On the subject of "Terrible Two's:"

It was a calm morning three days after Yuri's second birthday, and he was once again awake while his mother and sister and nanny slept on a morning when his dad was on a job. To him, morning started at about 5:05 am, and that was a good time for some Cheerios. Unfortunately, because he kept getting into it, the beautiful yellow box had been moved to the top of the refrigerator.

They had no one to blame but themselves; if you encourage your child to reach for their dreams and their dream happens to be a box of beloved cereal, they're going to reach.

He crept silently to the kitchen with Raijin following quietly. The boy had learned from watching her how to move about without making any sound and much later on in life, some writer somewhere would pen an article and refer to him a 'natural predator of the magic world.'

For now, he was just a little boy who took naps with a tiger, bathed with a mermaid, and was being raised among dragons and celestial spirits. These things were normal to the Dreyar babies.

Yuri got to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, hefted the milk from a shelf, and poured the entire gallon messily into Raijin's food bowl. "Happy Beckfest, Rai-Rai!"

Then, he pushed a chair across the floor as quietly as possible, although the noise still awoke his mother. He climbed from the chair onto the counter, then pushed the coffee machine down the counter, climbed on top of it, and then climbed onto the top of the refrigerator.

Yuri claimed his prize and sat there on top of their refrigerator and ate dry Cheerios straight from the box.

Lucy heard noise in the kitchen and made her way down the stairs, reaching blindly for the light.

They had learned recently that the reason their son wasn't scared of the dark was because he could see in absolute pitch darkness, which was actually a little creepy and scary because sometimes she'd enter a dark room and hear a haunting little voice call, "I see you, Mommy."

Yuri seemed to have figured out this scared the crap out of her, and did it often.

She stood there in her robe and looked around at the mess. There was milk all over the floor, which the tiger was happy to lick up. Yuri was sitting in a place that was completely wrong for a toddler to be in, eating his cereal. "Son."

"Good morning, Mommy."

Lucy could trace his path upward, from the chair to the counter to the coffee machine, and finally the refrigerator, and she wondered why she couldn't just have a normal kid who did weird things like stick beans in their ears.

"Want some cereal?"

Her eyebrow twitched. "Yuri Dreyar, if you don't get down from there right now!"

His eyes widened and his lower half slid off the refrigerator onto the coffee machine to the counter, then the chair, and then onto the floor, all while dragging the big yellow box of cereal with him. It terrified him when his mother raised her voice because if he defied her warnings, he had to deal with Daddy later on.

Nobody wanted it to come to that.

"Can I play with Layla?"

"Son, it's five in the morning."

"K."

Lucy brought a palm to her face. "Are you hungry?"

"I just want cereal."

"Are your hands clean? You're eating out of everyone's cereal."

"I forgot."

One thing they could count on is that Yuri always told the truth. It seemed more honorable to his little childlike mind to openly admit he didn't wipe, hadn't washed his hands, had no intention of staying in bed, or hadn't cleaned up his toys than to just glaze over the details as many would.

Lucy shook her head, took the box, and poured some into a little cup for him, only to turn around and find he was drinking milk of the the bowl with the tiger. "YURI! Get your head out of that bowl right now!"

He sat up and wiped milk off his mouth with the back of his hand. "K."

"Are you thirsty?"

"No, Mama."

"Then why are you drinking out of the tiger's bowl?"

"Cause we're having beckfast."

She took a deep breath and tried to see the upside. At least this time he didn't have his sister who was now crawling drinking out of the bowl with him.

"You can go play quietly in your room until we get up. I don't want to hear any noise, and you better not come out. You like sleeping in a big boy bed, right?"

"Yes, Mama."

Lucy checked in on her daughter and decided to bring her back to the bedroom. It was a day she'd been looking forward to for so long, and yet dreading at the same time. Layla was eight months old and crawling and she hadn't been on a job in what felt like an eternity.

