I do not own The Simpson.
Enjoy!
"So how is the school tour?" Homer said, at his workstation and on his phone.
"Mr Simpson...this place is amazing," Kirk Van Houten said, on the other end, Homer couldn't see the man, but he could feel the amazement in the man's voice. "This place is huge. Their actual serving food here and the staff is accommodating. Milhouse is trying on the 'photo' only uniform, and it just looks so expensive. Are you sure you're willing to pay for Milhouse?"
"I've already paid for the tour so it would be wrong if I don't go through with it," Homer said, "Once your kid is done with the photo, the school is going to bill me" and just as he said that, he got a notification from the school.
'Sponsor for Milhouse Van Houten. It is time for the child to enrol. 15, 000 dollars has been charged to your account. Do you accept this charge?'
'Yes?' or 'No?'
Homer click yes, and he could feel the notification being received on the other end that the payment, then he heard.
"Congratulation, Mr Van Houten and Mrs Van Houten, the payment has gone through. In two days', time, your child will receive his uniform and all he would need for school. If you want to hang around school for a while, then feel free."
However, Homer knew Milhouse's parents would be fleeing the school once they realised how the school was trying to suck money from their wallets.
Then the line went dead, and Homer got another notification.
It was his payday.
'1 million has now being deposited into your bank account.'- The bank wrote before writing. 'Your total balance is 1, 523,000 dollars'
Homer, felt happy, now things were really going well for his family.
He could move his family out of Springfield and get a beautiful house.
Suddenly, the door opened, and Homer heard. "NOW!"
A potato bag was put over him, and his whole body fit in so well because he was so much slimmer around his waist than he was before.
From how his kidnapper pinned him down it was clear to him that this wasn't the person's first kidnap.
"WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Homer said alarmed, but nobody said anything, and he was carried out of the workplace without anybody batting an eye.
He was tossed into something woody that made him groaned before his body rolled and continued slammed into something metal for 15 minutes before the movement finally stopped, and his body was carried.
Homer didn't know for how long he moved, but nothing could hide the smell of Drunkards, that his nose had been fine-tuned to smell from the years he had spent around them.
He was shoved through something and place upright.
Once he was upright, the top half of his body was unrevealed, and there was two hole's cut where his hands were, and Homer found himself tied with rope on a chair before he knew what was happening.
His eyes came face to face with his kidnapper which left him shocked.
"Moe?" He said.
"...oh, hey Homer," Moe said, in his blue shirt, dark blue bowtie and apron, the man rubbed his neck and said. "Well, this is awkward..."
"Where am I!?' Homer said, trying to move around but could only move his neck to see some boxes of 'Duff Beer' and a whole lot of wooden planks.
"Homer, calm down," Moe said, "You're in the basement under my bar."
"You're telling me to calm down!?" Homer said, "You kidnapped me, and now you got me held against my will in your basement! What good reason, could you possibly have to do this to me!?'
He couldn't believe it; he had been friends with this man for years, he unloaded all his troubles onto him even his marriage ones.
Moe was like his best friend.
"Homer...I'm sorry that I have to do this but I kind of need you to become a drunkard again," Moe said, and when Homer heard, he yelled.
"YOU WANT ME TO BECOME WHAT!?"
"You see, when you were a drunkard, you were my biggest customer," Moe explained. "Even bigger than Berny and he practically lives here. At first, I was okay with it because you insulted my Beer. And then I realised how much money you bring in for me compared to what I was making when you weren't in a bar. I was hit hard by the people who only buy Beer from the shop or the fact that this place is only bustling is when an event is happening."
Homer would be here in the mornings, afternoons and nights just drinking away and Moe never realised just big of a profit that was with him being an alcoholic until now.
What was worse was that the other guys were seeing Homer success while sober all the time and was wondering if going sober would cause them to be rich too.
"Moe...are you insane?" Homer said, startling the man. "I care about my family, now. Do you think I don't know what drinking does to me? I gain weight. I come home, and my whole family has to make sure I don't seriously hurt myself until I eventually pass out. When I wake up, I pretend that I don't see how my family thinks less of me than the previous day. And then there is the stupidity that comes with being drunk. What about If I buy some stupidly costly thing and it cleans out my family bank account? No more nice clothes for my family. No more good food. I will have to send my kid's back to Springfield elementary next year. I can't afford to pay my lawyer any more money. My family will never forgive me."
And Moe was shocked to hear how reasonable Homer was.
"Moe, every time I take a sip, I feel like I'm losing brain cells. And I need them now because I'm making good money with them." Homer said. "If I'm addicted than I can't think straight because in the back of my mind there will be that urge to have a beer."
"And that's the urge; we're going to tap into," Moe said, before saying. "Sorry, Homer but I need to stay in business." and Moe walked to one of the Duff crates and then ripped the lid off with a strength he didn't know the man had and got out a Duff Beer.
Moe advanced on him and opened the Beer up, Homer tried to move away, but he was tied up.
"Homer this will all be over if you take it like a grown-up and allow yourself to get addicted," Moe said, before pouring the drink over Homer's head.
Homer shut his mouth and used the only weapon he had.
His head.
He headbutted Moe square in the chest, his head was a tank at this point, and Moe doubled over in pain and spat out blood.
But that did not deter the man.
"I see you're going to fight me on this, Homer," Moe said, getting up before smiling. "But I can keep you here as long as I like because I've sent a text to your family, so nobody is going to be looking for you. I'll keep doing it until you're ready to be civil and get drunk on my beer" then the man turned and left.
