Author's Note: Written for Round 6 of the QLFC 6 — Month by Month: January

Team: Pride of Portree

Position: Chaser 1

Prompt: January birthdays: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, Rubeus Hagrid — this story will feature only Severus Snape and Lily Evans

Prompts Used:

1 (phrase) "If I hear anyone say 'Happy Birthday' one more time...

8 (word) estranged

10 (creature) Jarvey

Word Count (excluding Author's Note): 2606

A/N: AU. I've never quite understood the explanation of Severus and Lily's falling out. It always seemed so incomplete, so lacking in the weight it would've needed to explain Snape's lifetime of dedication. So I'm imagining a piece of it; a piece that would have happened after their initial fight and perhaps a few subsequent (and maybe very public) rows. This is a place in their relationship where they have a chance to salvage something of their connection, but neither can manage to take the opportunity.

I've also struggled with character development, especially with beloved characters like these. It is sometimes hard to see a character as anything but what we already have read about them; yet each person, much like each character of a person, has been through a lifetime of experiences that have shaped them. While Severus Snape is a very defined set of characteristics by the time we meet him in 1991, I imagine that there were many points in his younger life when he tried to fit in and make friends, as we all do. I am trying to weave a path to Snape's 'known self' that also flirts with some of these 'normal' childhood/ young adulthood milestones along the way because I think even someone like Snape must have had a few.

Jarveys are described as somewhat larger and more vicious mongoose-type creatures with a limited vocabulary of sarcastic retorts and phrases. That, evidently, results in a ferret with a New Yorkers sensibility and the smart mouth to match. Any resemblance to the author's native speech patterns is purely coincidental.

Final note: All research points to London school children taking public transit rather than a separate bus designated for school. As I could not find anything contradictory indicated for the 1970's, I am using the same mode of transport for my characters.

Of Gifts Given and Returned

Spring 1978

She found him. Even after all this time, there were no secrets between them. She had the nerve to sit down beside him and gaze out onto the lake as if nothing had changed.

"I thought we might talk," Lily said, finally.

"Now?" Severus asked. He could not keep the sarcasm — or the pain — from his voice.

"If not now, then when?"

"I am not the one who waited until one day before graduation." It was a petty shot, he knew, but her presence ignited such revulsion in him now; such anger.

"At least I am making an attempt!"

"Oh! And I am ever so gratef— OW! How DARE you hit me?!"

"I should have done it sooner, you — you git!" Lily's cheeks were as red as her hair, her anger boiling up from her core; her neck was flushed, her hairline pink, her chest heaving as she gasped for air like she'd just run up the side of a mountain. Severus was as bloodless as ever, his pale skin bruised scarlet only where her hand had slammed into his face. He showed no other signs of his fury; everything was locked away deep within. They sat, looking at each other; one hot, one cold. They could not have been more different.

It was Lily who broke the silence. "I only wanted to make sure I said my piece before we parted ways."

Severus stared at her; silent. He knew she would be unable to bear the stillness; that she was likely to fill in the quiet spaces with a tumble of words. He was right.

"We may have grown estranged these last few years," she said, "and that has been a mutual choice." Severus huffed audibly, but made no other indication that he would participate, so Lily continued. "But that does not mean that I have stopped being your friend or that I have stopped caring about you!" She leaned in and tried to grab one of his hands, but Severus pulled back, crossing his arms over his chest to keep them away from her grasp.

Lily retreated; her head bowed. She looked so defeated in that moment — so very unlike herself. "I only mean to say, that I have noticed the company you keep." Her voice was suddenly hushed and cautious. Severus was tempted to lean in to hear her better, but he was afraid to show his vulnerability. He was afraid that he still cared.

"...And I worry for you is all." She finished her thought, her final words hardly a whisper.

"I have not been enamoured of the company you keep as of late, either," he said, his voice quiet and calm in response. "But you don't see me storming into your solitude yelling about it."

"Severus, I don't see you at all."

"Which I thought was your preference."

"I think it is your preference."

"Perhaps it is."

"He's not a terrible bloke, you know?" Lily made the weakest attempt at a smile he'd ever seen.

"Not terrible," he mocked, "just a bully and a reprobate."

"That's not fair!'

"Hanging someone upside down and torturing them isn't fair, Lily!"

Severus turned away, his gaze directed back out at the lake even though he could not see it in his state. There were some things they were never going to iron out. Not now. Too much had happened.

Lily broke the silence. Again. He was convinced she had never sat still and quiet in her whole life. "At the very least, we should talk about Jeeves."

"What's to talk about?"

"Where will he go? You don't expect to take him home, do you?"

"As I am the only one caring for him…" Severus let the unspoken accusation linger.

"That isn't so!"

Did she have to argue everything?

"I've made sure to spend time with him, too."

