Orlyanal, Sea of Lataan, Senes, Stardate 2283.167

"I can't believe you're going to live here." Losha gave Malar a look of disbelief. She couldn't believe it herself. They were standing on the beach behind the house she had bought four days ago. It would soon be midday and the heat would begin to get uncomfortable, at least for her. Losha had a much higher tolerance for high temperatures - his ancestors came from a desert planet that probably got much hotter than it ever did in Hakar. Naalem would not want to come inside despite the heat. He was fascinated by the sand and water and if they let him, would probably insist on staying out until he passed out from heat exhaustion. It was funny, she thought, how only two years away from Hakar and she was no longer accustomed the warm climate. Or maybe it was just that today was unusually hot for this time of year. She had traveled to places with much hotter climates, though hadn't spent much time outside. Lesara had made sure they'd traveled in style. And now she had bought this old ruin of a house that didn't even have a climate control system. What had she been thinking?

Nostalgia. It had been nostalgia. How strange that she had become nostalgic, she who had always looked to the future, to leaving Undaa and Hakar and maybe even Senes behind. She had always envied Losha's experiences traveling from planet to planet, discovering new places, meeting new people. But now that she had spent two years traveling around her own planet, she found herself becoming nostalgic. Her trip around Senes had been just what she'd needed at the time - to get out of Hakar and visit places that hadn't spent the past eleven years in civil war. She never thought she'd miss Undaa, she had been so tired of it when she'd left. But then she found herself missing Losha and Joa and even Naalem, missing the familiar comfort of the city whose every street she knew.

She had also found herself thinking of the Sea of Lataan, where she had spent time as a child. Her grandmother had lived in Orlyanal and she'd spent time here every year with her. She'd always look forward to the beach and the sea but she knew that after a day or two, their novelty would wear off and she'd be bored. There was little to do in Orlyanal - it was a town of retirees, not tourists. Unlike other beaches she'd visited, which were packed with people and filled with excitement, one could walk the entire length of the beach in Orlyanal and only encounter a dozen or so people, all sitting quietly in the sand or floating quietly in the water. The silence would occasionally be broken by the laughter or shout of a visiting grandchild but even that was rare. Young Malar had always been somewhat relieved when it was time to return home to Undaa.

So it had come as somewhat of a surprise to her that a few months ago she began thinking once again not only of Undaa, where she knew she was returning, but also Orlyanal. Lesara, a DJ and music producer, had been offered a gig in Undaa and so they had returned to their home city for the first time in two years. She didn't believe in fates but it had certainly been fortuitous timing. She and Lesara no longer had the relationship they once did. She cared for him, even loved him, but only as a friend. She had known he felt the same for some time but they had become so comfortable with each other that they had let things go on, not knowing how to end them. Until they returned to Undaa - they both knew it was over then. She had no regrets; she and Lesara remained friends and she had had the experience of a lifetime with him, traveling all around the world.

Lesara had given her a large allowance during their time together and she had put most of it away. He'd spent so much money on her she hadn't really even needed the allowance. When she returned to Undaa two months ago, she'd rented out an apartment in the city center until she could find a place to buy. She liked her apartment in Undaa but years spent living in public housing had stirred in her a strong desire to own something. She'd already looked at dozens of places in Undaa when, on a whim, she decided to see what was available in Orlyanal. And now here she was, at age twenty-six, likely the youngest homeowner in the entire town.

The house had been abandoned for some time and required some repair, but she knew the instant she stepped on the back patio and saw its view of the sea that she had to have it. It had belonged to her for four days now and though it was not yet inhabitable by her standards, she'd asked Losha to bring Naalem down for the day. It was time they had the discussion she'd been preparing for since she'd known she was returning to Hakar.

"Losha, I know I should have come back sooner, when Yeshayn died." Losha said nothing. She was unsure if he was waiting for her to continue or if he did not know how to respond to her admission. "Tell me the truth, are you angry that I didn't?" Their relationship had been strained and awkward since she'd returned and she hated it.

She had left Hakar with no plans to look back until she'd seen as much of the rest of the world as she could, the thought never crossing her mind that she would actually become the legal guardian of a small child. She hadn't even learned of the death of Naalem's mother, Yeshayn, until months afterwards. By then she was halfway around the planet from Undaa. She knew then she should return immediately, but she didn't want to. Taking care of a child had not been a part of her plan. It hadn't been part of Losha's plan either, but she had pushed that thought aside and rationalized her absence by telling herself that Losha was better with children than she was. She didn't know what to do with children - young children made her uncomfortable and older ones annoyed her. Losha had assured her that everything was fine and she hadn't questioned him. He was out of jail and his father had returned. She knew he probably wanted to leave Senes and that her absence was preventing him from doing so but still she didn't return.

Instead, she sent him money. It was enough for him to pay a starship company supervisor to overlook his criminal convictions. Corruption at the government level had been drastically curtailed since the war's end but it was still a part of Hakaran culture. Though it may not even have been necessary. Businesses were booming as the country rebuilt itself and with all the lives lost as a result of the war and the sur epidemic, there was a shortage of workers. She sent money regularly, enough to cover expenses for Naalem. In addition to the allowance she received from Lesara, she had a substantial savings of her own. Over the years she had put away as much of the money her wealthy boyfriends and girlfriends had given her as possible. Being poor forever had also not been a part of her plan.

"I'm not angry. I was angry when you didn't return. Then I stopped being angry and was just disappointed." His smiled faded.

"Can you forgive me?" More than anything she wanted things to be easy between them again. He was the closest thing she had to family and she'd let Lesara distract her from that.

"I forgive you, assuming you forgive me for not listening to you?"

"Not listening to me?"

"If I had listened to you, I wouldn't have ended up in jail and maybe I wouldn't have these memory and other problems."

"Yes, I was pretty angry at you before I left. You had become selfish. And then I became selfish." She'd forgotten how angry she had been at him and Joa. She'd forgiven Joa - what else could she have done? He was already suffering the consequences of his actions. "But you aren't selfish anymore... and I'm trying not to be."

"I know. If it weren't for Naalem, I'd probably still be pretty selfish too."

"That sounds very parental." She laughed.

"I know. Isn't it strange?"

"You were always better with Naalem than I was."

"That's not saying much," he grinned.

"Yes, I'm not good with children but I'm going to try. I want you to be able to leave here, to go see your father."

"In another year and a half Naalem will be in school and then I can apply for a position working on the ships."

"But don't you want to get out of this place now? See your father?"

"I am alright with staying here a little longer."

"I suppose it will be awhile before you can trust me again but you still can't fool me. I know you're not telling me everything." He hadn't changed that much in two years - whenever he didn't want to talk about something, he'd downplay it, and when he downplayed it, there was a certain way he held his mouth closed and a certain look about his eyes.

"It has nothing to do with trust."

"What is it then?"

"Only that my father isn't the person I thought he was. I'm grateful that he cared enough to come back for me and help me. I'm glad I won't spend the rest of my life thinking he abandoned me. But he doesn't understand me and I don't think anyone can understand him. Being angry at him was easier in some ways."

"He sounds like my mother. If she hadn't been killed in that air raid, I'd probably have killed her myself by now. Now let's get Naalem, get in the shade, I'll get us some drinks, and you can tell me all about it." She smiled and held out her hand. She'd missed him.