"Babe, I need a favor."
"What is it?"
"Can you please shave my testicles?"
Laxus held out the razor, and Lucy took it and sighed. "The things I do for you."
She had bad news for him, but she decided she'd wait until they were ready to go to sleep.
Deciding they had enough kids was an important milestone in their marriage and considering how easily Lucy got pregnant, if they kept having sex, Baby Number Five was an unfortunate inevitability. They had a guild to run, and they already had four kids, even if two of them had yet to make their appearance.
They made an appointment, went to see a doctor, and were currently on the eve of Laxus' vasectomy.
Since they were about to have two newborns, it seemed like the ideal time for him to have the procedure, have a couple of down days, and then be good. Once the twins were born, 'down days' were going to be a laughable idea.
This pregnancy had been a little more complicated and a lot more difficult for his wife, as it took an immeasurable amount of energy for her body to support two babies, at least one of which drained her magic power continually. She always looked tired and achy, but she never complained and she stayed on top of her game.
He'd brought a couch into their office, and she spent hours during the afternoon napping in between bookkeeping and keeping up with guild members and then going home and looking after their little ones.
Lucy asked, "They'll do that for you at the doctor's office, right?"
"That little redheaded nurse, probably."
His wife narrowed her eyes and held up the razor. "Did you think she was cute?"
"Not really. I kind of have a thing for blondes. I don't really want you in a bad mood while you have a razor by my nuts. It's nothing personal, I just kind of need them."
Lucy had him lay down on the bed and she sat down between her legs with the razor, a wet rag, and some shaving soap. "How do you want it?"
"Just shave everything so they don't do it at the appointment. Be careful."
His wife asked, "Even the hairs between your butt cheeks?"
He sat up on his shoulders. "Babe, I'll get rid of the hair between mine if you get rid of the hair between yours."
"Very funny. That's from pregnancy hormones."
He rolled his eyes. "You've had hair in your buttcrack since way before you got pregnant the first time. The pregnancy just made it worse. You can only blame the pregnancy for your elbow hair."
Lucy glared. "That is completely hormonal and guess what? It's your fault. I have elevated hormones because I have two babies inside of me. And apparently your babies want mommy to grow a mustache."
Laxus leaned forward and stared at her upper lip.
"I plucked it."
Her husband chuckled and laid back. "I so glad I married you. I think I don't say that enough, but fuck, you've made my life great."
After spraying some shaving cream on him, she smiled. "I'm glad we got married too. It's been fun, right? When we were engaged, I'd have little thoughts sometimes about whether or not I should get married so young, but I'm so glad. Being young and married is a nice thing too, if you're with the right person."
The task was completed with careful hands, and after she wiped him off, she looked down. "The tree looks a little bit bigger without the forest."
"You like it?"
She thought about it for a while. "Not really. I like you hairy. If you'll excuse me, I have to deforest my butt crack."
Laxus slid out of the bed and put his boxers on. "First, I think with how huge your stomach is, that's physically impossible and two, that's an awful place to get razor burn so please leave it alone."
"Speaking of things I can't do because my belly is too big, you want to clip and paint my toenails?"
Marriage was a wonderful thing to Lucy, and she was always glad she'd made the choices she did. They'd reached a point where they were completely comfortable with themselves and with each other that everything was fine and good. His body, her body, bodily functions, illnesses, whatever it was, they stuck together. It took a lot of growth and intimacy to get to that point.
Lucy still found him so handsome, but if she looked, she could see he'd aged over the years they'd been together. So, as he cut and filed her toenails as she sat on the bed and he knelt on the floor, she said, "You're going to be handsome when you get old."
He smirked. "I hope so. I've got a stupidly gorgeous wife I need to keep happy."
She instructed him and he applied 'two thin but full' coats of pink polish to her toes with surprising success.
"So…about my appointment today," she said.
Laxus stood up and looked down at her. "Everything okay?"
"Well, no, actually. I have kind of a serious problem, and I need you to not freak out about it because it's going to be okay. Okay?"
Her husband was in no way going to be calm, and Lucy knew that. She also knew there was nothing she could change about it and that whether or not she liked it, he was going to worry until the babies were born.
"What is it?" he asked, sitting next to her.
Lucy said, "The doctor says I have a placental abnormality that's causing the little bleeds. Porlyusica agrees with that. The doctor said we have to have a c-section a couple of weeks before the due date because I can't give birth vaginally."
Her husband seemed even more worried then. "What happens if it happens fast like with Yuri?"