Laxus was due to come in from a job, and she was due to leave. Even with a nanny, they decided not to go on jobs at the exact same time just because their babies still needed at least one parent around. She'd never been away from her daughter overnight, and she was dreading it.

It was really hard for a mother to be away from her kids, so Lucy tried to mentally prepare herself for this moment. She was a little upset that she wouldn't be with her normal team, but Natsu had a two-day-old son named Iggy and was having his own baby experience.

She wondered how he got away with naming the poor kid that, but she didn't ask any questions. Her job would be with Erza, Gray, and Wendy, and she was excited. Lucy had her bag packed, her keys polished, and her body probably in the best shape as it was going to get. There was a part of her that believed that no matter how much weight she lost, her hips were going to stay like that.

Laxus said it was ridiculously hot, but Lucy really just wanted her body to go back to the way it was before. Porlyusica always laughed at her when she said this.

He got home, they spent a little time together, and she dashed out and all but ran to the train station. Waiting on Laxus, she missed the early train everyone else took, and she pouted a little but took the next one out to Hargeon.

She was sitting on the train when a man carrying a sleeping toddler entered the compartment with her.

Lucy smiled at the boy.

"You're a mother. I can tell," the man said.

He was handsome by anyone's standards with thick, short brown hair, big brown eyes and a fit build, but Lucy really had forgotten what it was like to look at guys. "I have a couple of little ones at home."

"Name's Greg. This is my nephew Darwin."

"Lucy."

His voice deepened as he leaned over a little. "Why are you traveling?"

"For work."

Greg smirked a bit. "Surely you must have a husband who provides for the little ones."

"My husband takes good care of me. I work because I want to. We both travel. He was just out of town for a week and now I'm going."

Lucy looked out the window and watched the familiar countryside pass by as she became vaguely suspicious that the man might be trying to make some kind of move on her. Out of the corner of her eye, she stared him down. She wondered if he'd dare if he knew who she went home to at night.

But, men were mostly stupid and he was undeterred by her subtle snarl. "It must be hard being alone so much."

"I have an attention-demanding husband, an overactive toddler, and a clingy baby. I'm lucky if I get enough alone time to go to the bathroom by myself." She rolled her eyes and added, "And I'll have you know I am happily married."

Greg held up his hand and flashed a gold band. "So am I. Doesn't mean I don't like to act up a little. Don't tell me you've never thought about it...the rush of a stranger's hands, the thrill of the forbidden…"

Lucy shook her head and calmly said, "I don't what your deal is, but your little game or whatever has no effect on me. I feel like if you're married and you feel like you need go and sleep around, maybe you should go home and try to work it out with your wife and stop being a lousy, philandering liar. That's just my advice to you."

The man seemed shock and widened his eyes as she spoke. When he answered, he carefully postured himself, unwilling to give up his conquest, "I bet your husband can't do you like I can."

"Alright. Let's do it. We'll get off at the next stop. We'll get a hotel room and we'll disappear from the whole world. We'll do all the unmentionables for as long as you want, or until my husband Laxus Dreyar hunts me down and finds us in bed together," she answered.

"Wh-What-Wait! Laxus Dreyar? The guy from the newspapers and magazines who blows entire cities up. That guy...is your husband?!"

"That's my husband. Just something for you to think about while you try to get it in, because for one thing, it's not going to work, and even if it did, my husband would kill you so good there probably wouldn't even be a body for your family to bury. Now, my kids kept me up half the night, so I'm going to take a nap, and you're going to leave me alone," she declared.

XXX

At the Dreyar home the next day, it was raining hard, thundering, and the wind was howling violently. Laxus was at the guild, Lucy was out of town, and Chelia was at home with the babies. The Dreyar babies were, unsurprisingly, undisturbed by thunder and lightning and so she put them down for a nap together in Yuri's bed and was studying her homework in preparation for her exams while a stranger skulked around outside.

There were numerous complications with the task at hand, and Eli Whisk, the world's greatest thief, considered this his greatest work. He'd stolen art, magical artifacts, documents, jewelry and all sorts of other items. He'd never kidnapped anyone, although he agreed because he was possibly the only one who could do it.

