Distraction
"Finnick could clearly be treacherous." Someone says as I'm about to enter into the armory to see Beetee.
This is one of those rare occasions when I'm allowed to leave the hospital. Well…this is unauthorized but once Katniss told me about a trident I knew I had to come running, even if I wasn't wearing pants.
"You don't understand." Beete says in his concentrated voice. He must be making something, that is what he's good at.
"I don't think you understand. You've known him for so long." The guy says again. "He could clearly have connections in the Capitol. He could clearly be a double agent."
I don't like what this guy is implying. If he truly thinks I have strong allegiance to the Capitol he is out of his mind.
Then again, whoever this person is clearly doesn't know me and they clearly don't know what Snow does to the victors. Sometimes I forget how little people know about that.
I mostly spend my free time with people who know about the games and the awfulness that comes along with winning.
"I don't know if you noticed this Gale, but he isn't actually getting around. They keep him in the hospital because he can't focus on what is going on around him." Beetee says slightly annoyed.
I smile slightly. I'm not that close to Beetee but he knows I would never work for Snow or his Capitol minions.
"Yeah well that's because they took his pet away from him." The man snarls.
My pet? Does he mean Annie?
"You don't really have the right to judge Finnick. To be honest I'm surprised he's still here at all." Beetee says. I think that last line is more for himself.
I think I know why he is saying this as well. He probably remembers seeing me jump off the roof of the tribute center.
"That a game Finnick?" I flinch and end up falling off the roof.
I hit the ground harder this time because I wasn't prepared for it.
"You scared me." I say and see I'm back on the patio. No matter how many times I jump off the roof I never find my way to the bottom.
"Well I've seen you jump off this roof for two nights in a row." He says and studies me.
"How?" I ask. No one is usually around when I jump off the tribute building.
"You jump from the forth floor. I can see you falling." He says and pushes up his glasses.
"I like the adrenaline." I lie. The truth is I think about killing myself a lot. If I did kill myself most of my torment would end and I wouldn't have to play pretend anymore. I don't know what the hell will happen to me after I'm dead, but maybe I'll see the people I love. They are also the people I killed.
I still feel guilty about what happened to my parents and sister. My parents died mysteriously and the day after, my sister was never seen again. Most people say she just ran away because she didn't want to spend time with her narcissist brother, but I know something terrible happened or is still happening to her.
Beetee is studying me.
"I think we both know that's not true." He says evenly.
"What does it matter if I jump or not? This thing is supposed to keep the tributes alive. They need them to play the games. You can't have a last minute substitution." I say.
"There probably is a chink somewhere Finnick."
"You mean there's probably a possibility that this thing will let me-"
"The force field is very powerful Finnick, but people make mistakes." He says.
Before I can stop myself I smile.
"I wouldn't get your hopes up too far. This building was built specifically to keep people in." He says.
"Because it's a prison cage." I say.
"Yes." He says and pushes his glasses up again. He is studying me. "You've tried it before then?" He asks.
"Try what?" I say defensively.
"To end your life." He says.
"No." I say.
"That's why you jump." He says as if explaining my thoughts. "It's one thing to think something, but it's entirely different to do it. You jump to get the feeling of it even though you know you won't die." He says calculated.
"So? Besides, this means I'm getting it out of my system."
"If you keep doing this you will start to feel more disappointment when you don't feel the pavement."
"I'm fine." I say.
He looks at me oddly and then just walks away.
I jumped off the tribute center everyday I was in the Capitol until Annie became a tribute.
I'm sitting on the outside patio from my room. It's almost sunset and I like looking at sunsets. It is calming and relaxing and at a place like this I need it.
Then I see her step outside. She does what I do almost every night. She steps on the ledge and jumps.
"Anna." I say quickly trying to stop her. I look over the edge and see her falling and falling until she disappears.
I hurry over to her room so I can talk to her when she reappears.
When I get outside I see her. She doesn't jump everyday like I do so she lands face first on the pavement.
"Anna." I say and go over to her.
"It's Annie." She says harshly as I help her up.
