes more aroused.

I crave his hands on me, and he discards every stitch of clothing quickly until we're both naked. "I don't want to hurt you", he says, "And I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Yeah, I figured that much out, Chase", I answer, trying not to smile because he doesn't deserve it, but I still want to grant it to him.

Instinct is a powerful thing. He may not know what he's doing, but he's figuring it out fast. He has me on my side on the bed in seconds, and I'm trying to help him.

"I don't want to hurt you", he says a million times. "I'd rather die than hurt you."

And then pushes inside me, and it feels like my heart is exploding.

"Are you okay? Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you", he repeats.

"Don't..." I say and he freezes. So I smack him. "Stop. Don't stop. Please, no matter what you do, don't stop."

I feel his fingers reach around and touch me intimately. I inhale sharply. "Deeper", I cry out.

"I don't want to hurt..."

"Please...OH!"

We both release simultaneously. He lifts the back of my hair and starts kissing my neck. "Are you okay? I didn't know what to do, I don't know what I'm doing..."

"I beg to differ", I laugh, "But do me one favor, Sunshine, take a shower..."

"First thing in the morning", he says.

"How about now?"

"Are you serious?" he asks, pouting.

"Deadly. Go on", I say, pushing him out of bed. It must have taken him a minute to figure it out drunk, because I crack up laughing when I hear the water turn on a full five minutes later.

He stumbles back, still damp, and I cry out as he crawls under the covers with me.

"Dry yourself off! You really are a blonde caveman, Magnus. Our berserker has nothing on you", I joke.

"I missed you", I say, finally.

He squeezes me. "You'll never know what this has been like." His breath, the feel of him, the smell of him, his warmth, his essence...it was like the sun turned its back on me for months. To have him back...is electrifying.

"Oh yes I do", I reassure him.

"I..."

"Me too."

We fall asleep in a lump of covers and limbs, and don't get out of bed for days.

"What are they doing in there?" I recognize Mallory's voice some time later, magnified, so her face must be pressed up against my door.

"You know what they're doing, woman! You ought to be doing it to me, then you'd be less curious!", Halfborn adds.

"I'll cut off anything that you want it done to, problem solved!" she yells back, and I try not to howl out loud laughing.

"What is going on here?!" I recognize that booming soprano. It's my sister.

"Shit", I say, and toss Magnus a shirt. He pulls on some clothes fast.

"How long have we been in here?" he asks.

"Not sure. But clearly there's a crowd forming. And you know her, she's coming in...she'll think something is wrong..." I say.

"Don't go in there", Halfborn suggests to her on the other side of the door.

"Why not?"

"Because we heard sounds", Mallory offers.

"What kind of sounds, like they're hurt?", Sam asks.

"Sorta", Halfborn laughs.

"This is not funny! If Magnus or my sister are hurt..."

"You know what they're doing woman, you've been married four years!", Halfborn teases, then follows it with a sheepish "sorry", as if he just realized he called the very devout and skilled-with-a-lighted-spear, Samirah al-Abbas, daughter of the god Loki, "woman."

We both get dressed fast. "Ready?" I ask him.

"As I'm gonna get", he says, blushing fiercely.

Sam POV

My brother...no, my sister, answers the door, standing in a perfect pose with green shorts and a pink t-shirt on, face flushed, wider smile than I've ever seen on her face.

"Can I help you, my darling sister?" she asks, kissing me on the cheek.

"Just checking on you", I say. Halfborn was right. The room smells like sex and sunshine, and if Alex was glowing any brighter, I could sell her as artificial lighting. It's obvious what's been going on. And I'm very happy for them both. I wish they'd have gotten married first, but...I'm the older sister, I'm allowed to fuss.

"So, when did you two make up?" I ask.

"Make up?" Alex asks, innocently, and I just shake my head at her.

Weeks go by and they're rarely out of each other's company, kissing in the elevator, arms wrapped around each other, and one day, I see Alex run toward her room, and slam the door behind her.

I bang on the door. "Alex? It's Sam."

"Go away!" she yells from the other side of the door.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I ask, "Did you and Magnus have a fight?"

"No. Go away."

"I'm not going away, I'm your sister..." I lean against the door, and shout. "Alex, open up, or I'll knock it down." She yanks the door open, and I nearly fall through it. I didn't expect her to respond so quickly.

"There's something wrong", she starts, unshed tears in her voice. "I feel terrible lately. I'm dizzy, my stomach hurts. I have headaches, I can't keep anything down. And I've been female without even a single male day in between for a long, long time. So I wonder if my mother's prophecy isn't coming true, if me being intimate with Magnus is going to kill me. So I go to the doctor, scared he's going to tell me I have this horrible disease, but..." She starts to sob.

"It's worse, he says there's something...inside me...", she cries.

"Something inside you?" Oh my gods. "Stupid doctor, terrifying you! Um, Alex, you know how Amir and I have been trying to have a baby for so long..."

