What am I doing? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-o0oOo0o-

It was not much of a plan, to be honest, but it was something at least. Something to look forward to, yes, but also something to dread. That said− "Hey. I thought we'd set up a proper non-stabbing agreement."

"We did," a quiet voice hissed, and the kni−No, the tip of a claw pressed down harder on Tyki's throat. "But what about slashing?"

Oooh, loopholes. Still− "I really don't think you should try that one again. It ended fairly badly for both of us last time around. Besides, I don't recall having done anything recently that would merit such a−"

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" Allen growled, Innocence invoked and hackles raised, enunciating each word veeeery clearly.

Fortunately, Tyki had an answer to that. "Well, I went out to buy cigarettes and now I'm being held at claw-point."

Unfortunately, Tyki's answer did not receive a warm welcome, as the claw just pressed down harder. "Here. In. Gibraltar."

Point. Still− "Shouldn't I be the one asking that question, boy? I mean, shouldn't you be in London right about now?"

A second passed, then another, then yet another. Then finally, the air shimmered, the cancelled invocation leaving nothing but air and a blackened limb in its wake. Tyki barely resisted an impulse to grab the latter, because that would have been asking for it – it being a knee to the groin. Well, that and a general hissy fit probably, if the narrow-eyed look sent his way served as any sort of indication.

"Why have you been keeping track of my movements?" Allen demanded.

Ugh, really? "To know which places to avoid, obviously." Technically true. Anyways− "I know this is sudden and all, but in any case: Wanna head back to my place?"

Going by the slight twitch of the boy's features, the underlying connotations of Tyki's poorly phrased invitation had not passed by unnoticed. "Is it safe?"

It was as safe as anything, really. Still, no one really had any good reason to be monitoring Tyki's hotel room, so− "Probably."

-o0oOo0o-

After buying his smokes, Tyki returned alone to his hotel room. He put a 'Do Not Disturb'-sign on the door and then retreated back inside, locking the door behind him. Because, unfortunately, there happened to be this rather persistent housekeeper who couldn't seem to catch a hint and seemed to have developed the unfortunate misconception that Tyki was some rich bachelor looking for a fling. Or a wife. In any case, Tyki wasn't interested. Really.

"Frankly, I'd expected it to be dirtier."

Really. "Give it time; I've only had it since last night."

The exorcist, who Tyki had just admitted through the window, quickly advanced to one side of the room and ran his finger along the top of a framed painting, checking for dust. "Still, this seems needlessly extravagant for someone who picked the hobo life over fancy dinner parties," he commented.

Fair enough. Still− "I figured I could use a change of pace. It's only supposed to be for a couple of days anyway. That said, speaking about money and luxuries and privilege and such−" Pulling the window back shut, Tyki turned to face his guest, who just nonchalantly stepped past him. "−Why aren't you in London?"

Instead of answering, the boy just threw himself onto the bed, still wearing his shoes. "It's decided," the boy said, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm crashing here tonight."

O-kay? "One: That's my bed. Two: You didn't answer my question, boy."

"I already went to London," Allen responded, hands behind his head.

"So?" Tyki pressed on, watching as the golem pushed itself out of one of Allen's coat pockets; it looked a bit tousled, funnily enough.

"And then I caught a ship down here."

Tyki was not sure he liked where this was seemingly heading. "And they just let you do that? No strings attached?"

"They?"

Oh boy− "Boy, weren't you supposed to head off to the Black Order HQ and become an official exorcist or something right about now?"

"Oh, that? I changed my mind." Casually.

Feeling a migraine coming on, Tyki reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You changed your mind, huh? What happened to trying not to wreck the timeline ahead of time, huh?" he asked, mentally reminding himself to stay calm, stay calm. "Besides, isn't the Order already aware of your existence? That letter of recommendation you mentioned−"

There was actually a mildly hysterical giggle at that. "You mean that thing that got lost in Komui's sea of paperwork that was only found because I turned up at HQ in person last time around? That thing that saved me from being skewered just in the nick of time? But only just barely?"

On one hand, Tyki did not want to pry. On the other however, he had a sneaking suspicion about the identity of the one responsible for the almost skewing. "Was it Long-Haired Pretty Boy?"

Going by the grin, it most likely was. The grin proved decidedly short-lived however, quickly replaced by a sober, even sombre expression. "To be completely honest," Allen began, looking back up into the ceiling. "I don't know how to face most people from my past, Kanda being one of them. It's weird, I mean, because I know them but they don't know me, and even if I tried to stay true to the original version of events, it really wouldn't be the same. It would be scripted, faked, forced. As if there wasn't enough that was fake about me already…"

Wow. Tyki did not want to touch that one with a ten-foot pole. Or a twenty-foot pole. Or a hundred-foot pole. Or at all. Still− "Nobody said you had to force it. I mean, you could've just showed up at the Order and just upped the ante big time. Like… Yo, I'm Cross Marian 2.0, a foul-mouthed, authority-disrespecting, debt-incurring menace who knows things I shouldn't. Here's a souvenir. Bye. I'm off to kick arse and play cards, in no particular order."

There was a definite snort at that, and when Tyki looked back, the boy had the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes, muttering "Fuuuuuck, I could've totally done that…" under his breath.

Well− "You might still make that route if you hurry. I mean, would that master of yours ever show up on time?"

