Deep Space Four, Stardate 2292.288
Losha sat alone in his quarters on Deep Space Four, his home for the next three days. Naalem had left with Malar, eager to show her the station. Now that he was here on the station, Vulcan seemed much closer than it had on Senes. The idea that he would be there in less than a week seemed unreal. For the first time in years he allowed himself to think of the conversation he'd had with Kadren in the Royal Gardens and others later. Kadren had decided that one day he would return to Ursai, where Losha planned to visit him. He never got the chance. Losha never imagined he would one day go to Vulcan, and now that he was on his way there, he felt Kadren should be with him. On the trip to Deep Space Four, he'd felt that he would leave Vulcan as soon as he recovered from the surgery. Now, he felt that in some way he owed it to Kadren to stay a bit longer. But then he thought this was a silly thought, and he pushed it aside.
The door signal chimed. Naalem must have forgotten the entry code. He got up and made his way across the room. Doors on Seenan ships opened and closed by voice command, but Deep Space Four was old in comparison to most of the Hakaran fleet, which had been constructed in the economic boom after the civil war. Despite renovations, the doors here had never been updated. He supposed it didn't matter to the vast majority of people who came through here who were able to see. Fortunately, the living space was small, with no obstacles between him and the door.
"You forgot the code already?" he asked, finding the release button and hitting it.
"Losha," came a familiar female voice. "Hi, it's Amanda."
"Oh, hello." He hadn't expected her at all. "I apologize, I thought you were Naalem."
"I saw him earlier walking around the station with your friend Malar. They told me I could find you here."
"Yeah, no point in walking around a station you can't see." He forced a laugh. "I've seen it before anyway."
"And you'll be able to see it again soon." He could hear a smile in her voice.
"I hope so." In reality, he had actively been trying to squash any hopes he had, fearing the worst might come to pass and that he would be bitterly disappointed.
"I hope so too. I'm not disturbing you, am I?"
"Oh, no. I was just, um, doing nothing."
"Then I don't suppose you'd mind chatting with an old lady for a bit?"
"Oh, no. Come in." He stepped aside, and when he could hear that she passed, hit the button to close the door. "Please sit down."
"I'll sit on one of these chairs here, across from the sofa."
"Alright." He made his way back to the small couch he'd been sitting on before she arrived.
"First I wanted to tell you that Dr. Dvir and Dr. Naik would both like to see you tomorrow. Dvir wants to go over some medical things and I think Dr. Naik just wants to see you." He imagined her smiling as she had that first night they met in the observation area all those weeks ago.
"I will make it a point to see them tomorrow. Thank you for relaying the information." She hadn't needed to come to his quarters to tell him this. Not that he minded - she was a kind, caring woman and now they were connected in some way. How strange.
"I know that everything Sarek has told you must have come as a big shock." She sighed. "You can imagine it was a big shock for us too."
"Yes."
"Sarek has told me that you didn't know…" she trailed off, then resumed, "that you didn't know what had happened to...your father. I wanted you to know that I'm sorry about that. And to offer my condolences."
"Thank you." The words came out automatically, without feeling. Though he had spent most of the previous night crying over it, the idea that his father was dead still didn't seem real.
"We've known for several years. So we've had more time to...to accept it. I'm sorry that you had learn about it under these circumstances."
"Thank you." No, none of it seemed real.
"I don't know what your relationship with him was like, and I'm not asking you to talk about it if you don't want to. But I wanted you to know that I cared for him, and I missed him when he left us. And it was a shock to me too, when I learned that he had died."
"I didn't know you knew him." Losha really hadn't expected that.
"Yes, he came to live with us when he was a teenager. After his mother died. He was only with us a few years before...before he had to leave Vulcan, but I enjoyed his company. I never stopped thinking about him." She paused and sighed before continuing. "I'm sure you must be overwhelmed with everything, I can only imagine. So if there is anything you need, please let us know."
"I appreciate it, and everything your husband has done for me. He has done more than enough already. I don't need anything, but thank you."
"You know there are things Sarek can't say, because he's Vulcan. But that doesn't mean he doesn't feel them. Don't believe otherwise. He's glad he found you."
Silence stretched between them for a few minutes. Losha wanted to say something, but found that he couldn't. He felt almost paralyzed by emotion.
"Well, I won't bother you any longer. Just remember, let us know if you need anything. Anything, ok?"
"Yes, thank you." He stood up as he heard her rising out of her seat. Part of him wanted to ask her to stay, to tell him more about his father. But it didn't feel like the right time. And he didn't want to think about his father any more at the moment. He didn't want to think at all.
"You don't need to stand up. I'll see you soon. And don't forget that Dr. Dvir and Dr. Naik want to see you tomorrow."
Losha nodded in reply and heard Amanda let herself out. His father had never once spoken of his family and yet this woman had been his stepmother. He had only rarely spoken of Vulcan, and only when Losha had asked him about it. It was hard to imagine that he had ever lived there at all. He wondered how much about his father he didn't know.
He couldn't stop thinking about it and was unable to focus on the conversation Naalem and Malar had at dinner that night. The three of them were in the quarters he and Naalem were sharing and when he expressed his desire to go to bed immediately after the table had been cleared, they let him be. Naalem left with Malar. Losha was still awake several hours later when he heard him return. For the second night in a row, he got little sleep despite his exhaustion.
After breakfast the following morning, Naalem and Malar accompanied him to the sick bay to see Dr. Naik. As Amanda had predicted, she had no medical reason for wanting to see him, she simply wanted to see him. She was thrilled that he was going to Vulcan for the surgery and made him promise to stop and see her on his way back to Senes.
"Do you mind if I call Dr. Dvir down here now?" She asked. "She wants to take some more scans to send to her colleagues on Vulcan."
Naalem had no interest in sitting through scans and medical talk and declared his intention to explore more of the station, with a promise to be back in a few hours for lunch. When Dvir arrived a few minutes later, Naik excused herself to work in her office, leaving Losha and Malar along with Crewman Janda.
After completing the scans, Dvir asked Janda and Malar for a moment alone with Losha. Losha heard Janda opening a door, presumably to a lab or other office off of the sick bay.
"When should I come back for him?" Malar asked.
"She can stay. Whatever you want to tell me, it's fine for her to hear." Vulcans were overly cautious about privacy, it seemed.
"Are you certain? This concerns a matter that we discussed briefly when you were last here."
"It's fine. Really." He had long ago realized that Malar knew him better than he knew himself. He had once wished there were things she didn't know, but he as he had gotten older, he had outgrown any feelings of shame.
"Very well. I have consulted with some colleagues on Vulcan…"