A Broken Promise

Finnick waits in the room twirling his thumbs. Waiting, waiting for his first client ever. Finnick has a feeling like he wants to throw up. He hasn't ever done anything like this. Anything. It's not just the being bought it's about being with someone.

Finnick sighs.

"This isn't right." He whispers.

He hears a knock on the door and his heartbeat accelerates and he slowly walks to the door.

He finds a girl who looks to be in her early twenties. She has pink hair in a pixie haircut.

"Ooo yay!" She squeals and hugs him.

She soon closes the door and doesn't bother with introductions. She takes his hand and then shoves him on the bed.

Finnick is taken aback from this and let's out a gasp as he falls onto the bed.

The girl bounces next to him.

"Oh Finnick you're even better looking then you were in that arena. Age has really helped you Finnick. I was so glad when I heard you wanted to see your admirers." She smiles.

"Well anything for the people who love me." Finnick smiles. Finnick wonders if this is the lie Snow told the public that he wanted to do it. That he thought his time was so precious that he made people pay to have relations with him.

"I know right." She smiles and runs her fingers through his hair. "It's so soft." She whispers.

Finnick doesn't know how to respond so he doesn't say anything.

She starts to caress his thigh and then kisses him.

Finnick feels dirty doing this. He doesn't even close his eyes. He is hoping this is all a bad dream.

She stops kissing him and rests her hands on his chest.

"I think we should get rid of this yes?" She says running her hands up and down his shirt.

He doesn't answer he just starts unbuttoning his shirt. Then he unzips his pants.

The girl smiles.

"Are we shy?" She giggles moving her hand towards his boxers.

Finnick doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say.

She smiles and kisses him.

"Don't worry I can take care of you."

She stands up and starts to caress him and then turns around.

"Unzip please." She says.

Finnick sighs and kneels on the bed and unzips her dress. It goes all the way down her back and then falls right to the floor. The women is now in her underwear.

She is still in front of him on the bed and places her hands on his shoulders. She leans in close to him until he can feel her breath on his ear.

"I'll show you mine… if you show me yours." She says. He doesn't really have a choice so he does what she wishes.

The women is no longer wearing a stitch of clothing and Finnick can feel his cheeks getting hot. Finnick has never seen a naked women before. He feels exposed and doesn't know if he wants to run away or cry more. It's probably a combination of both.

It shouldn't be like this.

The women bounces back on the bed and jumps on him she is now lying on top of him and running her fingers down his chest.

Finnick stops her before anything else happens.

The women looks at him confused.

"Can I ask you a question." Finnick musters enough courage.

"Don't worry Finnick I-

"No." Finnick says knowing what she is going to say. That she has some form of contraception. Finnick didn't even think about that he was too worried about other things.

"What then?" She asks.

"What's your name?"

She giggles.

"Why?"

"I wanted to… I'm just curious." He mutters. He wants to know the name of the first person he will be with even though it is going to haunt him for the rest of his life, he feels like he should know.

"Well the name is Macy." She says and kisses him again.

She starts to wonder again. Finnick tries to block everything out but he can't. It's too powerful.

The worst thing isn't the women. The worst thing for Finnick is that his body is reacting for her.

It's all anatomy but he knows this is wrong. His mind and body are at war with each other, but there is nothing he can do. So he just lets it happen and is counting the minutes until it will be over.

The girl stays here for a while. He thought she would just leave after but she didn't.

Finnick doesn't know if he is allowed to ask her to leave, but he doesn't want anyone else to get hurt so he just lies there next to her.

After a few hours she stands up and puts her clothes back on.

She stands up and walks towards Finnick.

"That was so much fun!" She goes to the nightstand and writes something. "Here." She says and kisses him one last time.

She holds her heels in her hand and walks out the door. She is holding something else but Finnick doesn't know or care.

He looks at the piece of paper she gave him.

It's her number in pink puffy handwriting.

He rolls is eyes in disgust.

He tears the piece to shreds and lies back down and grabs a pillow and holds it to his chest.

He closes his eyes hoping for sleep but it doesn't come.

