Secrets.
I'm listening to Katniss talk about home. Talking about District 12 and the story of the bread. If this is indeed the way to cause a distraction to save Annie and the others it won't be working. Sure the girl on fire would stop most of the population but I don't think it will everyone. Not the important people.
"What do you think?" I hear Haymtich ask.
"It's fine. At least they aren't trying to make her act." I say almost bored.
"Well I think we all know that won't work." He grumbles. "They think if you say something it might help as well." Haymitch says.
"And what do they want me to say? Talk about more fallen tributes and victors?" I ask. That's the only real job I've been given. I think they like it because I can still record in the hospital. They don't see me they just hear my voice.
"Well, you'll have to take that up with Plutarch." Haymitch says.
"I don't trust that man." I say.
"You don't trust anyone really." Haymitch says
"I'm not going to argue there." I say as Plutarch comes over here.
"Finnick good to see you." He says.
"Yes, you as well." I say indifferently.
"I was talking to Haymitch and my associates and we think you should talk as well." He says with a smile.
"What do you want me to talk about? How I like thirteen? The bombing we just survived? The Capitol people? Ann-"
"Talking about Capitol people. They do enjoy gossip. It would be nice to hear what a victor truly thinks of them." He says.
"Saying I think they are disgusting and how I hate them won't be much of a distraction." I say. It would be more of a rage fest. There would be cursing, threats, and I would probably end up crying. Which means I would end up back in the hospital.
"Well I'm sure you could talk about something else. How Snow personally treats his Victors.
Other than Haymitch you are the longest Victor here, you're also the youngest ever." He says and rattles on.
"That would just cause a shouting match of how much I hate him." I say more to myself.
"I know you want to help." Plutarch says. I almost want to have a rage fest at him but hold myself back when I feel Haymitch's hand on my shoulder. "There is one thing I'm sure you could talk about."
I sigh.
"The Capitol citizens you've had relations with all know what Snow has done to you. You could talk about that."
"You want me to-"
"I don't think that's the best idea." Haymitch says.
"Why not? People would know. People need to know the truth of what happened to you."
"If people wanted to know the truth they should know how many times I tried to kill myself." I say softly. The count is four. I've been lucky enough to have someone talk me out of it or take me to a hospital to fix me up. Annie's been able to talk me out of it once so has Mags. The other times not so much. I did tie a noose wrong once. It didn't break my neck enough to kill me. Sometimes I think I didn't tie it correctly on purpose. My fingers run over my throat.
Haymitch and Plutarch have been arguing on what is morally correct. I've only spoken the full truth about this to Annie.
I do want people to know the truth. However I have to be strong when I talk about it because I might end up crying. But wouldn't that make it all the much seeing Finnick Odair weep while talking about his tragic past.
"I'll do it." I say in a surprisingly confident voice even though I feel like throwing up.
"Excellent. I'll tell Cressida and the team." He says and smiles off.
"They need you over here." Someone shouts and Haymitch follows me to where Katniss was.
"You don't have to do this you know. You could talk about something else." Haymitch says.
"Looks like your morality came out once you gave up the drink." I say.
"I'm serious Finnick." He says almost as if he is scolding me like a child. "You don't talk about this stuff for a reason." He says.
"Just like you don't talk about how your family and girlfriend got murdered for what happened in your arena." I say trying to be gentle. Victors know one another's secrets. How we all figure it out varies. We usually hear it from one another but I know Haymitch isn't the one who told me about how his parents died. Maybe it was Mags or someone else. However my scenario is different because it happened to other victors. I'm just the most popular.
"True which is why I will back you up if you talk about something else." He says. It's almost scary how sympathetic sober Haymitch is.
Katniss stands up so I can sit in the spot she was.
"I'll do it because it will help her." I say and put the rope I had in my pocket. Haymitch will know I'm referring to Annie.
Cressida has me do some introduction and then it is a free for all. My mouth opens and closes before I find the right words to start with. Might as well just start with the awfulness.