"Sorry." I say.
She looks back out at the skyline.
"I thought that would work." She whispers.
"It doesn't." I say wishing it would.
"They should just let us jump." She says.
"Then the Games wouldn't work." I say.
"It doesn't matter here or there I'm still dead. Besides, I don't see much different if I step off my platform early." She turns towards me and looks at me gravely. "It will still be an instant death."
"You should at least try in the games." I say.
"Why?" She asks.
I can't think of a good reason.
"So I can jump off a building every day?" She asks with a coy smile.
I raise my eyebrows.
"I saw you do it the other day... that's how I got the idea." She says.
"Well, you should know it doesn't work then." I say.
"Yes but I had to try it, just once." She whispers.
That's what I thought the first time I did it, but just once wasn't enough any more. Beetee was always right. If Annie didn't come along I might have jumped off a different building that didn't have a protective force field.
"I don't need to personally know him to know how he acts around people. Especially woman." Gale says.
I can't take listening to Gale anymore. I know people probably think this all the time but I'm not exactly in a great state of mind so saying or implying the things he is, is crazy.
I walk into the room and see lots of weapons and creations.
A person is almost guarding the door.
"You don't have clearance to be here Finnick Odair." The person says gently.
Beetee and the guy who I am assuming was judging me looks up.
"I asked for him." Beetee says which is probably a lie.
"What purpose?" The guard asks.
"To practice with something I'm making." He says.
The guard looks me up and down strangely.
"I'll allow it as long as you…" he trails off. He can't say behave because I'm usually not doing anything wrong. I'm usually just crying and muttering to myself.
I nod and walk over to him. I see he is doing something with arrows. I remember Katniss talking about a new bow he made for her.
I reach my hand out to touch it but it is forcefully stopped.
"Those ones are explosive." Beetee says with a smile.
"Explosive arrows?" I say intrigued.
"Yes." He smiles. "Unfortunately your trident won't be as fancy."
"Katniss was telling the truth then?" I say.
Beete's smile widens.
"Yes. I'm glad she told you as well. I know you and her have been having a difficult time." He says. I hear the guy next to him grunt. I recognize him.
"You're Katniss' cousin. Gale, right?" I say.
"We are not cousins." Gale says harshly. I touched a nerve there.
"I thought-"
"It was so it wouldn't mess up the romance plan. It was an act, you wouldn't understand." He says.
Before I can do anything I feel Beetee's hand on my forearm.
I look down at him he's giving me a warning look.
"I've got it over here." Beetee says.
I nod. He wheels over to a different part and I follow.
"How are you?" I ask him. The last I saw of him, he was still unconscious on the hovercraft.
"I'm alright. Still getting used to the chair." He says.
"It must be hard." I say.
"I find I do my best work sitting." He smiles. "Here we are." He says and I see it. It's nice and shiny.
I reach my hand out for it but stop.
"Can I?" I ask.
He nods.
"I've been wanting you to practice with it actually." He says and holds up a bracelet.
"What's this?" I ask as I take it. As I look more closely I see it has tech stuff and a digital chip in it.
"It's synced to this." He motions towards the bottom of the trident.
"Does it hold explosives?" I ask.
He chuckles softly.
"No. When you press that button." He says and points to a small blue button. "It should come back to you."
"Why would I need that?" I ask and run my fingers over the trident.
"In case you loose hold of it in battle."
"They would never let me fight here Beetee. In some people's eyes I am viewed as a traitor." I say and look towards Gale who is staring at me like prey.
"Gale doesn't know anything Finnick. He sees what he wants to and that is-"
"The person I'm supposed to be." I finish for him.
Beetee nods.
"How are you? Katniss said you had some… concentration problems." He says.
"That's a nice way of putting it." I say
"You know you did the right thing." He says.
I raise my eyebrows.
"For Annie." He says.
"I'm struggling with that thought right now." I say.
"She can survive this and so can you." He says.
"She probably thinks I've abandoned her." I say and rub my hand over the trident again.
