i've actually had this book finished for the most part, but never bothered finishing it on here...whoops. let me know if I should
Chapter Eighteen
It felt like she couldn't breathe. Like the accident was happening all over again. Flashes of pain appeared after the car flipped repeatedly. The image of Megan's lifeless body was burned into her head. She couldn't bear it and began to scream. Screaming was the only way to save herself.
The lights suddenly flicked on in the hospital room and Elena's eyes shot open. She was covered in sweat and let out short breaths. Sitting up, Elena gave the nurse an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry, I thought I was only screaming in the stupid dream," Elena mumbles with a wince.
"Not a problem. Would you like anything, dear? A glass of water to calm your nerves, perhaps?"
"Umm, yeah, sure. My head also hurts, so could I get another dose of the acetaminophens?"
"Of course. I'll be right back." The nurse hurries out of the room.
Elena lays back down on the pillow and frowns. She really hoped that her case of PTSD wouldn't last forever. It would suck if she kept waking up to nightmares like these. Elena kept taking deep breaths and ran her fingers through her hair. It was knotted, naturally.
When the nurse returned with the water and a pill, Elena gave her a grateful smile. "Thank you." The nurse nods and exits the room. Elena looks at her broken arm and sighs, considering it was the right one. Of course she was right-handed. Elena pops the pill in her mouth and gingerly picks up the glass, swallowing the water.
Elena tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and stares up at the tiled ceiling. She had no idea how long this recovery would take, much less get over the PTSD. She hoped that she'd still be able to finish her medical schooling. In all honesty, she was getting a little tired of New York. Yeah, it was a nice city, but Mystic Falls was her home and she missed it. Hell, she missed him but she didn't want to admit it. Not one bit.
—
Elena had just gotten out of surgery for her stitches and she was beyond bored. She wouldn't be able to sleep without being plagued by the nightmares, and there's not much else you can do in a hospital bed.
Elena starts to grin when she hears her friends and family making their way to her room. She lights up when she notices the food that they're carrying in their hands.
"Oh, thank god, I was getting so bored just sitting here," Elena muses with a smile playing on her lips.
"Well, we brought your favorite! We figured you wouldn't want any disgusting hospital food, so here is your Chinese takeout," Bonnie says, holding a bag up to Elena.
"My favorite," Elena hums contently. "Thank you guys."
"Of course, honey. Did you sleep okay last night?" Miranda questions Elena with concern edging her voice.
"If you don't count me waking up the hospital with me screaming in my sleep, then I slept like a baby," Elena shrugs, taking a bite of her eggroll.
"Oh, dear. We're definitely going to have to have a few therapy sessions," Miranda shakes her head.
"What about the surgery?" Stefan wonders aloud. "Is your stomach stitched?"
"Mhm," Elena replies. "It looks ugly as hell, and I'm going to have a long scar on my stomach, but yeah."
"And your head?"
"It still hurts a little. Concussions usually take seven to ten days to heal."
"What about your broken arm and leg? And sprained ankle?" Matt asks.
Elena chuckles, "Wow, you guys are really concerned about my well-being, it's touching. You can all see that my arm's in a splint, my leg is casted and braced, and my ankle is bandaged. It'll take me a few weeks to recover from all of this, but I'll get over it. Not sure about my mind though…"
"Like we said, we'll all be here to help and support you while you go through healing and therapy," Caroline assures her.
Jo enters the room and looks around at everyone in there. "Geez, Elena, you're a popular woman. I just wanted to let you know that we'll be keeping you here for observation for about five to seven days, just to be cautious. You'll be able to go home after that, but you have to take it easy. We can't have you ripping your stitches or injuring yourself any further. A wheelchair is recommended until your leg heals, since your single arm won't be able to support crutches. It'll take about seven to ten weeks for your bone fractures to heal, but your concussion will probably be gone by the time you check out of the hospital. You'll have to come back for a checkup, so we can see if your stitches and bones are healing nicely. Uh, I think that's all," Jo explains and then takes a deep breath.
