Sam POV
I don't say anything. I let her know I'm back from my coffee meeting with Magnus, but don't say a word, just loudly take my jacket off and stomp through the room. The third time I walk through the room without offering any information, she growls.
"You're so annoying! Grr! Fine. How is he? How does he look? Is he upset?", she asks. Oh yeah, she hates him.
"He's devastated, sis. He wonders why you won't answer his texts or his calls. He wants to know what's wrong, and why you don't want to be with him. Oh, and Otis and Marvin send their love."
"Great", she rolls her eyes. She. Alex is usually female, but has not had one single male day in the last three months that she's been pregnant. Maybe she literally CAN'T be male or feel male right now.
Her lunch sits uneaten as she spins her pottery wheel, the clay growing ever higher into yet another vase.
"You have to eat. You're losing weight instead of gaining it; I hear you spinning that wheel all night long. You sleep for a few hours once the sun has come up. You can't continue this way", I comment.
To this, she pulls up her loose black sweatshirt. "I'm big", she corrects. It's true, she looks farther along than she is, but just in that one spot. The rest of her body is painfully thin.
"Eat, Alex! And rest, get some sleep. Or I swear I'll funnel feed you, and tie you to the bed!" She makes me furious sometimes.
"Kinky", she jokes.
"Argh! Allah forbid you have a daughter!"
"Hey, I'm sorry. I know this is like a sacred process to you, it's part of your faith, I get it, but it's just not that to me." She blows me off.
"Our father is great at lying to others, but none of us Lokisdottirs are very good at lying to ourselves", I spit.
"Ouch."
"Speaking of our father..."
She freezes. "He's out of the walnut isn't he? He's free?"
"Yes. You felt it?"
"Yeah."
"Me too. But Odin confirmed it. It's my next assignment", I sigh.
"Great, so what are we waiting for? Let's go..."
"You're not going anywhere. In fact, I don't know if I'm going anywhere. I don't know if our father is a greater threat to you if we go after him now, if that's what he wants us to do, or if we wait until the baby is born, and that's what he wants us to do...trying to second guess the God of Mischief...either way, it's no accident he escaped while you're pregnant. Neither was his warning to Magnus."
"So you've been planning and talking about all this—about me—behind me back?!", Alex shouts.
"I HAD to tell Odin, he's the All-Father, for all our safety, he has to know what's going on, Alex", I shout.
"Dammit, Sam!", she hisses, "You really don't understand the meaning of the word "secret", do ya sis?"
"It's Odin, OOO-din, he already knew", I insist.
"You talk about me with other people?" she barks.
"What choice do you leave me? You're not being honest with anyone. And your condition has a direct effect on this mission...we ALL need to talk about it."
"It doesn't affect anything! Just pretend I'm not pregnant...Do you talk about this with Magnus?!", she accuses.
"No, of course not. But I'll tell you this, you've had nearly three months to find a way to tell him, and you haven't moved an inch. And don't tell me you're still considering not having the baby because I know better. You have two more weeks to find a way to tell him...or I do." With that, I storm out of room.
I'm sitting in the living room later, when I hear and feel her enter the room, lingering in the doorway.
I shake my head and laugh.
"So...sis. I'm kind of...sorry, okay. I'm sorry", she says, "You have to try to understand how hard this is for me. Just when I'd thought I'd accepted the differences between what I feel about myself and how my body looks, something this enormous changes. I'm more confused than ever."
"I'm sorry too, I can't imagine", I say, because I can't.
"And you're right. I want this baby. I'm just...scared. Will this baby be okay with just me?"
I jump up to hug her. "This baby will be lucky to have you! They'll be surrounded by your goodness, your bravery, and will have me and Amir, and the gang, you know how much Mallory loves kids, and...his or her father."
"I will be a single parent, sis. But you're right, the baby will have more influences than me." She pats my shoulder.
"Why are you so determined to leave him out of this?", I ask.
"You know as well as I do if I hadn't kissed Magnus that day, he would have eventually wound up with a girl. A biological girl. He wasn't...you know what I'm saying. Us having fun is one thing. A permanent commitment? A child? It's asking too much of him." She sounds so certain. "It wouldn't last. And I couldn't lose him at that point; it's not fair to ask the baby to lose him."
"You're so sure."
"I am." She sounds strong, but unshed tears are in her voice.
"What you are is stubborn, sister of mine. I think you're right that Magnus would probably have ended up with a girl. And you are a girl! Most of the time anyway. So you keep telling us, and we believe you. I think Magnus is the type to not care about shallow stuff if he has feelings for someone. I don't think he fell in love with you because he was attracted to you, I think he's attracted to you because he loves you. And he's earned the right to be with you and this baby if that's his choice, and I KNOW it will be."