This elicited another grin, but as with the first, it soon gave way for sobriety. "The idea holds merit," the boy said at last, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling. "Still, it's better for me to keep my distance, at least for now."

Tyki sighed inwardly, realising that his not-so-spontaneous not-vacation had devolved into some kind of counselling session. "Okay, cool." Not cool. "But why?"

The staring contest with the ceiling intensified. "Your side could have decimated the Order years ago. Heck, I'm sure even you could have managed it, given a few higher-level Akuma and a decent incentive."

"Even you, huh?"

Allen sat up at last, cradling his head. "Look," he said, tone surprisingly frank. "I'm not questioning your ability here, because honestly, I believe even a single member of the Noah family could have gotten the job done. That said, you would no doubt have had an easier time getting in, considering your ability to walk through walls. Besides, when it comes to HQ, it's occupied primarily by scientists, not fighters. Typically, there'd be only a handful of exorcists there, if even that. I mean, I'm sure you could hold your ground against an exorcist general. In fact, I'm pretty sure you could even kill one, provided you could retain some sanity whilst running on full power, but…"

"But…?"

The boy went from cradling his head to running a hand through his hair. "I honestly wouldn't recommend going up against more than one, and especially not against Cross."

That was a fair point. Still− "I rather doubt laziness is the only reason."

That got him a mildly surprised blink. "It's not," the boy responded, offering up a mild shrug. "Besides, it's not laziness per se."

Tyki dedicated a brief thought to something about weeding out the Heart but opted to leave it at that, for now. "So? Why hasn't−" Tyki hesitated on calling the Duke by his title, because speak of the Devil and he shall appear and whatnot. "−You-Know-Who destroyed the Order then?"

The boy offered up another shrug at that. "He's distracted."

"Distracted?" Well…

"By the Fourteenth."

Yeah, and− "Also by you, by default."

Allen snorted openly at that. "Yeah, as if. I was an annoyance, plain and simple. I'm still not sure why he didn't seriously attempt to end me before learning about this whole affair with the Fourteenth and all but−"

Sick of standing around, Tyki pulled up a chair and sat down. "That guy might not seem like it, but he's got a soft spot for children," he said, and at the disbelieving snort, he continued. "You don't believe me?"

The boy averted his eyes at that, wearing a decidedly bitter smile. "It's a complicated matter, really," he deadpanned, signalling that this was about as much as he intended to say about the topic.

In any case− "I can't honestly say that I know shit about all that, save for the fact that you're the host of the Fourteenth and that the Fourteenth went on a fairly successful killing spree some thirty-odd years ago. I mean, the other guy was obviously there, but I can't really say anyone has ever filled me in on what that was really all about. I mean, Road obviously knew and that Wisely did too, but the rest of us were just kind of… you know?"

"Memory damage," Allen commented, giving Tyki a look that seemed almost curious. "The Noah are born to protect the Ea−their lord, but the battle with the Fourteenth fucked up the reincarnation cycles."

Yeah, but− "But I meant why the Fourteenth just up and decided to launch a bloody coup d'état in the first place. I mean, there's that, obviously, and also, when I first talked to him, he was pissed about his old nickname and told me that the thought of sharing a meal with me would make him sick. Why?"

This earned him another look. "How should I know?"

Tyki felt his fingers give an involuntary twitch. "You don't typically share a headspace with someone over the course of months without learning a thing or two about their motivations."

The look sharpened into a glare, but Tyki did not back down, even when the golem bared its teeth at him. After all, in order for this to work, in order for them to work as a team, however alien that sounded, information had to be shared and Allen keeping all cards close to his chest was more likely to hurt their cause than the opposite.

"Fine," the boy finally relented, reaching up to cover his left eye. "The Fourteenth's motivation is to take over. I can't say we ever discussed what came after that."

Yeah, go figure. "So almost wiping out the fam some thirty-odd years ago wasn't his ultimate goal but rather a case of whoops, they got in the way?"

"The Noah family exist to protect their lord," Allen responded, keeping his gaze averted.

"Is that a yes?" Tyki asked.

This got him a definite look, but Tyki understood where it was coming from. If the Fourteenth's goal was really to kill the Duke, then it was hardly like the rest of the family would just take that sitting down. That said− "Irregularity or not, that guy's still part of the family. Is he defective or something?"

There was a slight snort at that. "They're both defective. And incomplete."

"Incomplete?"

Allen shot Tyki a long evaluating look. Then slowly, a smile spread across his features. "What do you think, Tim?" he asked, petting the golem now seated upon his head. "Should we tell him?"

-o0oOo0o-

By the end of the boy's somewhat long-winded and increasingly perplexing account, Tyki was about halfway through his most recent packet of cigarettes and felt just about ready to drink himself into oblivion. After showering, of course.

"Okay," he said, rising from his seat. "One more thing: You never did tell me what that guy has against my face. I'll have you know that I'm typically regarded as handsome, not nauseating."

This time around, the response was quick and to the point, and Allen positively beamed. "You're practically his mirror image," he said, clearly enjoying Tyki's facial expression. "Of course, that'd piss him off; I initially mistook him for you."

Tyki briefly considered foregoing the shower in favour of downing an entire bottle of vodka. He ultimately opted against it though. "I could have lived not knowing that."

"You asked for it!" Allen called after him as he retreated into the bathroom.

-o0oOo0o-