Miranda and Grayson exchange looks. "Do you recommend any good psychiatrists?"
"Hmm. Yeah, I'd say Dr. Maxfield is one of the best at what he does. I can give you his card, if you want it," Jo suggests. Her parents nod, so Jo exits the room.
"I have to stay in this hospital for another whole week? Ugh," Elena groans before flopping back on the pillow.
—
one week later
"Alright, Elena, it looks like you're a-okay to get checked out of here," Jo smiles. "Just remember, take it easy and be careful. Got it?"
Elena mechanically nods her head up and down. "Uh-huh. Thanks, Jo…" She looks at her parents who give her a reassuring look and then at Liam. Liam was there for emotional support, since most of her other friends were at the dorm, waiting for her to arrive.
She gave herself a quick glance in the mirror and grimaced. The past week hadn't exactly been a good time. Sleeping was becoming a chore, considering Elena woke up during the middle of the night due to flashbacks and nightmares. The prominent bags under her eyes were evidence of that, but her tiredness didn't make her any less excited about getting out of the hospital. She just hoped that the PTSD would cease enough for her to get a good night's sleep once she started visiting a psychiatrist.
"You ready to go, 'Lena?" Liam asks, moving the wheelchair close enough to the bed so that she'd be able to slide into it.
"I've been ready." Elena gingerly swings her legs over to the side of the bed and inches into the chair, with a little help from Liam bracing her. "Thanks."
"Anytime," he replies. They follow her parents and Jo to the front desk.
"Okay, your follow-up appointment will be in about a month, Elena. We'll check to see if your stitches have healed appropriately, as well as getting some x-rays on your fractures. You've mentioned that your head doesn't hurt anymore, so your concussion has healed. The sprained ankle will take another couple weeks to completely heal, but that looks to be about it. You're good to go, Elena."
"Thanks for everything, Jo," Elena says, giving her a small wave.
"Not a problem. Your parents will join you outside once we finish up with the payments."
Elena nods and Liam wheels her outside, towards the car.
"Wait, wait, Liam...the dorm isn't that far away from here. Can we just walk?"
"You want to walk? Like, walk as in me push you all the way to the dorm? In this weather?"
"Right, well," Elena breathes out, "Never mind. Stupid idea."
"Elena...are you nervous about getting in the car?" Liam questions gently. "It's okay if you are, because we can just walk."
"I...okay, I swear I won't make you push me around the city forever, but I just don't feel ready to go back in the type of thing that almost killed me...if it's okay, I'd like to not take the car," Elena mumbles with strands of her hair coming untucked from behind her ear.
"No, it's alright, Elena. I'll just let your parents know real quick, and I'll be back. Okay?"
She nods and he goes back inside the hospital. Letting out a big sigh, Elena pushes her hair back behind her ears and stares at the car. She really wished that the uneasy feeling that was floating in her stomach would go away. Elena knew that she'd have to get over her fear rather quickly, because walking all of the time around New York wasn't ideal. She just hoped that the psychiatrist that Jo recommended was extremely good at his job.
Liam comes back out of the hospital and nods at Elena. "They said they'll meet up with us at the dorm once they finish the paperwork. We can start walking now."
"M'kay," Elena whispers, not taking her eyes off the car. She snaps out of her daze once a strong gust of wind blows all of Elena's hair right back in her face.
"You look cold," Liam points out with concern edging his tone.
"I feel cold. It's the middle of fall, and there's already snow falling from the sky," Elena replies, gesturing to the flurries. "Can we go?"
"Yup," Liam tells her, but not before plopping the hat that he was wearing on her head.
Elena shrugs and pulls the hat down over her ears, and Liam starts pushing Elena in the direction of the dorm.
—
It had been a couple days since Elena was released from the hospital, and now she was making her way to Dr. Maxfield's office for her appointment. Her parents and Liam were accompanying her.
