After their honeymoon, they got into a colossal fight.

Lucy was eager to go on a job, and Laxus forbade her from going on missions on the grounds that when she did get pregnant, she was going to be weak and she might not even know it. The resolution was not neat and he really just took a job and left, giving her a 'whatever.'

It was by far the worst disagreement they'd had.

Lucy found herself at a crossroads, where she could take the 'whatever' as it was and do what she wanted, or she could acquiesce to her husband's wishes. They had been married for sixteen days and they were many miles apart and pissed off.

She was sitting at home by herself on her bed as she read a book, angry at him, and mired in indecision. When she explained herself to Plue, Plue seemed to be telling her off. "Pun! Pun! Pun!"

With a wave of her key, she sent the celestial spirit back. "Whatever. Of course you're on Laxus' side. You've never humped my leg."

Her bedroom window opened and Natsu looked around. "He's gone, right?"

The blonde laughed. "Yeah, he's on a job, but you better be careful, sneaking into our bedroom. Laxus will take it way too seriously because he's an insufferable blowhard."

Natsu jumped down. "So are you going on our job or not?"

"I don't know. Stupid Laxus just wants me to stay at home," she answered.

The dragon slayer was confused by this. "Why? Laxus never stops you from doing what you want as long as you keep him happy."

Lucy felt like this was going to end with Natsu taking Laxus' side because they actually had a lot in common. "Go home, Natsu."

Her team leader didn't move, so she decided to leave him, and she was halfway down the stairs when she suddenly became so dizzy and weak she grabbed the rail. "Natsu!"

Unfortunately for Natsu, just as he grabbed her, she vomited on his feet.

All he did was blink in confusion. Lucy Dreyar...dignified, gorgeous wife of a dragon slayer and powerful celestial wizard...was barfing on his feet. He was disgusted at first, and then very worried. "Lucy! H-Hey, what's the matter with you?"

She crumbled into his arms and fainted.

Natsu washed his feet off in the kitchen sink, glad she was still not conscious because she would have taken issue, and rushed his friend to Porlyusica. He banged on the old woman's door, blonde in hand.

"I know you're in there, old hag!"

The door swung open and she glared angrily at Natsu. "WHAT."

Natsu held up Lucy. "Something's wrong..."

The old woman let him come in. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I broke into her house and pissed her off, and when she was trying to get away, she threw up and passed out," he explained.

Porlyusica shook her head. "I'm not even going to comment on all the things in that explanation that are idiotic. Put her on the bed. Have you noticed any other issues lately? Symptoms of illness, changes in mood? Has she been acting strangely?"

Natsu answered, "Lucy always acts weird."

"You are useless."

He frowned. "I'm sorry, I'm just really worried. Can't you help her? Please..."

The old woman caved in under the weight of his concerned, wide-eyed stare. "I think I know why she's weak, but I need you to step outside for a minute."

Natsu obeyed dutifully because he believed she'd make good on her long-standing threat to turn him into a toad if he was uncooperative.

Just inside, Lucy woke up in Porlyusica's house to the feeling of fingers. Fingers, and they weren't her husband's either. "EEEEEEEEEEK!" When she looked down and saw Porlyusica between her legs, she remembered throwing up and passing out. "Oh. It's you. I think...I think I'm okay with this. Kinda weird, but okay. Unprofessional and unexpected, but okay."

"What kind of contraceptives do you and your husband use?" the woman asked.

Lucy propped herself up on her hands. "None right now. We've been...you know. We decided we wanted to have a baby."

Porlyusica asked, "Him? Laxus Dreyar wants to have a baby? You're kidding me."

The blonde shivered when a piece of cold metal made contact with her. "C-Cold..."

"Get used to it, hell has frozen over. We're all going to die," she said in her characteristic deadpan.

The woman sat back sat up and her expression softened.

"Well?" Lucy asked.

Porlyusica smiled at her warmly, and then uttered, "It's a shame I hate humans so much, because you two made one. You probably conceived about two weeks ago."

Lucy filled out a calendar with her cycle. "According to this...I got pregnant on my wedding night. That is so typical of him! We decided we'd try to have a baby and he goes and does it the first time!"

The old healer was somewhat unamused by this rant. "Your baby will be born on or around August 13th. Now, let's talk about this creature he put in you."

Half an hour later, Lucy emerged from the hut. Natsu was sitting under a tree with his legs crossed, looking somewhat impatient. "Hey."

Natsu worriedly asked, "Oy, what's the matter with you?"

Lucy smiled a little. "I'm pregnant."

"Wh-Whoa..." His eyes were wide. "That's why you're sick?"

"Laxus has passed on some of his inhuman side. The baby is sucking up my magic power to grow."

"Piggyback ride?" Natsu carried her home on his back with a big grin. "You have a little baby in you? That's so cool! Lisanna wants one. I ummm...I told her Happy is our baby."

Lucy laughed as she hung over his shoulder. "Scared?"