"President Snow used to sell me… my body that is. I wasn't the only one but by far the most popular. If a victor was considered desirable you would be bought and sold. You may be thinking why someone will do this? If you don't, he kills someone you love. And it didn't help that the people I love were so fragile.
"Although the people felt guilty for what they were doing they would give me gifts to make themselves feel better. But I didn't want there gifts. No I wanted something more valuable than money or gems. I was after secrets. This is when you should pay attention President Snow because you'd be surprised how many were about you."
I could go off and talk about his treachery right away but since this is supposed to be a distraction I start telling stories of my worst clients. I talk about incest, love, betrayal, cheating, and more terrible things. I think of my worst clients and discuss that. When my eyes start stinging from tears daring to fall. I move on and talk about President Snow's history of how he became President and how he kept his reign so long.
I eventually forget the camera is there and act like I'm just talking to someone, not Annie because she knows all of this already. Maybe just a friend, maybe Katniss, or maybe someone who would actually believe all this. With this war and all the details, no one can deny that I'm lying. I'm a very good liar but this is all too authentic.
When I'm finally finished I see everyone is staring at me with shock. Well not everyone, Haymitch is looking at me like he's proud or something. Katniss is looking at me like she wants to say sorry. The Capitol citizens are gossiping like crazy. The camera crew is just staring at me as if expecting more. Plutarch and his group are discussing things and writing notes. I get the feeling about everything I just said about Snow.
I expect someone to tell end or cut but it doesn't come. After several minutes of silence I say it and stand up to walk away.
Plutarch wants to talk with me immediately to find out any other information. I told him everything I know.
When we get ushered back inside Katniss and I find ways to distract ourselves we don't talk for awhile.
"I'm sorry." Katniss says as soon as we are alone.
I look at her confused.
"Why? You didn't take Annie away." I say and sit down.
"No I meant by the chariots before the tribute parade. In the arena. Snide comments I made."
"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong." I say almost annoyed. This is why I don't tell people. Annie said sorry when I told her. She also pretend like she didn't know me so we could start our relationship all over again, a real relationship.
"But-"
"You can't change it. Besides, that was my job. Lying and tricking people, I was very good at it as well. Why else would I have such a big reputation." I say.
"Still doesn't mean I can't say sorry." She says.
"You sound like Annie." I blurt out.
I turn away from her so she doesn't have to see the look on my face.
"She must really love you." Katniss says. I don't like the implications until I look to see her face. There's jealousy, but something else. I know she isn't jealous that I have someone. She's jealous because she doesn't understand what she has with Peeta and that other guy. Gale I think his name was… I don't like him. He made more than one implication that I shouldn't be trusted because of my Capitol connections. I also heard him make a few comments about how I tried to flirt with Katniss. He was implying that I wanted to sleep with her. I would never want that. I won't let anyone else touch me again unless their name is Annie Cresta.
"You have know idea." I whisper.
"Did you love her right away?" She asks softly.
I smile and think of my relationship with Annie. I didn't love her right away because I didn't think anything of her when she was going through the hell of the Hunger Games. I felt sorry for her because I knew she wouldn't make it back. Thankfully I was wrong. After she won I didn't really hang out with her. I said hi when I saw her in victors village but other than that we were just friendly neighbors. The Victory Tour was different. Hearing her scream every night was terrible. I didn't get into bed with her, but I stayed in her train car when she asked. Which wasn't a lot, but we did get to talking about her life. Her life wasn't all peaches and cream. Her Dad's a fisherman not an uncommon think in District 4 but her Mom is a drunk. Her Mom got aggressive when her Dad had to go on fishing trips. She would hit Annie. She still does.. Although since Annie loves her Dad she can't stay away.
Ever since her victory tour we were friends. Things happened and our friendship turned into something more. It was just so easy. Annie saved me and I like to think I saved her.
"No she crept up on me." I say.