"Finnick-"
"You said you needed to test this?" I ask not wanting to talk about Annie.
"Yes." He says slightly disappointed.
I pick it up.
"How does it feel so light?" I ask even the Capitol ones weren't this light.
"The certain metals and structure." He says with a smile.
I nod.
"Put this on." He says and hands me the bracelet.
I do.
"I'll let you get used to it and then we can go over some stuff." He says and has me go to some targets. It reminds me of the training center but more relaxing. I throw it, twirl it in my fingers, and do some reflexes.
After awhile I start to forget where I am or what is happening and just relax. When Beetee starts telling me to try out the bracelet I am reminded there are other people in the room.
The thing does work, not as far as Beetee would've liked though. It is neat how it comes back to me like a magnet. It flies right into my hand.
"Here I need to make adjustments." He says and takes it.
I nod. I can feel a smile daring to be plastered on my face.
I'm walking back upstairs when Gale purposely runs into me.
"Sorry." He says with a smirk.
I sigh.
"What?" I ask.
"I think you're just playing it a little over dramatic."
"Over-" I start but he just keeps talking.
"I also don't think you should be here in case you share our technology." Gale says the word our as if I'm not included.
"I wouldn't know how to explain it even if I wanted to." I say truthfully.
"You just want to act all sad so people will let their guard down." He mutters.
"I'm not acting. They took someone I love. Someone I care about. They took her away, they took her away from me."
Gale rolls his eyes.
"I thought woman never kept your interest for longer than a night. Or is this girl special? Or is she just the girl you keep back home? A girl you're taking advantage of if I understand correctly." I raise my eyebrows. " Annie Cresta isn't exactly-"
"You don't know her and you don't know me." I say.
They took her away from me. They took her away from me.
My eyes start hurting and before I know it I'm pacing back and forth trying to think of something else. Just moments ago I felt somewhat happy but now I feel panicky, sad, and angry again.
"Finnick." Beetee says. He has stopped me in my tracks.
"What?" I say and wipe my eyes hoping I wasn't crying. I notice Gale is gone.
"Maybe this is enough for today." He says.
"No I like it here. It's better than being in a hospital with nothing but my thoughts." I say.
"You're seeking a distraction." Beetee says.
"I need something because I'm starting to loose my mind. I can't stop thinking about her." I say.
"Distraction do make things easier Finnick. Katniss and myself are lucky to be given so many." He says.
"Why do you need a distraction?" I say.
"I lost someone that night too Finnick." He says unamused.
He's talking about Wiress everyone knew they were close. How far is questionable, but they were undoubtably the best of friends.
"At least you know what happened to her." I say softly. I'm sure I offended him somehow but Annie could be dead for all I know. Or she could be strapped down to a table getting tortured. Or they could have cut out her tongue for treason even though she doesn't know anything.
"Yes. I guess." He says simply.
"That's your response." I say genuinely surprised.
"You know too much Finnick possibly more than me." He eyes me. "But I think we both know that he won't kill her, not unless you go to him."
"That just makes it worse." I say. "Because if she was dead they wouldn't be able to hurt her."
He looks at me strangely. I can see pity in his eyes but at least it isn't worry like the people in the hospital give.
"The adjustments for the trident won't be ready until tomorrow but I can give you something else that will remind you of District 4." He says and wheels somewhere else.
I wonder what he is going to give me, perhaps a box of sand.
"What's this do?" I ask as he hands it to me.
"Endless possibilities." He smiles.
"It's… rope." I say. It's probably only a foot long too.
"No. It's not."
I look at him intruded. I wonder if he did something techy with strand of rope.
"It's a distraction." I raise my eyebrows.
"It's a string of rope." I say.
"Yes but I recall that tying was your 'talent'."
He isn't wrong tying knots was my talent for my Victory Tour. I did ones that only my escort approved of. He liked over the top and usually hard to make ones. I didn't care because it gave me something to do rather than think of what the next District would hold.
"Distraction." I say and take it from him.
It won't be like playing with that trident he is building but it will work and the best part is, I can take it with me.