"I could bleed too much. So I have appointment at the hospital in three weeks. Everything will be fine. The babies have already been in there long enough they'd be okay even if we had to have them now, and I'm fine. There's no need to worry. And we can't have sex."
His face twisted with anxiety for a few minutes while he digested the fact that his wife might be in real danger because she was pregnant. "Are you in pain?"
Lucy shook her head. "I feel great."
"You'll be okay?"
She nodded.
Laxus laid down with her and then put his head on her stomach. There was quite a lot of movement in her belly, sometimes at weird hours.
They fell asleep and soon after he felt a distinct force that awoke him. He looked up at Lucy who was obviously awake and staring at her belly in annoyance.
"I think I just got kicked in the head? That was kind of hard to wake me up."
"How do you think I feel? These are the worst tenants I've ever had. I've given them their notice that I'm going to put them out in three weeks. And I need to pee," she answered.
Then Laxus felt her suddenly electrify, and her hair started to stand up. "That again."
"...the worst tenants, did I mention that? That's why I'm not letting anybody live in my uterus ever again. It's going to stay vacant indefinitely."
Laxus helped her out of the bed. "You still feel okay?"
She took a deep breath because she knew he was going to worry her to death for the next three weeks. "I'm really doing good, Baby. Oh, silly me, I thought I'd been asleep for awhile, but it's only been half an hour. Between babies and my bladder, I haven't had a good sleep in so long."
After she used the restroom, she snuggled back into the bed and he whispered to her quietly.
"We can make a schedule. There are four adults in the house. I have to go to work, but we can take turns on twin duty. Chelia, you, me, and Gramps. Gramps is going to useful whether he wants to or not. I don't know if you've noticed this, but there is nothing wrong with him. At all. The doctors made it sound like he was going to be incapable of taking care of himself. He's completely healthy and pays no rent. Baby duty indeed."
Lucy was already asleep by the time he finished explaining his plans.
The next morning, Lucy slept in and Laxus showered and dressed for his procedure. He came downstairs and found his children having a dispute about what kind of breakfast cereal was the best. Yuri was, of course, on the side of Cheerios.
Makarov was sitting at the table with coffee and a newspaper, and Chelia was throwing textbooks into her backpack. "Today's the day?" Makarov asked.
Laxus nodded. "I want you to make sure Lucy stays at home and rests today. She's tired. She has a complication. I'm not happy, and if she gets any more uncomfortable, everyone is going to be sorry." He looked down and said, "You two, be on your best behavior. If you act up while your mother is pregnant, I'll deal with you when I get home and I promise I'm going to be in a bad mood."
They knew he was being quite serious. He was a lax disciplinarian with Layla, but he'd get her for giving Lucy grief in her current state and he was ready to teach his son a lesson or two since he was older.
Layla slid off her chair and ran to him, throwing her arms up and jumping so he could catch her and hold her close. She kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be good, Daddy!"
She said this, and she was sweet and cuddly and kiss-y, but the chances that she'd throw a temper tantrum or be cranky was at least twenty times higher than the chances her brother would misbehave.
"I want to see Iggy and Sam," she said.
Laxus scowled at her. "You're already being bad. Let's make a deal. You can have one for a friend and the other one you have to tell to go away forever."
"How about no," his daughter answered, "I miss Iggy, he's my handsome guy."
His brows rose a bit. "I'm starting to think you understand that offends me and that's why you do it. In which case, the apple has not fallen far from the tree. Both of you do stuff to piss me off and let me say this: it works."
Layla stared at him a little blankly and then hugged onto him. "You're so big and strong, Daddy."
Yuri looked swallowed a mouthful of cereal. "'Morning, Daddy."
His babyish tendencies were vanishing quickly as he started to move over into the next stage of childhood. There were mere weeks between Yuri and the beginning of preschool, and he seemed to be taking it in stride although he was unhappy to learn that part of school would involve meaningful interaction with girls.
Laxus sat down next to his son. "Take extra good care of your Mama, okay? If she looks like she's not feeling well, go get another grownup immediately. Stay out of trouble. Don't cause her any grief. Make sure you keep your toys picked up since she can't really see where she's walking so well."
He nodded, and Laxus knew if he asked, Yuri would make sure he did it.
Yuri was shaping up to be a really good little boy. He looked after his mom and his sister, and he behaved most of the time. Of course, he had his boy moments, but for the most part Laxus was just so proud of him. He ruffled his son's hair. "You're a good son."
His son seemed a little awkward about the compliment and tried to figure out how to respond. Finally, he said, "You're a good dad?" as if he didn't know what to say.
"Is that a question?"
"I don't know."
