CCN
I flip the television on when I see it is eight o'clock.
"Welcome to CCN our Capitol Celebrity News!" The purple host shouts. I think her name is Opal.
They talk about movies, events, and celebrities. It's shallow but I watch it to see if they mention Finnick. I only do it when he is in the Capitol.
"We also see Finnick Odair spotted with many lucky ladies and also a few lucky guys." Opal says.
"The versatile of Finnick Odair's many friends is somewhat questionable." The pudgy orange cohost says.
"What do you think Donny, do you think he has any particular preference?" Opal asks the pudgey cohost.
"I don't know but, I would like to see the man or women to keep a hold of him. They would be very important indeed." He smiles.
I guess I'm very important.
Opal nods.
"Well on harvest celebration we talked to many of the victors including Finnick and this is what he has to say on the matter" Opal says and it flashes to a clip where Finnick is at a party with other Capitol elites. I can see Cashmere in the background.
"So Finnick we have seen you with a fair few people, ever think of just having one person by your side?" The women asks.
I sigh.
"Who knows? Who cares? I'm young I don't need the drama of a relationship." He smiles. "I just like to have fun." He takes the women's hand and brings it to his lips. "There might be someone out there." He says and winks
I roll my eyes
"Asshole." I whisper. He really is when he is being his alter ego. I don't understand how people can find him attractive when he acts like that.
"On the rumors of Viola Speerk being pregnant with Finnick Odair's child he said nothing on the matter and seemed aggravated when I asked." Opal says.
Of course he would be , you are asking pointless questions. You're trying to upset him.
They turn to the pudgy co host.
"Let's be realistic Finnick Odair has lots of lovers, odds are some of those rumors are true. I'm sure he has some child that he is just leaving behind."
I roll my eyes.
Those women are just seeking attention. Finnick has told me what they use and all these contraceptives. They even give Finnick some type of pill so he doesn't actually finish.
Besides I asked once even with all of those contraceptives if some girl did end up pregnant. He looked at me gravely and just said they would take care of it. I knew I shouldn't ask anymore questions besides, I
knew what he meant. Finnick Odair can't have hundreds of kids running around.
"I think you might be right, even when they ask for DNA requests he always declines. I think he pays them to keep it quiet." The man says.
I hear a noise behind me and jump.
"Hi Annie." I hear Finnick say happily I didn't think he would be home this soon. Finnick doesn't like when I watch this stuff. "How were you-" He sighs when he sees the screen. "Why do you watch this stuff Annie?" He whispers.
I shrug my shoulders.
"I dunno." I whisper as he turns off the television.
"Yes you do." He whispers and runs his fingers through my hair.
"Fine, it's because I get to see you." I say. I'm not lying, not really.
He sighs.
"You mean you get to see them." Finnick says. Referring to the clients. "Tell me I'm wrong." He says gently.
"I can't." I whisper. I do partially watch it to see the people Finnick is taking to bed, wondering if they are prettier than me. Wondering what they do or if Finnick likes it. Finnick and I haven't had sex. We tried a couple times but Finnick had flashbacks and well… didn't want to continue. I don't blame him and I don't care. I just want to make sure he's okay. I love him with all my heart. I don't need to have sex with him.
"They don't matter." He says and kisses me.
"I know." I say.
"Do you?" He says.
I nod.
"Yes." I whisper.
"Come here Annie." He says and opens his arms for me to hug him. I happily lean into him. He rubs my back and kisses the top of my head. "You matter so much. You're so much more." He says.
"You spend time with all these people. You sleep with them." I swallow hard. "I wonder-"
"Annie don't." I hear Finnick say gently.
"Are they better than me?" I whisper.
"No." Finnick says and pulls back to make sure I can see his face. "No one could be better than you Annie. No one." He says and kisses me.
"Okay." I say not very convincing.
"Sweetie come here." He says and stands up. He tangles our fingers together and leads us upstairs.
