A/N: In Annie's POV
Victorious
I'm sitting in the dining room alone hearing the train against the tracks.
We will be in District Twelve tomorrow the first stop for my Victory Tour. My mouth goes dry at the thought . I didn't kill anyone from here or at all really. I just don't want to see the faces of families. The families of the dead tributes.
I swallow hard and can feel my eyes swell with tears just at the thought. I heard a loud bang and jump causing a few tears to spill out.
"Annie?" I hear Finnick say.
I turn around and see him. He is in his pajamas and looks confused. He looks tired. I also notice he is holding something.
"Yes it's me." I say.
"Why are you sitting alone in the dark?" He asks and I can tell he is smiling.
"Couldn't sleep." I whisper.
Finnick comes and sits across from me.
"Join the club." He says and sets down the item he was holding. It's a pocket knife. I look at him strangely and then put two and two together.
"You have them too." I whisper.
He smirks.
"Well I don't sleep with that under my pillow because it's a teddy bear."
We sit in a awkward silence.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks me.
"I didn't really have a nightmare… this time." I whisper.
"Ahhh it's the whole Victory Tour thing then." He says.
"Yes." I whisper.
"Well, I haven't really been on one of these in five years but… why do you look so puzzled?" He asks.
"You're nineteen correct."
"For a few more weeks." He smiles.
"But five years that means you were-
"Fourteen." He pauses. "I thought everyone knew that." He says.
"Well this person doesn't, either that or she forgot." I smile.
I look at him again.
"You hide it well." I say.
"Hide what?" He asks confused.
"That you're you know not okay."
He looks at me strangely but there is a glint in his eyes. I think it is from happiness.
"What makes you think I'm not?" He asks.
"Please Finnick even if you did volunteer-
"I didn't." He says angrily.
"I know but, I'm saying even if you did you would still be you know… pretty messed up or traumatized." I say.
He opens his month but then shuts it.
"What?" I ask.
"I'm to tired to lie to you tonight Annie." He says sadly.
"Lie?" I ask confused.
"You know when I say everything is alright, it will get better, the memories will just go away, Annie that's not true. They're never going to go away."
"Then why lie to me?" I ask confused and slightly angry.
"Because when you first leave the arena you don't want to hear 'hey you're never gonna forget that and you will always see it at night.' It won't make you feel better." He says.
"I guess." I whisper.
"When you get a winning tribute you'll see." He smiles.
"I guess." I mutter.
He smiles sadly.
"I never thought Finnick Odair didn't like being victorious."
He smirks.
"The way things look and the way things are, are different." He says.
"What?" I ask confused.
"You look at me and think there's Finnick Odair the Capitol darling who everyone loves."
"You forgot arrogant." I smile and so does he.
"What you don't see is a lot Annie and I mean a lot. For the basics though I wake up more than once a night screaming. I'm always paranoid when I'm around an open flame or near woods. I am prone to panic attacks when I'm near or smell roses and there's other stuff as well." He says.
I wonder what the other stuff he is referring to but one thing confuses me.
"Roses?" I ask.
He nods.
"Where those like... at like… a funeral or something?" I ask knowing about his dead parents but I don't want to outright say it.
"Sure let's go with that." He says. Looks like he isn't going to tell me but he doesn't have to.
"Okay." I say.
"But enough about our damaged souls." He smiles. "Let's talk about why are you sitting out here... alone... in the dark." He smiles.
"I don't want to see them." I whisper.
"See who?" He asks confused.
"The families."
"Oh, Annie you didn't kill-
"It doesn't matter Finnick I'm here and their kids aren't, wouldn't you hate me too."
"Well I don't have any kids thankfully but-
"Thankfully?" I say almost laughing.
"Annie come on you know how shitty this world is, do you really want a kid."
"Well I'm only seventeen."
"I meant in general." He smiles.
"I don't know I haven't thought about it like I said I'm seventeen."
"It doesn't matter Annie, you know what it's like in that arena would you want someone you love to go in there?"
"No." I say immediately.
"See." He says.
"Still I don't want-
"Annie I think you're one of those victors who people won't be angry at."
"Why?"
"Well you did sit in the dark for the majority of the time and you didn't really kill anyone." He says.
"I would still be angry because I'm there and my kid is not."
"Don't stress over it Annie, there's nothing you can do about it just try to look at their faces." He says.
I sigh.
"That's the best you got." I say
"Hey I said it's been five years." He smiles.
"I guess." I whisper.
"You are probably wishing the same thing I am right now." He says.
"What's that?" I ask.
"That people could see that being victorious comes at a price. That all the glamour and riches they 'reward' us with is more of a slap in the face. That we're just puppets and the puppeteers are pulling all of our strings controlling all of us." He says.
"Puppeteers." I whisper.
"Do you not agree?" He asks surprised.
"No I do... it's just I've never really thought about it that way but, it's true and not just victors. Everyone." I say.
He nods.
"Everyone. But the victors do have it worse Annie, unfortunately you will soon know what I mean." He says sadly.
I can feel my eyes start to fill with tears.
Finnick stands up and sits next to me.
"I didn't mean to scare you Annie." He says and rubs my back.
"Too late." I whisper. He pulls me in for a hug and strokes my hair.
"I was only kidding." Finnick kids.
"Yeah that's a real good one." I say.
I hug Finnick for a long time I feel awkward when he let's go.
"I should go to sleep." I say.
"Me too but, if you want to talk you can see me." He says and walks around the other side of the table to retrieve his knife. He picks it up and throws it in the air causing me to gasp.
"It's locked Annie." He smirks.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with weapons."
He thinks about this.
"I actually don't think so but she did with fire thing but not knives." He smiles.
"You're alright Finnick Odair." I say.
"Another girl falling at my feet what will I do." He says sarcastically.
"I'm not falling at your feet." I say.
"Whatever you need to tell yourself Cresta." He says.
He starts to walk back to his bedroom but then comes back.
"Did I help at all?" He asks.
I nod.
"Good. I'm not really good at this mentor stuff." He says awkwardly.
"Here I thought I was just talking to a friend." I smile.
"Mhhh I got friend status already." He smiles.
"Don't feel so honored I consider lots of people my friends."
"Well I will still treasure it." He smiles and heads back to his room. I hang back for an hour before I head to my room. Before I get into my compartment I hear a strange muffling noise down the hall. It sounds like a faint scream.
"Finnick." I whisper.
Looks like he wasn't lying. The way things look and the way things are, are different.