The primary challenge was that he had to snatch either one of the babies and leave no evidence or scent behind, because to do so was death. Pretty much any error would result in death. The thunderstorm would wash scents behind, plus none of the wizards were home, and there was limited visibility. He considered this his one chance.

Whisk silently scaled up the outside of the house, cut into the runes near the window using a rune-cutter he'd paid a life's wages for, then broke the lock as he slid the window open and came inside.

Yuri and Layla were asleep in Yuri's toddler bed. Layla was by the wall, Yuri was next to her, and what he quite unfortunately mistook for a stuffed animal was at the edge of the bed between the kidnapper and the babies.

He decided if he quickly snatched the boy, the girl would remain asleep so with one swift move, he snatched Yuri from the bed and held his hand over the boy's mouth.

Whisk dashed to the window and heard the deafening, terrifying sound of a tiger's full-force roar. Chelia had never heard the tiger make such a ferocious, scary sound so she knew something was wrong. The sound of the roar was so loud that it reached the elite hearing of her master at the guild who knew something was happening at his home.

He jumped, and as he fell towards the ground with Yuri, he had two thoughts:

'Who lets a tiger sleep with their babies?'

And secondly:

'Of course, a tiger was sleeping with the babies.'

He hit the ground, and heard the graceful landing of the tiger. She showed him her fangs and roared again, demanding the release of her dragon cub. He thought about running, and realized there was absolutely no chance he could outrun a tiger. The magic he used to steal stuff put humans to sleep, but he wasn't fighting a human.

His hand slipped off the toddler's face. "Rai-Rai!"

When the boy called for help, the tiger got all the more vicious.

Eli put Yuri down on the ground and put his hands up. "Look, I'm sorry. I put him down. Let's just be cool. Nice kitty kitty?"

He turned and tried to run and found himself face-down in the mud with a set of razor-sharp fangs sinking into him. This would result in the loss of half of his left butt-cheek, and when the tiger stopped shaking him as he screamed, he tried to get up only to feel a foot turn him on his back and he looked up into the deadly gaze of the dragon whose nest he'd just failed to plunder.

From his peripheral vision, Laxus saw the tiger pick up his son by the pants like he was actually a tiger cub and then climb up the nearby tree, then down a branch and back through his window, where Chelia was waiting.

Lightning started to crack around the house at a nearly constant state. "Who hired you? Answer me nicely and I'll only kill you a little bit."

"What do you mean, 'kill me a little bit?'"

"You don't want to know what the alternative is."

Laxus put his foot on the man's throat and pressed, and Whisk wished he could at least get up and try to run. That, unfortunately, seemed to require the use of his glutes, which had been ripped to pieces by a tiger who felt entitled to express her disapproval of his career and job choices.

Laxus found out the client was some dysfunctional wizard who probably wanted to hold him over or make him do something, and he was going to go handle that situation right at that moment, but he was worried about his babies and he didn't want to leave the fort unprotected as long as the situation had been unresolved.

Disposing of the offending source was actually an ideal job for 'Uncle Gildarts.' He was the kind of uncle who was useless for babysitting, didn't remember birthdays, and didn't know shit about babies, but if Laxus needed him to fuck somebody up in the name of Thunder Baby, he was willing and ready.

He made the call and decided against murdering someone in his front yard since the more blood would ruin the grass and his children were upstairs.

Laxus went upstairs once the authorities had taken the man, who turned out to be one of the most wanted criminals in the world, and found Chelia was trying to contend with a world of screaming babies.

Yuri didn't have a scratch on him but was screaming because he'd been scared half to death, and Layla was screaming because he was. They separated the babies, and once Yuri calmed down, he was fine since he really had no idea exactly how much danger held been in. Within an hour, he'd bounced back and went back to life as usual.