Laxus wanted to hug his poor awkward son to death, because he found it weirdly adorable how strange Yuri was at times. "I'll be back later, okay?"
Makarov looked up from his newspaper. "I still think you should have at least thirty."
"Says the guy who had one kid," his grandson said.
His grandfather rolled his eyes. "Can you blame me? You know how that one turned out. If I made nice and cute babies like these, you'd have a hundred cousins at least. But then you wouldn't get all my attention and I know that would kill you."
"I'd be devastated," he sarcastically answered.
At the doctor's office, the father of four was displeased to find that the doctor who was supposed to perform his surgery was sick and another surgeon had been scheduled to take his place.
She was blonde, dressed a bit sexy for a doctor, and in her early thirties. Had this been a day before Lucy came along, he would have been trying to crawl in her bed already, but he had no such interest and found her apparent sexual interest a little unnerving.
"I'm Dr. Harper, but you can call me Rachael. Or whatever you want, to be honest. It's not often I get to perform surgery on such a fine specimen," she said as she held his folder in her hands.
He looked from the tray of instruments and found his anxiety like what he felt at the dentist, except all those sharp point things were on their way to his groin and not his mouth.
"I see you're a father of four, impressive. Married?"
Laxus inwardly cringed. "For over four years. I have a great wife."
"Are you nervous about having this procedure performed by a woman?"
"You look like you know you probably know your way around a man's testicles."
The woman gave him an icy glare and went through the procedure, describing it in a most horrifying way. Laxus tried to be unfazed with this, but like any man, some combination of a big needle and his groin was a most uncomfortable idea.
The nurse came in and after stripping, he found himself on a table while one woman felt him up in a very weird way and another watched. He felt awkward and weirdly embarrassed, because he hadn't had another woman look at him in so long.
They made medical comments about this and that, and then came the needle.
After the numbness kicked in, the procedure only took twenty minutes, and he sat with his eyes clenched closed while he felt pulling and other weird sensations. He heard the sound of stitching, felt them move to the other side, and then just like that, it was over.
It was pleasantly short and not-complicated at all. The most uncomfortable thing about the procedure was the doctor making bedroom-y eyes at him. In light of this, he was quite glad he hadn't let Lucy come along. She had her moments when it came to other women and him, just like he would have snapped the neck of the guy that tried to talk her into having an affair.
He was sore, but not really that much. It wasn't debilitating, so he went by the guild, took care of the urgent business, and found Freed waiting the tables.
Laxus arched one brow. "Do I want to know?"
"The lovely demon seems to have morning sickness. Apparently that's my fault, even though it was her idea," he answered, loading a tray up with beers.
"So you guys…"
Freed nodded. "I'm excited."
Laxus answered, "Freed of the Dark and Demon Mirajane? I feel like when it's time for her to have the baby a portal to hell will open. I'm sure the baby will take after both of you: looks pretty, but changes into something ugly and mean when cranky."
His lifelong friend and most loyal companion blanched at this comment. "I hadn't thought of that."
"I can't wait to see what comes out of that woman's body," the dragon slayer teased.
He was having a good laugh at Freed's expense when he felt a sharp pinch. "Ow! Shit…"
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
With the numbness wearing off fully, he realized he was actually a big wimp when it came to certain kinds of pain.
Meanwhile, Lucy had awoken and with the 'help' of her two small children, had managed to get dressed and come downstairs. She had a craving for a gyro from the restaurant not far from the house, and she honestly wanted to get out and move around a little.
Layla was already down for a mid-morning nap after an exciting morning of playing tag in their big backyard, and Makarov was also taking asleep while Yuri played with his blocks.
"You want to go with me to get something to eat?"
Yuri nodded. "I like eating all the time just like you."
"Gee, thanks."
"You're welcome," he sweetly answered.
The boy disappeared briefly to get his shoes, and then sat on the floor and put them on. He took the laces in hand and with careful thought, muttered to himself. She and Yuri had been working on shoe-tying for a couple of months, and he was finally at a point where he could follow the steps and successfully complete the task. This was a major milestone for any kid. "Crossover, under, bunny ear, around...pull."
According to books about parenting, their kids were always a little ahead of expectations. They walked a little early, talked a little early, and were both excellent with speech and learning. That always made her feel happy as a mother, and she sometimes casually mentioned how advanced her little ones were when her days involved coming across the spoiled housewives of the neighborhood.
"You're getting so big. I remember when you were in my tummy," she said as she scribbled on a note and stuck it to the refrigerator.
He reached up for his mother's hand as they left the house. "Mommy?"
"Yes, son?"
"How did I get out of your tummy?" he asked.