"Hell yes. I am man enough to admit it. But you're going to be such a good mom. I hope the baby looks like you, and not lightning breath." Suddenly, he stopped. "What if your baby looks like Ivan?"

Lucy pinched his ear. "That's not going to happen!"

Now, she was imagining a little girl with a bluish purple beard calling her dolls, "my dear, sweet dollies!" It was unacceptable, and she cringed inwardly so hard she felt another wave of nausea come.

Natsu asked, "It's none of my fucking business, but you guys had a fight right? He really fucked up Kardia Cathedral on his way out of town. Why would you guys fight and you just got married?"

Considering the current situation, she felt like a bitch almighty for the whole debacle. Laxus was the boorish one in their relationship, the one who did stupid things for no reason and then felt sorry afterward. And she was supposed to be the one with sense. "Laxus didn't want me to go on any jobs while we were trying to get pregnant because he was worried I'd be sick or weak in the field."

"Laxus is your guy, so of course he feels that way. What if all this happened when you were in battle?"

"...I hate being wrong. I don't want to apologize, either."

Natsu shrugged, because first and foremost, it really wasn't his concern. Laxus and Lucy were ten shades of crazy to him, and he believed they'd probably just yell at each other, have sex, and move on with their lives. One thing he knew was that they were seriously in love with one another, and they were happy together.

When he got Lucy back home, they ate, played Castille, and when Happy caught up with them with a fish, eventually Gray and Erza joined them. They had an old school Team Natsu sleepover, although only Natsu knew her secret.

Laxus got home at four o'clock in the morning to find his house full. Happy was curled up with the tiger, Gray was sleeping buck naked on the sofa, Juvia was a slightly drunk, and somewhat puddly mess on the carpet, Loke was somehow slung across the coffee table in a drunken stupor, and Virgo was washing a mountain of dishes in the kitchen.

The only one missing...

I swear if he's in the bed I will fry him...

And he was.

Natsu was sound asleep on Laxus' side of the bed, and Lucy was sleeping happily on the other side of the bed. Had he not known how platonic this relationship was, he would have lost his mind, but knowing they had as much sexual chemistry as two rusty bolts in a nut cup just left him annoyed.

"Natsu."

He sat up and immediately felt fear. "Oh, hey Laxus."

Eyebrow twitching commenced, and Laxus asked, "Can I ask why you're in bed with my wife?"

"She was sick and we all came over to take care of her," he said, face glimmering with innocence and positive intent.

"It really looks like you came over to wreck my house, eat my food, drink all my booze, and pass out all over the place," he hissed.

Natsu argued, "Your house is the best! How could we come over and not have a good time?"

"All of you...get out. NOW."

Electricity coursed through the entire downstairs, and the occupants awoke to the feeling of Laxus' lightning, which politely informed them that the party was over and while they didn't have to go home, they certainly couldn't sleep at the Dreyar house.

Lucy was still sound asleep, so he removed the offending guests except for Loke, who he ordered to clean up the mess with Virgo or go home.

"Lucy is my master. Only she can force my gate to close," he argued.

Laxus narrowed his eyes. "What happens if you were get struck by lightning?"

"Bye." Loke waved and vanished.

Laxus went back upstairs, still pissed off at his wife. God, she was so stubborn, so difficult, and so dramatic. All they'd done for a whole day before he left is fight, and then he'd ripped a job off the board and vanished. He was mad, and he was sure that she still was.

Natsu had mentioned something about her being sick, so he showered and quietly got into the bed. He stayed on his side and didn't snuggle her as always, and it felt weird to him. But, he didn't want to sleep away from her, and he knew when she woke up they'd be at it again.

He hadn't been in the bed more than ten minutes when she rolled into him and subconsciously took her normal place, tangling with his body. It really was too cute, and he kissed her forehead. "Lucy."

When she opened her eyes, she saw him. "Laxus, you're home. How was your job?"

"It was good. Look, I'm an asshole, and I'm sorry. Let's not fight anymore. I can't stand it," he whispered.

Lucy kissed him. "I'm sorry too. It's a pointless fight now. Let's talk tomorrow."

The next morning, she woke up feeling a little weak but otherwise okay. He left a note that he'd been called to the guild, and she sulked at it as she ate the breakfast he'd left her.

When he came home, she met him at the door.

Laxus watched her staring at him a little shyly. "Little girl, what's the matter?"

She looked up and smiled softly. "You were right. If I'd gone on a mission and I had gotten sick and fainted like I did yesterday, I might have gotten hurt or put my team in jeopardy."

"You were sick? Natsu said something about that. Are you all right now?" he asked with a voice heavy with concern.

Lucy touched her belly and spoke with wonder. "I'm pregnant."

Laxus' expression practically melted, first into shock, and then into a grin. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Porlyusica confirmed it."

Lucy was sure his smile couldn't get any bigger as he approached her. The first two steps were slow, and then suddenly, his hands were on her face as he gave her an excited, sweet kiss.