Liam seemed to be around a lot more recently. Yeah, they were friends before the accident, but now he was visiting her every day. She didn't know what that meant, but she knew that he was easy to be around. He was simple, unlike most of the men in her life.
Elena draws out a nervous breath and knocks on Dr. Maxfield's door. She'd never gone to therapy before, and she never expected to. Especially not for PTSD. Although her injuries were gradually improving, her mind was not. She still couldn't get into a car. There were some occasions where she almost got in but backed out the last second. The fear and dread were too much. The nightmares were pretty consistent, too. Elena couldn't remember the last time she had a fitful night sleep.
The door opened just then and they graced with Dr. Maxfield in all of his psychiatrist glory.
"Ah, you must be Elena. I'm Dr. Maxfield, but call me Wes," Wes smiles. He holds out his hand and Elena shakes it. "Why don't you all come in."
Miranda pushes Elena's wheelchair in the room and they all take a seat near the coffee table. Wes takes out a notebook and sits across from Elena.
"It's okay to feel nervous about this, Elena. You're very lucky to have your parents and boyfriend here to support you," Wes says with a wink.
Liam's eyes widen and Elena gives a slight shake of the head. "Uh, no, he's not my boyfriend."
"Oh, my mistake. I'm sorry, you two just looked...never mind. Let's get started with this session, then. Elena, you're here for your case of PTSD, so I'm going to ask you some questions, and I'd like you to answer them honestly." Elena nods and Wes clears his throat. "Do you trust me to help you?"
"I do," Elena replies. "Jo said that you were one of the best...and I really need the help."
"And I can get you that help. Are you comfortable with talking about the accident?"
Elena silently nods.
"Okay. Ever since the accident, how have you felt emotionally?"
"To be honest, I feel the same as I did before the crash, emotion-wise. A little sad, but not to the point of depression. I'm a little stressed since I'm missing college because of it," Elena tells Wes as he writes.
"Is that all you're stressed about?"
"Yes."
"Alright. Now...how have you been sleeping ever since the accident?"
"Awful. Every time I fall asleep, I get these vivid images of the accident. Megan's body, the car, flashes of light...I usually wake up either crying or screaming," Elena admits quietly.
"I see," Wes scribbles on his notepad and then looks at Elena. "Is there anything significant in the room that might be triggering the nightmares, other than anxiety?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary. I usually fall asleep with the TV on…"
"The flashing and brightness of the TV could quite possibly be one of the things that's causing your nightmares. I suggest shutting the TV off whenever you go to sleep. And if you don't already, sleep with all of the lights off. Do you have a hard time with falling asleep?"
"I usually let myself drift asleep while listening to the TV," Elena says with a shrug. "Probably not a good idea."
"Yeah. Okay, so make sure there's no electronic devices on while you're attempting to sleep. I think it would be best if you don't use anything with a bright screen before bed for at least an hour, just to be safe."
"Okay."
"If you happen to have any more trouble falling asleep, I recommend trying a white-noise machine."
"Mhm."
"We can also try some Imagery Rehearsal Therapy. You basically reimagine dream so it no longer upsets you. Change the ending so it's not so scary. This type of treatment can decrease the chance of you having the dreams."
"Is there anything else that can help lessen the occurrences of these nightmares?" Grayson questions. "Prescriptions or something? We just don't want to take any chances, in case the therapy doesn't work."
"Prazosin seems to be one of the best for reducing nightmare symptoms. It's not a cure for PTSD, but it'll lower your blood pressure, so when you're about to fall asleep, you won't be nearly as anxious. Since it does lower blood pressure, dizziness can occur. Try the IRT first, and if that doesn't work, then we can resort to prescriptions. We just don't want to take any risks with the symptoms of medications or overdosing."
"Of course," Miranda nods. "What about her car anxiety? Is there anything that can help her get back in a vehicle without the nervousness?"
"Well, there are two ways that we could approach this. There's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, where you basically think your way through your anxiety. We'd practice realistic thinking, face your fears, and ease your way through the scenarios that could happen while in a car."