"What are you doing?" I whisper as he takes us to our bedroom.
We sit on the bed and Finnick kisses me.
"I'm not in the mood Finnick." I mutter.
He smiles.
"That's not why we're up here." He says and kisses my forehead.
"Then why are we up here?" I ask confused.
"Wanted to show you something." He says and stands up and heads to the bookshelf.
"You gonna read me a story?" I tease.
"Sort of." He says.
I raise my eyebrows
"Seriously?" I ask.
He nods.
He pulls a book from the shelf and throws it to the floor. He then takes out a book that was behind it.
"You keep a diary from me?" I tease.
"I prefer journal, sounds more manly." He says and I roll my eyes.
He puts it in my hands.
"Read it." He says.
"Finnick?" I ask confused.
"It's all about you. Every single page. Since the day I met you and to right now. Actually last month." He smiles.
"You have a diary-"
"Journal." He smiles.
I roll my eyes.
"You have a journal, just about me?"
"Yup." He says.
"Why?" I ask confused.
"After your games I wrote stuff down that would help you, so I would remember. So I could help you"
"Okay. So why did you keep writing?" I ask confused.
"I didn't write after I figured you out." He pauses "I started again… when I started to like you… when I started to fall in love with you."
"Why?"
"Because I knew I couldn't tell you. I wrote down what I would've said to you. Now I keep it because I like to write things in it when I go to the Capitol." He smiles. "Read it."
I open the notebook and roll my eyes. I see the list of things he was talking about that calmed me down. Hair braiding, comforting words, real, real, real, skyline, sand, green, real. The list reads. I don't have to ask what all the reals mean he says that to me over and over again so I know this is real. He kisses my forehead now but he didn't before for obvious reasons.
After some scribbles and strange drawings of sea animals I turn to the first page. I see it is dated. This was right after my Victory Tour.
I look up at Finnick and see he is watching me intently.
I want to stay away from her because I know it would make me forget. It would make my feelings for her fade but I can't do that. She needs me. She's so nice. I can talk to her about the games. She understands.
When I see her… when I see her it always makes my day brighter.
I flip through a few pages I'm tired of the same year so I flip until I find a new one.
Tonight was beautiful. There were fireflies lighting up the night and it made the sand and ocean look better. It was so perfect. The atmosphere was almost romantic, well to me anyways. I almost told Annie tonight. She looked so beautiful in that pink dress. Her hair was braided to the side.
I love Annie so much but I can never tell her. She is my friend I can tell that much. She knows everything about me but Annie Cresta could never love me.
I finally told her today. Told her my deepest secret. I expected her to be disgusted by me. To run away and never return but she did something that surprised me. She listened. She listened to my stories, to what I had to say, to what I craved so desperately to do, I told her and she didn't go away.
Maybe it would've been easier if she was disgusted because then I wouldn't have to worry about how I feel about her. This relationship is on a clock. I won't be able to hide it from her forever. I just want to kiss those soft pink lips. I wonder how they would feel against mine.
I can't take it anymore. The inevitable step has come. I'm going to tell her I love her. Even if this destroys our friendship. I can't be around her without wanting to kiss her, hold her hand, hug her.
I just want to be around her all day and all night. I want to look at her forever. She's so beautiful.
There are many pages left but I don't need to read anymore.
I look up at him.
"Well?" He whispers.
I smile.
"You really love me." I say.
"I really do. You should never doubt that. Even though I think you doubt me sometimes."
"I could never doubt you." I say and kiss him. "Why would you think I would?"
"Because I cheat on you." He says.
"No you don't. You're not doing it willingly and I know you hate it." I whisper and kiss his cheek.
"It's hard to verbalized how I feel about doing this to you." He whispers.
I nod.
"Just know I love you." I whisper.
"Okay." He says and kisses me.
I lean my head in the crook of his shoulder.
"I love you too." He says and kisses the top of my head.
"At least we know that is certain." I whisper and he kisses the top of my head.