"Magic, my little Thunder Baby. Magic."
"Oh. Okay."
As he could think of no other way, magic made perfect sense and his mental process moved right along, ignorant to truth he'd bypassed so easily. "Mama, I like how you walk like a duck."
Yuri imitated her 'pregnant with twins' waddle in a most unflattering way, although he wasn't insulting her deliberately. He had an appreciation for strange things and was quite amused with how huge her belly was and how she waddled about. He'd figured out that if he stood in a specific place right in front of her that she couldn't see him, which made sneaking up on her easy and fun.
Lucy and Yuri arrived at the little restaurant and he was happy to eat and overeat with his mother. Yuri would eat all sorts of weird foods, so he was a great companion for pregnancy-induced binges. He never judged her choice of foods and had quite a few interesting combinations of his own.
Yuri saw a man approach their table from behind Lucy, and he didn't quite understand anything he felt, but he knew he felt like something bad was about to happen. "Mama!"
Lucy jerked around just as an arm reached for her and was slapped away as Loke appeared out of nowhere and grabbed his arm.
"Lucy, get out of here with your son," he calmly said.
Normally, she would have screamed and argued, but she had two babies in her womb and one looking on with a determined but fearful expression.
There were three wizards and the fight that broke out was ugly, and Lucy didn't really know what was going on. She had a very limited amount of magic at this point in her pregnancy and when the fight broke out she wasn't really sure what to do.
One of the wizards grabbed Yuri, and she felt the type of murderous righteous indignation only a mother can know. But when she lunged, she lost her balance and while Loke dashed to catch her, he was hit with a powerful attack and vanished, leaving her to fall.
Lucy hit the ground next to a big puddle from a broken glass and used it to summon Aquarius.
The spirit took one look at the man who was trying in vain to hold Yuri against his will and threw the entire restaurant into chaos. Water poured from the doors and windows and Yuri, terrified beyond his own understanding, took a deep breath and let out a little baby dragon's roar. While not deadly or particularly damaging, the wizard holding him was surprised and accidentally dropped him on the floor.
Yuri's human instinct was to be afraid, but he had a whole different set of instincts that seemed to spring to life in an instant. He grabbed the leg of the man who had grabbed him and bit hard with his little fangs through the man's pants, electricity crackling out of his mouth as he growled. He didn't let go when the man shook his leg or even hit him in the head.
"Open, Gate of the Golden Bull. Taurus!"
Yuri saw his mother give an awkward but strong kick to one of the attackers as Taurus sprang into action, and with a final headbutt, she threw one the attacker toward Taurus.
Lucy knew she'd used too much of her magic when she suddenly started feeling dizzy. Her eyelids drooped. "Yuri...I…"
She hit the floor, her spirits vanished, and Yuri released his grip and ran to his mother.
He shook her, and yelled, but she didn't move. "Mama...Mama...Mama!"
Yuri ducked next to her at the absolutely deafening sound of lightning. Lightning meant Dad, and Dad was the one who could make everything okay.
Natsu slid through the front door half a second after the restaurant had become silent. "I smelled Aquarius. Lucy wouldn't summon her unless she was...in trouble."
The scent of her most vicious spirit was also the reason Laxus had come.
Laxus was almost paralyzed as he stood there. Lucy was unconscious and had fallen on a broken drinking glass, so when he tried to pick her up, blood oozed out of her arm and back. Yuri had a bad scrape on his elbow, and blood trickling out of his nose and lip where he'd obviously been hit.
Someone really hurt his wife and hit his son.
"Is she okay?"
"I think she used too much magic and passed out. Take Yuri to Porlyusica, will you? And tell Freed to take the Raijinshuu and find out what the fuck just happened."
Natsu nodded. "C'mon big guy, let's go."
Life suddenly caught up with Yuri and he started bawling like a baby, suddenly aware that he'd been terrified, that he'd been hit, and he was bleeding and confused.
Laxus pulled him into a tight hug. "You did good, okay? Go with Natsu."
Once Natsu had taken his little son, Laxus took sixty seconds to give the responsible party a second round of lightning, and whether or not they lived or died was not really anything he cared about.
He picked Lucy up off the floor and took her straight to the hospital.
The dragon slayer wasn't sure if he'd ever been so pissed off about anything in his life, and yet he was also not sure if he'd ever been so worried about anything either. Lucy hadn't been in the field doing jobs in a while, so he didn't understand why she'd be targeted, unless the real target was him. If that was the case, someone, somewhere made some really terrible decisions because he had no problem targeting them right back.
Who wanted to be on his shit list? Nobody.
Literally nobody.