"You have no idea how badly I want that to be true", she says.
"Then don't write him off before you give him a chance", I insist.
"And I can do it in my own time?" she wheedles, squinting both the dark brown eye and the hazel one.
"You can. In exchange, you will eat and sleep", I tell her.
"Deal", she says too quickly. She was counting on me exchanging more time for her taking care of herself.
She resists me, but I make her keep her promise. I replace her cups of black coffee with chamomile tea with honey. At dinner, she puts away two veggie burgers with the works, a plate of steamed vegetables, and a piece of banana cream pie.
I tuck her in by midnight with blankets I bought just for her sensitive skin, "knitted faux fur" blankets from Pottery Barn (where else?) that are the softest things I ever felt. I hear her up again within an hour spinning that wheel, and put her back to bed. I didn't realize how exhausted I was from worrying about her until I wake up—thinking it's been about an hour, but seeing sun come under the black-out drapes in her room—knowing we slept ten hours back to back. Amir is standing over me, smiling.
"You're a good sister", he says.
"I try."
"You succeed. Though I don't know how you sleep next to that..."
Alex is snoring like a freight train.
"It's calling being exhausted."
"You have a meeting today?"
"Yes, the gang and Odin..." I say tenuously.
"Not gonna wake her up?" he asks.
"No way. She needs her rest and she can't be part of this right now."
"She'll be furious when she finds out all this is going on without her..."
"Furious, but alive and healthy. We have to keep her away from this for her sake, the baby's sake, and because of that warning from our dear father. You can't presume Loki is telling the truth, but you can't presume he's lying either. I owe her, you know that, if she hadn't taught me to embrace Loki's nature instead of fighting it, I never could have gotten away from him", I say.
I put on my hajib and grab my purse.
At Valhalla
When Magnus sees me, he literally runs over.
"How is she? Or he?"
"She. Okay. Asleep actually, which is good." I always get nervous these days when I talk to Magnus. I'm afraid I'm just going to break down and tell him the whole story because it's what I really want to do.
"Sam, please. Please tell me what's wrong. Is she really that furious I broke up with her? I understand, I was just trying to save her life..."
Sumberbrander is buzzing so hard, I can I hear it from here. Magnus takes off his pendant and it transforms into the always-impressive Sword of Summer.
"Seriously, Miss Al-Abbas, Senor has just not been the same since his little tiff with Alex. I'm afraid he's lost so much sleep, he can't wield me anymore..."
"Speaking of sleep, go back to it", Magnus orders the sword.
"Sheesh, try to help", the sword pouts, and transforms back into the rune pendant.
"She has to tell you this herself, Magnus. But when she does, please, please...think about your reaction first. Please don't let her down, I don't think she'd ever trust you again", I spit.
"How can I think of my reaction if I don't know what it is?! Now I have to know. What's wrong? Is she sick?!", he yells.
"Not sick. But this a big deal, and you have to understand that before she talks to you."
"WHEN is she going to talk to me?" He sounds like a desperate man. "This isn't fair, Sam." He runs his hands through his dirty blonde hair, a reminder Alex hasn't cut it in a while. "I mean, is this Loki's warning coming true?"
"I don't know the answer to that. I know it isn't fair", I sigh, "But you know Alex. She's going to do things her way in her time."
"I never should never have touched her", he wails, "I should have listened to him. I could feel what he was saying was true."
That's not good news. "Listen, you love Alex, and she loves you, becoming physical was inevitable. We'll fight this, we will..."
We can't talk anymore as the gang congregates at the Café 19 table.
"How's the dangerous girl with the garrote?" Gunderson asks, sitting down.
"Hanging in there."
"Still dressed for a funeral?", he asks.
"Yes", I answer, "Oh look, here they come." Distractions, good.
Odin's ravens—Thought and Memory- come through the window preparing the place for their boss. They sweep down and clean up the last of the breakfast left behind, and clear a chair for him.
The elevator dings loudly and the doors slide open.
"Lord Odin!" I bow, and everyone else does too, one by one.
"We didn't know if we should expect you", I say.
"This is serious, Samirah, as you well know." He sits, and so does everyone else.
"As Samirah may or may not have told you..." I shake my head "no". I get some dirty looks. "Loki is free from his bonds. He has escaped and we have reason to believe he has met with Surt. It's reasonable to presume he's made a deal with the demon. Rulership of Muspellheim in exchange for...something. But Loki doesn't want to rule a land of fire and demons. He has his eye on Asgard."
"What could Loki possibly offer Surt to make it worthwhile to the demon to turn over Muspellheim?" I ask.