Freed came over after a couple of hours and once he knew the situation, he huffed. "He cut through my runes with a rune-cutter? What nonsense. It must have been very advanced."

"I think he was well-equipped and had an excellent plan. He might have been able to get away with him."

"Raijin got him, huh?"

"Ripped half his ass off in the front yard, carried my kid like a tiger cub back up to his room, and put him in bed where he was supposed to be."

Freed looked at the little piles of cereal around the tiger's bed as she slept in the living room while Yuri was sitting with a piece of paper and some crayons on the floor, scribbling furiously. "Has Raijin developed a taste for Cheerios?"

"Nope. Raijin sometimes takes him to remote places in the yard where there are big bugs or grass snakes or birds. I think she's trying to teach him how to hunt like a tiger does with her cubs so he doesn't have to eat cereal. The part that makes it hilarious is that he's trying to learn. He hid a grass snake in his pants the other day and scared Lucy half to death," Laxus answered as he reached for the beer on the coffee table.

Layla was sitting on the floor next to the tiger, feeling the fur with one hand as she watched her brother the artist. "Bagagagagaba!"

"Yeah," Yuri said.

"Aww...that's cute. He acts like he can understand her," Freed said.

Laxus answered, "Look, I don't know how it works, but Yuri and Layla have some form of communication. It's actually kind of creepy. So Layla starts crying because she's the pickiest eater in the family. I try feeding her fifteen different things. Yuri tells me she wants strawberries, I give her a strawberry and she's the happiest kid in the world. He just knows stuff. Sometimes, if I want to know what's going on, I'll just ask him."

Freed was very dubious, but decided to make a joke about it anyway. "Laxus, you had your babies so close together they think they're twins."

"They might as well be. How are things going with Mirajane the demon girlfriend?"

"Well, great. Except you and Lucy have made every woman in the guild want to get pregnant with your pretty little babies. We've been dating for six weeks and she has names for our seven children. Seven. Four boys and three girls."

Laxus just shrugged. "Oops."

Freed looked up at the babies again and tilted his head at Layla. She had two little blue heart-shaped stud earrings that were glittering whenever she moved. They were the exact same color as her eyes, a dark grayish, greenish blue. "Is your infant daughter wearing sapphire earrings?"

"They're actually blue diamonds."

He flipped his hair. "She's a baby. And you're a ridiculous father."

Yuri brought his art over to his father and held it up, and Laxus took it and looked at the enormous tangle of brown scribbles. One eyebrow rose in question, as he looked down. "That's for you, Daddy."

"Thank you...what is it?"

"Guess!"

Laxus stared for quite a while, but an enormous brown blob really only looked like one thing, although with his son's colorblindness, it was possible he just missing it with the brown. "Is this poop?"

"It's you, Daddy!"

"Excuse me," Freed said as he stepped into the nearest room, which was the downstairs bathroom. Impolite, loud, uncharacteristic laughter could be heard as soon as he closed the door, and Laxus felt like Freed laughed for at least two minutes before he came out, looking as dignified as ever.

Laxus thanked his son politely.

Freed went on to put stronger runes around the house, and Laxus continued the business of keeping an extra close eye on everything, although he was confident no one would bother the family while he was home.

He brought them into his bed and the babies spent their nights snoozing safe and sound between a dragon and a tiger.

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Special thanks to Luna123456, Undertheskysm yumeyumi1986m batgamesm satisfied readerm mewhee89, paname, ladyallyssa, adabs18, thunder baby fan, lunastarlady, disguisedbeauty, katiekat2001, misty shayna, xxshyxx, w1n6s-0f-f1r3, boyceashlee, supercrazyperson, julius night, jhdavis1103, angela magic, megumiyoung, lucyxanyoneshipper, savygirl1515, Silverghostkitsune, miss dany, thornado, aoutre, thealicehuntt, chan19, kamila-chan, court818, arouraleona, helenezahl, and mwolfe13 for reviewing!

AN: I know what I'm going to do with my cute little story. *wrings hands evilly* Mwahahaha!