He sat in the waiting room, flinching when he moved because he'd annoyed his own surgical wound by fighting.
If Lucy hadn't been so pregnant, she could have handled that situation easily on her own. He'd cautioned her against leaving the house alone in her state before, but he decided he wouldn't bring it up because she wasn't going to be pregnant again and he planned on watching her like a hawk until the babies were born.
After the doctor came out and talked to him, he went in to see Lucy, who was groggy but awake.
"Yuri...where's our son?" she fearfully asked.
"He's alright. Tough kid. Couple of bruises. He's done worse to himself trying to climb and run and be wild."
Lucy stared up at the ceiling for a minute. "Did the doctor tell you?"
"...That he wants to keep you here until you deliver? That's annoying. But we'll have to make it work. I'll bring you some books. I'll bring the kids to come visit every day."
He was more than a little scared, but that really wasn't useful at all. They were two people pretending to be braver than they really were and they knew it.
Lucy squeezed his hand when he took hers. "Our son is brave."
"He breath smelled like blood. Did that little bugger bite somebody?"
"You know it. Spat lightning too. Little dragons are still dragons."
The little dragon's father said, "I kinda like him. I think we should keep him. What do you think?"
Tears started streaming down her face. "I think I felt helpless and stupid."
Laxus gave her a little grin to ease her anxieties. "Babe, in a few weeks, you'll be able to see your feet and then you can use them to kick whatever ass you feel like you need to."
He hated them for making her feel useless.
His wife was a beautiful and fierce woman, and he knew there was nothing worse for Lucy than feeling like she couldn't be who she was, a kickass wizard who could easily defend herself and her family.
Holding her hand really wasn't enough and Lucy groaned and tried her best to shift when he climbed into the bed which he really didn't fit in. She had to lay on her back because her stomach took up almost the whole bed by itself.
The blonde rubbed her belly slowly. "So, you started out the day with genital mutilation, and then got into a fight?"
"I went to the guild in the middle. Fairy Tail is expecting a demon baby. I so want Freed to have a little girl. He'd be good at raising a girl, since he wouldn't have that problem I have about Layla's hair," he said.
His wife sighed. "I don't understand what your problem is. Comb and ponytail. And then suddenly her hair is one big fluff ball and you've broken the elastic and everyone is frustrated."
The dragon slayer was certain he wasn't the only father that had neverending difficulty fixing his daughter's hair, and no matter how many times he watched Lucy, he just didn't have a particularly good touch. His style involved brushing her hair too much until the curls fuzzed up and then asking for help. Layla had long ago reached the age where she knew when her father was making her look bad and had forbidden him from touching her hair.
Laxus said, "Freed also should have a girl so Layla has more girls to play with. I'm tired of all these nasty little boys."
"Our son is the king of the nasty little boys. He climbs, he plays in the dirt, he still eats things that live in the backyard," she answered.
"But also, if Freed and Mirajane have a little girl, I'll have a girl to tease Yuri about. They're going to be over four years apart, so I might have to wait a while, but it'll happen."
His wife scrunched her brows together. "You're planning on how to troll your kid when he is a teenager and planning his fourth birthday party at the same time."
"Bring a parent is very time consuming and requires a great deal of care and consideration."
Lucy made an ugly face at him. "And the alternative future, in which Freed and Mirajane have a son and he becomes our son in law someday and we have demon grandkids?"
"I reject this, and vote we never speak of it again."
The blonde said, "So, we're going to be raising three girls. You're going to have to deal with boys now, and when they're teenagers."
"I'll make a pamphlet called So You Want to Date a Dreyar Girl, and you know what I'll put on the inside?"
"What."
Laxus said, "Corpses of people who died from lightning strikes and the word 'NO,' in big letters."
"That is absurd and childish."
"...and probably effective."
Lucy decided not to argue this with him because he'd been predictably ridiculous when it came to daughters and little boys since Layla was tiny and took a little liking to Iggy and Sam. They were on the subject of the future, and Lucy suddenly came to a grim realization.
"I just realized that we're going to have three girls full of hormones and starting their periods around the same time."
Laxus had brief flashbacks to Mirajane and Erza in their early teen years. "The dread I feel right now is not unlike the feeling I had when I was getting stabbed in the nuts with a needle this morning."
"We'll be okay. Well, I will. You'll probably lose your mind when they decide to defy Daddy and get boyfriends with tattoos and piercings and criminal records."
"I don't think you take the electrocution things seriously enough."
She snuggled up to him. "You're just a big sweetheart anyway. You're not going to hurt anybody for liking any of your daughters."
(He would.)
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