The lady doth protest too much, methinks. "Have you administered his ear drops?" He asked.

"What?"

"His ear drops. He has an ear infection. Didn't you know?" He knew he shouldn't play this game with her — this tit-for-tat — but he was feeling bruised and petty.

"I—I—"

"Didn't know? I find it hard to believe since it's been an ongoing problem since the day he got caught up in the bramble beside the Boat House chasing that damned gnome."

"What gnome?"

Severus only smirked. He never even turned to look at her. "I have it under control. No need to spend any of your time away from your precious Potter." She raised her hand to slap him again, but he was ready for her. No need for spells; it only required a bit of speed to turn quickly and grab her wrist. She practically fell into his lap, her eyes full of tears and anger.

"How did it come to this, Sev?" she whispered before she snatched her arm away and stormed off.

How, indeed?

Winter 1971

"If I hear anyone say 'Happy Birthday' one more time, I'm gonna scream!" she huffed, plopping down in the seat next to Severus. Compared to the frosty cold afternoon outside, the interior of the brightly lit M70 bus was warm and humid; a result of it's over-crowded status. He instinctively leaned in a bit closer to Lily Evans, as much a product of his physical coldness as it was just being drawn in by her. She had an infectious quality to her; boisterous, happy, full-of-life. As little as young Severus Snape knew of joy or being carefree, he still found himself gravitating towards it when it came to her. She was something special.

"Don't you just despise it, Sev?" she asked, shaking him loose from his own thoughts.

"I'm sorry?"

"Birthday wishes? You know. 'Happy birthday' being sung in class and such," she insisted, sidling up closer to him as she took off her gloves and rubbed her hands together. Severus was never sure if she noticed his general condition; his oversized coat, his threadbear pants, his general dishevelment. It was only at times like these, when she seemed to be leaning into to him as if she were cold that he wondered if she was doing it for his benefit. He never worked up the courage to ask.

"I— I guess I am not sur—"

"Severus, stop," she said, "I know your birthday was just a few weeks ago." She smirked at him, as if they were sharing a secret no one else knew. She had that way; of making difficult things seem easy. He could only sigh in return and change the subject.

"Did you abandon Petunia to the comfort of a stranger?"

"Wouldn't you?" Lily giggled. "I think she's standing, actually. Bus was really full; I was surprised you got a seat." Severus just looked at her without responding. He needed a moment to enjoy the simplicity of it all.

Why did she have to mention my birthday?

As anticipated, Severus' owl from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had arrived not three weeks hence. It was as much a source of anxiety as it had been pride around Spinner's End. Severus was glad to know he would be leaving the chaos of his home life behind, but whenever his thoughts turned to Lily, his meager joy soured. He wasn't one for making friends; Lily was all he had. And despite what he'd told her about her magic, he quietly harbored his doubts. What if she didn't get a letter from Hogwarts? How would he get on without her?

It's months away, he thought. Maybe if she doesn't get invited, we'll be able to stay in contact by post. The more he tried to avoid it, the more it consumed him so that by the time Lily's own birthday had rolled around, he was sullen and withdrawn. He just didn't know how he was going to tell her.

And then, she told him.

"Severus!" Lily called down the sidewalk after him the next morning. She ran towards him (and away from an extra dour-looking Petunia) breathless with excitement.

"Severus! You will never guess what I got for my birthday!" she squealed. He rolled his eyes, hoping she wasn't about to brag. He hadn't known her to be the boasting sort.

"Oh my goodness," she squawked again. "It's — it's just — just —"

"Just what, Lily? Spit it out already!"

"I can't!" she practically screamed, shoving the paper at him. "You read it!"

Severus unrolled the parchment, and smiled.

Winter 1974

"What is this now?" Severus had no choice but to laugh as he stumbled about blind, Lily behind him with her hands over his eyes. Clumsy was the only apt word to describe it.

"Just a few more steps," she giggled. "Okay. Here we are." She stepped away and Severus rubbed his eyes. They were staring at a blank wall in an empty corridor. Severus turned with a worried look on his face.

"Um, listen, Lily...if — I — I'm not —no, wait. It's not — no. No, that's not it." Severus' palms were sweaty and his mouth had gone dry. "Listen. What I'm trying to say is — if this is about snogging —"

"Merlin no, silly!" Lily laughed and flicked her wrist, revealing a door in the wall where there hadn't been one before.

"How in the world…"

"I might have been eavesdropping a bit in the Gryffindor common room the other night, and…" She raised her eyebrows and they both went in.

"The Room of Requirement," he whispered. "It's not just a myth."

"No, it's not," she replied, a satisfied look on her face. Severus took a few minutes to look around before the question even occurred to him.

"But why?"