"You're gonna have my baby?" he asked excitedly.

His wife let out a sound that was half giggle, half squeal. "Yes!"

Her husband held her tight for quite a while, and then slid down to kneel in front of her. With a careful hand, he lifted her shirt and planted a kiss just below her navel. "Hey you. I'm your dad, okay? You mom and I are going to take good care of you." Laxus felt her fingertips in his hair as he continued, "I know it's nice inside of your mom, but you better be good. She's pregnant, we expect certain things, but don't give your mom shit while you're in there or I'll give you shit when you get out."

Lucy laughed at him. "You're so ridiculous."

When he looked up at her from her stomach, he was grinning happily and practically beaming. "You forget whose kid you're carrying."

And then, he sat back on his knees. "Can we still have sex? I don't know that I thought this through all the way."

She laughed and nodded. "Of course."

"I won't like...poke the kid in the head or something?"

This was the kind of question she might expect from Natsu, but not her husband. She stared at him in sheer wonder at the idiocy that had come out of his mouth. "I sometimes wonder..is it a dragon slayer thing? But Wendy seems normal."

"What?"

"Being like...really smart and then having this streak of pure stupidity. You have it. Gajeel has it. Natsu has it in spades," she thought out loud.

Laxus feigned offense. "Excuse me for being concerned about our unborn son."

"Son? Since when?"

Laxus threw her over his shoulder. "A girl has not been born into the Dreyar family for two centuries. I hope you're ready to have a whole bunch of little boys. If you have a baby every other year until you're forty, you can have ten."

"You're being really uncute right now."

Her husband carried her upstairs and gently laid her on the bed, and then pulled his shirt over his head. "Can you imagine our guild with ten little Dreyars?"

Lucy mumbled something under her breath about 'getting snipped' and remembered what she'd needed to tell him. "Oh, Porlyusica said our baby isn't really human."

Perplexed by this comment, he looked down at her. "Dragon slayers are questionably human at best. Did you expect our baby to be an ordinary human?"

"Actually, no. I really didn't. I think I knew all along."

"Monsters make monsters."

She sighed and took her shirt off when he froze and looked down as if his good mood had been ruined. "What now?"

Her husband said, "It's like the baby is watching us."

"No, the baby is not watching us. The baby first of all probably doesn't have eyes that work and is only the size of a lima bean, and second, is suspended in pitch darkness. You're just being weird," she answered.

As soon as he thought about it, her reasoning made excellent sense and just flopped down gently beside her and held one hand over her stomach while they kissed. Knowing she was pregnant, he exercised moderately better manners while he made love to her.

When they finished, Laxus rested his head on her stomach and she scratched his head, which caused him to all but purr in delight. "I wonder when it happened. It's only been a couple of weeks."

"It was our wedding night. I was honestly kind of appalled. Trying to have a baby is a process, you know. We're supposed to try."

He looked up at her. "Since when do I try to do anything? If I decide I want to do something, I make it fucking happen. I don't play games and I don't know what 'trying' is. It really shouldn't be much of a surprise."

This was Laxus Dreyar, after all.

And the more she thought about it, the more she knew his reasoning made sense. Her husband possessed a deadly sense of resolve and he did not follow the same rules and laws that others did. He could stay alive with half of his guts melted, turn his whole body to lightning, and treated gravity like an enemy to be disregarded. Overall, his existence and attitude were a big 'fuck you' to science as a whole.

Lucy could tell he was quite pleased with himself for hitting the ball out of the park on his first swing.

They stayed in the bed for a long time, snuggling and talking about the baby and all that had happened while he was on his job.

"...and then I was on the stairs and I puked on Natsu. He seemed pretty grossed out but he was cool. Probably because he's thrown up on me too..."

Laxus sat up in the bed and glanced down at her in question. "You guys have the weirdest fucking relationship. Just for the record, I'm not into that. You puke on me while we're making love and we're going to have a very serious talk."

Lucy rolled her eyes at her husband. "I'm pregnant and he gets motion sick just like you. So we're a pukey bunch of wizards."

"This conversation is irksome," Laxus commented, now imagining all three of them throwing up on a boat. "Let's talk about something else, like the fact that you are pregnant with my child."

"I still can't believe I'm going to have a baby. Like, right now, your baby is inside of me, growing. We made a baby," she whispered.

The wide-as-hell grin returned to his face. "Knocked you up, huh?"

When the pillow impacted his head, he laughed. "It's true. It's not surprising though. I knew you were fertile that night. It was making me fucking crazy, I feel like every cell in my entire body wanted to impregnate you, including the ones I sent on the mission."

"Oh, I thought we were done having conversations about your semen."

"Never. One of those brave souls accomplished the ultimate goal and assailed the enemy successfully. He'll live on forever, as my son."

Lucy walloped him with the pillow again. "God, you're awful."

"And you're pregnant with my baby."

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