Undaa, Hakar, Senes, Stardate 2275.337

For the first time since his mother's death, Losha felt a happiness that lasted longer than a passing moment. He spent as much time with Vensar as he felt he could without making it seem that he was obsessed. He could not get rid of the feeling that although she was in no way like Kreseen, she also might grow tired of him when the novelty of his alienness worn off. Their class schedules kept them apart a significant amount of time; had it not been for that, he feared he would be unable to stop himself from seeking out her company more often.

They continued to go to the Ursai staltas and afterwards, they would usually return to Vensar's room, unless she had too much work to do. Even then, they would sometimes sit in the lounge together, reading and studying. Besides Ursai, Losha was taking courses in mathematics, computer science, and communications. Unlike Vensar, who had already chosen a designated field of study, he was uncertain what kind of career he wanted to pursue. The war was no closer to ending, but life went on. Before meeting her, he had considered working in space; he had wanted to get off Senes as soon as possible. But he didn't know where he wanted to go. Joa and Malar had become family to him but he had never stopped feeling like he didn't really belong. And after six years in the same place, he felt restless. He had never been in one place this long and it felt strange to him, as if the time in which he was supposed to be here had long since past. Still, he had no idea where he would go and wherever he went, he would not belong. Since his relationship with Vensar had changed, however, he had stopped thinking about the future and leaving Senes. He only thought about their time together in the present.

One day he would never cease to think about was the sixty-third day after their first kiss. Class had ended and he assumed they would go to the stalta along with the other students as usual. This time, Vensar hung back from the others.

"Losha, I don't want to go today." She seemed pensive and he felt hesitancy from her.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Well, not wrong exactly. Let's go back to my room." He followed her back to the room that he now spent more time in than his own.

"Remember you told me there was a way for us to share our thoughts?" She asked, sitting on the bed.

"Yes." He down next to her, a questioning look on his face.

"Can we do that now?"

"You really want to?" It was something he had thought about from time to time but had been hesitant to bring up again. He longed to be closer to her in this way but he didn't want to push her.

"Yes. I've been thinking about it for the past few days."

"You're sure?"

"Yes." Her eyes looked determined.

"I need to touch your face. Like this." He positioned the fingers of his right hand on the left side of her face. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. Are you?" She teased.

"Yes." He closed his eyes and concentrated. "My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."

It was so different with Vensar than it had been with his parents. He assumed that was partly because she was Seenan and partly because their relationship was not that of a parent and child. His father's thoughts had been too chaotic and overwhelming for him to grasp. His mother's had been less so but he had understood that they were controlled to a very great degree. Later he would understand that even after leaving the rigid disciplines of Vulcan behind, she had been unable to completely let go of them. Vensar's mind was orderly - she was confident in her thoughts and beliefs - yet not rigidly disciplined.

She was attracted to Losha because he was different but not because he was alien. She was used to interacting with all different kinds of people, including aliens, at her parents' hotel in the resort city of Nisaya. In fact, she didn't really view him as an alien at all, just as Losha. He found this vitally reassuring. He also felt her intense affection for him. She loved him and he loved her just as much. He would be happy to remain connected to her like this forever. But there was something troubling her.

"You want to go home for awhile" he said, pulling his hand away and searching her face.

"Yes." The aunt of her boyfriend, Renaa, had been killed in a explosion two days earlier, along with her oldest daughter. The woman was a sister to Renaa's mother, whom Vensar was very close to, and her daughter had been a classmate. She felt she should return to Nisaya immediately but neither her parents nor Renaa's mother would not hear of it since it was much safer in Undaa. She had, however, made up her mind that she would go. She was overwhelmed with guilt that she was here in Undaa, relatively safe, spending time with Losha, when her boyfriend's family was grieving. She also wanted to end the relationship with Renaa and though she thought it awful to do it at such a time, she hoped that she would discover that he too was ready to move on.

"I understand." He also understood that there was no point in trying to convince her not to go. She had made up her mind.

"That was…" Vensar trailed off. "To think that it's normal for other species to know each other in a way that we Seenans never can."

"But now you can know someone in that way."

"Yes. It made me happy. I'm so glad I met you. I can't imagine not knowing you now."

"When are you going home?" He had to ask.

"I'd like to leave tomorrow. But first, I want to ask you something."

"What?"

"Did you really believe I would think less of you if I saw where you lived?" He looked away from her. "Do you think I am the kind of person that thinks that matters?"

"No."

"No, I'm not that kind of person. And now you know for certain. So I would be happy to spend time with you at your unit and to meet your friends. If they are important to you, they must be good people. A lot of good people are living in bad situations now because of this war."

They stayed awake until late in the night discussing what they had learned from each other. Vensar had not until then understood the depth of Losha's loneliness and feeling of not belonging; he had not realized that like himself, she also experienced a restlessness, one that had driven her from Nisaya.

After she returned home the following day, Losha and Vensar continued to send messages and letters to each other every few days, even managing to speak on the phone twice. He wished it could have been more often but he didn't have a personal communications device and the public one in the hallway of his unit was almost always in use. When they did talk, it was difficult to hear one another over the hallway noise, there was no privacy, and the conversations had to be brief as there was always someone waiting to use the device. When Vensar had been gone for nineteen days, she declared her intention to return shortly. He was elated.

Three days after that phone conversation, he was walking from the tram stop to the university when he heard someone calling his name.

"Losha!" He turned to find Belesen, a classmate who frequented the Ursai stalta. Like Vensar, she was also from Nisaya and the two had been friends for several years. Typically easy going and cheerful, she seemed uncharacteristically serious. "Losha, I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" He was not prepared for what came next.

"It's Vensar. She died. She died yesterday morning. It's terrible." Belesen seemed shaken but he didn't believe what she was saying. Wouldn't he have known if Vensar had died? Wouldn't he have felt it? But a mind meld was not a permanent connection...

"What?" was all he could manage.

"It was an overdose. An accidental overdose."

"How do you know?"

"A friend in Nisaya called me this morning."

"They're sure?"

"Yes. It's so terrible," she repeated.

"I can't believe it." He didn't know what else to say. There was nothing to say.

"I know," she replied. "I'm...I'm not going to class today. I just came to find you. Give me your contact information and I'll let you know when I find out about the funeral." He exchanged information with Belesen before taking the tram back to his unit. He wouldn't go to class that day either.

He didn't cry then, he only felt disbelief and numbness. He went back to his room and laid on the bed for several hours. He later had no memory of his thoughts during that time aside from looking out the window at sunset, the light nearly blinding him. Not long after, Joa returned and the two of them spent the night sniffing sur. Part of him hoped that it would kill him as it killed Vensar.