"Because I needed to hide your birthday gift." She went over towards a stack of partially collapsed boxes and retrieved one that was in slightly better shape. She carried it back over with some effort and set it down between them. Severus crouched down with her and Lily opened the cover.

"What is that?"

"A Jarvey," she answered.

"As in the magical creature we just learned about in class? The one that eats gnomes and voles and is generally like a more vicious mongoose? That one?"

"Yes!" she cried. "Isn't he adorable?"

"Simply darling." Severus' voice was flat, but his heart was in his throat. "I'm not sure we should have it," he said, as gently as he could. He didn't want to seem ungrateful. He was overjoyed at her gesture. But a Jarvey?

"I thought we could call him Jeeves," she said, her hand now stroking the small, round curl of fur in the bottom of the box. "Jeeves the Jarvey."

"It's very — alliterative." It was the nicest thing he could say.

"You hate it," she replied as she looked up at him, a smile still on her face. "But you are thinking about a name...which means maybe you are thinking about keeping it?"

She was going to be the death of him, and it would be the sweetest death he could imagine. He reached in to stroke the Jarvey's fur and found it softer than anything he'd ever touched before. Except, perhaps, for Lily's skin. He grabbed her hand in his own and pulled her across the box to him.

"So, snogging is back in play?" she asked when they parted. Severus could only hide behind his curtain of dark hair.

"I guess it is," he admitted.

"Beat it! I'm busy sleepin' here!" Severus' eyes widened as he peeked back down into the box from whence came the surprising outburst.

"They talk?" he asked looking up at his co-conspirator.

"I believe they do; some of them anyway," Lily replied, a grimace of regret on her face.

"Wonderful. And where exactly did you say you picked up this little treasure? He does not sound like he's from the Magical Menagerie."

"That would be telling," she smiled, and she leaned in to kiss him again.

"Get a room yeh two!" came the voice from the box.

Summer 1976

"I just don't understand how you can support this? You?! Of all people? It's not like you're 'pure-blooded' or whatever!"

Lily was yelling again. It was the only interaction they seemed to have of late. Aside from not speaking at all. Severus sighed.

"I think you misunderstand what I mea—"

"What about witches like me? I understand that those people think that I'm not good enough to practice magic!"

"It's much more nuanced than that, Lily. And besides, that is not what I think. Obviously."

"No, Sev. It is most definitely not obvious. You are attending their meetings!"

"Yes, I am. In support of the idea that we, you and I — and people like us — should not be subservient to regular, ordinary Muggles. We are better than they are." Severus took a deep breath; he could feel himself getting caught up in her overwrought emotions. He needed to remain calm. "All that stuff about 'blood lines' and such — it's just talk. An homage to Salazar Slytherin by a handful of extremists. Nothing more."

Lily was staring into her butterbeer as she whirled the whipped cream with her straw. "No, we're not."

"We're not what?" he asked, reaching across the table to take her hand. Lily moved it away and looked up at him.

"We're not better than Muggles," she said, her trademark defiance creeping back into her face. "We're not. We're just different."

Severus felt the muscles in this face twitch with tension. "On this, we disagree."

"Yes," she said, hanging her head. "Yes, we do."

Winter 1977

He almost plowed into her turning a corner into the mostly abandoned hallway.

"Hey there, watch out!" He reached out to block the on-coming blur of red hair and black robes. Lily blinked up at him, confused. She had missed much during their estrangement; a growth spurt was one. Lily had to adjust her eyes upward to look into Severus' face.

"Sorry," she mumbled. Hurriedly, she dislodged herself from his grasp and continued on down the hall.

"Is that it, then?" he called after her. She turned.

"Is that what?"

He took two steps towards her, thankful that she had not just blown off in a huff. "Is that all there is now? An accidental run-in with nothing else to say?"

"I think you've said quite enough, don't you Severus?"

Would she never forgive him?

"If it matters, I'll say it again. I'm sorry. I'll say it a million times. I'm so, so sorry."

"You could be sorry from now until the end of time. I'm not sure it will ever be enough."

Neither am I, he thought as he watched her walk off into the growing shadows of the castle corridor.

Winter 1982

"You back?" a voice came from the tall grasses alongside the lake. It was not wholly unexpected.

"In a manner of speaking, yes," Severus answered.

"And what 'bout your little red bird?" Jeeves asked in his inimitable way. Severus' wand flicked out instinctively with malice, and Jeeves jumped. "Whoa, ya git!"

"Don't. You. EVER!"

"Not my fault she left." He ducked back down into the reeds and disappeared.

Severus watched the blades move and twitch as Jeeves made his way along the lake edge and eventually dove in. His presence became a subtle ripple in the water that moved out and faded to nothing faster than Severus would have thought possible.

"You can't give him back. He was a gift." It might've been one of the last things she'd ever said to him.

And what of my heart?

As it turned out, that could never be returned either.