"I don't know, Samirah, but something valuable. Something Surt wants very badly. And as his children, you and Alex need to be careful—especially right now", he says knowingly, "He will undoubtedly come to you for help to get what he wants. I don't believe he'll ever accept that he can't control you anymore."
"What's your plan, Lord Odin?"
"Reconnaissance. Samirah, take a few of the best fighters and stake out Surt. He's not as intelligent as Loki and won't be able to imagine that you'd actually come to him. Just observe him, I don't want anyone risking themselves, and bring back the details", he commands.
"You'll need me!" Halfborn volunteers, and sits next to me.
"Me too", Mallory says.
"You're not going anywhere without me", T.J. states.
"Whomever you take, don't forget that useful elf. Bring a rune master just in case", Odin advises, "And please tell he and the dwarf they're welcome here any time. They did help delay Ragnarok."
"Will do", I said with a nod.
"When do we leave?", Magnus asks.
"Not you. I have another task for you", Odin says. I can't help but notice Magnus starting to quiver.
"Er...for me, Sir?"
"Yes, Magnus Chase, son of Frey, you're going to be particularly important. In the wars to come."
For Magnus's part, he seems to be struck dumb, and stares at the All-Father open mouthed.
Boston
"I can't believe you didn't tell us!", Mallory exclaims.
"It felt like multiplying a burden", I answer.
"So how do we get to Muspellheim?", T.J. asks.
"Yggdrasil", Blitzen says. "We have to see that squirrel again." He shivers.
"I don't ever want to see that squirrel again as long as I live", Hearthstone signs. "Don't listen to him! He says the meanest stuff."
"We can get there through secret passages", Halfborn says.
"What passages? Me, Hearth, Sam, and Magnus got there the hard way on the World Tree", Blitz complains.
"Odin provided me with a special transport", I say. "Big Boy and some other eagles."
"Big Boy?! The only thing I want to see less than that squirrel is that giant!" Blitz yells.
"Calm down", Hearth signs, and Blitz throws him a dirty look.
"Speaking of our peace-loving sunshiny friend, where is Magnus? Why did Odin want to talk to him? What do you think your father really wants? Why does Alex need to be especially careful?" Mallory hurls a series of questions at me. Of course a woman would have grasped the subtle under current of my conversation with Odin.
"As Loki's kids, we both need to be careful", I say.
"Where is Alex?" she asks.
"Yeah, where has she been?", Haflborn seconds.
"She's resting."
"Resting? What's wrong with her?", Halfborn asks.
"Guys, please just let it go", I beg, but of course that just makes them more curious.
"We work really closely on really serious stuff, Sam", Mallory admonishes me, "There isn't room for lies."
"There is a difference between lying and keeping a secret. It isn't my secret to tell, so stop asking me, Mallory, I'm not going to answer", I say, sternly.
She looks askance.
"Let's respect that she can't tell", Hearth signs, as Amir brings up trays of food.
"Feels wrong to eat falafel without Magnus", Mallory complains again, and I roll my eyes as she lifts a patty of deep-fried chickpeas and flicks the grease onto a napkin.
"Amir, will you..."
"Wrap something up for your sister and take it to her? Yes." He bends down and we kiss, more of a display of affection than I've ever been comfortable with, but I need a distraction.
Halfborn lifts a lamb kabob above his mouth and bites a piece off the end of the stick. "Good meat, you're a good man", he declares, slapping his chest, while Mallory rolls her eyes.
"Thank you, Halfborn", Amir smiles indulgently.
A giant eagle soars closer. "Our ride is here, guys", T.J. observes.
"Be careful, Samirah", Amir advises with another kiss. The eagle has friends. Three total dip down and land around us. None of the mortals seem to notice, as always.
"How do you do that without anyone noticing you?", T.J. asks.
"They notice us, they think we're pigeons", one of them winks at him.
"Nice to see you again, little einheryar",Big Boy says, "Hop on, Muspellheim is allll the way at the bottom, near the roots, we got 8 other realms to get through."
"Since when do you serve Odin?", Mallory asks, suspiciously.
"Strange bedfellows, Miss Keen", he says, surprising her, "We don't want the end of the world any more than you do."
He lowers a wing, and I climb onto his back. Encouraged, the others follow suit, or jump on another eagle's back.
"Off we go", Big Boy winks, and we soar into the air and climb above the clouds.
"This is amazing, Mallory", yells, her armed outstretched.
"Mallory, sit still, we're about to pass into Jotunheim", I say. These eagles are efficient. But even I can't stop smiling soaring through the heavens.
Valhalla
Magnus POV
"You wanted to speak to me about something pretty important, Sir?"
"Have a seat", the King of the Gods commands and I do.