Homer could see Moe climb what looked like steps but was overshadowed by wood and opened the door to bring in the terrible smell of his bar into the room.
Moe went in and pretended like he wasn't keeping his former best customer hostage in his basement.
"What do I do?" Homer said, "Think!" but his hands were tired, and he couldn't see or reach anything worthwhile.
But he didn't give up; he waited for a chance, his vegetable lunch was serving him well in keeping the hunger away.
He must have been in there for hour's, when the door opened again, in came none other than Drunk Barnie.
Homer ignored, the lazy eyes and how the man's stomach was bulging out of his chest as he lazily held the glass mug in his hand.
"BARNIE!" He said, relieved to see his friend. "Untie me!"
"*Burp* No can do Homer," Barnie said, stunning him. "Moe says that I have to feed you a beer because it might work if it was me. He also said I could help myself to the beer in the basement."
The man was out of his mind and drunk.
He really did practically live here.
Homer remembered that in the rear times that Barnie wasn't drunk, he was logical and reasonable.
But the man was drunk so what did he care about right now?
Beer!
Homer suddenly had an idea.
"Barnie. You don't want the Beer here" Homer said, much to the man's confusion.
"*burp* Of course, I do," Barnie said.
"Well, fine," Homer said, with a tone that showed pity as he said. "I feel sorry for you for settling for that kind of Beer when I've have tasted way better."
"...You have? *burp*" Barnie said.
"Sure, I have," Homer said, "I'm rich now, so I have drunk all kinds of beer that is way better than the Beer served here. I've tasted Beer that tastes good even when you're not dead drunk."
Barnie gasped and said. "Beer that taste's good even when I'm not drunk? Is there such a beer?"
"There is," Homer said, "And I can get you a crate of the stuff if you listen to me. I tell you, Barnie, once you had it, you can't be satisfied with what is being served here. One taste and it's like you died and gone to Snoop Dog heaven."
And Barnie started to imagine what it would be like to taste such a beer.
The man may do drug's and drink beer, but he knows a good beer.
"So Barnie, I'll be more than happy to buy you some if you help me out of this rope," Homer said, seeing the change.
"Alright, Homer," Barnie said, tempted by the beer and was able to undo his rope.
Then Homer leapt up only to flop down since most of his body was still in a sack.
That's when Moe came down, and Homer pretended to be tied up again.
"Ready, to be drunk now Homer?" Moe said.
"Moe, if I get out, I'll make sure this place is shut down, and you never work at a bar again!" Homer said, but to Moe, it was a useless scramble.
Moe turned to Barnie and said. "Make sure you keep offering him the booze."
"*Burp* Right away, boss," Barnie said, taking a sip from his mug before Moe went back upstairs.
Homer stopped pretending he was tied up and said. "Shoot. How do I get past Moe? I know he owns a shotgun!"
That's when he got an idea.
"Barnie, land me your phone. I need to call Marge" Homer said.
"Okay," Barnie said, taking out his flip phone that was covered in sweat and beer.
Miraculously it still worked, but Homer didn't want to touch it.
But he had to.
Barnie only had a few contacts and found one was his home phone number, he began to ring it, not caring what he was touching.
#Simpson Household#
"When is dad coming back?" Bart said, in a white shirt that said 'Yeezus' and pattered black shorts, walking into his parents' room.
His dad was supposed to help him with school work.
"Bart, Homer texted me that he would be working late. Something about a leak somewhere" Marge said, in her silk PJ's and preparing for bed.
The text was rather odd too.
Just then they heard the sound of the telephone ringing; they had one in the kitchen and the bedroom.
Marge went to the red phone on her side of the bed and picked it up and said. "Hello?"
"MARGE!" came the voice of homer on the other end.
"Homer?" Marge said as Bart looked at her hearing the name. "What time are you getting home?"
"CALL THE POLICE MARGE!" Homer said, suddenly alarming her.
"What? Police?" Marge said.
"Moe has gone insane!" Homer said, "He's kidnapped me, and he's holding me hostage in his basement. He wants me to get addicted to his Beer again!"
Marge paused.
He was at Moe's...
A part of her would always think that he would revert to the old Homer, so that meant that he was calling her drunk at Moe's.
"Marge, I know what you might be thinking right now, but I am not drunk, but I'm perfectly sober," Homer said before he said. "If I was drunk, my family will be the last thing on my mind." making her eyes widened. "I wouldn't know that I am missing valuable time to help my son with school. I wouldn't know that I am missing my wife cooking knowing full well she cares what I put into my body. I wouldn't know how my own family would look at me if I come home drunk. If I were drunk, I wouldn't be telling you, how much I love you and the kids. I was even planning to surprise you with a banquet of rose's when I got home, but I guess that's not possible today."
Marge was speechless.
"So, for the love of god, Marge. Call the Police." Homer's voice said, on the other end. "If the police can listen to somebody, It would be you. I don't know how long I can hold out. Do you want Drunk and stupid Homer back?"
The answer was a big fat no.
Marge turned to Bart and said. "Bart, give me the other phone. This phone can only handle one conversation at a time. I'm calling the police. Moe kidnapped your father."
"Cool," Bart said, running out.
He wanted to watch this.
And scene!
Next chapter, The police are dragged by the ear by Marge as they enter Moe's and confronts the man only to find Homer tired and in the basement. Review/fav and follow!