"I'd rather be more hands-on," Elena says. "You know, get in the car and get through the problems."
"Alright, then we're looking at Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy. You'll be in the car, driving down the street, on the highway, and so forth. In your case, are you more afraid to drive the car or be in the car while someone else is driving?"
"I think I'm more afraid of letting someone else drive me somewhere. Megan was the one who was driving when the police officer rammed into us. She was going over the speed limit, and then stopped abruptly...that's when the officer flipped us."
"Okay, so it's more about trusting the other person to get you somewhere safely. We'll still have you drive the car, but it'll mostly be a friend or family member driving you around."
"That sounds good," Elena smiles. "So, uh, could we start that whenever all of my injuries have healed?"
"Of course, Elena. In the meantime, why don't you try the methods I've mentioned to reduce your nightmares. Remember, no TV while you're sleeping, and no bright-screened electronics before you go to sleep for at least an hour. White-noise machine, IRT, and if all else fails, we can get you some Prazosin."
"Thank you for your help, Wes," Miranda shakes his hand. "We greatly appreciate it."
"Not a problem, Mrs. Gilbert. It was a pleasure working with you," Wes replies with a smile. "We'll begin working with the car when you feel up to it, Elena."
"Fine by me," Elena agrees.
—
two months later
Elena stood nervously in front of her car, fidgeting with her jacket sleeves. Completely healed of all other injuries, she was ready to tackle her car anxiety. The therapy sessions with Wes had really been helping her. The nightmares were becoming less and less frequent, thanks to turning off her TV and the IRT. Weirdly enough, Elena hadn't been in a car for about two and a half months, mostly walking around the city, even in the unruly temperatures. Wes and Liam were going to be accompanying her in the car, which didn't really ease her nerves.
"Alright, Elena, we're going to start off easy, okay? I just want you to sit in the passenger seat."
Elena swallows and nods, opening the passenger door. After glancing in the car, she hesitantly sits down in the seat.
"Elena, can you describe to me how you're feeling right now?"
"Nervous. Scared. A little freaked out," Elena admits with a chuckle.
"That's to be expected. Okay, now Liam is going to get in the driver's seat, and I'll get in the back."
Liam walks around the car and opens the driver's door, giving Elena a quick smile before sitting down. Wes gets in the backseat with his clipboard and notebook.
"Liam, I'd like you to turn the car on, and then start driving down the street," Wes tells him.
"Wait, just like that? I thought we were going to start off easy," Elena questions, eyes widening slightly.
"This is the more harsher way to treat your anxiety. We're going to try facing your fears right from the start. Now, if I remember correctly, you're afraid of trusting the driver?"
"Well, yes, and also about going really fast. Speed and the abrupt stop is what caused the accident."
"Then that's what we're going to tackle. Obviously, we won't be going as fast, or stopping as abruptly, but just enough for you to get the feel for it. And this'll be happening in an empty parking lot, so no worries about crashing."
"Unless Liam sucks at driving," Elena mutters but shoots Liam an innocent after he gives a mocking glare.
"I'll have you know that I passed my driver's test with flying colors," Liam retorts with a smirk.
Elena just shakes her head and gives a laugh. "Yeah, like I believe that."
Liam chuckles and turns the key, which causes a little bit of erratic breathing from Elena. She clutches at the door handle, ready to bolt, but Liam grabs her other hand.
"Hey, you're okay. No one is going to get in accident today. I promise," Liam assures Elena with a smile. That doesn't seem to help, so Liam takes a chance and presses a kiss on Elena's lips, actually causing Elena's breathing to slow down.
When they break away, Elena's cheeks are flushed, but Liam's just sporting a cheeky grin. "I've been wanting to do that for a while now. It seems to have calmed you down a bit, huh?"
"I...umm, yeah, I guess it did," Elena mumbles, not sure what to think. She liked Liam, but wasn't sure if it was as a friend or something more. The more she thought about it, the safer Liam seemed as a relationship choice. "Okay, well, start driving, mister."