"Why does everything have to do with me?", I grumble.
He chuckles. "I know it seems that way, young man. But I need you for a task that doesn't usually fall to a young man. I don't know what I may need to sacrifice to protect the 9 worlds from my errant brother this time. The group will need a father figure. I want you to be him." If he'd hit me with a rubber chicken, he wouldn't have surprised me more. I root around in my pocket searching for comfort, but find no chocolate.
"Think of yourself as the glue that holds the team together", he adds.
"But you're the All-Father", I say. I mean, obviously. Great, Magnus, showing off your smarts like always.
"Glue comes in all shapes and sizes, young man. And for the record, I think you'll make quite a fine father." I don't know what he's getting at. With Odin, nothing is ever clear.
"Thank you, Sir", I say, "I...can't be one though. I mean, a father-father..."
"Are so sure..." he smirks, not meanly, but like a grandfather who knows something his grandson can't quite comprehend yet. "Son of Frey?"
"Y...yes. Pretty sure. I'm dead. I died." I hate talking about this, I hate thinking about it.
"You're not dead, Magnus, you did die, but now you're something other than mortal and only mortals can die. You're partially immortal. Difference."
"Uh...okay", I answer so eloquently. "Anyway...glue huh?"
"Yes. I heard everything you said in the flyting with Loki, how you feel about your friends, how you expressed yourself, and how they all protected you with their lives...you hold everyone together. But you're about to be tested, Magnus. Be strong. Be..."
"Like a dad?"
"Yes, Magnus", he smiles, "Like a dad." I don't know what on earth this is really about, but apparently he thinks he got his point across because he sends me back to my room. Where I can't help my friends.
Muspellheim
Sam POV
The gang and I creep into a stark white palace, hot and dry, and hide, looking for Surt. Well, Halfborn removes his shirt, fans himself with it, and hides.
The floor of the tall white palace seems to be made of fire-proof tiles, and the walls are sleek and white. It's so dry, just the thought of water can make you feel like you're dying of thirst, and so hot, it can make you long for AC in November.
Surt is standing on the other side of the room, beside his throne, iron crown on his head that looks like it's part of his anatomy.
"I don't trust the God of Mischief", he's saying to someone. "I want you to kill the mother while she's carrying it, or bring me the baby after it's born, whichever you can accomplish first. But no matter whether the grandfather cooperates or not, the child dies."
Surt steps to the side, revealing a smaller fire demon, who nods, and walks off. I have to kill Surt. I have to do this now. He's going to kill my sister, my niece or nephew. I can do this, I'm a Valkyrie. I CAN do this.
Mallory grabs my sleeve and pulls me away just before I'm seen. "I have to go back", I spit the moment we get outside. "I have to kill him now!"
Hearth starts signing frantically. The point is that Odin told us just to observe.
"Yeah, not up for fighting any fire demons today", Blitzen confirms.
"What is this about?", Mallory yells, "Why are we really here? Loki is a grandfather? Are you pregnant, Sam?"
"Congratulations! You're not showing", Halfborn observes. "He wants to kill you and your baby? We'll kill him first!"
"Yeah!", T.J. adds, lifting his 1981 Springfield over his head.
"No...I, no, I have to kill him. We have to kill him now", I say, desperate.
Mallory squints her eyes, and I know I'm toast.
"Wait a minute. You're not showing, you're not sick. Alex has been absent for months, she won't let anyone see her, she's sick, tired, she hides in your house...it's not you. Alex is pregnant." Mallory's face falls. She always wanted a child. This has to feel...ridiculously unfair to her.
"Honey...mead is to be drank by the glass, not the bottle", Halfborn laughs, "Alex can't be pregnant. I mean technically he's a he. And he's dead!"
"She!", I yell.
"Sorry, sorry, an accident, I mean she, she's dead", he corrects. "And he can't anyway...she can't...don't get mad at me, you know what I mean! Alex can't be pregnant."
"Tell that to the god of fertility", I say, wryly.
"It's Magnus. Magnus's side of the family", T.J. observes.
"I think it's both of them", I say. "I think it's the combination. But you weren't supposed to know! She's going to kill me! She wants to tell you herself. You can't let her know you know."
Halfborn nods, still confused, if well-meaning. Well, he is about 1,500 years old. "Deal."
Mallory glances at me and carves out my heart as a tear slides down her cheek. She walks away.
"Let's get out of here and report to Odin", T.J. says, sensibly. But I don't want to just leave. Surt is right there, within arm's reach. I could kill him now and keep them safe.
"C'mon!", T.J. reaches down and I take his hand. He pulls me up on the eagle, and instantly we're racing back to Asgard.