"I'm only sixteen." He mutters into the pillow. "Why is this happening to me." He whispers.

He presses the pillow closer to his chest.

"I think I would rather be dead." He whispers and a few tears leak from his eyes.

After an hour or two of feeling sorry for himself Finnick gets up and gets dressed. He looks for his shirt but can't find it. Then he remembers that the girl was carrying something else.

"She took my shirt." Finnick says.

It wasn't special or anything it was from the Capitol but it is the principal.

He makes a call and someone provides him with a new shirt. It's exactly the same.

He leaves the hotel and heads to the train station to be taken home.

Finnick looks out the train window and a thought occurs to him that hasn't until right now.

"I can never have a girl." He whispers.

He could. He could get any girl he wanted but he doesn't want those girls because they just want him for his exterior. He wants someone to just be around him without staring or drooling over his good looks.

He wants a girl who will like Finnick, well for himself.

It doesn't matter anymore because he knows he can't have one now. He knows it wouldn't be fair to her. He knows it wouldn't be right. He knows no girl would stick around once he told them the truth, if they would even believe him.

He sighs and looks out the window.

"From this day forward I promise I will never fall in love with girl because it isn't fair and isn't worth all the trouble." Finnick whispers to himself.

SIX YEARS LATER

"Finnick." He hears Annie say and slam a stack of papers in front of him causing him to jump.

"What is all of that?" He asks smiling.

"Things I want to forget. I think we should have a bond fire to purge all of them."

"Okay, but then why are you telling me this?" He asks

"I know you have stuff you want to purge too Finnick. I mean you are a victor you must have something you want to forget about."

"Annie there are lots of things I want to forget."

"Well you can write them on paper and burn them."

"I wish it was that easy."

"It will probably make you feel better." She says in a singsong voice.

"Okay." Finnick says. He is mostly doing this to make Annie happy. He would do anything for this girl because he is in love with her. He thinks he can't be in love with Annie Cresta because he promised he would never love a girl because of his baggage but, here he is.

She clears her throat when Finnick has been staring at a blank page for awhile.

"What?" He asks worried that she needs something, maybe she is afraid.

"You've just been staring at this for a while. You okay?" She asks.

"Fine." He says not meaning it.

"Okay." She smiles.

When it gets dark they do make a fire outside. They burn everything so they can purge and try to forget the horribleness that has happened in their lives. It won't actually disappear but it is something to do and it makes Annie feel better.

"Annie how long have I known you?" Finnick asks abruptly.

"Uhhh two no three, threeish years. Why?" She asks confused.

"Just curious." He says not taking his eyes off the flames.

Annie comes closer to him and leans her head against his shoulder.

Finnick instinctively wraps his arm around her.

His throat gets tight because he is getting too close to Annie. He can't become this close to her. He can't love her.

Finnick closes his eyes and breathes in and out steadily.

You don't love her. You don't love her. Finnick thinks to himself. For crying out loud she is crazy. You don't love her. Finnick thinks. Even thinking that Annie is crazy makes himself mad. She isn't crazy like everyone says, she's just lost.

Even though he thinks this every time she becomes close it doesn't matter because no matter how many times he thinks it, it doesn't change anything. He will still love her.

Annie moves closer to him but then he lets go of her.

She looks up confused.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

He clears his throat and moves away from her.

"I… I… don't know." He says lying.

"Okay." She says confused and looks back at him. "Finnick?" She whispers.

"Yes?" He asks.

"Why do you." She pauses "I lost my train of thought." She says.

"Hate when that happens." He smiles.

She looks at the fire and the fire his making her smooth ivory skin glow.

He looks at her and smiles.

"What?" Annie asks with a smile.

"Nothing." He pauses. "It's just you look so beautiful." He says. He doesn't know if he should've said this or not but doesn't care.

"Well the darkness does help." Annie says.

He moves closer and holds her hand

"No, I meant by the fire. It enhances your beauty. It makes your skin glow and I can see all your red highlights in your soft brown hair. You're beautiful Annie Cresta and it makes me sad that you don't see it."

