I don't quite like Dr Magnussen and the night-shift nurse who named Janine.
It might due to the helpless feeling that I don't have any power over your situation even though I am a doctor. Let the person I've valued the most being controlled in other people's hands - it's so threatening that made me think Dr Magnussen is a powerful man who dominates other people's lives and deaths, whose decision would affect our destiny.
And Janine said she is a fan of Sherlock Holmes.
You ought to laugh. I even started to feel jealous of your fan. When I came and found that she was taking care of you, helping you to clean your face and body, or just only looking at you tenderly, I felt angry like my own position was replaced by someone else.
It is a difficult time, but I only think about such nonsensical things.
Maybe being overwhelming by emotions is much easier than defeating by the desperately rational.
I saw your parents. Even Mycroft's boss came to see you.
I know the situation is not very optimistic.
Your heartbeat stopped for a while.
When the medical team trying to save you, I prayed for God to give me another miracle. I begged you to not die, for me.
I know you heard it, I know.
That's why I can hear again, the most beautiful sound in the world - your heartbeat.