"Alright, alright," Liam starts driving slowly down the road, occasionally glancing at Elena. They both didn't notice Wes' silently humming to himself while staring at the back of their heads with a smile.
It wasn't as bad as Elena expected it being. Her nerves were still there, but the irrational fear that she had expected wasn't. It probably had to do with the incredibly slow speed that Liam was going.
"Okay, there's an empty parking lot behind that building. I'd like you to pull into it," Wes tells Liam, which he does.
"Now?"
"We won't be hitting the highway until Elena is ready for it, but we'll be recreating some scenarios that could happen while driving. Let me know if things get a little too hard for you."
Elena nods for him to continue, so Wes clears his throat, "Okay, Liam, why don't you speed the car up a little bit. Not extremely fast, but about the speed you'd go on the parkway."
Liam complies and starts driving around forty miles per hour. Elena tightened her grip on the seatbelt, but she wasn't scared to death. This was progress.
"Heads up, there's now a traffic jam up ahead, so slow down."
The car eases to a slow stop and all eyes fall onto Elena. She gives a look of reassurance. "I'm feeling okay. I'll probably be freaking out more when there are actual cars surrounding us, but I'm fine now."
"Do you think you'd be able to handle that today? Or do you want some more time?"
Elena swallows deeply but nods. "Yeah, let's do it. I want to get my stupid phobia over with."
—
"Liam...aren't you going a little fast," Elena questions nervously, glancing out the window and then back at her hands.
"Elena, he's going the speed limit, which is good. You're going to be okay, Liam's a good driver."
"Right…"
"Okay, now turn on the exit and we'll circle back around," Wes advises Liam. He nods and takes the exit.
"Wait, Liam, it looks like there's a twenty-car pile-up on the highway," Elena points out, looking from her window. "You should stop the car and turn it around."
Liam quickly presses the brakes on the car, which causes Elena to close her eyes in force of habit. She re-opens them to see that they're turning around on the side of the road.
"We're alive," Elena cheers quietly, letting a small smile slip through. "This isn't as bad as I thought it'd be."
"That means we're making progress. I think we'll call it a day, but we're going to keep going through the same process until you don't feel any fear when you're driving with someone."
"Okay. If it weren't for you, Wes, I'd still be having nightmares and freak out about getting in a car, so thank you."
"Ah, it's my job, Elena, but you're welcome. I don't say this a lot, but you're one of my favorite patients," Wes laughs. "It'll be sad when we say goodbye, but that means I've done my job correctly."
—-
When Elena's session was over, her and Liam were walking back to the dorm. It was awkwardly silent, which made Elena even more uncomfortable.
Deciding that the tension was too much, Elena broke the ice, "So...you kissed me."
"I did. And you didn't pull away," Liam replies.
"You would be correct," Elena mumbles, looking anywhere except in his eyes. "What does it mean…?"
"What were you thinking, exactly?"
"I honestly have no idea. Dating is kind of a sore spot with me...I probably wouldn't be a good girlfriend," Elena admits with a crooked smile.
"Ditto. My last girlfriend had a one-night stand with my brother and ended up pregnant, so…"
"Oh, god. That's...really unfortunate."
"Tell me about it. Look, we both may have been out of the dating game for a while, and had really crappy past relationships, but I like you, Elena."
"You're not too bad yourself," Elena says.
"Would you be willing to give us a try? I mean, it doesn't have to be serious, at least not at first."
Elena shrugs and then throws an arm around Liam lightheartedly. "I've got nothing to lose, so why the hell not? You've helped me through all of this car accident shit, and I deeply appreciate that. So, yes, I'm willing to give us a shot."
"Perfect," Liam smiles, "To be honest, I've had a crush on you for a while, but I think your blonde friend scared it out of me for that time being."
"Oh, that's Caroline for you. That blonde bombshell is one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for."