Annie clears her throat not knowing what to say.

"Thank you seems so… not good enough." She smiles.

"It's okay." Finnick smiles and tries to let go of her hand but her grip tightens.

"Is something wrong Annie?" He asks.

Nothing is wrong she just doesn't want Finnick to let go. Annie has a secret too. She loves Finnick as well.

"No." She shrugs. "I just don't want you to let go." She smiles and so does he but his smile soon fades.

"Annie you can't hold onto me." He says.

"Umm I think I am." She smiles and looks down at their intertwined fingers.

"Not like that."

"Not like what?" She whispers getting closer to him.

"You know what Annie." He says slightly annoyed.

"No I don't." She says but does.

"Annie." He warns.

"I want you to say it Finnick." She whispers.

"I-I." He closes his eyes and breathes in and out. "Annie there's things you don't know about me. You can't hold onto me Annie-

"Finnick." She says gently.

"No Annie, you can't hold onto me because I won't let you."

She smirks still gripping his hand.

"You won't let me? You don't own me Finnick Odair. I can do whatever I want." She smiles.

"I didn't mean it like that. I know the feeling of being owned too well." He mumbles.

"What do you mean 'owned'?" She asks confused

"That falls into the category of why you can't have me."

"You can tell me Finnick."

"No I can't."

"Why not?" She asks confused.

"Because… because… you will be disgusted with me. You will let go of my hand quickly and then run out the door and I will only see you when I'm required to at the games."

"You have it all figured it out then?" She smiles.

"Well… yes." He says confused.

"You ever think of telling me and then see if I will run away?" She asks.

"I… no." He says confused.

"Is it really that bad?" She asks.

"Yes. No rational person would want to be near me again. No rational person would love me." He says quickly.

Annie smiles at him.

"I love you too." She says knowing that Finnick wouldn't have brought up love if he didn't love her.

"I… Annie... I do love you it's just… it's just." He looks down at their interlocked hands and never wants Annie to let go but he knows he has to.

"What is it just? What can be so bad?"

"I'm sure you've heard all the whispers Annie."

Annie smiles.

"Yes and?" She smiles.

"That doesn't make you…

"Please I know that's not you Finnick. I've known you for a while Finnick Odair and that person they are whispering about isn't you." She smiles.

"You're right I guess."

"So what is so bad that you think I'm going to bolt for the door?" She asks.

Finnick breathes in and out knowing that he won't be able to hide it from her any longer. He knows that no one will ever love Finnick Odair not in the way he wants.

He starts talking. He tells her what really happened to his parents. That Snow killed them because he was tired of Finnick saying no to the deal. Then he explains the terrible deal Snow makes him do and how he has been owned since he was sixteen. Really fourteen but the sexual abuse didn't start until he was sixteen.

He tells her some of the awful stories and he keeps expecting her to let go of his hand and walk away but she doesn't. She keeps watching his face and is listening intently.

Hours pass until Finnick stops talking.

"I see." Annie says and lets go of his hand just like he thought she would.

Finnick watches Annie and wants to remember what she looks like before she bolts.

But Annie doesn't bolt. She leans in closer and hugs him. This takes him aback because he was expecting her to leave his house and never return.

She hugs him for a long time. She doesn't say anything and Finnick doesn't know what to say.

She lets go of him and then smiles.

"I guess I'm irrational then Finnick." She says.

"What?" He says confused.

"I guess I'm irrational because you said no rational person would love you but I do and not like those people. I love you because you make me feel better. You make me feel safe. You make me feel important." She smiles and kisses his cheek. "And I know I'm my best self when I'm with you." She says and smiles. She waits for Finnick to respond.

"I… I… I love you Annie." He says and pulls her back into his arms. She gasps by how forceful he does it but doesn't care.

Finnick thought no one would never love him or that no one would believe him but Annie does.

She looks up and they kiss. Finnick has kissed lots of people in his life and all he wanted was to push then away. With Annie it doesn't feel that way. With Annie he never wants to let go of her. He never wants her to stop.