"Yeah." She touches my shoulder. "I'm sorry it's taking so long...I may not live long enough to become an aunt and an uncle."

I crack up laughing, I can't help it, even though she glares at me and spits: "Samirah, I am your sister, and I could be dying!"

"Alex, I don't think you're sick...I think you're pregnant." Her mouth falls open.

"No, no, that's impossible. You know that's impossible. I'm usually a woman... in my heart..." She touches her chest and I want to sob for my beautiful little sis. "In my soul. I feel it. But physically, you know I'm...male. I can't..."

"I think you might be", I say. This isn't easy for me either. I have craved a child for so long, and now someone who doesn't want one at all is pregnant. Life is so unfair, and never more unfair than it is for einherjar.

"You're saying you think a biological male can get pregnant?" she spits.

"I'm saying you're female for all intents and purposes, sis, I'm saying you're the gender fluid child of a gender fluid parent who happens to be a god, and as your grandfather knew, you have a lot of transgender people in your mortal family tree too. I'm saying you're sexually active with the son of the god of fertility. I'm saying I think anything can happen", I answer.

"Gods!" she cries. "Do you really think so? Where is the baby growing? How would he or she be born?!"

"I can't answer any of that, sis."

"The god of fertility?! I thought Frey was the god of summer!", Alex howls.

"Summer, sunshine, life, re-birth, fertility, babies, a good time being had by all", I correct with a wink.

"Dammit!", she howls again. "And what's more disturbing, I'm DEAD! I'm dead, Samirah, the only thing weirder than a pregnant man is a pregnant dead man! How in the world can two dead men create life?!" I'm truly afraid she's going to make herself ill. Maybe this is what Loki was referring to.

"I don't know! I don't know, Alex! How can Thor lose the same damn hammer a thousand times and Ragnarok never really starts...I don't know how any of this works, that's why it's called magic..."

"Samirah al-Abbas, did you just say 'damn'?", she asks.

"The point is, I don't know, sis, I don't know." I grab her and hold her close to me. "But the gods made this happen. We have to believe there was a reason. We have to believe it can work out. And please stop calling yourself a man, we both know it's not true."

"Work out?! I can't have this baby!"

I shut down immediately even though I try not to. "You're not even going to consider having it?" I ask. Oh, to trade places with her. The gods are cruel.

"Consider? Oh gods!" Her head falls in her hands. "Of course, I'm going to consider...this baby is me and Magnus..."

"It's your decision", I say.

"Damn straight, 100% it's my decision", she says, wiping her eyes, and I can feel her getting her strength back.

She stands up and looks into her full-length mirror, pulling up her shirt. "I'm going to be a mom", she says. "And a dad too."

I hold her tight. "You're going to be the most loving parent I know. It's going to be okay. But you have to tell Magnus."

"NO! No, absolutely not, he'll freak out, he'll leave!", she screams, "You know he can't handle this!"

"Alex, this isn't a secret that can stay hidden for long!" I insist.

"Sure it can. I'm skinny! Very skinny! Maybe einherji gestate quickly! Yes, I'll have this baby in a couple of weeks, no one will notice. I'll just stay alone, no one gets close, baby is born, I'll find great adoptive parents, no one will ever be the wiser. In a month, I'll be my old self again!" She's breathing steadily for the first time in an hour, so I don't pick this moment to tell her she's completely delusional.

"Just in case your plan doesn't work out, Alex, I would like you to think about a path you could travel which...at the end of it you could tell Magnus about the baby", I say.

"A path I could travel?" she raises the eyebrow above her hazel eye.

"A way to tell him."

"Please don't tell him, Sam", she begs.

"Hey, you're my sister, we're family, you're my first loyalty. You take all the time you need. But you have to tell him, Alex, you have to", I insist.

"This will be over before you know it", she smiles, "There won't be any need to tell anyone."

Now I'm the one panicking.

Next morning, she comes to breakfast in a loose black sweatshirt and big black yoga pants. Yep, no one is going to notice anything weird about her at all. I roll my eyes.

"What are you wearing?!", Gunderson blurts.

"Yeah, what ARE you wearing?", Mallory adds.

"Kinda colorless for you, don't you think?", T.J. asks, "Did someone die?"

"Where's the pink and green?", Gunderson adds.

"Are you okay?", Magnus asks, seizing her hand, all concern. Oh yes, this stayed secret a lonnnngggg time. My poor sister.

"I'm fine. Don't touch me, you were right we shouldn't be involved. I just want to be alone", she pronounces, and marches off.

"You need to eat!", I call after her.

Gunderson rolls his eyes. "What did you do to her this time, Beantown? And how long before this episode of the Dead and the Restless is over?"

I sigh and get in line to get some breakfast for Alex, sending a prayer to Allah and one to Odin too. Alex is going to need all the help she can get.